Tag: dizzy

For What It’s Worth – 29th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Tell me what you want me to say
And I’ll say it
Just slip a dollar into my hand

The great shepherds of society
Created an illusion of fear
To maintain their demand

For whatever it’s worth
I’m just as happy as all the other people
I know

So drop some silver in my pocket
Buy me now
Before I go

Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – buy now.

Today I’m feeling:

Really tired again.  It feels like I just can’t get enough good unbroken sleep.  Cap woke us both up again last night, vomiting up some food.  

I’m starting to feel really concerned for him now.  He’s not eating or drinking enough and is all saggy skin and bones.  It feels like this might be his final days but I hope I’m wrong.  

Maybe I’m just being overly cautious after being less concerned with Kim Chi last year.

Today I’m grateful for:

The people who found Leo after he ran off this evening and Amy had to go and ride around to search for him. Without luck, she then just happened to check a local online message board where someone had posted that they’d found a lost dog. That crazy Leo!

The best thing about today was:

Watching more of the 3 Body Problem. I don’t have energy for much at the moment and am already in bed at 8 pm.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After a couple of coffees, I cancelled meeting up with Matt and figured to go to school and sign the documents to get paid before going home to catch up on sleep. Nancy sent a reminder to go to sign the documents so that was my trigger to leave. 

It was already about 36 degrees and with the bad air and lack of sleep, I was super dizzy, especially after walking up to the fourth floor where waiting for me was absolutely no one. 

I was about to pass out and couldn’t wait around and so left a message with Nancy saying there was no one there and I was sick and leaving.

When I got home there was another message from Nancy saying that if I didn’t sign today I would be paid late, without giving any indication of what late meant.

I flaked into bed but couldn’t get a good rest, sleeping for maybe only twenty minutes. I tried to get Kru Mai to go and sign for me. Why not! Why do we even need to go through this nonsense every month?

At three-forty, looking like there was no other way around it I decided to drive back just to sign their paper.

I took this picture because this tree at school is blossoming and looked great with the sun rising and the school building in contrast.

Dead Daffodil – 16th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Time marches on, each golden dawn
The love call in lingerie wears thin
Beautiful eyes now weep forlorn
As the devil burns at Narcissus‘ skin

With the white lion tete-a-tete
Thalia laughed in comedic grace
Ice follies not quite melted yet
Double smiles across Merlin’s face

A sovereign, a sentinel of silver smiles
Once orange progress or pink pride
February gold fades as June defiles
The Dutch master‘s lemon beauty died

Submitted to dVerse’s Daffodil prompt. Naturally, my mind wanted to turn around the joys of spring and to already mourn its end before it even begins.

Today I’m feeling:

Grotty. Getting up at 4am for Oh and Aun’s wedding has knocked me sideways. In between things that I need to partake in I lay down and dizzily dozed. Each time getting up gingerly worried about fainting.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to grab a four-hour afternoon catch-up sleep. I could’ve gone through until tomorrow if I didn’t have to attend this evenings reception, where I’m sitting now wondering if I have vertigo.

The best thing about today was:

Sleep.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Not enough sleep and too much sleep! I also didn’t manage to study any Thai today.

I took this picture because I liked the juxtaposition between the two sides. The facade all looking beautiful and behind the scenes the wood and nails holding it in place.
Fatman report

Love I Feel – 15th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

This is not love I feel
Salty sweat drips off my cheek
And falls onto your neck

Make a pillow of your shirt
That got this thing started!
Let’s rest here a while
Pretending that this is love I feel

Submitted to Friday Writings #117 – Sensual Clothing

Today I’m feeling:

Not as good as yesterday.  Woke up with a chest full of phlegm that was keen to be expelled.  

A little dizzy and unclear though I’m very happy that my teeth feel more normal again and I’m getting used to being able to eat on both sides of my mouth (for a while at least) and not flinch when drinking cold drinks, though I am still mentally preparing for it.

Today I’m grateful for:

The chocolate almonds that have been sitting in the fridge and that I just opened.  I can’t remember who gave them to us now.  I had to stop myself from scoffing too many.

The best thing about today was:

Talking and playing with the last few students I knew that were hanging around at school this morning.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My body is rebelling against the air pollution and the medicines to soothe my inflamed throat and stop my eyes from itching.  The day is a dark yellow pall, like a 14-hour twilight.  Not much I can do about it except wear a mask. Even that irritates my ears and gives me a headache.  Damn, this weather sucks.

Something I learned today?

Do you know why movies are called movies? It’s because the pictures move. Makes sense, right? And then you remember that movies were originally silent. And what we call movies today were originally called talkies, to distinguish them from silent movies. It’s a fun reminder that we live in a tiny branch of all the possible futures that could have existed.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I helped Amy pack the gift packs for the monks tomorrow.

