Tag: conversation
How Do You Do, Bartholomew? – 3rd June 2023
In the battle between one god
And this supreme being’s two sets of believers
Each arguing that they were doing good
And that the others were purely deceivers
These good deeds involved massacring
Those that believed the same thing
Killing more of each other than those
That hated what some good deeds might bring
More than the Romans ever threw to the lions
Over the space of three hundred years
In just one day thousands lay dead
And the Pope rejoiced with glorious tears
The irony seems to be lost on some
When their books said to live and let live
Only humans could twist the words of their god
And make it part of their dogma to forgive
Inspired by a section of Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari dealing with religion.
1st Apr 2024 – Submitted to My Vivid Blog
Today I’m feeling:
I’m zonked out today. I went to bed around one thirty last night and I knew I was dog tired but still felt like I was in a good mood and should be doing things. I knew it wasn’t the best idea though and fell asleep quickly in the end. I got up late this morning and felt pretty good but by about lunchtime, I was crashing. I just ran out of energy.
Today I’m grateful for:
Yes’s album Drama, which I listened through twice as I crashed out through the afternoon on the sofa. I drifted in and out of consciousness as did the music. At times it made me think of the 70s and 80s, the Old Grey Whistle Test and listening to John Peel late at night. I can’t recall any of the music, even just a couple of hours later but I know I enjoyed it. I’ll listen to it again soon.
The best thing about today was:
Getting into bed early and getting a message from my student Jet that she was having problems at home with her mum and stepdad. I tried to understand as best I could and gave her my support. Jet is a very funny, smart but lazy, tomboy that speaks her mind and has a lot of bravado but as with any kid around 12-15 has her own insecurities and hers is whether her parents love her.
Her mum and dad split a couple of years ago after her dad cheated and no doubt her mum was shocked and sad, and now with a new man living in the house there must be all sorts of conflicting emotions at play for everyone.
Sadly, a lot of kids are facing situations like this. I wonder if it is spurring on the popularity of lesbian relationships here. Girls are seeing how badly their mothers get treated and then forgive and remain subservient to men and they’re deciding that’s not what they want in their lives but they still want love.
Anyway, the reason this was the best thing that happened today was Jet’s response of ‘Thanks for listening, you’re the best teacher and I love you! ‘
That warmed my heart though I did remind her that I am not perfect either!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My energy levels, handled by sleep! I think I just get so exhausted during the week at school and whilst still buzzing on the Friday, it all comes crashing down on the weekend. That’s not to say I didn’t get anything done or feel down. I’ll bounce back.
Something I learned today?
Apparently, there was a report out of Cambridge University Press that China is no longer communist but runs a free market, controlled capitalist system and that at the same time, the USA is becoming an increasingly authoritarian system. In my lifetime the world has turned upside down but I still know where to stand.
What are some simple pleasures that bring me happiness?
Coffee. Is coffee simple enough? Maybe not but right now it is simple. Reading a good book that stimulates thought and memory. The smell of night jasmine. A clean shave. The soft ache of a post-workout body. The struggle of conversation in a second language.
Iceberg – 10th May 2023
Under the waterline
Is where dignity remains
Invisible to others
The pleasure and the pains
Behind the smile
Is where the psyche trains
Inside the mind
Words to the self explains
Not all thunder
Brings along the rains
Under the waterline
Are made the unseen gains
Today I’m feeling:
Slept well last night and feel ok today though not particularly motivated. I’m hoping that will return next week when the kids are back at school.
Today I’m grateful for:
7-11 food. Although I’m a little negative about 7-11 because there are way too many stores nearby I’m glad that they at least give me an alternative for a quick microwave meal that can stave off my hunger.
