Great and ready to go. Up at 6am to head out with Bruno on a long ass bike ride that I’m following him along on. Right now, after 8 hours on and off we’re in the middle of some mountains waiting to go up to see a temple perched right at the top of a craggy cliff.
Today I’m grateful for:
The guy who came to help us use the petrol pump outside a village in the mountains. We didn’t need his help and he was just curious about is but we appreciated him anyways.
The best thing about today was:
Stopping in a pretty well-kept mountain village somewhere between Chiang Mai and Lampang and enjoying a coffee in an old wooden cafe overlooking a small community square where kids were playing.
(Later) We opted for going up to Wat Chaloem before it was too late and I’m glad we did. It was an expensive entry for foreigners but compared with anywhere else in the world I found it good value. After a van ride and an exhausting walk up steep steps the views from the top were incredible. When I saw the mountain in the distance as we were riding towards it through the valley, I couldn’t believe that there was a temple up there and then I was up there looking back down.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Bruno was a little frustrated with me and how slow I was riding but I just wanted to enjoy the journey for as long as possible. His personality has him racing everywhere. Well, he is the way he is and I am the way I am.
To be honest I haven’t felt quite so comfortable riding my bike since coming off it last year. That was only a minor incident but it was a good reminder of how easy and quickly an accident can happen. I’m way more cautious going around corners now especially when there is gravel on the road.
Something I learned today?
I learned a lot about the roads through the mountains around Chiang Mai and Lampang and the villages nestled within. I learned a little more about myself and about Bruno.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
At one of the lookout points we chatted with a Russian couple that live in Chiang Mai.
We deliberately stopped at a nice village cafe and I bought some expensive coffee honey from them to give them a boost.
I petted several dogs including a beauty at the temple that had a reddened eye and only three legs. It was very affectionate.
When was the last time I felt overwhelmed?
From memory that was when I was working at Woolworths and having to deal with my asshole boss. I’m sure he may have been a good boss for the company but that’s the kind of person I despise. Someone who puts the corporation ahead of people is not to be trusted!
Anyway, that situation badly affected me as it was tied in with physical pain from overwork along with depression and (apparently) PTSD. I was supremely grateful to get out of that situation as I felt myself going out of control.
I took lots of beautiful photos today but chose this picture because this is what I was faced with when I went to brush my teeth. This is Thailand, this is jungle country.
I have a window to the world If you wish to bother me Ask me for a prayer And I’ll give it to you for free Otherwise, I’ll be here by myself Just my thoughts and me Freedom is in my mind I consider myself to be free
Today I’m feeling:
Tired with headaches and irritated sinuses and eyes, sometimes short of breath.
Today I’m grateful for:
Having gone shopping a couple of days ago and having food to cook in the fridge. I’d thought about getting food outside but really didn’t want to go out again.
The best thing about today was:
When I got home from morning coffee I put on Blondie’s Plastic Letters and blasted it loud as I hung out washing, cleaned up all the cat spray around and then vacuumed everywhere. It’s a great album, my favourite era Blondie.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
With low visibility due to the smoke, I couldn’t help thinking poorly about the situation. I understand I have no control over it but it seems unfair to be subjected to it.
However, I talked myself around by thinking about all the positives of being here, particularly after Amy sent me a picture from a restaurant of her small plate of pasta which looked like something I made (ie. not aesthetically pleasing) and cost her 27 dollars! Unbelievable!
Whilst looking at AQI data I saw that Chiang Mai was the number 1 worst place in the world at over 300 and Sydney was about 98th worst with just 4! I’d pay 27 dollars for clear sky right now.
Something I learned today?
After deleting my poker app because it was just taking up too much time I still watch some videos of games and came across a cheating scandal yesterday and I’ve been hooked on the story since watching lots of videos of interviews and opinions. The poker world is a bit of a crazy place.
What is something that I have been putting off and why?
Yesterday I put off updating this journal because I was engrossed in watching a TV show and when I sat down to write it was past midnight and the question prompt had already, appropriately, changed to this one.
Yesterday’s prompt was ‘What experience do I need to write about’ and my answer, as detailed in this blog, is all of them.
Am I reliving my life because I am no longer living? I like to set myself ridiculous challenges so here I am.
