Tag: debt

Distraction – 8th January 2025

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

The media golden penny
Shared and liked by millions
More poisoned than many
And governed by reptilians!

The rabbit’s path is lit
To keep you keen and focus
Enjoying the wade-through shit
Until the shepherd woke us

When the golden penny dropped
Baring the true face of the media
That’s when the distraction stopped
To build your own encyclopedia

The following is a letter from January 8th, 2024, delivered today from the past

Dear FutureMe,

It’s now 30 years since leaving the UK. Now it seems like it doesn’t make much difference. After ten years it was still quite a novelty and being in Australia was still filled with wild emotions. But since then it felt like the UK was no longer something I understood or was a part of.

Though I count Thailand as my home now it is still a little tenuous to stay here and if I leave here in the future it definitely won’t be back to the UK but most likely Australia (unless Amy and I end up somewhere else).

You didn’t write much about this at the time but Amy and her family are going through a typical Thai-style drama at the moment and I wonder if it is all settled by the time of receiving this letter.

Amy’s man-child useless brother and his girlfriend are due to get married. Whilst that should be a cause for celebration we can see that this is not anything to do with love but purely circumstance. When quizzed on his reasons for marriage her brother purely said it was because he was getting old. He said this in front of his bride-to-be.

And so why has she agreed to this?

Part of the condition of marriage is that Amy’s mum will pay off their debts with her newly acquired money from selling her apartments. She will also have to pay a dowry to the bride’s family. So the bride and her family do get some benefit from this arrangement. And what the future might bring for them, who knows?

She now lives in Chiang Rai whilst he is in Bangkok. They don’t talk about anything they are doing and they have no plans for the future. Everything looks like it is just a short-term plan to get out of debt.

Amy’s brother contributes nothing to their family and is selfish beyond belief except for his one or two friends who he treats to food and drink every time they meet. Essentially, he is buying their friendship. His mum and dad treat him like a prince, forgiving him for any wrong he commits.

He’s drunk every day and can’t even piss in the bowl. If he comes to our house again I will instruct him to go piss in the garden.

Amy is obviously upset at the treatment he receives in comparison to the way she is expected to behave. It is a stereotypical patriarchal behaviour that is perpetuated by her parents but not something Amy will stand for. But she also has to bide her time and play the game, so to speak, to make sure that she gets her fair share of inheritance in the future. Otherwise, he is likely to receive everything and even so, he might already end up pissing away the inheritance money before they even expire. We’ve seen it happen in other aunties’ families.

It surely is a frustrating situation though it doesn’t impact me directly at this stage. I just have to be supportive of Amy and listen to her troubles when she needs me.

It’s the start of another year and I’m not much into resolutions or planning for the year, just taking it as it comes. I’m still very happy with my place in the world on an individual basis and hope it can stay that way for the foreseeable future.

I hope this letter finds me still happy and content and maybe even a little wiser.
Take it easy
PastMe

The Horror – 2nd July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Unrecognised alive
Ash and dust
Swirl around your eyes
As the grim sun starves
Flies start investigating
The first on-scene
To witness the horror

An unrecognised state
Take a breath
Before the bullet
Where revenge rises from the shadows
Books and bodies burned
On the wrong side of the fence
The olive trees have no branches

One day, one day
God’s wrath will flood the earth again

Inspired by Palestinian poet, Noor Hindi.
Submitted to Weekly Prompts -The One-Day Prompt (3)

Today I’m feeling:

Happy, though a bit undecided.  I woke up with a start, enjoying my sleep and a sexy dream (with Amy) and struggled through my first 20-minute video exercise, which made me feel good but also on the edge of over-exertion.

At school, the kids that I regularly visit in the morning were all in pretty good moods, and we chatted and played a little.  Now I’m waiting for the first coffee to kick in before heading back to school early to help Kru Tang again, and then my first class of the day with my grade 8s.

Today I’m grateful for:

Gui for allowing me credit again last month and then for getting paid and being able to pay off the debt.

