Your Brother – 23rd June 2024

Can we grow? Help each other know
The best is ahead; let’s just start with better
It’s the knowing when to come and go
Through thick and thin together

Twenty years with no exchange
When we didn’t need each other
Resumes without feeling strange
Wherever you are, I’m your brother

Written for an AllPoetry assignment analysing friendship


Today I’m feeling:

Reasonable.  I reluctantly got up with my alarm as my neck was sore but opted out of any exercise and after a shower went out for coffee.  I wanted to be productive today so didn’t dilly-dally too much and when I got home I went to my room and caught up on some emails and a little bit of writing.

After lunch though I couldn’t help having a little nap but when I woke up I forced myself back out again to play some guitar.

The rest of the afternoon and evening have disappeared with some YT videos and helping some students with reading.

Today I’m grateful for:

Rain!  Finally.  Though it didn’t last much longer than 30 minutes and afterwards the humidity set right back in.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing my first erasure poem.  The words came out well but the overall look is a bit messy.  I need to study what others have done and get ideas from them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I wanted to read more of my book today but watching videos won out.

Something I learned today?

There was a cosplay event at Central today.  Baipad told me that she was going to check it out.  She was a little disappointed that it wasn’t bigger but Chiang Rai is still a small city compared with Chiang Mai or Bangkok.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I took some of Amy’s cookies to Utopia for them to try.  I didn’t think much of it at the time but when I stepped back in home Amy had already received a message from Art wanting to order some!  Amy was convinced that I did it just to try and get her busy at home but I laughed and she was being good-humoured too.

Later in the afternoon, she started working out how much they cost to make and what she could sell them for.

I took this picture because our neighbours were chilling this morning.

Always Going Home – 30th March 2024

Outside, the sheds, rotting,
With stores of coal
And wood for the winters

Stray cats brought their kittens
to the secret stash of beers
Stolen to curious teenage lips

The washing hangs from the kitchen ceiling
Dried damp infused with boiled pork
At least the rain can’t get in

There are Proustian moments
of potpourri,
The lotions on the bathroom shelf

Creaking stairs and creaking doors
You’ve been here for hundreds of years
Standing as a home

That scary sloping floor
Will it one day fall on those
grandparents sleeping below?

In my pit
Corners of dirt, carpets of dust
How many skins I shed there?

The icy windows stuck shut
I settle under covers thick with
this year’s sweat

My love of the comfort of your walls,
crumbling as they were,
Left when I did

Submitted to dVerse – Buildings


Today I’m feeling:

More reasonable today though still not breathing properly and have itchy tired eyes.

I slept for almost 12 hours though it wasn’t all good sleep but I was happy to at least have the opportunity anyway.  Getting up late meant that the day disappeared fairly quickly.

After coffee, I came back and watched some videos before a delicious experimental lunch that Amy made of roasted vegetable lasagna but instead of lasagna sheets using soft tortillas instead.

Then some more 3 Body Problem, more videos (I didn’t move much today!) then I made it to my room to play guitar but I wasn’t quite in the mood but still managed about 25 minutes.  My room is super hot in the afternoons now and I need to go there and play guitar in the mornings when my brain feels more alert!

I’m also reminded that I need to get back to my Thaipod101 lessons now that I have some free time again.

And also I want to do some study around active listening.  I figure that after 56 years on earth, I might actually start listening to what other people have to say!  Of course, I may find out the opposite too.

Today I’m grateful for:

The cowman from a couple of doors down.

This evening I was about to go out and close the gate and noticed something black on the grass.  On closer inspection, it was cow shit!  When did that get there!  We were out in the garden in the afternoon and it wasn’t there then.

I grabbed a torch and walked around the garden just to check that whatever visitors we had had gone before going to close the gate.  When I got to the gate it was already shut.  I figured that a cow must’ve come in and the cowman found it, chased it back out and closed the gate behind him.