Art took this picture because about once a month I’m his promotion model.
As the book opens, princesses are yawning Dead-eyed dogs trudge homeward Bamboo whistles in the wind Lulling all with the promise of reprieve Here at the edges of time The world diverges for those to clash Mad deviations keep the wheels greased For those dogs forever fighting The red sky denied, turns blue Filled with the joyful and forlorn Intermissions inspire reflection About the dogs that stalk the dark
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and better than yesterday.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Thai teachers around me who were helpful and also amusing. Despite having to ‘work’ all weekend it was interesting enough and time passed by quickly thanks to the pleasant atmosphere.
The best thing about today was:
Finding out about some cool features of some of the tools we were learning today, enough to make me consider paying the small fee to access them. They would help enhance my classes a little.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? Not having enough time at home to get all the chores that should have been completed on time. How did I handle it? By doing them, but not on time. It’s not the biggest issue but it means leaving wet washing outside overnight.
Also, I wasn’t able to shampoo Tigger again and he really needs it. I hope to do that on Tuesday afternoon if nothing else comes up.
Although these things are not really in my control I don’t consider them to be that important that they are giving me too much stress. There was a time when I would’ve let these things bother me more.
Something I learned today?
From reading an online post I found out that perhaps Hanoi is comparable to Chiang Mai and HCMC to Bangkok. Armed with that information I think I would prefer northern Vietnam to the south. Not that I wouldn’t want to check it all out for myself.
The writer described Hanoi as more of a collection of villages that have become joined and it is still quick and easy to get out into the mountains and jungles.
How do my thoughts and emotions impact my daily life?
My thoughts need to counter my emotions so I can stay in control. I get better at this though that may be due to avoiding people rather than actual improvement in control!
I took this picture because I knew there weren’t going to be many other chances to take photos today. I dropped into Utopia for my coffee, drinking it quickly but enjoying it immensely. Art gave me a new blend today that was light but zingy.
In a carefully worded statement Facts were twisted and obscured The lines crossed were blurred And both sides eventually demurred One step forward, two steps back Holding hands, stepping into a hole A status quo must be maintained Until someone scores an own goal
You are a human being, not a human doing.
Ryan Holiday
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that our little car is healthy enough to get us to Chiang Mai and back on a quick turnaround trip. Good health to you, Almy.
This constant need for certainty Is the greatest disease you may face Creative power comes from negative capability Mysteries are to endure and even embrace
Paraphrased, but almost word for word, Robert Greene talking about Keats.
The need for certainty is the greatest disease the mind faces.
Robert Greene
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for Art to go book shopping in Chiang Mai for me and get me five music-related books. I’ll keep them at Utopia.
Music from Bob Drake, The Work, DMBQ, FLIRT, Neutral Sons, Prag, Brainticket, Grobschnitt, Appollonius Abraham Schwarz, The Sweet, The Dazzling Killmen.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to see Oh’s puppies again and thankful she gave us a place to stay for one night.
To-do list
Stay relaxed – it’s a mini-holiday ✅
Do another Smiling Mind meditation
Really savour something today ✅
3 acts of kindness ½
Only buy books on your want list
Went book shopping but ended up buying a couple of extra things because I didn’t see any books on my wants list.
In the morning we went to visit Jessica’s aunt and I really savoured sitting and talking with her in her garden. Whilst we were talking she mentioned a book she really enjoyed about Afghanistan. She couldn’t remember the exact title, something about a Thousand Suns. Just as I was leaving the bookshop I spotted on the shelf ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ and that was the book – so I bought that too.
I am so happy and grateful to have a car. I like to drive and the drive to Chiang Mai is quite pleasant.
An emotion can be generated by the thought of something good or bad happening either now or in the future.
Massimo Pigliucci
To-do list
Enjoy the drive, take your time ✅
Stimulate the conversation with Tik and Oh
What acts of kindness can you do? ✅
Think more about drawing something for the kids
A long lazy drive, very much enjoyable, talking with Amy, listening to music and viewing the scenery.
When we met Tik and Oh it was quite noisy, in a very busy outdoor restaurant so I didn’t spend much time trying to get into conversation but it was a happy and fun evening.
