Slowly sipping on iced lemon teas Savouring the freshness of the breeze – Who will prepare the food to bring? – Who will push and pull the swing?
Feet put up and nestled with a read Imagining there’s nothing else to need – Who will make sure the dog is fed? – Who is gonna bake the daily bread?
When the body is settled in for rest And doing nothing then becomes a test – Who will ensure the grass is mown? – And cut the trees that are overgrown?
Dreaming of more of these lazy days Wondering what the bee to the flower says – Who’s gonna counter the middle-aged spread? – The time to sleep is when you’re dead
Tired, dizzy and upset. I slept very badly, waking at 4 am thinking about Amy and how I haven’t been supportive enough of her.
I was remembering that I had written that when Amy returned from Australia it would be good for her to get some business going and every time we have talked about it it has just felt impossible, in that it feels like it would be too much work for too little return.
Along with the many events since she got back, Grandmum passing, her brother’s wedding (and various issues that that has raised) and friends visiting, it hasn’t really but been easy for her to focus on starting a business too.
But now I feel that this may be able to focus her attention away from sitting around at home and brewing and stewing about things going on.
I started to wonder if one of the reasons that I am generally happier is because I am busy all the time. I don’t have time to think about the little annoying things that bother me. Maybe Amy needs that distraction.
I wanted to talk to her this morning about this but she is very grumpy and short with me. When I asked what was wrong she just said that it was her problem and no one else could help her. She said it’s nothing about me, that I do everything right, I’m a good husband and she needs to be by herself.
Of course, that could mean anything. Will she leave again? Will she leave for good?
I’m really upset about all this but still have to keep my head for work at school. I’d rather be sleeping and not having to think about all this. Wild scenarios are playing out in my head and none of them are particularly good.
Today I’m grateful for:
My umbrella. For my last class (grade 10s) I gave a brief overview of two pieces of work that I wanted them to do, whilst at the same time we would go to the gym to watch one of the students playing volleyball. Just as we arrived there though the game finished.
I sent the work to our chat group and most of them started doing it whilst a few seemingly slipped away (but I will catch them!). As they started working though, a huge storm came and flooded the school and also trapped us in the gym on the other side of the football pitch. We were stuck there for about an hour and I helped everyone who was having difficulty (and I’m chasing those who got away now this evening).
Having planned ahead and bringing my umbrella I made my way back across the field and into the flood! Some kids were trying their best to stay dry whilst others took advantage of the slippery playground and dived headlong across the basketball court.
The best thing about today was:
A poem that I wrote today. Somewhat inspired by events as written here, it was a challenge to write using lots of metaphors and I feel like I did it well.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Not being in the best of moods I struggled with my first class (grade 8s) this morning as they were unfocussed and doing their very best to wind me up. I ended up choosing a group of about ten boys, some of who were messing around and I asked them to leave. Things were a bit easier after that though still a struggle.
I sent a message to their homeroom teacher and deducted 5 points from everyone for their disrespect and then tried to forget about it.
Looking back at old entries here I can see that I have said before that it seems that each year’s students seem to be less and less able (generally speaking) and so it seems this year. I am teaching out of a book that I used with grade 7s a couple of years ago and many of these grade 8s just look at me bewildered!
I had texted a message to Amy earlier with what I wrote above in the What I’m Feeling section and when I got home she was very upset at what she perceived as an attack on her. Whilst that was not my intention at all I listened as she finally started to open up and get things off her chest.
(Reading back what I wrote I don’t really see an attack on her (of course we all perceive things differently) and I was really just thinking out loud because there was no communication at all last night)
As she was talking I thought perhaps I have misunderstood some things – particularly when it comes to her happiness. She tells me that she is happy with things at home, with us but not with the things that she can’t control such as the family issue and dealing with the bullshit builder.
I said that I thought that she was unhappy because of all these things and always talking about returning to Australia. So perhaps I misread some of this and so she took affront at me trying to find ways to keep her busy.
She is a very good homemaker, a great cook and takes care of most everything around the house and I certainly appreciate that about her. I do not want her to leave me here again for a long period of time if it’s possible. Yes, we can both survive by ourselves but I was only happy doing that knowing that we were still together, talking every day and supporting each other.
Amy says that I am very involved with my work and students and perhaps that is something that I need to pull back from somewhat. I know that whilst Amy was away I put all my love into little Kim Chi and all my heart into my work. Now that she’s here again I need to shift my focus back to her.
