Tag: coffee

Double Cap – 7th June 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Give me the big cup!
Double up!
Make them big shots
Top it off!
Drink it slow
Then take off!
When it’s time to go
I got enough!
Buzz and howling
Flying high!
The fear of falling
Pushed aside
Tomorrow morning
Same again!
Without a warning
Jump my brain!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our spare room outside – that we can adapt to be Kim’s new space. She won’t be an outdoor cat anymore which will frustrate her but I’m thankful we have this reasonably sized space that we can give to her.

We got that attitude! – 6th June 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that this morning I can go and read and drink coffee in my regular weekend cafe and then I can come home and swing in my hammock and watch the football. I must remember how much of a good life I have and not to take it for granted. I am better off than a large percentage of the world population and I value that very much.

It’s been a while. Things have been up and down. I wonder if I am becoming bipolar in my old age!?

Last week, I had what felt like a severe brainfart – not sure if it was purely emotional or driven by something physical, as I had to take a couple of days off work, during which I mostly slept. I seem to go through this cycle every two or three months – just get exhausted for what feels like no real reason.

I don’t feel overworked or overstressed – it just feels like a sudden illness. I always put it down to minor reoccurrences of glandular fever, but who knows? I went to the hospital, and they just said I had a cold, which seemed like a cop out.

By last Friday, a week after that exhaustion, I felt great again – almost ridiculously good. It was strangely noticeable.

On the Wednesday, I went home in a black mood after getting a message that teachers had to stay at school until 4.30 pm, even though we finish class at 4 pm.

I’m always keen to get home quickly and enjoy my free time, and this news had me contemplating quitting again. But luckily, I got back into reading ‘How To Think Like A Roman Emporer’ again, and it offered some perfect advice as a reminder.

The fable is of the dog tied to a cart. If the dog pulls against the direction of the cart, then everything is a struggle, and the dog will suffer. Sometimes, the better option is just to go with the cart and find a way to get loose later.

Thankfully, Thursday was also a holiday. I went back to work on Friday, still a little sulle,n but something clicked inside me again to pick me up.

My final online class of the day, with some of my favourite students, went easily and quickly, and I let everyone finish early but something that made me feel good was a couple of students not wanting to leave and wanting to talk more, practice some listening and speaking and just have some no-pressure learning.

I got home energised and excited despite having a difficult broken sleep the night before and nailed some guitar learning for myself – sometimes a few days break helps you get back to it and better.

Back to these online classes again tomorrow. I hope I wake up on the right side of the bed, so to speak, or that the good things I’m doing for myself – yoga, meditation, study etc – remain in effect. Good, good, good.

Infinite Jest – 23rd May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Be on guard, the road widens
And many of the detours are seductive
Talent is its own set of expectations
Try to be a no-one, so instructed

Of multiple exposure melodramas
Learn to care and not to care
This is where you are not who you are
Shaped or broken, remain aware

Learn from those who fail
This is your body, they want you to know
This is the whirlpool, a friend
Your torn blue ankle tells you so

Unconscious exercise becomes a way to escape
A long waking dream of pure play
On the line, you must call it fair
A thousand times and every day

*pilfered and inspired by David Foster Wallace’s ‘Infinite Jest’

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a relaxing Sunday morning with coffee and a book and then a couple of hours watching football. A little cooler today, thankfully, though still hot. The future is looking bright (if you close your eyes to other things!).

I Am The Librarian – 15th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

I am the librarian tending to my books
Sniffing, smelling, rearranging order
Perhaps one day I’ll open them
Be a reader instead of a hoarder

A world of so many tales
Told by those who breathed them
Where I can be lost, then found
And I can be relieved then

I am the librarian lending out my books
We can share such stories
Of those failures and losers
Or those who shined in glories

20th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Hoarding

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Art at Utopia for giving me two free coffees today. I gave him a couple of books and some sketches I did but didn’t expect anything in return. As a bonus, the coffee was even more delicious than normal.

We got that attitude! – 23rd April 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that today I can grab coffee at 22 Grams in the city. We have to take Kim Chi to the vet, hopefully for the last time. Thankfully, she is starting to eat again and acting more like she normally does. Due to Covid, I haven’t been going out to have coffee so it’s a positive that 22 Grams is close to the vet.

The best thing about today was laying lazily in Amy’s arms (or she was in mine), naked, aircon dreaming, drifting, relaxing – purposefully relaxing. It was a very nice feeling once I could strip away things I had to do, supposed to do or wanted to do.

I’m making my case against a stack full of comics – 19th March 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

At my school I made friends with four university students doing their internships here. They are young and vibrant people and have a youthful idealism that I still seem possess, so it was easy for me to be drawn to them.