I did, or tried to do, a random act of kindness today when I saw an older lady struggling with some bags. I helped her and she thanked me but soon after reversed the help I’d given her. I still felt OK and I still think she appreciated someone trying to help even if she didn’t actually want it.
I’ve added random acts of kindness to my coach.me habits app in an effort to keep it more in my mind.
Last Sunday Amy and I, along with Mum and Dad, had to attend a funeral in Chiang Mai. It’s a three plus hour drive and meant a 5am start for us. I know we’re getting older and getting up earlier is kinda normal but damn, 5am!
I was hoping to be able to spend some time listening to podcasts but when we arrived at Mum and Dad’s and found Dad asleep in the passenger seat it was obvious that I would be driving. It was still dark as we left the city and approached the mountains. The air turned grey and dusty as the sun rose slowly somewhere in the sky and it was entrancing to watch the changes to the colours of the mountains that I was driving towards and soon driving through.
Dad’s big truck made easy time as we settled into the long valley and then through the twisting second set of mountains where a never-ending road work slows things down somewhat. I had to ease off once into the Chiang Mai valley though as, eager after the road works, I was starting to hit 140 km/h without even realising it.
This funeral was for cousin Ting’s mum. Ting had taken the time to travel an hour or so to my own mother’s funeral in the UK so it was only appropriate that we attend her mum’s and it was good to catch up with her despite the circumstances.
Monks did their thing and relatives did their thing and I followed where and when I was told. I noted the ‘No women allowed’ sign outside one of the buildings and wondered when Thailand will discover its enlightenment. Is it my place to judge and do I need to care about how people following certain religions behave? Well, if it feels like injustice it feels ok to care. Just know that progress of this sort often takes more than a single lifetime but we can hope that the progress is made before the world burns.
Having left Chiang Rai before the sun came up, we returned after the sun had set again. Chiang Rai missed us for the day and still the Earth turned without care.
And so it was we arrive at Friday and this time I’m on a solo adventure in my own car, again to Chiang Mai. This time it was for my UK passport renewal and I had allowed myself an overnight stay so as to split up the driving.
I had challenged myself since the Sunday journey to drive more conservatively and having that extra time I planned to enjoy the drive and take a few extra seconds to check out the views. It also meant I could listen to music uninterrupted for 3 or 4 hours.
For some reason I enjoy driving; I’m not sure why. This trip towards Chiang Mai was especially entrancing and I arrived in a very good mood. In fact I was a little annoyed that the first half of the travelling was complete!
The first port of call was back to International House, where I had studied for my CELTA certificate, almost two years previously. I bumped into my favourite tutor there and was pleased to have a quick chat and also to see a few other staff members that I still recognised, though had forgotten their names.
The environment here on the mini campus still amazes me, it’s so beautiful and not what you would expect. Like a holiday resort but with not much to do except study. I somewhat envied the students who would be arriving after the weekend but then I remembered the feeling in the first week when I was questioning myself whether I could do it or not.
I had hoped that they still had copies of my work for the course in the office there but unfortunately, they only hold on to them for six months. Never mind. It was nice to drive through those familiar small lanes where nothing has changed too much. The city is sprawling out that direction but has only had minimal impact so far.
Back into the middle of the city and everything went well with my passport application, though I had some difficulty making my signature similar to what it was 10 years previous. The staff laughed with me and I’m guessing it’s not that an unusual problem as they had paper prepared for applicants to practice.
Quickly out of there and across town to a book shop that had been recommended. An hour and 1000 baht later it was time to find some food and I treated myself to a tiny pizza and salad. Woohoo! Holiday time!
Dark by now, I waited at the Mohawk Bar to catch up with Facebook friend John Murrie. The bars opening time is 8pm and it was only 7pm so I sat in the car reading some more Anna Karenina, taking the opportunity to cross off one of my daily challenges. By 8.30pm the bar was still closed and Tolstoy was taking a sleep-inducing hold of me and I had to quit and head out south to my overnight lodging with one of Amy’s old school friends.
I wuz ‘ere. No one else wuz.
