Tag: comfort zone

Getting Out – 6th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The world is trapped behind glass
A zoo of drunken circus chimps
We look up to others to ask
Just what is this wonder we may only glimpse?

Maybe this spectacle isn’t real?
How can something be so shiny and pretty?
When the glass shatters we feel
That the chimps are less deserving of pity

Running amok, all over our dreams
The promises now grown more distant
Nothing now is what it seems
And that nagging becomes more insistent

Inspired by the second part of this post at Spinning Visions
11th Oct 2024 – Shared with the Ragtag Daily Prompt – zoo

Today I’m feeling:

Still dizzy. Even dizzy during my poor sleep last night as my body aches made me uncomfortable. Wondering how serious this might be. But I still pushed through morning exercise hoping that that may get me going. Not quite. Will see how I fair today.

Today I’m grateful for:

Funfai bringing me a food gift. Unfortunately it was pork so I had to return it though I made sure she knew I was grateful. 

The best thing about today was:

Finally feeling better by the afternoon after sinking a cup of water with electrolytes. I’m not 100% yet but at least I don’t feel as if I might fall over now.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My first class this morning was a bit of a test for me and I almost lost it but I think the kids sensed it and were unusually quiet for a little while which softened me a little. I also recalled a daily reminder I have set – “Be grateful for what you have, for it is a gift that can be taken away at any moment.”

Something I learned today?

Some musicians I have worked with in Germany before are rushing to release a compilation to benefit women struggling through the war in Gaza. There are only four days to submit and I don’t think anyone I know would be able to commit to that. But in an effort to be useful, I passed the message on to the current folks I’ve been working with on the Jorando Del Muerto release.

Who is the wisest person I know?

I keep seeing this prompt and thinking it says who is the worst person you know!

The wisest….?

Even people I admire I don’t consider all-wise, all-knowing. Everyone has their foibles. And everyone has some wisdom. Take the best from people so that you can learn. Try everything until you figure it out for yourself.

How am I different than I was a year ago?

Change seems slow until you look back from further in the future. I don’t feel as if I’ve changed much at all in the last twelve months. I can see very minor improvements when I look back at diary entries and think to myself ‘Oh yeah, I remember doing that’ and then making decisions about where to go from there.

Answering this question for five or ten years ago would be much easier to analyse.

How am I stepping outside my comfort zone?

I’m not doing this too much these days but I can think that forcing myself to exercise is outside my comfort zone even though I’ve been doing it regularly for a couple of years now. I’ve been taking cold showers since about March and still going at the moment, testing myself to see how far I can make it into winter. I will go and play tennis with Funfai once a week, just for thirty minutes, despite my aching old bones. I’m still not often comfortable in the classroom either. I’m still learning everything.

Two Goddesses – 17th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

So you want to be the hero?
This path is full of toil
The shortcut to vice and pleasure
Is the easiest to spoil
To be equal to the gods
Means Herculean choices
The answer reveals itself
So trust your inner voices

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but also subconsciously energetic. The kind of feeling after tough exercise, you will be happy with rest or with motion. As I wait for my one class at 1.30 I also have to be ready for when I get home, having to go straight out again to take the motorbike for rego inspection. I’m happy to have Amy pushing me along at the moment. Our house is cleaner than ever and smells of bleach!

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Aomsin to help me find some glue to try to fix Nong Jet’s broken glasses. It didn’t work unfortunately but we gave it a try and Jet appreciated the effort.

The best thing about today was:

I went to take the bike for inspection but they tried to tell me they needed a paper but I couldn’t understand. The only papers I knew were under the bike seat but apparently, it wasn’t those. So I got Amy on the phone and she said she had some papers at home. The shop wasn’t far away so she got in the car and came down with them. 

Whilst I was waiting I could see a price list on the table ranging from 1000 to 3000 baht so was stealing myself to pay this. But in a flash, we had the paper and Amy paid. 

I don’t believe they even looked at the bike. Total cost? 60 baht!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In a positive out of control moment I found out that we have another four days holiday starting on the 28th of this month. I reckon with all the holidays here the kids probably only end up studying for eleven years instead of twelve!

Something I learned today?

According to one report I saw today the USA has so much debt now that they have to pay 1 trillion dollars per year just to cover the interest. I don’t understand economics and I don’t understand a system that allows this to happen. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t get away with being able to borrow so much money that it can’t conceivably ever be repaid.

What is something meaningful that has happened lately?

Amy being back for a few weeks is meaningful in that it has gotten me out of my very comfortable zone. Comfortable zones are nice but lead to complacency and I don’t want to be that. I will have to make some adjustments and perhaps not have time to do some things I usually enjoy but that is meaningful too as it helps me decide the things that I really value and desire to do.

What is a challenge I overcame and what did I learn from it?

The biggest most recent challenge was to learn to teach English and then to stand in a real classroom full of expectant faces. What I really learned from it is that I can do anything. I can overcome insecurities and fears. Sometimes I have to remember that too, so I’m glad of this reminder.

I took this picture at the weekend because unbeknownst to me we have a bees nest happening above our heads. I asked Amy what will we do about it and she said her parents wanted to wait until it was bigger so that they could get the honey from it! Well, ok!

(It seems they were just here on the way to somewhere else as a week later there was no sign of them ever being here!)

29th June 2024

Confirmation Bias – 19th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Stop looking at it
It’s all you’ll ever see
Your beliefs reinforced
Swinging from a tree

Stop picking at it
Or the wound will never heal
A rising of blood
Drowns out your appeal

Stop clicking on it
The addict and the fix
Knock your house down
It’s built on broken bricks

Today I’m feeling:

Quiet, low, not down but unenthusiastic and bored. Missing my little Amy at times like these.