Today is their last day with us (unless they decide to stay here and work on the pitiful wages they would receive) and I made them each a special card. Unfortunately I forget to take a picture of each card but the front features the sketches attached. None of them are perfect but they should be recognisable to themselves I hope!

I really enjoyed the process of putting the cards together and having to come up with ideas for me, somewhat inspired by Austin Kleon’s artistic trials.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for all the movies I downloaded over the years. I can watch almost anything that I ever found of interest whenever I want. I can remember when the only option was to wait for the Friday night special of the Saturday horror double bills. That made movies more special but now I can find movies that I choose from anywhere in the world.

I usually do my drawings at House where the coffee is particularly addictive. I can taste it now – almost 6 hours since my last cup. In the mornings, I can’t wait to get there and take that first sip.

Anyway, Mei, who is a pretty lady who works there has seen me drawing every day and today she sidled up to me and in her best English, her vocabulary quite limited, asked if I could draw a picture of her. At first, I was a little surprised and then a little delighted – my first commission! I told her though, that she mustn’t be upset if she doesn’t like what I produce!

Subsequently, she added me in LINE and sent me a picture for me to use – I’m only at the stage of copying from pictures.

Doing all these face drawings has been an interesting challenge and I’m kinda excited to know that I will move onto other things to draw in the future and try to improve my skills all round.

I had another good online teaching lesson and I’m at home alone as Amy has gone with Takky for the weekend for a housewarming event. With no one else around I feel a lack of tension. I don’t need to think about any verbal communication unless I want to tell the cats something. Either Xbox, YouTube or comics in bed beckon.

Tomorrow I’ll be up at a reasonable time to take Dylan up to a hill tribe village for a morning walk. Good exercise.

Senyawa – Alkisah – 21st February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Indonesia’s intense, vital experimental duo Senyawa release their newest album Alkisah via a decentralised worldwide co-operative effort. An explosive, exploratory trip through Senyawa’s unique sonics, Alkisah represents these masters of unpredictable experimental music pushing their own boundaries. 

Instrumentalist Wukir Suryadi performs on his homemade instruments, created from bamboo and other natural materials, offering a rarely explored link between the ancient, traditional, mystical music of South-East Asia and the contemporary avant-garde. 

Vocalist Rully Shabara (also of tenzenmen recording artists Zoo) mines the human voice for its strangest and most challenging sounds, chanting, yowling and throat-singing like a chorus of demons in one song and an arcane, chattering machine in the next. 

Rhythms skitter and crash around like gamelan, punctuated with trashcan drums or bulging plumbing percussion, while doomier moments (such as “Istana”) crush with seething waves of distortion and Rully’s mesmeric growls (a mix of Javanese, Bahasa, and other Indonesian languages). The record lurches from urgency to apocalypse, a twisting and twining story with animist mythology and hellish atmospherics. 

ALKISAH can be translated as ONCE UPON A TIME. 

This is that time.

SENYAWA 
Wukir Suryadi: Custom Instruments 
Rully Shabara: Lyrics, Vocals 

Recorded and Mixed by Iwan Karak 
At Eloprogo, September 2020 

Soundscape of Eloprogo recorded by tesaran 

Artworks by Sopeng 

Minang proverbs on “Kabau” compiled by Taufik Adam

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my tooth guard. Without it, I would grind my teeth down to the gums. I think my neck problem comes from doing this too. Maybe it’s because I drink too much coffee but I sleep well most of the time.

I met Bruno for coffee this morning and enjoyed a little ride around on the way there and I felt in a good mood when I arrived. As ever, we discussed our thoughts on teaching in Thailand, our frustrations with it and our solutions for dealing with it. We both feel much the same. We try our best because we want the best for the kids. We work hard for them whether they appreciate it or not. If we can make a difference to one student then our stress has been worth it.

Let’s hope I can remember this with my class tomorrow! Haha!

More importantly for me I brought up my feelings about George. I wasn’t sure how much to say to Bruno as George had said that they were good friends before but I could feel that something wasn’t quite there.

As it turns out Bruno has much the same problems with him. That he’s hiding something, or putting on a facade of happiness which makes us feel like he’s insincere, his patriarchal behaviour and upset when people don’t do what he wants or behave the way he would like. Neither of us dislike him but both feel less need to do things together (with him).

I always liked George for his positive and outgoing personality. He does deal with some things very well but if it is a facade then it puts sincerity in doubt.

I talked with Bruno about how we both feel that we know about our own weaknesses even when we can tell others the best way to deal with something, it can be very difficult to do as you say for yourself. I used the analogy of ‘the doctor who smokes’. And perhaps this has some similarities to my feelings about George. I know the way I should be with him – to let it go, don’t overthink etc but it keeps nagging at me unavoidably.