The mystery was soon confirmed by our CCTV system – a mum and calf with the cowman chasing them out!

The best thing about today was:

Amy’s lunch and then in the evening, Amy’s delicious peach crumble with chocolate ice cream.  What a lucky guy I am.  Or was I just smart enough to pick the best person for me to marry?

Something I learned today?

Last year in the world happiness index, China was number 1, followed by Saudi Arabia and then the Netherlands.  In this year’s report neither China nor Saudi Arabia were in the top 30.  That’s strange!  It turns out that even though their data was collected it wasn’t used in the final report meaning a white Western nation (The Netherlands) is the happiest in the world.  At least, if you cherry-pick the data to your agenda.

Also, whilst watching the Netflix 3 Body Problem it seemed fairly obvious to me that the ‘China Bad’ narrative was highlighted intentionally.  It followed the book in that it was a Chinese woman who made contact with the aliens but as the rest of the series wasn’t set in China, as most of the book was, it bluntly exposes Western audiences to a message of ’look what the terrible Chinese did.’  Sigh.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent more messages out to students about their holidays. Checking in with them.

Paen sent me another message out of the blue talking about ending her life again.  I wrote back quickly but still haven’t had an answer.  I just sent her another encouraging message. I hope she’s ok.

I took this picture when closing the gate a couple of nights ago. Is this a blood moon or air pollution?

Voyager – 17th November 2023

This is a tiny tattoo
A minimal gift to you
Sent through space and time
To land now on your eye

This is the written proof
A document of truth
Often forced into rhyme
These words can never die


Today I’m feeling:

Much better again than yesterday but still not 100%. I’m hoping to get back to exercise next week and want to be physically capable.

Today I’m grateful for and the best thing about today was:

All the students at school who feel comfortable talking with me. It feels like more and more that students I don’t teach have heard that I’m friendly and approachable and as I’m often around the school rather than stuck in the teacher’s room I’m visible and available too.

Although many of my own students came to me today, many others that I don’t know did too. It’s also become more common for just random greetings from students passing by as well.

I know some teachers like to be seen to be in a traditional teachers’ room, friendly but somewhat aloof. I prefer to be in amongst the melee, near the action.

I don’t see any real difference between us; we are all students. I still have so much to learn and there’s no need to hide that fact from the other students around me.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Last night I got the message to go to Primary at 8.30 am to start interviewing students but when I got there they wondered why I was there as no one had told them that it had changed from the afternoon. When I went back to ask Kru Mai what was happening he said that the time had changed to 9am and that he’d forgotten to tell me!

And then in the middle of all this I experienced my first earthquake! Apparently I’ve been in earthquakes a couple of times before but I never knew. This time I knew. What a strange feeling. It reminded me a little of being on a floating jetty but it being in an inappropriate place because you’re standing on land! It was very brief, probably not even five seconds but by all accounts it registered 5.9 and the epicentre wasn’t that far away, perhaps within a couple of hundred kilometres.

Of course, the whole school of kids was frightened and excited but today was a big day for the grade 9s, as they too were being interviewed for their programs for their final three years.

Many students ran to me to help, reassure and comfort them but a couple had sudden bursts of tears as they were so stressed about it. I did my best for them but my old student, Apple, couldn’t control herself and was teary all throughout her interview. It doesn’t reflect her skills and ability to study, only her emotional control in a stressful situation. I hope she can still make it.

15th Feb 2024 – Happily, Apple made into the high school English program. As she is friends with Baipad I have been trying to meet them a little each day and give them more confidence with themselves and with English.

Something I learned today?

I read, studied and listened to a lot of varying things today but two minor pieces of information come to mind because this morning I learned that it was Jet’s birthday and in the afternoon I met her in the canteen to give her some candies that I bought.

Whilst doing this Funfai suddenly appeared. She’s like a ghost sometimes, just stands waiting until you notice her. I guess she’s thinking it’s more polite to not interrupt any conversation I’m having but at the same when I see her I have to interrupt the conversation myself anyway!

