Tag: contentment

New Ports – 28th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Fate permitting I will set sail
Clearing the rocks and the harbour
Navigating the rough and smooth
The winds may throw their might
But I am on my way

Loosen the sails, watch the sunset
Or contemplate the clouds forming
Steer by the facts, the stars shining
This ship cannot be abandoned
New ports on the horizon

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and more awake than yesterday. Having to go to school today wasn’t a big deal as I could sit in House and catch up on my own things for the morning. I got my new timetable which looks okay apart from an individual online section that I’m trying to get made back into a normal class as I’ve already got lots of plans for those students. Either way, I can figure it out.

Today I’m grateful for:

My old Macbook Pro that I was eventually able to login to today after starting it up again yesterday. I got the shuffle going on my iTunes library and now just leaving it running like a radio that I can tune into whenever I want to.

The best thing about today was:

A general feeling of contentment and happiness, which I have been savouring throughout the afternoon.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Getting my new teaching schedule is always a bit of a shock after having got into the rhythm of the previous semester. I have 4 mornings of immediate starts which means rushing some coffee but it’s also good as I prefer that to waiting around. Also another Friday with lessons first thing and last thing with nothing in between. It will all settle in soon enough and I’ll get used to it again.

Something I learned today?

The Thai band SpeechOdd posted a message saying they are recording again and that spurred me onto message them about a possible future release, potentially a split 7” with Stacked State.

What is one funny story about my life?

I don’t think there’s anything funny these days. I mean, all the funny things that happen or occur have just become amusing. Some personal things still make me chuckle and I suppose if I was devilish enough I could spin them into funny tales for others.

That’s actually a little weird to think about. I’m happier than I’ve ever been but I’m not necessarily having fun. I’m enjoying my life as it is, fun or not.

I took this picture because whilst I’ve been away Nong Pear has been practising her coffee-making and wasn’t phased this time when I asked her. She made this amusing latte art so I asked for this photo.

No Thieves – 30th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When the things you own
Start to own you
It’s time to head to the river
And watch it all float away
Say goodbye to safety
Burn everything that belongs
No thieves can come to spoil
To steal away the heart
When the wind blows away the nest
Or the wolves knock down
All the walls you thought you owned
You see the splendour in new bricks

inspired by the line from Fight Club ‘The things you used to own, now they own you’

Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed and tired. I enjoyed a sleep-in and feel like I may not make it through the day without a nap but I also feel like my body is recovering faster each Saturday now. I’m grateful for the rest day though more thoughts are coming now about doing exercise because I know more about the benefits through experience. I’m still not quite ready and the holiday will surely set me back but I think it will come one day.

Today I’m grateful for:

My last weed gummy that I bought months ago. I heard that the government has banned weed again though I don’t know how well it will be enforced. All the folks who have invested in it surely won’t switch to another product for a while so I’m guessing it will still be available. While I sometimes like the effects of ingesting weed I’m less bothered about it these days. 

The best thing about today was:

I caved to the nap and it was great! Almost three hours.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got back from Utopia, the sun was poking out so I decided to stick the washing on and hope for the best with the weather. As I hopped into bed for a nap the pitter-patter of raindrops could be heard hitting the tin roof outside. It wasn’t enough to stir me though and a couple of minutes later it had become a deluge and I handled it by falling asleep dreamily to calming sounds.

Something I learned today?

Art will go for a walk up to the Hill Tribe village past the Nang Lae waterfall tomorrow at 6.30 a.m. He invited me, which I’m grateful for, but I prefer to catch up on relaxing the weekend away after my 6 a.m. weekday starts.

What were the highlights of this past month?

I always find these questions difficult because I’m not really seeking highlights but consistent contentment and so if I think back over this month it has been steadily positive and happy. 

My various interactions with my students are foremost in my enjoyment but they come thick and easy during the work days.

I took this picture because I still didn’t take any pictures today and decided on these two ducks found in a second-hand store, with the awesome picture I got made for Amy behind them.