I helped Auntie cut a couple of banana trees so that she could park her car on the land next door and I parked her hi-tech car for her, having needed to be shown how to lift off the handbrake because there was no handbrake, just a button.

I took this picture because tomorrow is Amy’s brother’s wedding and they’ve prettied up the living room and it looks nice.

A Whistlewomp – 29th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 11 Comments

In grobblegrinch not merry met
A whistlewomp paced upset
Eyes colder than the darkest coal
A ghosting galloped across my soul
– The frugglefrau awaits beneath
– The bridge, baring broken teeth
The flutterflumps flew in fright
As tolling bells queried the night
Clearly here the foxes gather
To feast on human gristleslather

Shared to WDYS #227
18th Oct 2024 – Shared with Living Poetry – macabre

Today I’m feeling:

A little flat.  Summer has kicked in seemingly overnight and there are no more cool nights, at least not indoors.  With the tail end of this flu, it has left me a little tired (though not sleepy) and easily affected by other’s moods or actions.

Today I’m grateful for:

A weed shop open in our little village!  This evening Amy wanted to go and get some medicine and as we were riding home there was suddenly the smell of weed.  Amy wanted to stop and bought a brownie in the hope that it will aid her to sleep better tonight.

The best thing about today was:

Getting through more than half of my grading for this semester and doing a lot of it during class time after setting some work and letting the students get on with it.  It’s not even due yet but I want to get it done.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I forgot my medicine this morning so have been a little bit dizzy all day.  Missing one day doesn’t affect me in that I will be depressed but the dizziness can be disorienting, otherwise I’m not thinking about the fact that I’ve missed it.

Something I learned today?

I bumped into my struggling student on the way to another class and they were on their iPad so I sarcastically asked if they were playing games or studying but they were actually live streaming.  Live streaming whilst studying – and getting paid for it too!  Sometimes 2000 baht they said!  I waved to their followers and went off to class.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I followed up on the student who was struggling yesterday and they seem a bit better today.  I gave some more tips and things to think about.

I also gave Baipad some more advice on using her brain more and trying to be more sociable.  She reminds me of myself at times, much like all my students. 

Imagine that, all my students are little pieces of me, running around as a reminder of what I was like!  Is this a game?  A fantastic AI simulation?

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  22. Don’t Blame People. What’s the point? Do you want to punish them? You don’t do that to people. Also, don’t blame yourself—you’re only human.

I’ve gotten better at this over the years.  I would switch between blaming others and blaming myself.  There are no winners in that thinking!

I took this picture on Saturday at the housewarming in the rice fields. No pictures today.

The Haunting – 25th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 13 Comments

I see you
I see you on the wall
How can I like you
Curled lip and all?

Your posture
Seems to be exclaiming
Your ugliness
Accusatory and blaming

Your yellowed arms
Wild and free
A broken halo
You haunt me

Shared to Crimson’s Creative Challenge #276 (picture prompt below)
3rd Oct 2024 – Shared with dVerse – haunting

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and sleepy and little prepared for Amy’s planned day ahead, a trip to the waterfall and to the place where she left her charger and then an evening out at Casa Mio with Aing and Now. Ugh. I just want to rest.

Today I’m grateful for:

That we didn’t have to go out tonight in the end.  I was phasing in and out of lucidity as I was eating at the river restaurant and everyone decided it would be best to stay and eat at home together instead.  

I resisted sleeping and felt a little better after medicine but also felt as if I could slip into a long deep sleep easily.

The best thing about today was:

Difficult to pinpoint.  I haven’t particularly enjoyed the day due to my feeling but then nothing bad happened either.  

Oh, maybe the best thing was that Amy got her charger back from the hotel where she stayed and it was close to where we were going too, so all that worked out ok.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My feeling, unfortunately.  I either felt sick and dizzy from my runny nose and headache or sick and dizzy from the medicine that countered my runny nose and headache.

Something I learned today?

Out at lunch, Aing asked if we knew the DJ at Rad Bar and showed a picture.  I said he looked familiar but couldn’t place him.  

Later, Aing said that he would come and join us for dinner and DJ.  OK.  

When he turned up it was Leo, the Ukrainian teacher in primary.  

And the girl he came with said that she would finally meet the person who made the delicious cinnamon rolls.  

Somehow or other everyone knows everyone and everything that goes on around this little city.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I complied with Amy’s wishes when she needed and in return, she didn’t push too much knowing how I was feeling.

I took this picture from our restaurant table in the river. My body still isn’t flexible enough to sit cross-legged for long periods of time and my ass and back were aching.