She told me that she will go to Chiang Mai on Monday for a tennis competition. Good luck FF!

What is the best gift I have ever recieved?

This question has me singing Cows ‘Gift of Life’ in my head. I need to listen to more Cows again. I had a Cows phase for a long while,  back when living in Sydney and can remember clearly the environment of the apartment at the time and then when I consider this I realise that it is more than ten years ago!

I haven’t answered the question, I know. Maybe I will if I revisit this entry later.

No pictures today. This one is from a couple of weeks ago when I was up on garage roof.

In The Palm Of Our Hands – 1st July 2023

An ugly glamour
The softest skin
To the world unwise
Set to begin
Eyes forever west
Where the age awaits
Flowers first bloom
Mark those dates
Love unknown
Imagined, anticipated
Promises broken
Soon tortured and hated
In the cemeteries
Lives long since lived
The sands of time
Slowly being sieved

inspired and morphed from text at the Spinning Visions blog


Today I’m feeling:

Woke up in a rush as I misinterpreted my alarm settings and only had ten minutes to get up and go to meet Bruno for coffee at Utopia before exploring around the grounds of the university. It was a good way to kickstart the day. I’m flagging a little now at 5 pm but will keep going with some guitar practice.

Today I’m grateful for:

The mimosa and cardamon candle that is burning and making the room smell nice. I was able to buy it online and get it delivered quickly to my humble little home in this tiny village in the jungle hills of Thailand. My ten-year-old self, my twenty-year-old self and even my thirty-year-old self would not have anticipated the possibility of me happily laying in this room at this time. Well done me.

The best thing about today was:

Going on a discovery bike ride around parts of the university that I haven’t seen before. The site is huge and the campus buildings only take up about a tenth of it. We even biked through Wanasom Wellness Center which looks like it was once a nice place but looked run down and dejected though there were a couple of people about but they didn’t seem to be doing anything.
So many fancy buildings are put up and then fall into disrepair due to lack of use. I’ve seen some nice homes overgrown and dirty in what I can only guess were once family homes that perhaps folks moved away or died and were just unable to sell. I think that is likely to happen to our home in the end.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing comes to mind today to except the frustration of the Swans v Geelong game ending up a draw. It’s looking doubtful that the Swans will make finals this year and if Geelong don’t make it too it will be the first time ever that both last year’s grand finalists don’t make the right in the year following.

Something I learned today?

I learned a little from Bruno about the weeds in my garden. He was shaking his head at the great variety that our poor soil supports.

What would I like to accomplish this month?

Maybe I should set some targets. The aircon should get fixed. I’d like to start working on a solution to the guttering problem in the garage too. Bruno says to try Mega Home in Bandu. I should go and just get an idea of the cost and possibilities at least. I guess I can include my visa renewal too as Amy will be back here soon to help with that.

I took this picture because Bruno and I came across this family when we were exploring the university’s botanical gardens.

Recognition – 12th June 2023

What does your world feel like?
Is there still wonder in your eyes?
Do you recognise yourself anymore
When you hear the children’s cries?
Can you describe this moment
Even to yourself in thoughts?
Or are you too busy thinking
What may be in others’ reports?


Today I’m feeling:

Busy and positive. Even with only one class today I seemed to have little relaxed time though that’s not to say that it wasn’t enjoyable. I was at House most of the morning but filled that time with schoolwork and writing. I got back to school early and helped out a few students before class as well as getting some volleyball in with a mix of students I knew and others I didn’t. It was a lot of fun. Time ran away quickly.

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady in the next air con shop who I communicated with using translation and asked for a mechanic to come visit on Saturday if all goes well. I hope she doesn’t get scared off like the last shop.

