You show me your friends
But they don’t make me laugh
Next time that you come on round
I’ll make sure that I’m in the bath
I’ve got this problem with people – I hate them
I’m so alone in this desperate world
I really would like to find myself a girl
But when I talk to them they just make me sick
They may be pretty but also stupid and thick
I’ve got this problem with people – haven’t I?
Tag: depression
*Mirages – 14th January 1985
Dream? Or was it?
It climbed into the closet
Shooting unearthly discharges
The nightmare enlarges
Open up the door
It’s there for sure
But something is wrong
The creature has gone
A mirage or a dream
Things aren’t what they seem
The whiskey, somehow
Is empty now
The Week That Was
Record of the week: Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – Who’ll Build a Box for Black Paul?, Wasted Youth – Paris, France, Inca Babies – The Judge
14th January 1985
M: Got shit from Dave Gilby for not going to college. Feeling really tired. Did the usual things.
A: Piwi won’t be at work tomorrow so fuck knows what’s going to happen with just me and Martin there.
E: Went to Muz’s who’s being a shit again. Went to H’s. Dandy is one of my erogenous zones.
6
15th January 1985
M: Gilby reckons he’ll dock a day’s pay for not going to college. Having trouble with fucking hundreds of shortages.
A: Not much to do this afternoon. Wrote a good poem called ‘The Day The Apples Turned to Poison.’ Haven’t quite stopped smoking.
E: Had a bath. Missed the Old Grey Whistle Test. Pretty tired, 9.00.
5
16th January 1985
M: Got school bus. Had a laugh on there. Got bus to Poole. Got to plumbing an hour late. Pretty boring.
A: Had English (?!). Finished at 12.35. Had carpentry at 1.30. Managed to get out in time for the bus. Wayne wasn’t on. Caught bus from school. Dandy reckoned I could go swimming one day.
E: Pissed around singing. Went down Youth Club. Lost darts. Fuckin’ lost pool – played shit. Came back
6
17th January 1985
M: Fucked off with everything this morning. Dunno why. Seems like everyone’s getting on at me.
A: Things getting better this afternoon. Wrote some more poems at lunchtime. Fuckin’ cold on way home.
E: Gonna have bath. Had one. Night Court was on.
5
18th January 1985
M: Woke up 6.30. Snowing like fuck. Rung up work – said I wasn’t going. Went down Gaunts – came back when everyone got in a mood.
A: Went to Wimborne with mum. Pretty dangerous on the road. Got loads of sweets in town and some underarm spray.
E: Went out. Doddy and Scott came down my place. Did some pretty funny taping. Night Court was great.
5
19th January 1985
M:Got up 10. Went down Gaunts. Went down Sandpits with everyone. Fuckin’ good laugh going along the snow.
A: Came back at 1.30. Chain came off and got stuck. Pushed it back. Didn’t get in til 3. Had lots of food. Nearly fell asleep. Really tired.
E: Went to see The Void. Not very good. Ian got sick and cut his hand. Need a new chain for bike.
7
20th January 1985
M: Missed the morning. Got up at 12.
A: Had dinner. Went out. Went down Sandpit Hill. Fuckin’s till good down there. Met Dandy on the way. Managed to get a kiss from her.
E: Could hardly fuckin’ sleep. Couldn’t sleep thinking of Dandy. What can we do?
9
*The Week That Was – 6th February 1984
Record of the week: DOA – Bloodied But Unbowed
6th February 1984
Knackered. Physics was alright. Maths was totally shit. Lunchtime was boring. I was depressed by now. Social Studies made it worse. As did H.E. Bus home was alright. Hill Street Blues was good – cheer me up. Chucked Andy out of the group.
7th February 1984
R.E. – no teacher. P.S.C.E. – Jim’s shit. Maths – shit. B. Studies – shit. English – good, right piss around. P.E. – basketball – quite a laugh. Told Simon about Andy – no practice Sunday. Grange Hill was good. Went out on bike, down the road and round about. Looks like a good film on later ‘Visions of Death’. Football on instead.
8th February 1984
H.E. – made some bread. Physics – did a mock practical – quite good. Spent 80p on sweets. R.E. was ok. English was ok. B. Studies was boring. Maths was shit. Went out on my ped again. Didn’t do much else really at all at all at all at all at all….
9th February 1984
Art – Ok. P.E. – slaughtered Chesh at badminton. Social Studies – not bad. Business Studies – cut my thumb on a typewriter. English – ok. Fuck all to do at home at the moment. Reading Paul’s fanzine at the mo’. Ped just ran out of petrol or something.
10th February 1984
Did my English exam today – don’t think I did too well. English was a laugh. About 30 of us got caught smoking today. Burdet was lippy to Brooke and has got to see Crud. H.E. – boring. Maths – shit. Played football at lunch – good laugh. Art was ok. Business Studies was ok. Physics was alright. Jim’s decided to go vegetarian. Quite an eventful day so far. Watching telly now – well, there’s not much else to do.
11th February 1984
Got up at 8.15. Went to Poole. Saw Burd. Saw Lisa, Justin etc. Got some vivisection posters. Bought DOA LP. Met Paul around 3.20 and didn’t do much. Went to Arts Centre with Fish, Gilly and Paul. Quite a laugh. Came back home – played records, watched telly. Watched the horror movie – was fuckin’ shit. Talked til about 2.30.
12th February 1984
Woke up 10.30. Played records. Played darts and cards with Paul. Didn’t do a lot. Took dog for a walk. Took Paul back to Wareham. Not a lot on telly tonight. Read book most of the night. Couldn’t stay up for Sgt Bilko.
*The Week That Was – 17th April 1983
Record of the week: nothing in particular
17th April 1983
Getting ready for the great DEPRESSION
(school tomorrow)
18th April 1983
Fucked off already
Still – Mr King gave back poems etc
seeing him tomorrow
19th April 1983
Got them back, had a chat
Otherwise, pretty shit.
Saw photos of meself that someone else took
20th April 1983
Rupert is the enemy
Friendship is at an end
Happiness is dead in me
Help
21st April 1983
Got my help
Better day than yesterday
Mainly cos we didn’t have MATHS
22nd April 1983
Rupert is enemy
He’s a lying swindling bastard killing my friendship
23rd April 1983
FUCKIN DOING BUGGER ALL MUCH
1994ever 