We are both still upset and ruminating but at least some talking has happened and we both understand each other a little better.
Something I learned today?
I was chatting with Lin and though she was frustrated that she couldn’t say everything that she wanted in English she did very well. I suggested that next year she change to the English Program but then she told me that her parents want her to be a doctor.
I asked her what she wanted to be and she semi-seriously said a K-pop idol. I asked if she could sing and she sang me a little song. I then asked her about dancing and she said she could but she was too shy to demonstrate.
When I suggested that being shy won’t help her to be an idol she changed her mind to be a gangster’s wife!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I chide myself for my selfishness and lack of understanding of the person closest to me in my life.
I chide myself for a lack of imagination and taking things for granted when it comes to taking care of our relationship.
Tired from a long reasonable sleep. My body is aching from all the exercise this week so I’ll happily give it a little break. No plans in particular for today though I might watch the AFL replays as they should be good games. I’ll get some reading in today as I skipped it a lot this week, running out of time and energy. I need to pick up the guitar too. Suddenly I’m filling a relaxing day but at least there’s no real stress right now.
Today I’m grateful for:
A dreamy afternoon nap, spacing in and out of the jazz core podcast. Is that weird? I remember one time as a teenager Jez came around and he couldn’t believe I was sleeping and listening to Crass’s Yes Sir, I Will album cranked up and to be fair I wasn’t in a deep sleep but spacing in and out. I guess I’m well-practiced.
The best thing about today was:
Drinking late morning coffees and getting a super buzz off them. I contemplated a third but managed to restrain myself. I wish I could drink endless coffees without getting so jacked up on them.
What is it that makes you a weirdo in your space?
To answer this I might have to figure out what ‘my space’ means. In fact, I might be considered a weirdo in any space these days. But I’m projecting that onto other people. I don’t think of myself as weird at all.
My space as a teacher: not just as a teacher but as a teacher in Thailand. By being a foreigner, that immediately makes me an anomaly. We are treated differently by other teachers and students alike.
My style of interaction with the teachers is relatively normal but I am one of only two teachers I ever see engaging with kids outside of class. This could also contribute to how the students treat me differently too.
They don’t show the same respect but they are more interactive at least. I don’t see myself as being on some kind of untouchable pedestal that this status could afford. I’d rather connect on a more friendly level. That means also having to deal with all their emotional ups and downs and behavioural issues as they are navigating their teenage growth.
What the Thai teachers think about my style of interaction with the students I have no idea or particular interest. I’m doing the best I can with the little skills I have and if it improves my student’s lives in any way then I consider what I’m doing to be positive.
My space as a music supporter: as demonstrated with tenzenmen I have a broad range of musical interests and whilst this makes for an unsuccessful business model I don’t wish to be defined within a limited genre because that’s just boring to me. Some people get it.
As a person that was in the middle of a ‘scene’ in Sydney, I was also, somewhat purposefully, separate from the other people involved. In many ways, I just didn’t want to deal with all the personal bullshit going on in their lives or share any of mine. Our interactions were intentionally just involving music and getting that out there. I felt that about 80% of the people were my friends whom I could trust if I ever needed but always managed to keep myself in a situation where that need would never arise. This didn’t make me close friends in their eyes but it did for me.
My space as Amy’s partner: Amy may consider me a weirdo in many ways but she understands my aesthetic and ideals whether she understands my interests or not.
For other people outside our relationship, I don’t really know what they might think about me as an individual but they are often confused about our relationship. For Amy and I, it is not confusing at all.
Many of her friends do not understand how we can trust each other and maintain our relationship when we are not together but that is hardly a statement on us and says more about them.
My space as a father to Hayden: I guess I’m not particularly weird in this space. I have never been much of a hands-on controlling kind of father and therefore have not been particularly stressed about his growing pains and even when it has been frustrating to watch him make mistakes I have always trusted that he will find his way in the end and slowly he seems to be doing that. I may be wrong but I feel many fathers deal with their sons in the same way.
There are other spaces I fill too but these feel like the main.
What would make today great?
Well, the day is almost done and it was a standard good day without anything particularly great occurring. It was great that the rain that threatened all day managed to hold off until I had brought the washing in. Small wins.