The best thing about today was:

Watching one of my students, Goya, in Kru David’s class do really well at finding information within a text. David had been complaining about her before as her behaviour in class is not always attentive and he wasn’t convinced when I told him that she was quite clever at English. I was proud of her today.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I was talking to Amy on video call Tangmo and Tigger were suddenly fighting on the terrace. I got them apart and Tigger ran off with Tangmo chasing and barking. They ran all the way around the teaching room and back again until Tigger got himself up a tree. I was quite impressed as I’ve never seen Tig run and climb like that before. The old fat furball still has some energy in him.
I managed to drag/chase Tangmo out and close the gate before trying to coax Tig down from the tree. Eventually, I was able to get him down with help from the step ladder and he seemed to be ok though shocked and grumpy. Amy went off upset too but I reassured her that if there were any problems I’d take him straight to the vet.
He seems ok now it’s later in the evening but I’ll continue to keep a close eye on him. That was a bit of excitement I could do without. I’ll keep the gate closed more often again now. 

Something I learned today?

Apparently, China plans to build a military base in Cuba! Well, why not? China is surrounded by US military bases.

Who has had a significant impact on my life?

My mum, for being there; my dad, for not.
Bronwyn, for helping me gain confidence and to leave England.
TLJ, for being the kick in the ass I needed at the time.
Amy, for being able to share a life without letting compromise get in our way.
These are just very quick and minor thoughts, before bed.

I took this picture because cows were on the loose. This is just outside the school cafe.

The Brave Soldier – 4th May 2023

The Brave Soldier

No amount of wishing
No amount of tears
Will bring you back to me
I have no choice
I must face my fears
Moving on soldierly

The Soldier Brave

I always told myself that
It was you and me against the world
But in reality, it was only me
We stood together
Until we fell apart
Now I must soldier on, bravely


Today I’m feeling:

Feeling ok. I’m not convinced enough to say feeling good yet. As Amy feels recently, it’s difficult to have fun, to laugh, to smile, and to feel good.

Today I’m grateful for:

Not falling through the roof when I got up there again to try and reset the damage from last night’s storm. The wind was so strong again that one of our trees now bends in a different direction. Just as I’m writing this tonight’s storm has arrived though just rain at the moment, no wind to test the roof. We need to pay someone to come up with a better solution in the future.

The best thing about today was:

I’ve been enjoying the Bad Friends podcast on YouTube and getting into its rhythm of humour. It feels like a little celebrity gossip show and the hosts get annoyed at superficial first-world problems. It’s making me smile enough to remind me what it is like to make light of your own problems no matter how big or small.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I fell into a deep afternoon nap for more than an hour and I’m worried that I will be up late again tonight, force myself up early again tomorrow and then be tired again in the afternoon and the cycle continues. Still, this is tomorrow’s problem.

Something I learned today?

I watched some videos of folks reviewing the latest AFL video game. It looks ok though I don’t think it would be something I would play these days. Even with all this free time for the last few weeks I only played for a couple of days and that’s it. The thought of playing is interesting but the reality, not so much.

What does happiness mean to me?

Just now I was playing guitar as best I could ( which is terrible, but I don’t care) to Volcano Suns ‘Room With A View’ and singing along as loud as I could. I felt pretty happy in that moment.

I took this picture because I was greeted by these guys as I opened the gate this morning.

Shooting Rainbows – 10th November 2021

Pointed words lost meaning and never became real
Maybe I’ve gone crazy, but it’s happiness I feel
My mind is ravelling, circled to the start
Painted rainbows shooting outward from my heart


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the farmer and cows that eat the jungle growing on the land next to us. Those cows are eating machines.


If I only had three wishes, as some stories contain, then it is obvious that the third wish should be for three more wishes, over and over again! But what to do with these wishes? Knowing that a wish for a positive more often than not ends in a negative, for example, wishing to be able to have sex with that beautiful girl ends up with her getting pregnant!

So, perhaps my wish could be more even-handed; perhaps instead I would ask my jinnee to give me useful advice when I so required and I could choose to take that advice or not.