The best thing about today was:

I felt a bit rushed today but still got a few things done. I got to Kru Tang at 9.30 and whilst waiting for her students to arrive, my grade 11 students were doing an online speaking exercise that instantly gave them a CEFR and IELTS score. 

I tried to help them a little bit and also thought it would be a good test to do with my other students too.

Something I learned today?

As I was leaving school yesterday, a car drove by and a shout came, ‘Hey, Teacher Shaun’.  I looked around and waved back to see ShinChan driving an old car.  This morning I saw him and asked him how old he is, to which he replied, 15!

He told me that he lives with his dad and they have a motorbike and a car.  Sometimes his dad will take the motorbike, so he has to take the car to get himself to school.

He has a motorbike license, but I don’t think he can get a car license until he is 18.  He knows to be careful, but could get caught out if someone crashes into him.

It’s good that he has taken some responsibility at an early age, and I have to chuckle a little at the way things work here.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I caught up with Anchan briefly this morning and found out that her mum should be home in a couple of weeks’ time. That’s great news for her if it happens.

Sitting with Baipad and Fahmai this morning, Fahmai said that Baipad is smart and beautiful. I told him that Baipad doesn’t think that she is and asked him why he thought that might be. He said he couldn’t understand that, and she quickly stated, ‘I’m not confident’. Hopefully, these kind words her friends say about her are remembered and will accumulate to bring her confidence in the future. Fahmai said that he is smart and beautiful, demonstrating his confidence.

Later on I was chatting online with both of them and I asked them about whether they did anything kind today which they both found something to say about each other. Well, that’s a start.

Kids playing together, July 2024. Earn, Dena, Namthip, Nicha and Fah, my old students, now grade 9.

Two Goddesses – 17th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

So you want to be the hero?
This path is full of toil
The shortcut to vice and pleasure
Is the easiest to spoil
To be equal to the gods
Means Herculean choices
The answer reveals itself
So trust your inner voices

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but also subconsciously energetic. The kind of feeling after tough exercise, you will be happy with rest or with motion. As I wait for my one class at 1.30 I also have to be ready for when I get home, having to go straight out again to take the motorbike for rego inspection. I’m happy to have Amy pushing me along at the moment. Our house is cleaner than ever and smells of bleach!

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Aomsin to help me find some glue to try to fix Nong Jet’s broken glasses. It didn’t work unfortunately but we gave it a try and Jet appreciated the effort.

The best thing about today was:

I went to take the bike for inspection but they tried to tell me they needed a paper but I couldn’t understand. The only papers I knew were under the bike seat but apparently, it wasn’t those. So I got Amy on the phone and she said she had some papers at home. The shop wasn’t far away so she got in the car and came down with them. 

Whilst I was waiting I could see a price list on the table ranging from 1000 to 3000 baht so was stealing myself to pay this. But in a flash, we had the paper and Amy paid. 

I don’t believe they even looked at the bike. Total cost? 60 baht!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In a positive out of control moment I found out that we have another four days holiday starting on the 28th of this month. I reckon with all the holidays here the kids probably only end up studying for eleven years instead of twelve!

Something I learned today?

According to one report I saw today the USA has so much debt now that they have to pay 1 trillion dollars per year just to cover the interest. I don’t understand economics and I don’t understand a system that allows this to happen. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t get away with being able to borrow so much money that it can’t conceivably ever be repaid.

What is something meaningful that has happened lately?

Amy being back for a few weeks is meaningful in that it has gotten me out of my very comfortable zone. Comfortable zones are nice but lead to complacency and I don’t want to be that. I will have to make some adjustments and perhaps not have time to do some things I usually enjoy but that is meaningful too as it helps me decide the things that I really value and desire to do.

What is a challenge I overcame and what did I learn from it?

The biggest most recent challenge was to learn to teach English and then to stand in a real classroom full of expectant faces. What I really learned from it is that I can do anything. I can overcome insecurities and fears. Sometimes I have to remember that too, so I’m glad of this reminder.

