See if you can catch yourselfcomplaining in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.
We put down our brushes In search of gold stars Our stick figures meaningless If we can’t get a pass
Our caves are now bare Or full of the perceived good Those words we told ourselves Have taken away our ‘could’
No teacher or priest were we But everyone laughed Still, we lighted a spark And cultivated our craft
Inspired by a newsletter snippet titled ‘Why you stopped making art’ from David Elikwu. Added to dVerse here.
Today I’m feeling:
A little more awake and active than yesterday. Feeling fairly positive but also a little anxious as if something might come along to get me down. On the edge.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the different options available for muesli to buy. I was disappointed to not find my favourite crunchy strawberry muesli today but at least there were lots of different options available, though somewhat more pricey. I took a mid-range option but contemplated some of the others for when I’m back in the black.
The best thing about today was:
Being able to take the foot off the gas a little with my classes today and stretch out the work so that they had more time to contemplate, share with each other and understand in their own time. Sometimes I expect and push too much so I wanted to make life a little easier for us all.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I made a trip to Makro because I ran out of yoghurt this morning but was disappointed to find they were out of stock. I had to buy a different brand to last for a few days before going back to check again. I sure hope they continue stocking it because it’s the best!
Something I learned today?
This journalling app is trolling me. It’s been 22 days of prompts so far of ‘What is something something something this year?’ Just because the calendar starts on the first of January a year is still a year from NOW, whatever the date. Why do I have to spend a month thinking about 2024? I’m always thinking about the future. I guess journal prompts do get repetitive anyway but I find this one particularly annoying.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave Noah some extra support and encouragement for her negative attitude towards Teacher David. She needs to stay respectful and at least learn from her experiences even if she’s not learning English.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO 2. Don’t Complain. Complaining is the biggest waste of time there is. Either do something about it, and if you can’t, shut up about it.
This is something I have gotten better at over the years. Being English it’s an extremely hard habit to break. Moving to Australia in 1994 certainly helped as Aussies generally don’t put up with the stereotypical whinging poms. I don’t remember ever being called out on it but I think their positivity rubbed off on me in general and the fact that there was certainly less to complain about in life in Australia, or at least it certainly seemed that way.
When I meet English people now though I find their complaining quite noticeable and can also fall right back into it myself. It’s like a common bond we share. Because I’m conscious of it though I do try to stop myself and counter any complaining with a positive view in response.
Yes, life is not all chocolates and roses but there’s no need to go on about it. In fact, there’s no need to say anything. Even if you are still thinking it, just keep your mouth shut.
I took this picture because I love to see freshly planted rice paddies like this. This is from Saturday – no new pictures today.
A red light when there’s no one around What a dilemma for the righteous philosopher! “Go, go, go, go”, the passengers cried Out of nowhere, a truck obliterates them all
Pretty good. A little run down from a weirdly exhausting day and I’m not excited for the rest of the week. All my classes were simple but the last one of the day is always a little frustrsting as these impatient grade 8s want to leave as soon as they can. Me too!
Today I’m grateful for:
The plentiful snacks I have around that have carried me through my busy early evening with taking to the vet again for one more blood test. I’m grateful he’s all back to normal too.
The best thing about today was:
Having to take Tigger to the vet meant more time to listen to podcasts. The day has been good (apart from the news below) but nothing really stood out as being the best. Another day in a string of reasonable, positive happy days.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Talk is that for this coming holiday will only be ten days. I’ve already booked my flights to Australia and will be going anyway. It may mean losing some pay but no matter. David was quite disheartened by the news especially as last year we had four weeks holiday. I laughingly told him to fix his attitude and turn it around to ‘at least we have ten days holiday’ but I can understand his disappointment. It’s been a tough semester and he has the two terrible grade 8 classes that I had last year. It’s tiring for real.
After getting the good news that Tigger’s blood is back to normal I called Amy to give her the good news. In turn, she told me that along with Grandmum not eating, her dad was diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer and will need to go for chemo. This will all put a lot of strain on her mum and also puts my travel to Australia in jeopardy. Bad timing but what can we do? I’m not so fussed about having to change plans or losing money on flight tickets but more dejected about the ever-increasing number of upcoming funerals that lay ahead.
What do I complain about the most?
As an English person I have no idea what I complain about because I am not conscious of ever doing it. Even I notice how much other English people complain!