I also realise that I don’t say he is insincere or arrogant but that is the way I perceive him. That’s all I can control – but how? This is a difficulty for me.

We also discussed how Bruno had mentioned before that I seemed to have peace of mind but I explained that’s not so – as ‘the doctor who smokes’, I know the way to be but struggle so much to achieve it. I said that what my difficulty is is accepting who I am and why I am the way I am. When I’m happy – such as last Monday – nothing can hurt me but when I’m not quite right – such as Friday – I just can’t find that acceptance – though I do generally know that the feeling will go away again. At least I know now that I can accept myself – this actually feels like a recent event though.

And it’s weird looking back at old diary entries, seeing that even 30 years ago, I knew all these things, could say all the right things yet I still haven’t found real peace of mind. I felt good talking about these things and somewhat validated that it wasn’t just me being a bad friend to George and there was someone else having exactly the same thoughts as me.

No other prisoner shall enter and get through – 16th February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Finish ab workout and yoga stretching – feels good, a little tired – less than seven hours sleep – dump thoughts and meditate.
What thoughts now? With pain in hand thoughts are difficult – when trying to meditate thoughts come easy.
Sat by the river with George yesterday – not much time tho but was pleasant, talked about how different countries have different cultures. When it comes to community, family and sharing things. I mostly recall the sunlight on the river.
Anyway highlighted some of our differences in behaviour which we all have to accept and understand – sometimes forgive.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to our neighbour’s dog Tangmo who came to visit yesterday morning before I went to work. He was running around full of energy and ran away from Tigger. I tried to get him to follow me out so I could close the gate but he kept running back inside. It made me smile for the whole day.

Yes, today was pretty good too. Spent a good morning at House – drinking coffee, sketching and reading. I feel like I’m on top of many things at the moment.

The best thing about today was helping students with some difficult L and R tongue twisters – it was fun and they didn’t give up.

Started reading Sartre’s Age of Reason and also completed another sketch.

Then it’s not if I win but how I play that matters, right? – 8th February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We all have to start somewhere. I was always interested in art at school because it appealed to the part of my brain that could utilise imagination rather than drier subjects that required adherence to some sort of order. Weirdly I did well enough in those subjects though. Anyway, art just felt like the easy pass.

Of course, painting wine bottles and flowers didn’t really appeal and I wasn’t mature enough or my imagination broad enough to conjure anything worthwhile. I think I actually ended up doing more artistic things at home more than in class. Two pieces particularly stick in my mind and I don’t recall doing either at school. My most prominent memory of my three years of art class was finishing off a bottle of vodka and leaving the bottle in the classroom for other people to draw in the future. That was first year of high school – we were 13 years old. 1980 or 1981.

Like the other times I’ve had to draw on my education, such as Maths and English tests when applying to University, I’ve been able to dig deep into my memory and apply myself somehow. So, now I’m sketching when I have the chance and I’m digging into those art lessons I honestly don’t remember anything. What I learned about perspective I got when studying photography back about 12 years ago and watching YouTube videos about pavement artists and force perspectives.

Now, what I really learned, and learned from punk rock and my mother, is about just doing it. Getting on and doing it. When I look at these sketches again I can see the imperfections, the incorrect spacing etc. But when I look with kindness I think, wow, that’s pretty good (for me!).

Rather than set my expectation too high and demand perfection or failure, I choose the middle ground. Do it, finish, move on.

These sketches are from my morning coffee spot, House. My enjoyment with these was due to the very strong perspective of all the straight lines in the room.

First sketch

After making each drawing I gave them to Guey, the owner, and, if working from a photo I took, deleted the photo so all I end up with is a digital file of my sketch. I will do the sketch within 30 minutes, not as a rule but more that I have found the feel and if I went any further I would be getting down into detail that would take it beyond a sketch. Through these 3 sketches (over 3 or 4 days) I could feel improvement each time and they made me really happy and gave me a small sense of achievement.

Second sketch

When I find some more free time and inspiration I will do more but I think I’m done with House now, though they have a cute dog and a challenging garden that would be fun to draw. Hmm….ok – tomorrow!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I have been able to continue this gratitude journal app every day for more than a year now. I will switch to writing in a diary from now.
I am so happy and grateful for the unusual big rain today and the fact that our roof holes that I plugged have held up fairly well – just a few leaks. Our plants will be happy for some water.

The best thing that happened today was being able to read whilst eating my lunch. I was late to eat so there was no one else around.

Other little nice things included many students being smiley and happy with me and trying to communicate as much as they could.

There’s a big storm hanging around today and there’s been a lot of rain. It’s funny – the dull drabness of the sky reminds me of England. Here it is a nice interlude to sunny warm days. In England, it would feel much more oppressive as those days would last for weeks on end.