Noey took this picture because I got up late and Utopia were wondering where I was. That’s nice to be appreciated as a customer or even as a friend.Fatman report
Cat cries – wake up call – got a present for you, toss and turn – nice dreams again, forgotten or fading already. Cranky neck, cricks and creaks. Birds call – wake up, the sun is coming, left big toe throbs in pain. Welcome to another day.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my weird independent personality. I prefer just to keep myself amused over trying to keep everyone around me engaged. It’s not that I’m cold but it’s just the way I am. I work hard for my students and other younger people – I offer them my advice and my point of view and expression are just as valid as any other teacher’s methods, I’m sure.
Amy’s alcoholic uncle got killed, being hit by two cars, so we’ve been running around a little bit sorting things out for his small funeral. He was not particularly well like so there wasn’t much to attend to in the end and everything was over within two days.
Someone mentioned that the size of the funeral is a reflection of the person’s life. Steve’s funeral was attended by so many people it was standing-room only. But, so what? Do either of them care? I think that they would both ask for a chance to do it all over again.
Amy wishes for a small funeral. Me too.
Both classes today were enjoyable as I watched kids trying a little more than usual to do and say the right things. Dylan and I both agreed it was weird how some days the students are all good and other days they can be a nightmare.
Yesterday I stopped to talk to some students in the canteen and a couple asked me to teach them more English so I’m trying to arrange to help them out once a week. They gave me the impression they were keen to study and that is what I am looking for in the students. Let’s see.
All in all, the working days have been good this week.
“Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on—it isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance—unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.” —MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 11.18.5b
I’ve never been a manly man. Well, I say that, though I can remember trying to be one from about ages 11-14. Then I started getting bullied a bit at school and realised I wasn’t ever going to be a strong boy physically.
Not me but you get the idea…
I retreated into my mind but taking resentment and bitterness there. I filled myself with seething hatred for everything around me, confusing what I considered personal injustice with larger injustices of the world. Everything was against us. It was us and them, whoever us was and whoever they were.
I dove head first into the moshpits of punk rock. Besides my mother, punk really was a rock for me to hold on to. Sometimes I clung too tight but eventually I found my way.
Justice and fairness are still amongst my top character strengths, thankfully along with curiousity and gratitude – those two came later.
These days I’m trying to calm my mind to bring some inner peace but the tunes of yesterday still rattle around from dawn to dusk. This inner noise is it’s own sort of peace, it’s familiarity calming, the anger gone.
Man is spelt big M.A.N. it’s the letters of the law, Man is spelt big M.A.N. that’s who the law is for.
– Crass
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the supportive teachers around me. They have helped me cover a lesson today and it was easy to stand once I found the right person to talk with.
You can’t learn what you think you already know.
Epictetus (paraphrase)
To-do list
Arrange someone to manage the class I miss. ✅
Make another blog post around an article. ✅
Ride bike to get a haircut.
More Coursera/another DIY article. ½
WDS – follow up on BKK and Yogya shows. ½
I’m starting to feel comfortable and relaxed at school. Able to deal with unexpected conditions, which seem to arise often. I still feel connected with the students but not so intensely involved. I will do what I can for them and try to prepare a good plan for them for learning but I’m going to over-invest my time, even though I do really love to push myself and always think to do the very best I can.
Without the pressure and expectations from the school for continuing with them next semester I am enjoying all the situations, good and bad, and I realise now that this is how I should try to feel all the time at work.
It’s just occurred to me this idea in opposition, of being a very organised person and having to work in a very disorganised environment. Instead of a strict organisation of ideas for lessons, I should have an outline plan and then be ready and organised for disruption. So, a good solid base to work from and then prepared to add on to it. Work smarter.
I talked a little bit with Kevin today and he was surprised at my involvement in music.
I also managed to complete deleting about 90% of my ‘friends’ on Facebook. Most of them are unnecessary for my day-to-day and if either I or they wish to connect again for any reason we are still able to but I’d like to think of myself using Facebook as opposed to Facebook using me. Communicating in short sound bytes is not effective and nuanced, becomes frustrating and just making me anxious about useless things.
I want to concentrate more on writing on my blog – that gives me a deeper satisfaction. It’s not particularly important if anyone sees it or not – I just want to go through the process, forge a habit, think better and ultimately feel better.
Music from The Misunderstood, Angelic Upstarts, Passage, Surveillance, 13th Floor Elevators, Lozenge, Vaz, Hard-Ons, The Damned, Queen, Captain Beefheart, Melt Banana, Crass, Hitler SS, Meat Puppets, I Am Above and on the Left, Thee Headcoats, Party Diktator, Supertramp.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be living in this part of the world. There are many times in a week when I marvel at the views of the rice fields and the mountains. Their depth changes depending on the weather conditions and time of day. There are good and bad points about every place to live but I certainly feel grateful for my time living here.
