Tag: curiosity

Pick Up The Gun – 23rd August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can no resistance be explained?
The water surrounds the rocks
Doing nothing is still doing something
That can’t be explained to the jocks

To pick up the gun is enticing
But ultimately is an excuse
It’s the escalation required
To break through a lasting truce

The wisest study the art of war
Their patience is to be admired
While the provocateurs will eat themselves
Without a single shot being fired

inspired by the titular Bill Hicks bit

Today I’m feeling:

With doing extra exercise in the morning I’ve been falling asleep a little earlier these last couple of nights and with no meals yesterday after breakfast, just snacks, yesterday I woke up tired and sleepy.

I pushed through exercise this morning despite feeling like I could give up. I’m glad I did that. My body feels good and my brain, despite telling me I’m tired, exhausted, sleepy etc, is feeling good too.

Today I’m grateful for:

My little plastic toe separator for my left foot’s big toe, trying to push it back into line and hopefully ease the pain in the main joint. I’ve tried a few others but they have ended up being painful to wear for long periods. This one I can wear all the time (except when wearing shoes).

The best thing about today was:

A sudden feeling in my feet that was free of pain. It was really noticeable though only lasted for a couple of seconds. I will be pleased if this is a sign of moving towards pain-free feet. I know this is an odd thing to list as the best thing but I was shocked when I felt it. In my negative thought mode, I wonder if perhaps my pain receptors are turning off instead!

Something I learned today?

Thaksin came back to Thailand after 15 years in exile and went straight to jail. He’s 74 years old and has health issues and the talk is that he will have to serve 8 years in prison. This all happened on the same day his old political party made a deal with their foes to form a government without the party that won the election earlier this year. There’s something tricky going on for sure!

What am I curious about?

Hmm.. I feel a lot less curious about things these days. As with the quote from the other day, I’m aware that there is so much I don’t know but I’m also not concerned with it either.

Maybe I’m curious about how long I will live and be able to ward off senility and fragility. I’m not really fighting against it but trying to maintain what health I do have. Ultimately it doesn’t matter.

I’m less curious about music these days as I have so much backlogged that it’s overwhelming. If I was still involved in a scene I would be more motivated to keep looking for new things. I kinda miss that but enjoy other things instead.

I’m curious about how I feel when I fly to Australia in October. This will be my first time in Australia for a short holiday, much like we would do every couple of years from Australia to Thailand. I’m not looking forward to the prices though!

I took this picture because it took me a moment to realise what this was from inside the door. This beauty is bigger than my hand.

Big Tokes – 29th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Fucked up and thinking
All the crazy thoughts
Eyes half shut and drooping
Smashed out of sorts
Time stretched and twisted
An hour, a second, a day
Wake up next week
With nothing left to say
Your brain on drugs
The egg now over-fried
Paranoia and suspicion
Now set deep inside

I don’t want innovations which improve my shopping experience or make smartphones a tiny bit better. I want innovations which eliminate world hunger…innovations which help humans live in harmony with our ecosystem.

Caitlin Johnstone

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and high
Today I’m grateful for:
Matt giving me some kratom tea and then some weed tea at his place that had me fucked up and paranoid on the way home and when I got in I went straight to bed where I kinda fell in and out of dream state. I woke up an hour later groggy and still slightly bent. I’ve done nothing else but be lazy tonight. Weed really seems to be the best drug to keep people sedated.
The best thing about today was:
Having fun with my kids in class again. I think we got past the rocky start we had last week and I feel a little more confident again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Well, due to that unexpected high I wasn’t able to do things that I would normally want to do and I’m at peace with that decision. I felt out of control and the way to deal with it was just to slow everything down.
What are you curious about?
I’d like to say I’m curious about everything but that’s not really true. I’m probably less curious about many things now just out of laziness. There are things I don’t need to know. Actually, so much I don’t need to know. With modern technology, I wonder if my kids feel like this about everything. Just find out what you need to know when you need it. Maybe in the foreseeable future, this will be a benefit.

I took this picture because this is the first foggy morning of winter. Despite it being cooler in the morning we’ve needed the aircon on again at night and right now I’m sweating away with two fans before heading into the chilly bedroom.

