“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Music from The Monkees, Midvale School for the Gifted, Future of the Left, Vibrators, Blackbyrds, P.K.14, Christian Death, Blast, Trumans Water, Dinosaur Jr, Chavez, Cows, Show Business Giants, Full Moon Band, Slang, lovers.tiff, Minutemen and Marc Thor.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I can find Toblerone here in this small town in the mountains of Thailand. I can find almost everything that I need and many of the things that I want.
Chiang Rai, Thailand. Don’t forget where you are and everything it took to get you here. It’s been an amazing journey. But now you are here – what next?
“In enlightenment, there is no pleasure, no pain – just nameless ecstasies.” – Sadhguru
Hmm – enlightenment seems like something to aim for.
Learn to meditate.
Learn Thai.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to meet Laetitia because she has a lot of energy and strives to do what she wants to do. I hope it can inspire Amy too.
14th Feb 2021 – Laetitia was a bright and bubbly French lady who was teaching at the same school as myself (and fell foul of the same stupidities that I did). She was in Thailand with her husband and two of her four kids. She had a can-do attitude and worked really hard and always came up with new ideas. Amy and I met with the family once to discuss a possible business proposal but despite their enthusiasm, we couldn’t see a way things would really work out. Soon after, I left the school and we didn’t see them so much. They seemed to have a lot of financial issues and eventually, if some stories are to be believed, they fled the country to Burma to avoid repaying their debts and this is what had led them to Thailand from France in the first place. Who knows where the truth may lie but I was even more grateful that we didn’t get involved in any business dealings and defer to Amy’s judgement on these things, that working with other people and their money will only lead to trouble.
23rd Mar 2021 – Along with starting the music podcast I also started reading more about Stoicism and discovering various email lists and blogs that dealt with mindfulness and self-help but with deeper thought than just the usual quotable influencers. I started this gratitude journal on this day and with very few exceptions haven’t missed a day where I have found something to be grateful for. Looking back to this time I can see a big change has happened in the things that I do day to day. Trying new things and testing myself in new ways. Whilst I guess this is inevitable across any 18-month period of time, this time it feels more like a serious decision to make some changes.
Record of the week: Christian Death – Deathwish LP, Catastrophe Ballet LP, UK Decay – Werewolf 12″
2nd July 1984
Got up at 9.15. Went to Sharon’s. Did some brass polishing in the morning. It was hard. Did some wallpapering. Had some lunch. Then did some more papering. came back at 4. Got £4. Took Maico down track – couldn’t get it going. Left it at Murray’s. Got my moped and went down again. Pissed around. Took Jasper’s jump out because it’s not (?). Came back. Watched Hill Street Blues.
3rd July 1984
Got up at 6.30. Went to Sharon’s and cleaned out her yard. Weeded their terrace. Had lunch. Finished all the wallpapering with a little difficulty. Got £9. Came back. Went down track. Jasper put his jump back in. Only Scott likes him now. Came back to Gaunts. When Jasp came back we went and took the jump out again. Talked to Muz til 11. Came back. Got to sleep at 12.
4th July 1984
Didn’t go to Sharon’s today. Can’t remember what the fuck I did. This is next Tuesday night (10th) at the moment. I think I went to the track. Scott and Paul and Mayo were there. I went on. This might have happened tomorrow, I can’t remember. We all went to the common and had a game of block because no one wants to go to the track. Apparently Paul Miller’s after me cos of what we did down at the track.
5th July 1984
Didn’t go to Sharon’s again. What I discussed yesterday happened today I think. So what the fuck am I going to write? I haven’t got a clue. I don’t know. Ahh. Me, Muz, Crabb took Maico back yesterday at 11. Just for something to do. Apart from that, I don’t fuckin’ know.
6th July 1984
Went to Sharon’s today. Got absolutely covered in the paint. Did that all day. Got £8. Came back. Don’t know what I did. We all went to Houldey’s and took the piss out of them. Don’t know what else we did. I think I watched telly all night and got bored – who cares and who gives a fuck?
7th July 1984
Went to Bernice’s. Found out she got assaulted last night. Me and Lee waited for her to come out of the police station. We’re both pissed off cos of what happened. Bernice decided not to go to Bournemouth but I did. I got 2 Christian Death LPs, UK Decay 12″, Faction and Lack of Knowledge. Came back. Went to Saunders’. He didn’t get a video so I came back and played records.
8th July 1984
Got up and pissed around. Can’t remember what I did. At night me and Muz went to Houldey’s cos we were bored. Beki was in a right shit. Me and Muz went back to his place and tried to get his computer going but couldn’t so I came back.
Records of the week: Conflict – 1st side of Increase The Pressure, Minor Threat – Eps 12″, Major Accident – Massacred Melodies LP, Black Flag – Three Nights
25th June 1984
Got up and stayed in my room most of the day. Zoe rang in the morning. Got petrol in the afternoon. Watched telly most of the time. Rung Jez. Had a game of snooker which I won. Came back – watched Scully then went down track. Muz is giving me bullshit. I went to James. Had a chat with him and Greg. Watched Hill Street Blues.
26th June 1984
Got up late. Watched telly most likely. I haven’t been keeping up with the diary so I can’t remember everything. I think I went down to the track. Mum’s been going on about me getting a job. Getting really pissed off with her. Watched telly in the evening. Mum has found me some jobs to do tomorrow around the house. I’m pissed off. Watching the stars.