One of the very few nights I managed to sleep the recommended amount of hours and so far, I feel suitably alert. That could soon change after a couple of hours staring numbly at this computer screen.
It’s Monday morning and it’s been a while since I was working a regular day shift. Night times and weekends it’s so quiet here it makes you nervous to even sneeze. It’s somewhat comforting to hear the bustle of work and the earnestness of people discussing technical solutions.
One thing that I have developed as a pet peeve though is the absolute authoritative statement. There are a few folks here who talk as if their word is definitive and their tone implies that there is no point to discuss anything further. How can people be so secure in their knowledge of the world, of everything, that they already know that they cannot be convinced otherwise? This shows me a stagnant mind. No room to grow, no room to learn.
These people are usually men and usually older. Though it’s even more excruciating to hear younger men talking like this, you can almost hear their minds closing up already, sealing shut. The older men’s voices sound authoritative and dead. A resignation that things just won’t get better. ‘Things were better in my day’. Maybe it’s the work environment, some kind of unsaid competition. I never want to subscribe to this thinking, despite sometimes catching myself doing the same. I think I avoid it mostly and it is a reason little kids like me so much, they can recognise the essentially childish wonder I have, the interest in the details, the awe of the world.
This attitude seems less prevalent in women and the one or two times I have come across it, it has been scary. I’m not a macho kind of person. I was raised by my mother after my father died when I was 18 months old. I naturally learned the female perspective, a different view of things. I fought against this as a teenager, trying to put my own stamp on my personality and eventually on the other side of it, became more comfortable in a more feminine environment. I generally prefer the less competitive company of females. I’m not into cars, muscles, action movies and getting pissed with the boys. Not that I have rejected everything masculine – I can still be a beer drinking, sports-loving yahoo from time to time but mostly I enjoy these things alone where I can make an ass of myself, just to myself.
The Crass album ‘Penis Envy’ also made a big impression on my developing teenage mind too.
Sordid sequences in brilliant life!
Supports, and props, and punctuation
To our flowing realities and realisations
We’re talking with words that have been used before
To describe us as goddesses, mothers and whores
Describe us as women, to describe us as men
Set out the rules of this ludicrous game
And then it’s played very carefully, a delicate balance;
A masculine/feminine perfect alliance
Does the winner take all? What love in your grasping?
What vision is left, and is anyone asking?
I still had lots of growing pains when it came to love, sex and relationships with women though. I could be a master manipulator when I wanted to be. There are things I have done in the past that I now wish I hadn’t but I must acknowledge they were part of my own learning process and got me here where I am today. It takes a lot of effort to be 100% true to your convictions and there are times when we fail. Things aren’t always black and white.
—
The last few days my phone calls with Amy have been pretty short. There’s never much to report on my side and work on our house has slowed somewhat now.
I’ve been thinking about this period of time that I’ve been in Adelaide, away from Amy. It’s never felt like you imagine a long distance relationship to be. The goal we are working towards keeps us bound together completely. Just because we don’t see each other every day doesn’t mean we are not together. This is helped by our own securities, something that I may not have had the strength to contemplate when I was younger though.
I am already visualising looking back on this time as some kind of dream. It’s just something I’m doing rather than something I’m being. It was a bit of struggle before and during Christmas but with the turn of the new year, it finally feels like a countdown to the realisation of our plans.
Writing up the diary entries for 1994 has made me think about why I don’t really enjoy Christmas and new year celebrations. I’m not a big birthday or holiday celebrator in the first place and have often been alone at these times but looking back at the events at the end of 1993 I wonder how much of an impact they have made on my psyche. It’s not something I’ve really consciously considered for a long time. It’s also not that I mind joining in celebrations either, though I don’t find anything particularly special about certain dates to participate in them – let’s enjoy ourselves every day. A cliche, I know.