The best thing about today was:
Dropping by to see Bruno and Nut and being offered lunch. It was good to catch up with them though they were hungover from a long day of drinking yesterday. They were feeling a bit slow and I didn’t really have much to update them with so I didn’t stay for too long. It made me realise that I’m not used to communicating after five weeks being mostly at home by myself. I know my mood will lift once I see my students again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
On Telegram today I got a notification that my old colleague at the cafe in Woolworths, Joy had just joined so I sent a message saying hello. I got a reply but it seems like it’s not her and I got an angry message asking if I was a scammer. It got me thinking that we have years and years of old contact numbers kept in our phones and computers that many people will have gotten new numbers and then after a few years those old numbers get recycled. What feels like a strange world that we live in will just feel normal to the younger generations and then one day they will get to feel like this too.
Something I learned today
I started with the Thai app again mainly just to busy my brain. I also want to try and do a little more meditation again so registered again with Smiling Mind.
What is something I wish I had known when I was younger?
Everything, obviously. There’s no point wishing for something that can’t happen.
Well, it’s a futuristic modern world – 2nd September 2020
Wake a little early again but enjoyed snoozing. Seven-minute classic exercise coming up – not looking forward to doing but looking forward to the feeling afterwards. First, a good stretch.
Scribble dribble – what’s in my head. Students, class, study, water, cats, coffee – damn, coffee I can taste it already – preparing my taste buds for that first hit. Am I addicted? No coffee after midday today, okay?
Cracking bones in my body – is it too late to repair my body? Let’s see, let’s try. Smelled alcohol last night and made me nauseous – weird to have such a reaction. Haven’t drunk for about a month, I think.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to take a photo by the river with our barista this morning. Manow is very poor at English but somehow we can communicate our needs.
1st Nov 2022 – I saw this picture recently but can’t find it now. Maybe got deleted whilst trying to figure out how the hell iCloud works across multiple devices and then deleting things off my phone. If you are reading this in 100 years I hope you laugh at how old and dumb this technology was.
To-do list
- Savour something ½
- Compliments and awards ½
- No coffee after midday
- 7-minute morning workout and squats ✅
As I was sat drinking coffee this morning, sat next to the river, nice temperature, I tried to put myself into a savouring state but somehow I just couldn’t manage it. I think it was because I was thinking too much about what to do with my class when I got back. I even checked my heartrate which was unusually high for me and the fitness app told me that I was stressed! I didn’t really feel stressed – just had that class on my mind.
I tried not to drink coffee after midday but broke down at 1.30 and caved in! It’s ok. I’ll try again tomorrow. Maybe get three coffees in before midday – that worked yesterday.
In general, I enjoyed school today and I’m still really happy. I do think about complimenting people but except for people’s appearance, I’m finding it a little difficult to find some things to compliment on. I do compliment the students a lot though. I don’t really count that though as that feels to me like it’s just a part of the job.
I did spend an hour or so talking with George about Lebanon and religion. I enjoyed that and thinking back to it now, there were moments when I was savouring that conversation.
I still need to practice more listening than speaking and also pushing the conversations to new and interesting places. I don’t really need to share my opinion – is it really important that other people know what I think? It’s still possible to drive a deep and meaningful conversation without committing to absolute belief.
These pleasures a wayward distraction – 25th June 2020
Quick one because want to do longer meditation. Woke up at 4:30 – hard to sleep. Tired now. Rub my stomach – left-hand side tender. Happy.
Hayden wants a face tattoo. Why? Will further isolate himself. Hope he doesn’t do that. Ugh.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have the opportunity to sit and enjoy conversations with people I like.
To-do list
- Film story in canteen – have fun ✅
- Silent wishes – compliments – savour ✅
- ‘Thank you’ mantra and meditation exercises ½
- Edit and schedule two blog posts ½
- Plan tenzenmen Google site?
I enjoyed today though have been worrying about Hayden a little as he was talking about getting a face tattoo! Now, in theory, I have no objection to this but I think he cannot reasonably justify doing such a thing. Of course, he tried to justify it but it’s not reasonable. He is low in confidence and self-esteem and wants to push everything away from him.
It’s one thing to say that people shouldn’t judge you by your looks and if they do then they’re not worth knowing – but that is also a judgement back on those people. It would immediately cut off so many future possibilities.
I felt good again and had fun with the student teachers making a small video and planned for some more audio recording tomorrow. It was an entertaining and happy day.