Old MacDonald Got AI – 15th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

God took six days to do
What can now be done
In a minute
At the push of a button
A simple prompt
A new world may be created
Everything for that we strived
Made faster and easier
And with it, the artist dies
Along with their struggle
How to know something is good?
It must be a piece of you
A chuck of the pain
That gave birth
No more the imagination
Your future automated
*A boundless machine
Of artistic demoralisation*

inspired and pilfered from the Red Hand Files and *Nick Cave directly

Today I’m feeling:

Unsure yet. I guess I’m relaxed. Just a little soft around the edges, not quite in focus.

At midday, my mojo is returning after three hours of catching up on writing and some reading.

And then….(see further below)

Today I’m grateful for:

The medicine that has helped Tigger overcome his fever and infection. I wasn’t particularly worried about Tig but I also remembered not being too worried about Kim when she was sick too. Sometimes, when Amy is being cautious, it’s best to follow her lead, just in case.

The best thing about today was:

Coffee. And having a few hours spare to read and write but more importantly to get my brain back in the game. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my final class of the day, I lost my patience with one student who was being obnoxious to me. I took his phone and later gave it to his homeroom teacher. He didn’t even seem to care that much. 

It’s a shame as I have previously gotten on well with that student. I can guess that something was going on with him but still…..

Sometimes the disrespect gets to me.

6th Nov 2023 – Only three months later and I only have a vague memory of this happening and can’t recall who it was! I think that’s good. No grudges held.

Something I learned today?

Tigger’s infection is all good now, though because of the medicine he had been taking his kidney function levels are a little high. Another week without medicine before another blood test which hopefully gives the all-clear.

How would I describe where I am right now?

I think if I told my friends just the word ‘Thailand’, that would trigger their imaginations to understand where I am right now. I know that I’m living a lucky life. Despite minor stresses, I’m feeling content and almost at peace.

How did I embrace uncertainty?

I’ve been looking at this question for several days.  I feel that my life is reasonably certain and has been for a long time. In times when I did feel uncertain it was purely internal thoughts rather than some circumstance.

Both times I moved countries I didn’t feel uncertainty really, though I guess that means that I did embrace it. How did I do that? Perhaps by positivity. Perhaps by ignorance. 

As I’ve gotten older I’ve understood that no matter what happens or is happening, things will be okay. Sometimes you just have to go through shit. I do wish I could’ve worked that out when I was younger as it would have saved me a lot of trouble and stress at that time.

What is an unusual fact about me?

I was listening to the End On End podcast with the High Back Chairs and one of them was talking about his collection of German military uniforms from 1880-1918. It reminded me that no matter what you may know people for they can always surprise you with something unusual. 

I guess I have an unusual amount of CDs featuring unusual music but because of the circles I run in that doesn’t seem particularly unusual to me but may be to others.

Perhaps something I find unusual about myself is the variety of work that I’ve done over the years. Ugh, even that doesn’t seem particularly unusual though.

Am I.… am I normal? What’s wrong with that? I don’t want to be normal. I know that no one is normal but I would hate for someone to think of me as normal!

Quote: I quote others in order to better myself – Montaigne

Sometimes a good quote captures your imagination and consolidates ideas into a sentence or two. Most of the quotes I enjoy are positive but I also dig the backhanded sarcastic and ironic type of quote when it is clearly obvious its intention.

I wish I could remember good quotes though and be able to use them in conversation. That would make me appear smart. Perhaps that is vanity but it’s true, I would like to appear smart at least. Because I don’t feel smart at all. Can I fool myself?

Cheers Big Ears – 1st June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Fighting over artificial instincts
Whilst slowly marching to unity
We come together as we fall apart
Unable to counter inevitable entropy

Fighting it is fighting oneself
Let’s all move this thing along
A cheer for you is a cheer for me
Hear the harmony within its song

Today I’m feeling:

Sweaty and in a good mood. A little tired and looking forward to the weekend, finding out Monday is yet another holiday. I also feel a little cautious and cynical in that things are going well and that I must be prepared for anything that might happen to upset that. Do I deserve to feel so content?