[Editor’s note: Pangbianr’s man down under (actually, he lives in Beijing) Bob Blunt writes in with a report on Shaun Tenzenmen, founder of eponymous Australian DIY label/distro tenzenmen. Shaun’s one of the earliest and hardest-working proselytizers of Chinese music abroad. Between his distro, his Alternative China tumblr, his Sino-Australian Music Exchange program, and his general web omnipresence in all matters China-music-related, he is nothing short of an indispensable component of the greater Chinese rock diaspora. If you’re so inclined, you can get 30% off all Tenzenmen releases through Bandcamp during the entire month of June. And here’s Bob with some background on the man behind the Tenzenmen enterprise:]
Fans – those who love what they first hear, they find it, follow it, fuck with it, it fucks with them, then they meet friends, acquaintances, lovers, and presto- a lifetime passes and the memories are sweet, the stories are long, and no matter how many times you scratch the itch, it won’t rub out- it’s in your blood, tiger, so just enjoy it.
Fans again – the people that write fanzines, those that hunt record stores, those that collect old dusty vinyl, have crates of scratched CDs, manage their friends’ bands, and, if they are clued up enough, they may even start a label or a venue of their own, spreading some germs to different corners of the world.
Well, if you get my long-winded drift, then meet Shaun Tenzenmen, he of his own self-named label, and one responsible also for the distribution and touring of fine Chinese bands into Australia, as well as other corners of the world. He’s a trooper, a fan, and a lovely guy.
I couldn’t help first asking him if he was fucking mad to pursue such a thing and all he could say was:
“Perhaps it’s a sign of madness that I’ve never even considered the possibility. I live in Australia so it makes sense to promote music into this country though I’m pleased that I get attention from all over the world. Still, it’s not enough to make me any money, but then that’s not really my motivation.”
Bob Blunt: Of course, it isn’t your motivation, and generally it isn’t with a lot of us. We just like what we hear, and if someone else isn’t sharing the love, the motivation within us to share it somehow is the essential part of what fandom really is. Am I right?
Shaun Tenzenmen: First and foremost I’m a music fan. I’ve always liked my music a little less conventional so even in my youth I would enjoy the weirder ends of the spectrums within a specific genre. For me, it has always been about discovery, whether searching thru the racks in record stores and taking a chance at the look of a record sleeve, or scouring the internet for some obscure gem from a backwater band in a garage. There are plenty of easy ways to find Western music so it seemed less interesting to me to add to that, and instead focus on something that not many other people were doing. After moving to Australia and becoming exposed to many other different cultures, I became curious about music from the East. Japan was already known about, but how about elsewhere? I got curious, I started investigating and I started finding gems! What was particularly attractive was that some of the equivalent music scenes were still in their genesis and hadn’t become segregated by micro-genres or jaded with time. It was a return to the origins of punk and all of what was encapsulated in its ideas. Many of these musicians are dealing with the struggles of daily survival and it’s amazing to see the communities born out of this adversity. As a comparatively rich observer, I felt I could lend my support to these scenes by promoting them and making it easier for others to discover them just as I had.
Shaun left England for Australia in 1994 when he was 27, thankful that he had been exposed to a burgeoning punk scene that even made it to Dorset in the south. It was there that the seeds were sown for his love affair with punk and DIY culture, which he still can’t shake off and wouldn’t want to. Here goes his background story:
ST: Whatever romantic notions you may have about England, it’s not a great place for a young lad prone to depression to grow up in. I found solace in the punk scene as best I could living in the countryside in Dorset. During the late ’70s and early ’80s, punk was such a huge phenomenon that it had penetrated even the remotest parts of the country, so yes I’m thankful for that. I was a vocalist in a couple of bands and after growing up a little I got somewhat involved in the organization of shows with a bunch of friends. I was also writing a bit for local zines and was somewhat immersed in the DIY ethic which was born out of the Crass/anarcho-punk scene. Not really having any idea about my future at this point though, when I fell in love with an Aussie girl I accidentally found my escape!
BB: How did that transpire in Sydney then?
ST: I sought and found the local punk scene here in Sydney and quickly got involved with it, most notably putting together a complete Aussie special edition of Maximum Rocknroll. Also at this time a record label I had been involved with released some noise recordings I had made back in England and this went under the moniker of Tenzenmen – it’s a bit of a collector’s item and may finally see a re-release on cassette through a good friend in Finland. Anyway – that was the start of the name, though I wouldn’t see or use it again for another 10 years.
BB: So what spurred you on as a kid then? I’m guessing you for postpunk blood?