Tired and sleepy I was somewhat energised by meeting the two puppies of the house, once I was accepted as a welcome enough intruder. I was warned to keep my shoes away from them so placed them in my room and shut the door. Not long after, I placed myself in the room and fell asleep but reminding myself I must make an effort to talk more with my hosts Oh and Namtan when I was in a more lucid state in the morning.
In a flash it was morning and after getting my reading challenge completed before 8am, I did 40 squats, took a shower and planned a breakfast coffee for my hosts. Unfortunately, I had left the bedroom door open and hadn’t noticed the dogs sneak in looking for some bounty.
Everyone showered and set I went to get my shoes but they had disappeared. Obviously, the dogs had got them but no problem, whatever, let’s just go on a hunt for them. One under the car, another at the back of the garden. Unfortunately, they hadn’t just been deposited but chewed on and spat out! Ah well, farewell my shoes. Luckily they were just about wearable as I had no other shoes with me. The girls were very apologetic for their pups’ behaviour but I just thought it was funny. I’d had the shoes for a few years so they’d done me pretty well. Maybe an excuse to go shop for some others soon.
An excellent coffee later it was time to get back on the road and my mind was filled with wonder as I listened to good music and again enjoyed the twisting roads round rolling mountains. I counted off the landmarks backwards, breaking the 3 hours down; mountains, valley, mountains, home. The return journey never as exciting as the outset, slight melancholy following the setting afternoon sun.
However, once home I was awed by the feeling of comfort. Looking across our garden I gave Amy a big hug and declared ‘I love it here. I love this life and I love being with you.’
The local rock group down the street Is trying hard to learn their song They serenade the weekend squire Who just came out to mow his lawn Another pleasant valley Sunday Charcoal burning everywhere Rows of houses that are all the same And no one seems to care
– The Monkees
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have the energy and motivation to get up and do things. Today I took time to water the garden and clean the car.
…my memory was never loaded with anything but blank cartridges.
Mark Twain
To-do list
Write blog about Chiang Mai trip ✅
Record TCRAH
Water garden in the morning ✅
Prepare CD cases and case some more discs ½
Clean up balloons
Once again time ran out but I had a very busy and productive day. As well as getting up and watering the garden, front and back, I also washed the car. I ate breakfast in there somewhere too.
Before the morning was out we went for coffee and photocopied in preparation for afternoon lessons. In between lunch and teaching, I also wrote up a blog entry about my trip to Chiang Mai. It wasn’t as good as it was in my mind yesterday though.
Time running out doesn’t seem to be bothering me as much as it has in the past. I’m more accepting of the fact that I can finish something later. So long as I’m getting some things done then it’s fine.
Tomorrow is back to the routine mad Monday. One of the lessons should be pretty straightforward though and hopefully, the two difficult classes will be getting used to the method of what I’m doing with them now. I hope to get the rest of the exam questions finalised this week and probably be able to finish the regular class one tomorrow if I put my mind to it.
This is a tough question. After more than 10 years together we don’t have many surprises these days. I was thinking I would like to book us our holiday in Vietnam as a surprise but curious that she may just get upset for not consulting her. We have our ten-year anniversary coming up – perhaps I could book us a place to stay for the night. Yep – that’s what I’ll do – find a 5-star resort in the mountains and we’ll spend our anniversary there.
18th Dec 2022 – I did book this but Covid got in the way as everything shut down. I booked it again a second time in 2021 and that too didn’t work out as lockdowns happened in Thailand at different stages.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for Amy when she cooks me breakfast in the morning and doesn’t complain to clean the dishes and iron my shirts. I will try to do these things more when I can share our burden.
Commonplace book for work
Use this space to write out quotes, passages and thoughts that have some meaning for me. These could come from anywhere.
On Journaling
Prepare for the day ahead
Each morning you should prepare, plan and meditate on how you aim to act that day. You should be envisioning everything that may come and steeling yourself so you’re ready to conquer it. As Seneca wrote “The wise will start each day with the thought ‘Fortune gives us nothing which we can really own.’ Or think of Marcus’ reminder ‘When you wake up in the morning tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil.”