I ‘think’ I don’t complain about much these days but now that I am writing about it I know the sad truth.
The thing I complain about most is my student’s behaviour. This I can accept as they are aged between 12 and 16 and I know what I was like at that age. It’s just behaviour, not the person. What I really would complain about is adults behaving in the same way. I don’t hang about many adults now pretty much for this reason. Other adult’s bullshit is tiring. They don’t have the excuse of being a teenager anymore.
And I know that the same criticism can be levelled at me too. Another reason not to hang around with adults. When I fuck up like that with my kids it’s all forgotten and forgiven in the same way I would do for them.
I’ve been really struggling with pictures recently as my focus has been more internally focused over the past month or so. Things within my vision are not catching my eye throughout these days of repetitive actions. I need to add some variety into my days to change that but I’m mostly happy doing what I’m doing. This has given me an idea though. Anyway, here’s another picture of the pup from a couple of days ago.
Take a deep breath Still that thrashing heart Stop for a second Before you fall apart
Not the time to run Bouncing around Turn the TV on Until you’re settled down
Upon the fields of friendly strife are sown the seeds that, upon other fields, on other days will bear the fruits of vistory.
General MacArthur
Today I’m feeling: am: tired pm: lively Today I’m grateful for: The afternoon coffee that is keeping me up late right now. I’m glad I forced myself to get out this afternoon as I had a quick midday nap and could’ve just spent the rest of the day lazing around. The best thing about today was: Going to Daytripper as just described and finding that the girl working there is someone I often see at Utopia reading books but we’ve never spoken. As I paid to leave she asked how the coffee was and we chatted a little. Her name is Natalie and now we have a basis to talk in the future. There was also a group of the barista’s friends there playing a card game and just as I was getting energy back from the coffee I really wanted to ask them if I could join but by then I had to get home to feed the cats. A missed opportunity to make some new acquaintances but I’ll be sharper next time Daily thought Do you complain too much? Maybe. It is definitely not at a level I left the UK with and I think I still continue to improve on this but as with these things you generally don’t tend to notice yourself when you are doing it. So I’m saying maybe because I don’t think I do complain too much these days but I may be missing it. Do you ever see wild animals? Can I include my students? Snakes, lizards, birds and some mad insects. I don’t think there are any big cats in Thailand and any elephant I’ve seen is no longer wild.
I took this picture because the stupa on the hill is a landmark letting me know I’m near home. This shot was in the golden hour taken from Daytripper across the rice fields. I’m not tired of rice field shots but they never quite catch the experience. Maybe I should crack out the big camera and see how that performs.
Caught in my first impression Trapped by a spider’s smile The tail-wagging dog bites The hand after a while
Escape at the realisation Is never a pretty sight to behold Be better to live with the mess If the truth be told
From Eric Barker’s newsletter:
How do we make love last? A lot of people fear that if they raise issues with their partner it can lead to arguing and that will end the relationship. So they stay silent…
But it is doubleplusungood wrongthink to believe that complaining is a problem. The research shows bottling up actually ends more marriages than arguing. Complaining, in the big picture, is actually a positive – it gets issues out in the open where they can be resolved. What leads to divorce isn’t complaining; it’s criticism.
Complaining is actually healthy for a marriage. It’s criticism that predicts divorce. Complaining is when I say you did not take the trash out. Criticism is when I say you did not take the trash out because you’re a horrible person. The first is about an event, the second is about your fundamental personality. To keep your relationship solid, turn your criticisms into complaints. Address the event, not the person.
To say that criticism is bad for a relationship is like saying “The Grand Canyon is kinda big.” True but insufficient. Researcher John Gottman found it was one of four things that predicted divorce 83.3% of the time.
So don’t be afraid to raise that issue — but don’t make it personal. Address the problem, not their character. This leads to conversations that actually make your relationship stronger.
Whilst I’m inclined to agree with the above sentiment, I thought about how this has played out in my life. Another factor that came into play for me was low self-esteem. So that when my partner may have been complaining, I took it personally as criticism. This is particularly what ended my marriage with Bronwyn, along with a whole bunch of other factors that added up to become too much for me to deal with.
I’m much better with this these days but it can still rear its ugly head from time to time, though I’m usually aware of it even if I can’t put my finger on it.
He who knows only his own side of the case, knows little of that.
John Stuart Mill
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to see Hayden starting to do some rewarding work this week. I hope it makes him feel fulfilled and happy.