I took this picture at the weekend because unbeknownst to me we have a bees nest happening above our heads. I asked Amy what will we do about it and she said her parents wanted to wait until it was bigger so that they could get the honey from it! Well, ok!

(It seems they were just here on the way to somewhere else as a week later there was no sign of them ever being here!)

29th June 2024

Youthful Idealism – 10th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Where’s my youthful idealism?
I fucking want it back
Now I’m old and tired
I’d rather just hit the sack
Why am I not shouting?
Thinking to make change
Wanting the best for everyone
Surely is not so strange
When did I give up?
Did I just get distracted?
Now I’ve got what I want
And I’m no longer impacted
Where’s your youthful idealism?
Why aren’t you complaining?
My life is almost over
But yours is still remaining

How to stop time: kiss.
How to travel in time: read.
How to escape time: music.
How to feel time: write.

Matt Haig, Reasons To Stay Alive

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and on holiday
Today I’m grateful for:
The men who cleaned my bike. I know I could have done it myself but I wouldn’t have been so thorough.
The best thing about today was:
Getting some more blog stuff done whilst listening to music. Also finishing another book. I still look at my bookshelf with joyful anticipation for future reading.

Do you owe someone money? Does someone owe you?
I don’t owe money to anyone or any institutions. I am debt free.

I guess some people do owe my money but it’s in the past and doesn’t amount to much in the scheme of things.

I generally live by the rule that if you lend someone twenty dollars and never see them again then it was probably worth it.

Of course, I loaned out much more substantial amounts to bands in the past and mostly managed to chase down outstanding amounts.

If I loan or lend anyone money now, which is rare, I don’t expect to see it again but happy if it does get repaid. This is only because I am now financially secure. Let’s hope it stays that way.

I took this picture because this is the cleanest I have seen my bike since buying it. It was worth the 45 baht expense!

Peru resh! – 23rd September 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Chiang Rai, Thailand. Don’t forget where you are and everything it took to get you here. It’s been an amazing journey. But now you are here – what next?

“In enlightenment, there is no pleasure, no pain – just nameless ecstasies.” – Sadhguru

Hmm – enlightenment seems like something to aim for.

Learn to meditate.
Learn Thai.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to meet Laetitia because she has a lot of energy and strives to do what she wants to do. I hope it can inspire Amy too.

14th Feb 2021 – Laetitia was a bright and bubbly French lady who was teaching at the same school as myself (and fell foul of the same stupidities that I did). She was in Thailand with her husband and two of her four kids. She had a can-do attitude and worked really hard and always came up with new ideas. Amy and I met with the family once to discuss a possible business proposal but despite their enthusiasm, we couldn’t see a way things would really work out. Soon after, I left the school and we didn’t see them so much. They seemed to have a lot of financial issues and eventually, if some stories are to be believed, they fled the country to Burma to avoid repaying their debts and this is what had led them to Thailand from France in the first place. Who knows where the truth may lie but I was even more grateful that we didn’t get involved in any business dealings and defer to Amy’s judgement on these things, that working with other people and their money will only lead to trouble.

23rd Mar 2021 – Along with starting the music podcast I also started reading more about Stoicism and discovering various email lists and blogs that dealt with mindfulness and self-help but with deeper thought than just the usual quotable influencers. I started this gratitude journal on this day and with very few exceptions haven’t missed a day where I have found something to be grateful for. Looking back to this time I can see a big change has happened in the things that I do day to day. Trying new things and testing myself in new ways. Whilst I guess this is inevitable across any 18-month period of time, this time it feels more like a serious decision to make some changes.

The Week That Was – 25th March 1979

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Record of the week: Late Show – Bristol Stomp
Highest Entry: The Jacksons – Shake Your Body – 26

29th Dec 2021 – I had to go back and check these again. Bristol Stomp was quite an upbeat pop swing-around, singalong that quickly becomes forgettable (obviously). I like some of the Jacksons/Jackson 5 music but this one is pretty bland and was surely reused for MJ’s Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough. I never got into Michael Jackson. It had no redeeming features in my mind.

25th March 1979
Italy’s gonna win the Eurovision Song Contest
2p
– Israel won!