Put the day up for review
Stoicism isn’t just about thinking, it’s about action – and the best way to improve is to review. Each evening you should, like Seneca did, examine your day and your actions. As he put it “When the light has been removed and my wife has fallen silent, aware of this habit that is now mine, I examine my entire day and go back over what I’ve done and said, hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing by.” The question should be: Did I follow my plans for the day? Was I prepared enough? What could I do better? What have I learned that will help me tomorrow?
To-do list
Drive slowly and safely – enjoy the journey ✅
Talk with John and learn more about him
Prepare yourself to meet UK bureaucracy ✅
Go to the bookshop if you have time ✅
Be courteous to all traffic ✅
I fairly lazily drove over the mountains today and really enjoyed it. I was somewhat sad to arrive. I managed to do everything I planned and bought 5 books at the bookshop. A bit of an extravagance as none of them are on my to-read list.
The application for a new passport was also a completely painless experience for which I’m grateful.
I have very much enjoyed today so far sit now waiting for John to arrive and open his bar. The old auntie here, collecting parking money, shouts instructions from her wheelchair, as the cars pull into the driveway. John is running on Thai time and I’m starting to flake, the long day catching up with me.
I gave it half an hour and decided to leave, tiredness getting the better of me.
At Oh’s place and loved playing and petting her two puppies – once we had become friends. I suppose I could’ve waited for John for longer but don’t feel bad for not. I’m sure we’ll meet someday. It’s just nice to put a real personality to the online persona.
Tomorrow I have to drive back and teach Khawtang and Prang/Sea. Based on how I’m feeling right now, I’m going to be exhausted. Hopefully, I can enjoy some free time on Sunday.
I’m sitting here in a hot classroom with about thirty 10 and 11-year-olds dancing, screaming, shouting, crying, punching, singing, banging doors and hanging out windows. And this is on a good day.
But it is a good day. I am in the zone. I can hear and see the cacophony whirling around me, can feel the rush of air as little ghosts dash past. But I don’t notice it. Is this what a meditative state is like? I don’t know (yet).
I sat and listened to a meditation the other night. It had some special name and special components; it was interesting but made me very anxious. After relaxing into a quieter state you had to imagine yourself climbing a steep hill and huffing deeply, gasping for air. OK, I can imagine that. But this went on for what felt like 5 minutes. Huff huff. I wasn’t sure if I wasn’t getting too much air, or too little. Huff huff. I felt dizzy. Huff huff. Nauseous. Huff huff. Anxious. Huff huff. Muscles wound tight, I tensed my stomach, itched my arms and kicked my legs. Fuck this.
Of course, I understand the purpose and I’ll check this again – maybe in a morning before I’ve had any coffee. The feeling of reaching the top of a mountain after extreme exertion will always have a relaxing satisfaction. It’s a long journey. Next time.
I’m jealous of those who enjoy the benefits of meditation and it’s not that I don’t think I can do it. I fill my time with many things and meditation hasn’t found its way onto that list quite yet. Well, it is on the list, but never ticked.
Recently I have been able to tick a lot of things though and I’m quite proud of that. Everything around is about a challenge at the moment. A challenge of change. I’ve pondered if I’m having my mid-life crisis now. I think I had a minor one when I was about thirty but on reflection, it doesn’t seem like it was that critical. I want to get that long story written down one day, perhaps just so I can still remember it or enjoy it again when I’m going senile. Who knows when that will be?
If I can tick off some little challenges and form some good habits out of them I think they will prepare me for the bigger challenges that may be ahead. The unexpected challenges, the ones that you don’t realise are messing with your head and your happiness. I’m looking for better reactions and outcomes as I know I am sometimes my own worst enemy. I want to change.
I’m in a place right now that I consider a little precarious.
Moving from Australia to Thailand didn’t feel like much of a big deal and I have been particularly happy since making this move. No longer being in such a financial struggle has allowed lots of spare time to read, listen to music, write and learn more about myself. I have never needed to be surrounded by lots of people to maintain happiness and now I am far away from those that I have made friends with around the world. So, no big deal, I can make new friends here in Thailand.
But here’s the rub. I’m very conscious of some of the nefarious reasons that people come to live in Thailand, and how many Thais can exploit that. I didn’t come here to get sidetracked with other people’s ridiculous dramas. That rules out getting involved with the more visible of the English speakers where I am. Those people make themselves known.