You solve the problem that caused the visible problem.
You avoid the problem.
When solving visible problems, it’s easy to signal value creation to others. If you work in a large organization with a regular paycheck, few people ask if the problems should exist in the first place. Instead, everyone thinks you’re indispensable because you’re so busy solving problems.
As you move toward avoiding problems before they happen, visibility decreases. Explaining what you do all day becomes harder and more subjective. Rewarding people for something that didn’t happen is very difficult. Thus, it becomes risky for the employee to avoid problems.
From Farnam Street’s Brain Food Newsletter
“If you work in a large organization with a regular paycheck, few people ask if the problems should exist in the first place.” Reading this took me right back to my old IT office job.
I really loved that job when I first started. It was overlooking Sydney Harbour Bridge and the Opera House. I worked my ass off to learn as quickly as I could. Years later I was rewarded with a technical administration position, which was better than it sounds.
It was a steep learning curve which involved a lot of testing, installations, maintenance, programming and 24 hour support. The product was a top of the range piece of software. It had just turned the year 2000 and money was flowing freely through the institutions that were supported. Work was interesting and fun.
Slowly, money started to dry up and upgrades were delayed. Often the users would demand it whilst their finance departments would not agree to pay for it. These battles went on consistently for about a decade. During that time all that I needed to do was to make sure the thing kept running. My typical work day could be over after 5 minutes of checking emails. So I made good use of the super fast internet, the office supplies and the printers.
Eventually they started replacing the product I was supporting with a cheaper alternative. Of course users complained because now their minor problems were turning into major problems. To save money, costed money. But it was more cost effective for my employer to pay penalties to the customer for fuckups than it was ensure the fuckups didn’t happen in the first place.
Eventually, after 13 years of arguing for better planning and products, sitting quietly doing my own things on company time, I was made redundant. It was an amazing relief to be honest, and it changed the course of my life. Much for the better, I like to think.
Now, wherever I am working, I can see the same redundant systems in place. The ‘work smarter, not harder’ mantra hasn’t managed to infiltrate everywhere as yet.
It won’t work, Won’t work no more….
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for our beautiful house. It feels like a home.
I am so happy and grateful to make friends with these puppies, even though they ate my shoes.
To-do list
Reply to Kieran ½
Catch up with Stoa and Daily Stoic ✅
Search more about TOEFL for Bruce ✅
Write a blog entry ✅
Get more CD cases finished! All? ½
An easy two-lesson day that could have been easily disrupted when I was told I could no longer use the library so I had to think quickly about new lessons which wasn’t too stressful.
I was pretty quiet today, still a bit tired from the weekend. I even lost my wallet at one stage but that didn’t phase me and I figured where it may have fallen out of my pocket and sure enough they had found it in the cafe. That’s the first time I have ever lost my wallet or anything out of my pockets. That’s a pretty good record but hopefully not a sign of things to come.
Things I could have improved on would be to not join in when other teachers are complaining. I don’t do it too much but it’s easy to fall into it.
I feel like I got a lot done today but still like I have a lot to do. None of these things are essential but one I do have to start getting on top of is the WDS tour so I’ll get back on to that tomorrow. I also start teaching Bruce online again so that will be a bit of extra cash coming in too.
I am so happy and grateful for all the friends I have made around the world so that I can go to places and meet them. I met Kyaw Kyaw and Zarni from Rebel Riot and Christopher Luppi, a long-time scene veteran in Thailand.
The more people you listen to, the more aspects of humanity you will recognise, and the better your instincts will be.
I did savour moments of our drive back especially when we stopped at Hinoki Land, a beautiful Japanese site with great architecture and views.
One thing I noticed a lot though was how much Amy makes small complaints and negative comments. They didn’t alter my own mood but I notice this more and more when I compare it to how we were in Australia. It’s like she didn’t need to comment on each small petty grievance in Australia because she was generally happy and positive about life around her. My concern is that she is less happy now and that will have a longer-term effect on both of us.
I’m looking forward to sleeping tonight and whilst not looking forward to going back to school, I am positive about getting back into a routine again. When we talked about it on our drive I realised there are only about 4 more weeks of actual teaching left.
Most disputes are a waste of time even if you’re in the right….
– Haters blog post by Paul Graham
I can recall a thousand arguments I thought I’d won, “That showed them!” Only now to realise I had lost.