27th June 1984
Got up late again. Cleaned out the yard. Did the bricks. Fuckin’ pissed off. I keep playing Three Nights by Black Flag. Sieved elderflower. Had tea. Went down track. Pissed around. Built freestyle jump which is pretty good. Came back. Went to sleep. Working at Sharon’s tomorrow.
28th June 1984
Mum woke me up at 9. Rung Sharon. Went over. Cleaned windows. Went to Poole with Sharon. Then to Bournemouth and back to Poole again. Then back. Cleaned garage doors and racked up grass. (?) so came back. Had tea. Went down track. Went to James. He gave me money to get a video tomorrow. Went to (???). Came back with her.
29th June 1984
Went to Wimborne. Got videos. Went to Sharon’s. Did wallpapering all day. Got £4.50. Came back. Went down track.. Burd came down. He went to Wimborne. Went to James. Got wrong type of video so went back and changed it. Came back. Poltergeist – was ok in places. Pretty daft story though. Came back at 1 and went to sleep.
30th June 1984
Got up at 9. Went to Bernice’s. Got bus down to Bournemouth. Bern bought some shoes and dress. I got some records. Both Christian Death LPs are there. Saw plenty of people. Ran out of money so came back. I came home. Went down track. No one there. Went to James’s and had a chat with everyone. Came back. Watched telly for the rest of the night.
1st July 1984
Woke up at 9. Couldn’t sleep because of stomach upset. Took aspirin and went back to sleep. Didn’t get up til 1.30. Took dog. Went down track. Digging it all up. Everyone’s getting on each other’s nerves. Came back. Went back down again. I got my light smashed. Me and Murray are thinking of setting up a delivery service. Went to sleep.
Record of the week: Ian Dury – Sweet Gene Vincent, The Mob – Let The Tribe Increase LP, Self Abuse – Soldier, Sex Gang Children – Mauritia Mayer
16th April 1984
Couldn’t get to sleep. Only about 3 hours. Mum had a laugh at us sleeping together, stayed in bed with Zoe most of the day. We went to Wimborne and both spent her money. Met Jim who was looking for Bernice. Came back on bus. Zoe didn’t feel too well. Got back into bed. Jim came round. Took some photos. Sat and talked. Me and Zoe got up to things while Jim was singing the Jam. Still couldn’t get to sleep. Eventually did.
17th April 1984
Got 7 hours sleep. Mum came up to wake us up. Huh. Got up. Burd came round. Did some songs with drums. Rupe came along. Took some photos. Jim went. Came back in. Did this and that. Jim came back. Muz came round. Me and Zoe went into other bedroom. Them lot came in doing moonies. Zoe weren’t feeling too well again. Went down the rubbish dump – ‘ad a laugh. All sorts happened – some too rude to mention. Put on DOA.
18th April 1984
Got 4 hours sleep. Woke up Rupe. Watched breakfast TV. Woke Jim and Burd up who slept in the other room. Went out, took some photos. Took Zoe down to Bournemouth. She got on bus. Went back to Wimborne. Met Jim, Burd and Rupe. Jim went on. We went to Dan’s. Bernice ill. Met Jim again. Went to Dan’s. Went round Wimborne. Met this girl who fancied Roo. Hung a tampon on a tree. Pissed around (?) Rupert to this girl. Came back on bus. Really missing Zoe. Still got a buzz from the last couple of days. Had a chat to Zoe on the phone – both unhappy.
19th April 1984
Woke up 11. Played Zoe’s favourite records. Had an apple. Can’t stop thinking about Zoe. Took dog (for a walk). Did some art for my exam. Drew Zoe. Wrote a decent poem. Waiting for Zoe to ring at 6. 6.30 – she hadn’t rung so I rang her. She wasn’t there. Went out to play drums. Zoe rang. We talked for about 50 minutes. I was glad to hear her voice. Went to Burd’s. Roo was there. Went down bus shelter. Talked about the party. Rung Roo’s girl up – had a laugh. Came home. Played Mauritia Mayer and Christian Death.
20th April 1984
Woke up. Gave my mum card and presents. Read book. Ate food. Went to Houldey’s. They gave me some wine. Came back. Dandy and Becky came in. Then went. Zoe rang – thank god. I’m really missing her. Talked for a while. Went to Houldey’s later again. It was Mr H’s birthday today as well. Came back, put on Christian Death with strobe and Mauritia Mayer.
21st April 1984
Got up. Fucked around. Decided to go to Poole. So went to see Pam who’s doing alright. Saw Dusty. Went down Poole. Saw Justin. Saw Lisa and her mate – went to park to drink cider. Came back. Zoe rang. Had a chat. Can’t stop thinking about her. Went to Houldey’s I think, I dunno. Came back. Watched Woody Allen – fucking good film. Can’t remember anything else.
22nd April 1984
Got up – practised drums. Ate food. Rang Zoe – had a nice chat. Had a bath – I was smelling a bit, and went to Houldey’s – took Mauritia Mayer. Went down BMX track. Met Jamie and Burty. Went back to Houldey’s. Came home. Went back – cleaned Beki’s window. Took record back. Went down BMX – had a laugh. Bought some fags. Went to Houldey’s. Came back. Watched film. Made semolina. Went to bed.
1994ever 