29th Dec 2021 – Once again my wish and support for the team in blue. Didn’t quite work out. As well as supporting the Italian football team I also had a passing interest in learning Italian and borrowed a book from Sharon and Ken for a little while. I was fascinated that other people used different words for things. The fascination didn’t last many chapters in though, and that was a sign of things to come when it came to studying French in High School. I should’ve tried harder but French sucked!

26th March 1979
You know I think school days are really getting boring so this is all I’m putting (March 27)
2p 1p

29th Dec 2021 – It seems most of my day was based around school at this point and I wasn’t getting up to anything worth writing about at home. These times were when I was still staying in my mum’s room in the evenings and the bedroom was just where I went to sleep.

27th March 1979
I don’t know what to put
Same as yesterday
68p
2p 1p

29th Dec 2021 – Here I started accounting more properly and noting how much I had in savings. Later in the year, with much conniving and begging, these would usually be negative numbers. Early learning about overdrafts though thankfully without interest.

28th March 1979
Real drama in Coronation Street
2p 1p

1st Sep 2021 – Unbelievable! A quick search finds the storyline of this episode (# 1898!):

Ivy shocks the girls by siding with Steve against Vera. Alf comes out of his coma. Vera discovers Steve is doing a time and motion study on the girls. The girls accuse him of spying on them. Ivy calls a stop to the work when he refuses to rip the study up. Steve is shocked that Mike told Ivy to keep an eye on him. Ivy phones Mike. Mike can’t believe that the girls have stopped working on an important order. He orders Steve to get them working again. Steve accuses him of undermining his authority. Mike decides to leave the hospital. The nurses refuse to help him so he struggles with his crutches. Alf can’t remember the crash at all. Mike tells Ivy there’ll be no more clock-watching. She gets the girls back to work. Mike tells Steve he has a lot to learn. Alf tells Renee he will return to the GPO. Ivy realises Gail has wedding bells in mind and doesn’t like the idea.

29th Dec 2021 – We tried Emmerdale Farm and Crossroads but Coronation Street was the only one my mum and I would watch together in the evenings. I think eventually, as I transitioned to staying in my bedroom, she stopped watching it too. Later, we did bond again over BBC’s new offering of East Enders when that started – unbelievably not until 1985! I can’t find the ‘real drama’ of Coronation Street in the description alluded to in my diary entry. Fairly mundane stuff by modern standards.

29th March 1979
1. Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive
2. Village People – In The Navy
3. Sex Pistols – Something Else
4. Elvis Costello – Oliver’s Army
5. Lene Lovich – Lucky Numbers
2p

29th Dec 2021 – Hmm – does this mean I earned 2p and then had it taken away! I don’t know.

30th March 1979
What a day – so many bad things happened today
This is all I’m going to say
2p

29th Dec 2021 – Another one of those times that I probably thought I would remember these events forever just by seeing these words again. Sadly not. But this may have been the time of an after-school event, some kind of series of plays and performances for parents and everyone was at school in the evening which called for much festivity, particularly after we might have finished with our tasks for the event. I was enjoying going around all my friends and talking excitedly with them. I was in such a joyous mood that I wanted to kiss my friends. I’m not sure where I got this idea from. I thought that’s how we showed love or pleasure for each other maybe.

Anyway, after trying this a little, my so-called friends started making fun of me, jeering and calling me gay. I didn’t really know what that meant but it appeared to be obvious that they thought it was bad. My balloon of joy had been rudely pinpricked and no one would talk to me for the rest of the evening. In the car ride to the school, I had been very excited and my mum couldn’t get a word out of me to find out what was wrong on the journey home, as we dropped off David and Joan Anderson to their house.

This specific event left me emotionally scarred and sticks in my memory still. Being called names was nothing really but the quick rejection by friends cut deep. Of course, I didn’t really understand my emotions at the time, or other people’s motivations. But I did understand that people can be pricks.

31st March 1979
Do Bricks
6-a-side match P-P
Ipswich 2-1 Man. City