On the way home through the ruins I wave to the ghosts far beyond – 15th June 1994

Romantic summer days are here, away from the rush and push of offices and ungentlemen.

Here today, I am sat in my favourite long wide valley, next to a muddy old excuse for a duckpond. A scattering of houses, barns and farms make up this community that probably hasn’t changed in 100 years. Only thing new here is tarmac and pylons –something we are now anaesthetised to. These are the places of fairytales, fables and folklore. The old crooked fence, the run down barn, birds a-chattering and flapping by. And people – where are they? Lazily making their way to the cows, I bet.

From one reality to another, with a brief sentence respite (this one).

Last night, me and my love dressed up in our rags for another punky party at the Joiners, where we videoed Thirst, The Harries and Broken Toys. I was feeling very unsocial after hurting my back carrying records to and fro and found myself with not much to say to anyone. Did I get my period again so soon? I wonder what it is that brings about this emotional unbalance in me.

And now today – I feel okay! Every morning I wake up bright and chirpy but by afternoon I’m a different difficult kettle of coconuts.

Another visit to the chiropractor today. Fun in the fundus. Go forth amongst men and be civil.

It begins with a blessing and ends with a curse – 9th/10th June 1994

9/6/94

Oh aching extremities, busted bones!

10/6/94

Ha ha! Yesterday’s entry was all I could manage and I even added the exclamation mark today!

The reason for those aches and pains was a long session of tennis with Snowy in which I came back to win the first set 6-4 from 3-0 down. Second set, I got trounced 6-0 and third set I finally won 9-7, two and a quarter hours later, amid beautiful evening sunshine and blowy wind.

The object really was to get some exercise so I guess that worked quite well though here I am now, two days later with sore muscles in places I never knew existed. I went to occupational therapy for my wrist the morning before playing tennis and the guy there looked in despair at me and my poor wrist when I mentioned playing tennis! He discharged me and said he could do no more for me!

Still – day after I visited a chiropractor who thinks all my wrist problems could be the result of a back problem affecting my right side upper body. So convinced was this guy that he could help me that I’ve opted for some treatment by this bone cruncher.

Each night me and my Broni have been too exhausted to even think – we work so fucking hard and have so many things to think about at the moment that we’re in danger of total mental collapse. Needless to say, little arguments arise out of our frustrated situation and it’s making September 27th beg to come sooner!

Last Friday I went to the Joiners to see Herb Garden, MTA and Frankenslag. I had a cool chat with Karl, Herb Garden’s singer, about Australia amongst other things. I seem to have this habit of bringing up the subject whoever I talk to – it’s interesting to get people’s reactions. Most are in favour – saying they’d like to go too – only one guy said it was bad and couldn’t understand why I want to leave such a good country! Yeah right! I couldn’t believe it either!

Me and Broni talked some today about our situation and we came up with half a plan for Australia. We hope (to be able to afford) that I can stay home and write, maybe do some part-time work while Broni works a well-paid job. Then, when inevitably, little babies come along, she can do her work privately and part-time and share our responsibilities to little Bubka and Quarrychase! I hope to make some quick financial gains to give me a confidence boost and to make it seem worthwhile. I know we’ll make it all work one way or another.

Well, here’s to a quiet weekend after last weekend’s oddness – went to Blandford to see Urban Strawberry Lunch bang some tubes and trash cans and then the Wizards of Twiddly play their brand of funked-up, pumped up jazz. All this in a marquee in a field – freezing cold – to an unreceptive audience – we videoed kids dancing their peculiar childish dances which made us laugh and wish to be kids. From here on something hit me emotionally and drained me of all my energy and enthusiasm. Like the low point of my cycle – the moon in the wrong place or some such and that blew the weekend, unfortunately.

Hope to have more for you soon. Time is now.