Tattooed – 28th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*What is the purpose of my body
If not as an expression of my pain?*
I can feel the relief of new violence
As I plan to get tattooed again

*quoting Tarzan Kay

As soon as want and illusion come to a standstill, the utter barreness and emptiness of existence becomes apparent.

paraphrase Schopenhauer

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
A practice run of going back to school. I didn’t think we’d have much to do today so wasn’t surprised when I found there was no one around. I could’ve just gone straight home but went to House for coffee and then Oasis for food and got back around eleven. Next week though and it will all become too real again!
The best thing about today was:
Finishing Titus Alone so I can prepare to pack the trilogy up and post back to Sharon, who incidentally wrote me a happy birthday email today too.
How curious are you?
Generally, I’m pretty curious about things though I’m conscious that may be decreasing as I get older and my mind atrophies or that I already know it all. Having been endlessly curious in the early 2000s perhaps my experiences since then make me feel like I know enough. More general knowledge can be applied across many topics and I can be less curious about the details.

I took this picture because this highly symbolic picture is me eating my own head. It was the best part of the cake.

Searching for Satori – 19th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Unanswered questions

Where can I add more fun to my life?
What is the purpose of my life? (Why you do something or why something exists?)

SAY IT ALOUD

Gratitude – Thank you, thank you
Forgiveness – It’s OK, it’s OK
Curiosity – that’s interesting, that’s interesting

THE GOAL OF LIFE

The goal of life is virtue. Virtue is the only true good. ‘Excellence’ (arête) of character. What’s healthy/beneficial = what’s honourable/praiseworthy. “Living in agreement with Nature”

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I don’t give in to my impulses (all the time). Despite being tired this morning I will go to the gym as I challenged myself to yesterday.

I think sometimes people are afraid to be happy or to let go.

Lorraine Robertson

To-do list

  • Go to the gym in the morning ✅
  • Finish writing to Chrissie ✅
  • Start editing TCRAH #25
  • Draw one of our cats (find some videos on drawing cats)
  • Savour things for longer

Started off well by pushing through tiredness and going to the gym.

Came back and started finishing off my email to Chrissie which I put a bit of extra thought into and only ended up completing after lunch just before teaching, which then pretty much turned into being dinnertime. I did continue sorting things in my room though. I also remembered to call Hayden but he didn’t pick up.

This coming week should be very cruisy as for 4 days we are playing adjective bingo with different groups of students.

Tomorrow I’ll get a list of students who would like to do extra work so I should prepare that for the following week.

After school I will also go to TLC and have a chat with Nancy about different options for next semester. With George’s advice I’ll also tell her about what has happened with Jimmy.

The end of the road looks like freedom to me – 13th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Things I must do before I die?

I don’t really consider anything I must do. There are things I would like to do but not must.

The major events previously in my life I didn’t really consider as things I must do but I was motivated enough to make them happen ie separation, travelling to China, moving to Australia, and Thailand.

Anything I must do seems to relate to things I have chosen to do for other people so I must do them as promised. The motivation is external, from a drive that was internal.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful when the weather is cool. Sometimes it feels too cold but then I remember how unbearable the rest of the year can be. Today I have cold ears and I like it.

The nature of the universe consists in perpetual change and so this process is natural and good.

Donald Robertson on Meditations

To-do list

  • More work on exam questions ✅
  • Go and run after work ✅
  • Experiment with turntables for TCRAH ✅
  • Give books to 3 students tomorrow ½
  • Remember – think and listen and think! Then talk! ✅

Quite tired today as I stayed up quite late reading, wanting to finish a book. I am in very good spirits though and enjoyed all the classes I took.

Started the well-being Coursera online class today too. I’m doing a lot of study around this subject at the moment but I think it’s serving me very well. My 4 character strengths are Curiosity, Gratitude, Honesty and Fairness and I should try to practice as many of these as I can in the next week.

Amy and I went to the gym and I worked on light weights as an overall warm-up for doing more in the future. I’m sure I’ll sleep well enough tonight.

Tomorrow should be a fairly easy day and should be enjoyable too. Tomorrow I’d like to get some more things done at home. I’m slowly sorting through my room and there’s no real hurry but it would be nice to be done.