ST: Looking back further I can remember my mother taking me to see her boyfriend’s folk band playing in pubs around the Lake District – I was 5 years old. She had a limited music collection but I really remember the band Mud and Lonnie Donegan standing out because they were so much faster than the other things she had. Next thing I remember is I’m watching Top of the Pops, as much of the nation did every Thursday night, and these out-of-control freaks are playing “Pretty Vacant”. I tell my mum that the bass player looks like Frankenstein. I’d start taping things off the TV (cassette tape – no video back then!) and I kept listening to this track and remembering the performance. And that was it – punk rock fever set in at the tender age of 10. I was quite rigid in the music that I allowed myself to like back then and I had to sit through some awful disco music to hear the occasional punk tune, but in retrospect, I was hearing a lot of great music in that period and it all had an influence. The definition of punk was also extremely broad and that is something that has really stuck with me so it is of particular annoyance seeing kids these days just go and see one style of band play, especially on a mixed bill lineup. You don’t have to like everything you hear – but to me, it’s all punk. In fact, this is a phrase we used a lot back in England in the early ’90s as gentrification was taking place: “It’s all punk rock, innit?!”
Twenty years on from 1977 Shaun became curious about China, and particularly its influence around Sydney at that time. You indulged in all things Chinese, am I right?
ST: I started going to the library and reading whatever I could find – be it history, culture, anything. I made myself a profile on an old China Friend Finder website, signed up for [Chinese chat program] QQ and started making friends. With the help of a few of them, I took the plunge and headed over in 2001, having no idea what to expect, which in turn produced a myriad of amazing stories that I needn’t bore you or any of your readers here with. Asides what was amazing about this first trip was that it was much cheaper than I expected and I could afford to go again six months later. Of course, both these visits coincided with the May and October holidays, as that was also the only time my new-found friends had time off from work. On the second trip I picked up a weekly English-language newspaper which was only about 10 pages, but it was great to be able to find something I could actually read. In there was an article about this tiny, tiny punk scene in Beijing. Very curious, the only clue I had about it was that they hung out somewhere near a train station (whose name I forget now). Of course, I went there and only saw thousands and thousands of your everyday Chinese going about their daily lives. No pink Mohawks and no leather jackets.
Shaun then took the plunge starting Tenzenmen, and it was then that he first toured a Japanese band, Limited Express, inAustralia. Through this, he was able to garner a shitload of contacts for people to help book the shows, and then…
ST: Everyone was coming to me and asking me the same questions – who do I contact here or there to book a show. I decided to start keeping a database to share this information with everyone, and as that expanded, I started investigating who would you contact in all the Asian countries to do the same thing.
BB: And China?
ST: Through all this investigation I found out what I could about those punks in China. Through an amazing set of circumstances, I ended up back in Beijing in 2007 and went to D-22, as I had a feeling this was the place to be. And boy, it sure was. What I saw there was amazing to me. In just six short years something was born out of almost nothing. And the energy and enthusiasm were infectious – I couldn’t really believe what I was seeing and it felt like I was watching history happening. Whilst some of the music was very Western-inspired, I was pleased to see a couple of bands really push the boundaries with what they were doing. I don’t remember all the bands I saw but I reckon it was all the top ten bands at the time. Can’t believe how lucky I was to have been in the right place at the right time.
BB: Now that it has been boiling for some time now, how do you see it all evolving?
ST: This is a difficult question for me to answer as I haven’t been to China for 4 or 5 years now, and as you well know, things change constantly there. I think already there is a feeling that artists need to take more control over their own destinies. Perhaps 7 or 8 years ago there was only the dream of being signed and somehow being made famous. I think these illusions were quickly shattered as everyone, as elsewhere in the world, is struggling with how to be able to make money with music these days. Piracy culture is even more prevalent in China than elsewhere, so artists know they really need to engage with their audience. There is also the two-pronged approach to promotion with bands obviously keen to market themselves abroad, but I think increasingly now bands and artists are more aware of nurturing something locally as that is really the long game.
BB: What about punk and DIY attitudes. Is there a real voice there?
ST: Continuing on this thought about developing a local scene really plays into the punk and DIY attitudes. It’s a grassroots thing and this is how I see it surviving. There will always be artists kicking against the pricks even as others fit into the mainstream or leave through frustration. There are already small waves starting to happen in the more experimental genres (who truly fit the definition of punk these days).