In fact, as I think more deeply into this, I realise that a jinnee is not required. We have everything we need already (speaking from my position of privilege, of course). Our jinnee is in our head, just waiting to be used.

As Amy considers starting a business in Australia, I am not so hot on the idea. I am not opposed to it and I know we could do it. I just wonder, what is our purpose in doing it? We could be successful and make lots of money but will that make us happier?

I know Amy is frustrated with where we are, living in Thailand but actually our lives are very simple and easy despite those frustrations. We have choices and neither of us works particularly hard. Amy loves to cook and serve people; her dream is a business like this. We also currently have the choice to do that here, as we’ve often discussed before.

I’m not going to try to convince her one way or another, I will be happy anywhere, everywhere in the world. I am happy to be with her, even if we are not always in the same place. I got my jinnee working for me right now.


The Week That Was – 4th February 1979

Growing Up In A House Of Cards – 15th September 2021

She grew up in the countryside
A daughter of farming folks
Nothing much expected of her
The butt of the villagers’ jokes

The poverty that surrounded her
Made no sense as she grew older
And she stopped believing
The things that her teachers told her

Revolution in the hearts and minds
Consciousness was being raised
And the young girl from the village
Was now the one being praised

She stood for what she believed
To bring her country change
And the people stood strong together
With a better system to arrange

She saw the source of the problem
Came directly from the top
Wild plans were being formulated
To bring them to stop

Bullets and brains were deployed
At times it seemed too hard
But soon the house would collapse
By removing a single card


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the farmer and his cows eating through the jungle on the other side of our fence.


Gui has got me onto a different he calls Dirty. Cold milk, a teaspoon of cream and an overextracted shot of coffee. I’ve taken to it. It’s a little more expensive but I think I will drink less. Let’s see!

In one of my classes (2/9 – the good class!) yesterday we were talking about democracy and dictatorships and I explained that our class was a dictatorship but then I started thinking about the Montessori schools and how their classes are often like a democracy.

I might try this with this class next semester – I think there are enough smart students in the class to make it work and it could be fun. I’ll try to read up on how teachers work in those classes.

Amy has been getting busier with her cake-making (cinnamon bun making) and I told her yesterday how proud I was of her skills and abilities.

We had also been talking about what happened with George last week and I had been thinking about why it upsets me. Amy keeps talking about when we invited him and Bee to stay at our house and Bee saying what a big deal it was for him so he obviously had some expectation for our friendship after that but I said, ‘That’s the thing. I feel like I trusted this person as sincere and honest and now I feel like I’ve been tricked and made a fool of.’ And we realise that this was exactly what had happened with Amy and Bebe all those years ago.

Bebe sucked Amy in with so many nice words but only to manipulate the friendship in her favour. I saw it easily and immediately with Bebe but I was fooled by George.

We live and learn and I’m happy enough with the friends in my life, whether they are close or not.

Wash, Rinse – 12th September 2021

There’s comfort in repetition
There’s comfort in repetition
There’s comfort in repetition
Never making a decision


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to find the rope for Tangmo to play with again. Hidden in the grass. I found it when I went to find Kim Chi who had jumped over the fence to play with the cow. The cow chased her back and she appeared on top of the hedge when I called her.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #70 – Dead End – 27th December 2020

Shut Down! Dead! Run out of town!  Sheltering over the border, we bring this one last episode before fleeing the despots.  One day we’ll be back!  Look out for DJ Donut Trump – he’ll bring you the future of rock ‘n’ roll.

This week there’s all sorts of music – weird, noisy, experimental, fucked up strangeness, straight-up punk and pop all delivered with no compromise.  Join our other 3 listeners to check out the end!

Incidentals taken from the Church of the Sub Genius Hour of Slack.

Listen right here or Mixcloud, Stitcher, Apple, Amazon…..all those cool places I guess.

https://www.facebook.com/The-Chiang-Rai-Alternative-Hour-107307097314670/

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for all the students I have met since I started teaching. I have learned something from all of them.