Some people start arguments for an unknown reason. Why do we bite at it? Sometimes it’s something we just know we can easily win. An opportunity to show intellectual superiority. What did that achieve in the end?
Sometimes people just sound argumentative perhaps not eloquent enough to express themselves any other way. Being able to defuse situations like that takes a special skill, worth practicing.
Some people don’t argue at all and start with a closed fist. They didn’t like the way you looked. The air sizzles with violence. Mostly recognised from younger days, too old to be a threat to anyone now surely.
Another option often chosen is to simply run away from it, waiting until calmer heads prevail. But what if it didn’t come?
I hate arguing, it’s a waste of time and energy. That doesn’t mean I won’t stand up for what I believe to be right and true but those opportunities rarely actually appear in life. Most arguments are petty and ultimately inconsequential. So the aim is not to win or lose but to just not waste time.
I’m sick of emotions always tearing me inside Watching things crumble, letting all things slide A very temporary waste of time Is there really such a thing as a waste of time?
Gray Matter
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my medicine. I didn’t realise I didn’t take it yesterday and I felt pretty down most of that time. Only realised this morning when I found the tablet on the bench!
You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
Buddha
To-do list
Take some new photos to use on the blog ½
Gym after work ✅
Play the listen and don’t complain game ½
Clear some Pocket articles ✅
It was a little difficult to play the listen and don’t complain game as Kevin and Said weren’t in school today and apart from courtesies I only spoke to Fred for about 3 minutes. I was able to do it later though when Kru Tam was complaining about Kevin not being organised to send things for printing. I just asked her what she would like me to do.
Similarly, taking photos wasn’t really an easy task either. I’m either sitting at my desk or teaching – not many interesting photo opportunities arising.
I rode my pushbike to the gym and met KP along the way which was nice – she has such a good heart. She was in a hrry though so not much chat but I hope I can ask her to help bring some students for us sometime.
I learned a lot today about social connection and just talking to strangers. A little easier said than done with the language barrier here but George seems to manage to do it quite well. I need to practice those skills. I guess I missed a little opportunity to do this at the gym as there was a white guy there. the gym feels a bit weird to do that though. Though, now I’m thinking of it, it is where George meets and talks to a lot of people so I guess I just need to bite the bullet and try it.
I have all the character strengths I need at my disposal but there are some I need to practice more and improve.
Perspective: Being able to provide wise counsel to others; having ways of looking at the world that make sense to oneself/others.
I see myself on a journey where the destination is wisdom and contentment. My challenge is to acquire these attributes before I die. My default assumption is that everyone else is on the same journey whether they know it or not. Many have already met their challenge whilst others are still travelling. So I sometimes find myself being able to provide counsel for others and other times go in search of that counsel myself.
Social Intelligence: Being aware of the motives/feelings of others and oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick.
This is one I really need to practice more. I have gotten better at this since I was in my 20s but even now I just avoid social situations if I feel they don’t suit me. This is slightly compounded by being in Thailand where some situations may mean I’m the only English speaker or there may be myself and one other English speaker, almost forcing us to be sociable with one another. Then there are other times I may only be surrounded by other teachers, where our only connection is our profession and conversation devolves into complaining about our schools, which becomes unproductive and boring. Finally, there’s the rest of the ex-pat community who I generally remain suspicious of, mostly through negative experiences when around them previously. Well, I guess it’s a fertile ground for improvement at least. Must push myself. (Today I just want to shut down and sleep.)
Spirituality: Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort.
I believe life ultimately has no meaning so we must give it our own meaning somehow. These days I am doing a lot of thinking around all these ideas but it is becoming time to put things into action (shaping my conduct).
I remember one time when I was working at the check outs in a supermarket and a regular customer I would chat with was contemplating out loud what the meaning of everything was, to which I responded that life is pointless. She readily agreed but we understood each other that this was a motivation for giving it meaning rather than giving up on it. I have definitely changed my view on this over the years. When I was younger, with lots of time ahead of me, I sometimes thought life was pointless so just gave up on trying to do anything. I’m questioning this statement even as I write when I consider all the many things I actually achieved during that time. But no matter, those negative thoughts were in my mind.
Kindness: Doing favors and good deeds for others; helping them; taking care of them.