I understand the comfort those people find drinking, gossiping and fornicating together. In a different time, I would’ve happily joined in. I don’t want to judge them too harshly. I just don’t want to be around them.
Now, myself not being the most outgoing person in the world, I am struggling a little bit because I would at least like the opportunity to make connections with more people. Not superficial acquaintances but connections like I have made in the past.
I can now look back at the feelings my ex from Japan had as she found it difficult to maintain friendships in Australia with her fellow countrymen as the nature of migration is most often temporary (not made easier by some countries’ inhospitable attitudes towards migrants).
Now I find myself with similar feelings.
I am attempting to connect as much as I can digitally and I am mostly happy in my little kingdom at home but outside those gates is starting to become a little scary and precarious. I feel like the rug could be pulled away at any time without any hope of control.
I started to think more about this because I set myself a challenge to talk to a stranger every day. That’s when I realised that I am the stranger now. Whilst I can communicate with a Thai person on a superficial level it can rarely go deeper, rarely connect.
Otherwise, I rarely see any other foreigners where there is an opportunity to talk but now it is in my mind. I tell the students here that they should run up to any foreigner they see and just start talking. Now, I have to tell myself to do that. It may be nothing…. No, it will never be nothing – there will always be something gathered from that challenge.
A friend may not be made; a connection may be forged; but a lesson will always be learned.
Now, I really should get back to studying some Thai.
Can you tell me What it is? Does it hurt you When I do this?
I love it, I hate it, I love it, I hate it too I love it, I hate it, I love it, so how about you?
Can you tell me? ‘Cause I don’t know Why don’t you tell me Why is it so Confusing?
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I can think through things better than I could before. Even though I haven’t been severely tested yet, every little piece of learning is helping to prepare me for any difficult situations in the future.
I’m quite envious of my students sometimes when I watch them laughing and playing together. I can feel the joy and excitement – it shines through their skin. It takes me back to those utter joyful days of excitement and wonder. Nothing else mattered except the fun to be had.
It has just struck me that the event that changed me was when we were at school at night time, to perform a play. All the students were there and lots of parents too. I had such a feeling of joy and connection that I wanted to kiss everybody. I was the same age as the kids in my class now.
When I wanted to kiss boys, I was mercilessly ridiculed by some of the more sexually advanced kids and they then gossiped to other kids and I left that once joyful night totally humiliated. Hmm. That night played on my mind for a long time and is obviously still clear to me now. Fucking kids.
From commonplace book
From quiet homes and first beginning Out of the undiscovered ends There’s nothing worth the wear of winning Save laughter and the love of friends
Hilaire Belloe
To-do list
Start compiling exam questions ½
Check if emails can be compiled and printed ✅
Write more in school journal ✅
Can you find an opportunity to help someone
Keep practising – Think first, speak later
Strange day today. Only found out when I arrived that there was some event on all morning and there would be no lessons which meant changing my teaching plans somewhat. I really felt quite chill with everything today. Whilst others were complaining I thought it wasn’t useful. We always complain about the same things. We know they will happen again and again – so complaining isn’t going to change anything.
I sat in my classroom and did what I wanted all morning as I hadn’t been given any directive to be elsewhere. The lack of communication can work in my favour.
I compiled a bunch of outstanding emails and printed a bunch of things so I’m quite pleased with that. I started putting together the exam questions and have a few weeks left to complete all that.
I had lots of time as I also had no classes in the afternoon so I was able to read and write a lot. As I didn’t meet many adults today I didn’t really find an opportunity to help anyone. I would’ve liked to ask Kru Noon if she wanted me to do anything but I only saw her for about five minutes around lunchtime. I’ll keep in my mind that I should offer some help.
I spoke a bit more than necessary when I met some of the other teachers – must remember to keep some thoughts to myself. I didn’t overdo anything though. Just something to keep getting better at.
Tomorrow I will drive to Chiang Mai for my passport application. I challenge myself to drive more slowly – not over 100 km/h and to be more careful. I will go to Mohawk Bar in the evening and meet John Murrie – I’m interested in what he has to say about teaching and politics.
If I have time I will drop by International House and say hello. Also, if time and money permits I’d like to check out the bookshop that Oh recommended.
1994ever 