The ambiguity of terms like “indie” and “alternative,” and the marketing of them at will, to some extent “punk” also, can have a blurred effect on what people’s perception of style and voice really is. Shaun has some interesting thoughts on this:
ST: DIY is a very ambiguous term these days, and will probably transform in the same way “indie” has changed over the last 30 years. For me, DIY has developed out of the early punk cultures where one took control of their own work and output, and didn’t necessarily buy into the existing systems in place which generally benefit others rather than the artists themselves. If I analyze the work I do, it is not correctly called DIY as most things I do are for the benefit of the artists. I just do my best to break even and if I don’t that’s no big issue as this is my passion. When you ask about labels I assume you mean such as “punk,” “DIY,” “indie” etc – to me these are just quick identifiers that point in the general direction of a sound but it’s all very vague these days. It’s pretty useless and pointless to debate what does and doesn’t fit into one label or another. Just listen to the music and decide if you like it or not!
But your question also begs the question about labels such as Tenzenmen or EMI etc. From my point of view, I see Tenzenmen as a literal “label,” like Heinz or Louis Vitton for example. It might help identify for people something of quality or meaning when compared with something from another label. I push artists to take as much control of their work as possible. To be honest, I shouldn’t even have to do Tenzenmen – artists can do everything for themselves! And this has become the case quite often with artists coming to me saying they already have a product, everything already paid for and ready to go – nothing for me left to do except promote and distribute. These artists are keen to be part of the Tenzenmen label because they might see it as an advantageous association or they’re happy to help build a little community of understanding around the label. (Maybe there are other factors I don’t know about – I guess it’s a question for the artists.) Either way, it’s all positive and indicative of a culture of everyone pitching in to help each other to make something happen.
BB: So what now? I mean you’re a 9-5er in an office gig, where do you get your strength and longevity to do this love of your life?
ST: I’m worse than a 9-5er – I’m generally on call 24/7/365 and often have to work over weekends too. My strength is in my passion for what I’m doing. I do question my sanity on a weekly basis, and there are a lot of things to get down over, but there always seems to be something that comes along that picks it right back up for me. Right now I’m hoping to do a 7″ with a new-ish Sydney band that I’m really excited about. It reminds me of the traditional 7″ from the late ’70s – not in sound, but in style. A two-minute infectious pop song gem on the A-side and a more experimental, longer track on the B-side, which starts to stand out the more you play it. I don’t know if this will end up on Tenzenmen, but it is things like this that keep me excited. In amongst all this, there’s so much great stuff coming from China, too.
So the main struggle is time and how to wind down. I do have the help of a friend or two now – one who sends out the weekly mail list for underground/non-commercial shows in Sydney, a list which has come out weekly for the last seven years or so. And also a young web guru who helps me out with the website and also ideas to help promote what I’m doing. Ideally, I’d love to be able to start working with someone who has the same keen attitude who could keep Tenzenmen going as my involvement drops off, as I have plans to go live in South East Asia myself and kick back if I can remember how. Otherwise, I think I might have to draw a line in the sand sometime in the next few years and say, that’s it for the label for now.
[Editor’s note: I’ve been sitting on this article for far too long. In that time Tenzenmen has pivoted in the direction of focusing even more exclusively on Chinese music. I asked Bob to oblige my sluggishness in posting this by hitting Shaun up with a few quick followups:]
ST: As for now I’m pretty much doing what I’ve always been doing — helping with distributing Maybe Mars and Genjing products around Australia.
BB: A labor of love hey?
ST: It’s what it is. That’s not to say there’s no interest. I mean it is still a niche thing. As always there are things in the pipeline and who knows what is in store for this year. But really I’ve been seeing and feeling that for the last 2 or 3 years.
BB: What do you mean by that?