I’ve got a question to ask you, and then you can ask it of me – 27th February 2020
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my psychiatrist who prescribes me my medicine. Can I live without it?
Forgiveness is choosing to not let negative events of the past define how you feel about someone or something in the present.
Mark Manson
To-do list
- Finish Chinese drawing.
- Eye-gaze practice – so difficult! ½
- Stay calm. Talk less. ½
- Staple exam papers. ✅
- Focus on colours today ½
Stayed calm but talked quite a bit with Said and George.
Occasionally focused on colours and tried to remember about eye gazing. It’s really uncomfortable though!
I stayed calm during a difficult lesson this morning but some of the smarter kids had a great idea to go outside and finish the lesson and it worked out really well.
My other lesson was fine and I spent a couple of hours talking with George. I really look up to his way of thinking and want to push myself to end up like that too. I found myself interrupting him in conversation sometimes though and must try not to do that, and to really listen to what he is saying rather than just waiting to say the thing I want to say.
I felt a bit rejuvenated after that though not having any proper lunch made me tired as I got home. I did, however, feel some relief at it being the end of the working week for me.
Tomorrow I will use the time on the plane to read and meditate.
Everything had a name and everything had a place – 2nd January 2020
Get people to like you
1. Seek someone else’s thoughts and opinions without judging them. Ask questions. Listen. Do not judge.
2. Do not correct someone. Do not one-up with a clever story.
3. Stop thinking about what you’re going to say next and focus on what they’re saying now. Tell yourself ‘I’m not going to say it!’
4. Ask about what challenges people have. Ask for advice.
5. To make strangers feel at ease tell them you only have a minute.
6. Body language – smile slower.
7. If you feel someone is using you just ask them what it is they want and what they hope to achieve. Are you there for me or there for you?
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the beautiful smelling flowers in my garden. When I walk to my car in the morning they smell so delicious. I am grateful to Amy’s mum for planting them for us.
To-do list
- Sort lessons for KT for the weekend.
- Clear emails.
- Compliment another teacher.
- Positive feedback for kids always.
- Do not complain!
- Organise Chiang Mai trip – where is the office?
- Add to things to write about list.
- Buy new pens.
Did it list
- 30 squats and weightless shoulder presses.
- Found lessons suitable for Khawthang.
- Did gate duty and smiled at all the kids.
- Had to speak at assembly.
- Got given an exam lesson to cover as Kevin was absent. Dealt with calmly and went ok.
- Went to city to pick up books and pens.
- Printed sheets for Prang/Sea and for Khawthang.
- Read about 7 tips for good conversation.
- Let people talk, ask questions, do not judge, ‘that’s interesting, tell me more’ etc – sincerely.
I ran out of time quickly today after having to fill in an extra lesson for Kevin’s class. His class had good kids though with good levels of English – so it was quite fun to teach them. I only got told about having to do the class during the assembly. I also had to speak at the assembly as Said wasn’t there either. I’m quite happy with the way I handled my emotions with this. It would have been easy to get upset and complain.
I don’t think I complained today – not out loud anyway!
I didn’t get as much done (reading articles!) as I would have liked but that’s ok.
I need to get some other backup games and lessons up my sleeve in case I’m called on again.
I’m not sure about doing an MEP class next semester. I think it could be more fulfilling but also a lot more work.
*Yes, no, you can’t, but you can if you know why – 15th November 2019
12 Questions
Who do you spend your time with?
Is this in my control?
What does your ideal day look like?
To be or to do?
If I am not for me, who is? If I am only for me, who am I?
What am I missing by choosing to worry or be afraid?
Am I doing my job?
What is the most important thing?
Who is this for?
Does this actually matter?
Will this be alive time or dead time?
Is this who I want to be?
21st Aug 2021 – As yet, still unanswered, although probably considered and written about since. I’ll get back to this.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to meet George and Bee yesterday even though I will meet them again tonight. They are interesting and offer stimulating conversation. I can smile a lot around them.
1994ever 