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady at the market for giving me a 10 baht discount as I’ve been to buy food there twice this week and bring my own plastic bag too. Maybe I’ll try and learn her name next time.

The best thing about today was:

Getting through it without much hassle. Thursday is three two-hour classes with only one one-hour gap in there. The struggling kids I was able to help along with the assistance of some of the better students in each. It gives a feeling of teamwork and camaraderie that I hope continues. The kids have learned quickly that they can have fun with me but that they also need to get things done too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Can’t think of much again today except running out of time to do all the things I might like to do. It’s not that big a deal. 

Something I learned today?

I finally gave in to having Amy teach me some Thai. I’m at a level now where she seems a little bit impressed that I remember and have learned a lot of new things and that I’m also a little more confident too. I learned easy and difficult (ง่าย and ยาก), strong and weak (แข็งแรง and อ่อนแอ), thick and thin (หนา and บาง).

What are my priorities for this month?

Pretty much just school and the classroom for work and then to do more regular learning of Thai.
There are a few other things that are on my mental list that would be best to get done such as getting the car cleaned and the bike serviced.

I took this picture because I drive past this tree every day on my way home. I’m usually in too much of a hurry to stop and take a photo so I deliberately took the time at lunch to go and take this one. It feels like it is telling a story.

So It Goes – 29th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Moulded from broken sticks and mud
Bones wrapped in skin and filled with blood
Then lightning sparked man’s first feeling
And his survival seemed to be appealing

First, they fought over each other’s bread
Dashing rocks upon the head
Next, they fought over bits of dirt
The winners inflicting the most hurt

Then they fought over their beliefs
Despite the meetings of bigger chiefs
Fought and fought, spilt so much blood
Until the last was buried back in the mud

Not everything is something.

?

Today I’m feeling:
Tired but contented.
Today I’m grateful for:
My hammock, where I could enjoy a little cooling breeze as I did some school work and read a little before having a snooze.
The best thing about today was:
Sitting in the chair at the front of the house as the sun set and the sky darkened, as I drank a refreshing lemonade and enjoyed the neutral air on my skin. I sat and savoured this time as it may never happen again.
What three things did I accomplish today?
1. I finished adding attendance records for all my classes for the whole semester even though it was such short notice.
2. I finished reading A Portrait of Shunkin, a strange short story from Japan. It was evocative and provocative. I loved it.
3. I fixed up a little bit more in the garden. I’m too slow to keep it under control but I like to do a little bit here and there.

I took this picture because Anchan wanted more selfies but the main point here is that I was telling my students here about Hayden, as they asked me questions about my family. Yok is the boy sitting opposite me at the back and he was especially curious. He asked when I last saw Hayden and I said it was 3 years ago. Yok wrote (all this was using translation) that he was sorry and that he was rooting for me) and then he asked if I loved Hayden (presumably because it had been so long since seeing him) and I said ‘yes of course.’ Sadly, Yok then told me that his parents don’t care about him at all. I replied in translation ‘your teacher is rooting for you.’

The Diary That Was – 31st December 1979

Time And Confusion – 21st September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Get out of this confusion
The beat waiting to be found
Distraction is just an illusion
In which it’s easy to be drowned
There’s panic in the nation
To which is holding tight
The sense of coming elation
Knowing that the time is right

Most people are not even aware of their need to conform. They live under the illusion that they follow their own ideas and inclinations, that they are individualists, that they have arrived at their opinions as the result of their own thinking – and that it just happens that their ideas are the same as those of the majority.

Erich Fromm

Today I’m feeling:
Very contented.
Today I’m grateful for:
The staff at the shop who helped me sort out the problem with the power adaptor I bought yesterday, finally swapping out everything for a couple of others that were more expensive but they gave me for free. Unfortunately it still only charges slowly so I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and buy the real thing again when I have enough money spare.
The best thing about today was:
Receiving weed through the mail from an online store. I tried a little in some tea and it tasted delicious but the only effect it’s had is to make me tired.