Sometimes I don’t give myself enough acknowledgement for doing this. I perhaps consider kindness as being normal so forget to account for it. But there are definitely other times when I think back to times when I could have been kinder and offered to help someone with something that they were doing, rather than concentrating on my personal tasks.
Teamwork: Working well as a member of a group or team; being loyal to the group; doing one’s share.
I wonder if this characteristic is an issue for most only-children? I’ve learned to rely and depend on myself, even more so having been raised by a single parent. I do prefer working alone but also happy to be part of a team so long as instruction is clear and meaningful. When part of a plan doesn’t make sense I just won’t do it. Perhaps I am sometimes thought of as cantakerous because I am not afraid to speak my mind. See next point!
Prudence: Being careful about one’s choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted.
Me and my big mouth.
If you’re led around by your nose You’ll never get to see how the garden grows.
-Volcano Suns
Cool hidden cafe. On the edge of Burma.
I am sometimes good at doing these things but often get wrapped up in myself too much instead. Perhaps people who know me would be surprised at these choices; perhaps they would see me differently. That would be nice to know but ultimately there’s only me that has to live with my thoughts. Only me that can think, and then act, my way to improvement.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be invited for a bike ride by Boyan this morning. I was quite surprised. I think he feels a little more comfortable to talk with me now. I’m happy if he feels that way.
Testing, competing with and criticising others weaken and defeat you.
Morehei Veshiba
To-do list
5 kind things you did today?
Catch up on emails and articles ✅
Think again before speaking – do not complain ½
Write blog entry – take new pictures ½
Gym after work
I forgot about Mondays being tough. I think I realised as soon as I stepped into school and my energy levels suddenly decreased dramatically. My annoying students certainly lived up to expectations and it wasn’t until eating some lunch I started to feel better. So I didn’t have much kindness within me.
I did catch myself speaking and complaining before thinking when chatting with Kevin and Said. I have to think of those situations like a game to play. Not to win but to stop from losing by complaining.
By the time of getting home, the students had drained me so much that gym was out of the question, despite me knowing these are key moments that need to be pushed through to make real change. Instead, I watered the garden which was a much more pleasant pastime.
Tomorrow I will be in the city – oh, as I’m writing this, plans have changed. Now it seems I may be able to get to the gym tomorrow – something I will aim for.
Things I will try to do better tomorrow are to not let the students push my buttons so much and calmly deal with them if necessary. Tuesday is a much easier day too. I will endeavour to remind myself to play the listening game when talking with others and look for opportunities to be kind.
1. Accept imperfection – Perfection is beyond us. 2. Share vulnerability – the bedrock of true friendship. Compassion for ourselves, generosity for others. 3. – Know your insanity – warn others, contain our follies. 4. Accept your idiocy – messing up is to be expected. 5. You are good enough – ‘Ordinary’ isn’t a name for failure. 6. Overcome romanticism – Love is patience and compassion for our natural weaknesses. 7. Despair cheerfully – We’re not individually cursed and many small things should stand out: a sunny day, dawn and dusk, etc 8. Transcend yourself – Cosmic humility is taught to us by nature, history, and the sky above us; delight in being humbled by it.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to know that I won’t be working at this school next semester. I’m sad in one way but excited in others. Knowing what will happen next semester is the best option.
You’ll stop caring what people think about you when you realise how seldom they do.
David Foster Wallace
To-do list
Enjoy new activity with students. ✅
Think before speaking. Listen first. ½
Gym straight after work. ✅
After squats meditate for 5 minutes. ✅
Fill out dreams for dream decade challenge. ✅
Easy, perhaps somewhat boring, day. Being surrounded by the other foreign teachers it was a struggle not to complain and when I thought about it more I realised I’d left my bracelet at home so I’m giving myself a day of forgiveness. I’ll wear it tomorrow and try to be more conscious of not joining in the complaining.
21st Mar 2024 – I would wear a bracelet that I would have to swap hands every time that I complained. I would mostly forget to do this until later but it was an effort to become conscious of complaining. I think I only managed to do this for a month or two in the end.
Knowing I won’t be teaching here next semester has kind of lifted off any real burden to overperform. I do still feel like doing my best for the students though. Tomorrow will be more of the same at school. Afterwards is the dentist and then meet with George and Bruno. They have kind of opposite personalities but both with virtuous hearts – I think I sit somewhere in the middle so conversation should be interesting.
I hope to get some information from George on what to expect when teaching back at CRPAO.
1994ever 