Today I’m grateful for:

A little rain. It’s 8.30 pm and I just went to close the gate. Tigger was around and chatting with me. Light drops hit my skin every step or two and it felt like that would be it. I hung on the straps in the garage for a second enjoying the stretch in my arms, shoulders and back.

Then I came to sit outside our front door and write here. Slowly larger drops fell noisily on our assorted roofs and Tigger looked on bemused.

Then a flash and peal of thunder excited the air. A very slight breeze has made the temperature bearable again and I think even the mosquitoes are hiding. More rain, please.

The best thing about today was:

I think right now, listening to the rain. I knew today that I would watch the replay of the first Swans game of the season but the app didn’t work on the iPad so I checked the website on the laptop, which annoyingly doesn’t have the option to hide the scores. I obscured the screen as best I could but looking around to find the replay button, which wasn’t there yet, I accidentally saw the scores. We won but it still steals the pleasure of watching the game not knowing the outcome.

As I waited for the replay option to become available I played some more Xbox and started on a beer.

Today, I planned to have a beer or two whilst watching the game, as a kind of reminder of days past in Australia.

Amy video-called me as she was on a boat trip around the harbour. A beautiful hot day there, perfect to be on the water. Later she called again, a little drunk and happy but also teary because she wished I was there. And I wished I was too.

Finally, the replay was available to watch and we played well but I felt joyless. After a second beer, I decided not to have more as I was starting to nod off in the final quarter of the game. Enough so that after it finished I got into bed with the fan on me, waking up a couple of hours later in a 31-degree sweat. I felt a little better but still joyless and bored.

Now Tigger is sitting on me here in this chair, purring and observing.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My mood is a little out of control again and I think I want to go back to my full tablet of sertraline again. I’m realising that the deep connection I feel with my students leaves a vacuum in the semester breaks. I need to give some love to myself but don’t feel quite capable.

Something I learned today?

I took a little detour when riding back from Utopia this morning, around the back of the village towards the hidden temple halfway up the mountain. Everything is changing so quickly out there. The temple is no longer hidden and new dirt roads are heading off deeper into the mountains. I’ll go check them out one day soon.

How can I continue to challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone?

Although I fall into laziness quite easily I try to challenge myself into making my classes better for my students. That’s not particularly outside my comfort zone though. My comfort zone keeps me fairly content and I can mostly adjust to any boredom that arises from it. But I don’t want to get complacent either.

Somehow, usually in time, fresh challenges come forth and I’m ok just waiting for them to arrive. It feels like a balance that is usually maintained. It’s not often I need to find things to challenge myself.

I feel like I don’t know what I’m writing here. These thoughts feel very now. If asked this question on a different day I think my answers would be almost the opposite.

I took this picture because Cap wanted to watch the football too.

My Cockroaches – 15th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Lizards are my cockroaches
Skittering everywhere
Hiding in dark corners
Always on a tear
Cats always chasing
Mostly without reward
Lizard shit on everything
Cannot be ignored
Second life and tailless
Laying eggs in sheets
Cute little babies run
And so it all repeats

We are so focused on improving our lives, we forget how to live them.

paraphrase Alan Watts

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
Breaking routine and going to Sammakhi to meet Kamboom instead of going home straight after classes. Sometimes it takes an effort to get out of my comfort zone.
The best thing about today was:
Walking around Sammakhi with Kamboom and meeting a couple of other old students of mine. It was interesting to be on the grounds of another school and Kamboom is a good kid with a lot of potential and is in a good place to realise it. I also understand better that where I work isn’t so bad for the students when I consider that some of the old Anuban students are now at Sammakhi and they were very poorly skilled before. Sammakhi is supposed to be the better school but I imagine they also have to cater for a wide range of skill levels.
Daily thought
What are you in doubt about at the moment?
I doubt when I talk myself into it.
I have felt doubt about how things will be when Amy returns but when I’m thinking about it now I know everything will be fine.
I doubt myself on bad days at school but that turns around when the next day is fine. These doubts are good reminders though, not to take things for granted.
Who is your favourite singer or musical artist right now?
At my age, it is so difficult to answer a question like this. There’s too much information in my head, too many favourites from the past, from maybe yesterday to last week, year or decade. Why even force a decision like this? It’s a conversation question but not really a journal question. 20-year-old me wouldn’t even hesitate to answer this though. Is 55-year-old me smarter or wiser?

I took this picture because Don’s new puppy was at 22 Grams today and I haven’t met before. The same type of dog as Amy’s dad and just as bouncy and active.

You see, you feel, you know…you’re waiting – 17th April 2003

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hayden came over and walked into the living room which had been changed around since he was last here. He then checked out my bedroom which had also changed. This though, upset him because his own room was still the same.

I explained that I didn’t want to move his room around without him being there and now we could move it together, however he wanted it. That cheered him up a little.

The initial pessimism though was a real highlight – I want to help him look at situations as a positive instead of negative.

15th April 2022 – Hayden was six years old by now and his personality already developed to some degree. This attitude to change has become even more obvious as he grew up. Ironically, or perhaps not helped by the fact that he has had to undergo quite a few major changes in his life. Somehow it feels as if Bronwyn and I were never able to provide the skills for him to deal with change very well.

He struggles with making his own changes and feels at home in his comfort zone. For me, that feels like it’s holding him back. But I guess I was like that somewhat too, even until my late 20s and making that uncomfortable decision to leave all I knew behind and take a chance in Australia.

I’ve been thinking about this a bit more recently as I’ve been putting lessons together for next semester. I want to open the student’s minds to the possibilities out there for them even with all the societal restrictions in place that may be too overwhelming for them.

I wonder if I feel a greater responsibility to my students than I ever had to Hayden? Is that just my own self-doubt?