I took this picture because I could get home early and do anything I pleased. I’m very happy these days.

Ready For Something – 22nd September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

The kids are bored just hanging out
Breaking curfews and running about
They’re ready for something, set to rise
The fire is burning behind their eyes

The trigger arrives by train and bus
Thinking ‘no one else can fuck with us’
The energy is bursting out of control
Electric atmosphere to charge your soul

The movement grew to change the world
Banners raised, freak flags unfurled
Possibilities open to interpretations
Underground rising across the nations

Inspired by listening to Joey Keithley of D.O.A. talk about travelling to their first show in San Francisco in 1980 (?). Some band members went by bus, another by train and a fourth by hitchhiking. D.O.A. were a pioneering band spreading their punk rock messages around the world. He said that at that time kids were ready for something, though they were not quite sure what it was.

Of course, there are other possible interpretations too.

15th Mar 2024 – Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge using this quote as inspiration:

I think if you are curious, you create opportunities, and then if you open the doors, you create possibilities.
– Mario Testino

11th Apr 2024 – Submitted to My Vivid Blog

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for all that I’ve achieved in my life so far. I am happy with the way I am. and the changes I have made throughout my life.

I took a walk over to Primary today and chatted with folks there and it’s still the same crazy nonsense as I when I was working there. One surprising thing to learn was about everyone’s dislike of Mike there now and not just because of his brownnosing ways but also passing on private information from their personal Farang teachers LINE group to the Thai teachers and, worst of all, fucking one of the Thai teachers.

Most of the other teachers know his wife so they are pretty upset about it. I know it’s not the first time for him either.

Anyway, hearing all this and all the other stuff from there made me appreciate not being there anymore. I feel good and relaxed today. Nice!

Which one are you today? – 3rd March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Picture of some flying insect building its home on one of our trees. Not for long!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this time to enjoy my life. I can sit in my room in silence and feel content.

Idleness can be useful; it allows us the space to explore and soothe our troubled soul.

School of Life

To-do list

  • Record and upload TCRAH ½
  • Close tabs on Chrome ½
  • Read and write (writing is awkward) ½
  • Don’t start anything new ✅
  • More CD organising ✅

Lazy day. I did a bunch of preparation and bits and pieces. I could quite happily stay at home all the time. What do I really need to be doing? Tomorrow will be the same so I’m glad of that.

5th June 2024 – Whilst I’m still happy at home, the long periods of time spent at home after this point due to COVID-19 definitely made me reevaluate this thought!

We got that attitude! – 25th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to have a phone that helps me organise things in my life.

The way in which the stream of life is to continue on its journey is written in the sands.

Sufi tale

To-do list

  • Please stay calm ✅
  • Reply Stoa emails – they are challenging ✅
  • Print more for KhawThang ✅
  • Watch out for catastrophic thinking ✅
  • Offer to help someone ✅

A quiet day today. I realised that my self-esteem is not good at the moment and not sure why.

Dealing with the kids today was a bit of a struggle for me to be honest, even though I was fairly calm and relaxed but it made me question what it is I’m doing and if it is bringing me happiness. It could just be end-of-semester exhaustion and a feeling of lack of motivation.

I’ve been thinking a bit recently about what I really enjoy doing and that is tour organising. I don’t see any way to turn it into a monetary venture but it would be something that would bring me closer to contentment. The time to do it would be soon though, as I’m getting older and lots of travel and sleeping on floors will get more difficult. I want to talk with Amy about this sometime when the time is right.

28th May 2024 – The COVID pandemic put any of these ideas to rest.

Tomorrow we have no classes and not been told what we are supposed to be doing so I will plan to finish off some things that I am studying.

I’m also getting to the point of thinking to limit all the information I’m trying to process. It’s all good and thought-provoking but I may not be giving myself enough time and opportunities to process it.