ST: What I mean is that things grow fairly organically and at a steady rate, but obviously not fast enough for me to make a fortune and retire though…
1980: Damned – Machine Gun Etiquette Dead Kennedys – Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables
1981: Restricted Code – First Night On Nine Below Zero – Three Times Enough Dead Kennedy’s – Too Drunk To Fuck Crass – Penis Envy
1982: Black Flag – Damaged
1983: Social Distortion – Mommy’s Little Monster Minor Threat – Out Of Step
1984: Husker Du – Diane DOA – Bloodied But Unbowed Anti-Sect – In Darkness There Is No Choice Subhumans – Cradle To The Grave Black Flag – My War UK Decay – Werewolf Cult Maniax – Cold Love Black Flag – Slip It In Black Flag – Family Man Subhumans – Rats Wasted Youth – Wild and Wandering
Phone Numbers: Paul Chambers Andy Anderson Justin Butler Simon Bradbury Dave Brown Alan (Josh and John)
Save the whale in the sea of blood Save the whale in the sea of blood A new handbag, a new rubber Stop the murderers good and proper Save the whale in the sea of blood Save the whale in the sea of blood
2nd June 2023 – By 1984 I had already been vegetarian for two years and inspired by lyrics and information from Crass, Flux of Pink Indians, Subhumans etc I dove into animal rights. One of the first places I would go to in Poole on Saturdays was a stall just outside the mall that always had stacks of provocative information. The things I saw there made me mad. I don’t know how much of an impact the pro-animal rights movement has had in current times but I am still anti-testing on animals for anything cosmetic. Surely by now, we don’t need to test further for things like shampoo. When it comes to cures for life-threatening diseases and viruses though I am in reluctant support. I started eating fish and some seafood again in 1998 though not all that often back then and I have been a pescatarian since – 41 years in total so far. In the 80s it was still seen as radical to be vegetarian and I could list off plenty of reasons to become one, especially as I was asked why anytime it came up. It made me mad that I would have to justify it. These days not many people are surprised at anyone being vegetarian and if anyone does ask me why I just say ‘all the reasons.’ The phrase Save The Whale was a popular slogan inspired by the Japanese slaughter of whales for ‘science’ as they liked people to believe but when I hear the term now all I can think about is the titular Cheech and Chong song, “Save the whale, yeah save the whale, ooooo save the whale, but kill the seals!” Damn, I haven’t seen a Cheech and Chong movie in a long time!
Record of the week: DOA – Bloodied But Unbowed (again), Middle Class Fantasies – Publikum, Minutemen – (anything)
20th February 1984 Burd and Rupe came round with rest of booze. Went to Mr Houldey’s – I did his drying up. Went to Shirl’s. Went home. Recorded some Bloodstains. Went to Mr Houldey’s again. Pissed around in Dandy’s room. Made some pancakes for them. Nicked her pyjamas. Recorded some more – can’t remember much else. DOA.
21st February 1984 Woke up at 4. Had a drink. Went back to bed. Woke up 6. Had a drink and squeezed some zits. Got up 11. Took Dandy’s pyjamas back. Started Bloodstains booklet. Listening to Crass. Giving up fags, booze etc. Written letter to Zoe. Feeling good today.
22nd February 1984 Got up 11. Had a bath. Had a wank. Listened to some Crass. Decided to stop getting Sounds. Went to see Muz and saw Burt and Jasp. Me and Muz went to Houldey’s, found out there was a party at Jo Holloway’s so went there later at night. Had some good times with Tanya and Mandy and had some bad times with Jo, Vicky and mum and dad. Anyway, DOA. Wrote letter to Zoe again.
23rd February 1984 Muz and Scott and Burt woke me up at 10.30. Went to Queen’s Copse. Saw Annabel on the way. Got done by. the Forestry Commission. Came back. They went home. Went to Gaunts later. Had a go on Muz’s computer at Football Manager. Went up to Annabels’ with Muz, Scott and Burt. Came back – pissed around on Muz’s computer some more. Went home.
24th February 1984 Went to Wimborne to go to dentists. Saw Liz J so decided to stay in Wimborne. Was with her and Jason most of the day. Went into the Yew Tree three times for some tea. Pissed about all day. Came back on the bus.Had to give Andy Froud a lift to Horton on moped as bus didn’t go to Horton. Went to Muz’s and we went to Houldey’s.
25th February 1984 Woke up 12.30. Went to Muz’s 1.30. Got to First Division in Football Manager. Lost FA Cup Final to Brighton. Came back 4.35, took dog for walk. Played with cat. Had tea. Went to Muz’s 6.30. Decided to go to party. His mum gave us some money. Went to Wimborne. Bought some booze to add to the wine. Saw Stroud who was going so we followed him to Pamphill. We decided not to go in so we came back to my place and got snotted. Fell asleep watching a film – according to mum.
26th February 1984 Woke up 12. Had some lovely food. I was fucking starving for some reason. Played some records while doing Maths homework – what a bore – maths that is. Thinking about becoming a vegan. Going down Muz’s later, see what state he’s in. Had a bath. Had a wank. Listening to DOA again. Went to Muz’s. He wouldn’t come out/I couldn’t go in – doing his Maths homework – yawn. Came home. Went to find Chris on my moped – couldn’t find him so came home and watch the film – pretty good. God knows how I’m going to get up tomorrow.
1994ever 