On Repeat – 14th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The breeze blows through the open door
-Outside whipping the trees
–A glass of cold water waits
—It is happiness pure and plain
—-Mr Piano Man plays a song for me
—-I’ve nowhere else to be
—Using words to explain
–That the world demonstrates
-It will do as it may please
The breeze blows through once more

1st Apr 2024 – Submitted to MVB-PROMPT

Today I’m feeling:

Dizzy. Not unhappy or down just bothered by feeling sick. I ended up coming home after my first class as I was getting dizzier. I sent some instructions to my other two classes to complete some work for me this afternoon. I wonder if they will do it!

Today I’m grateful for:

Medicine that is helping my body fight this flu. David was telling me he thought he was getting sick but didn’t take any medicine just using natural remedies instead. Which is fine but everything is chemicals and the virus is natural too.

The best thing about today was:

Starting to feel better by late afternoon, at least until I move too fast. Then I feel dizzy again. I ended up doing a lot of Thai study today, getting back into the ThaiPod101.com learning. I’m considering paying for it again and pushing myself.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got home I got into bed and setup with my laptop. Cap was scratching at the door so I decided to let him in for a change. But within a second of jumping on my bed he started peeing and when I smacked him he jumped over to Amy’s and started peeing there. Motherfucker! I quickly grabbed up everything and shoved it into the washing machine. So much for getting some rest. I’m in the living room now and maybe I’ll nap a little.

Something I learned today?

According to newly declassified documents, in 1992 the US government laid out plans for Asia never to be allowed to be ruled over by an Asian country. It must always remain under US control.

When was the last time I cried?

A lot of tears were shed immediately after Kim’s passing and still now when I think of her my eyes get wet, even as I’m writing this.

When do I feel most calm?

When I’m alone.

I took this picture because Baitong came good on her promise to paint me a picture from her imagination. Amy was impressed and wondered if she could pay her to paint a picture of our cats.

Getting Out – 6th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The world is trapped behind glass
A zoo of drunken circus chimps
We look up to others to ask
Just what is this wonder we may only glimpse?

Maybe this spectacle isn’t real?
How can something be so shiny and pretty?
When the glass shatters we feel
That the chimps are less deserving of pity

Running amok, all over our dreams
The promises now grown more distant
Nothing now is what it seems
And that nagging becomes more insistent

Inspired by the second part of this post at Spinning Visions
11th Oct 2024 – Shared with the Ragtag Daily Prompt – zoo

Today I’m feeling:

Still dizzy. Even dizzy during my poor sleep last night as my body aches made me uncomfortable. Wondering how serious this might be. But I still pushed through morning exercise hoping that that may get me going. Not quite. Will see how I fair today.

Today I’m grateful for:

Funfai bringing me a food gift. Unfortunately it was pork so I had to return it though I made sure she knew I was grateful. 

The best thing about today was:

Finally feeling better by the afternoon after sinking a cup of water with electrolytes. I’m not 100% yet but at least I don’t feel as if I might fall over now.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My first class this morning was a bit of a test for me and I almost lost it but I think the kids sensed it and were unusually quiet for a little while which softened me a little. I also recalled a daily reminder I have set – “Be grateful for what you have, for it is a gift that can be taken away at any moment.”

Something I learned today?

Some musicians I have worked with in Germany before are rushing to release a compilation to benefit women struggling through the war in Gaza. There are only four days to submit and I don’t think anyone I know would be able to commit to that. But in an effort to be useful, I passed the message on to the current folks I’ve been working with on the Jorando Del Muerto release.

Who is the wisest person I know?

I keep seeing this prompt and thinking it says who is the worst person you know!

The wisest….?

Even people I admire I don’t consider all-wise, all-knowing. Everyone has their foibles. And everyone has some wisdom. Take the best from people so that you can learn. Try everything until you figure it out for yourself.

How am I different than I was a year ago?

Change seems slow until you look back from further in the future. I don’t feel as if I’ve changed much at all in the last twelve months. I can see very minor improvements when I look back at diary entries and think to myself ‘Oh yeah, I remember doing that’ and then making decisions about where to go from there.

Answering this question for five or ten years ago would be much easier to analyse.

How am I stepping outside my comfort zone?

I’m not doing this too much these days but I can think that forcing myself to exercise is outside my comfort zone even though I’ve been doing it regularly for a couple of years now. I’ve been taking cold showers since about March and still going at the moment, testing myself to see how far I can make it into winter. I will go and play tennis with Funfai once a week, just for thirty minutes, despite my aching old bones. I’m still not often comfortable in the classroom either. I’m still learning everything.

There I Was And Here I Am – 5th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I never had no glamour in the city
No Gatsby hotels to wine away my youth
My world was dull grey and polished shitty
But neither place could contain all the truth

No sparkling floors can hide the vomit
From the mouths of the rich or poor
The eyes of men try to put the girls on it
As they rush on through the bathroom door

Living life is never not strange
There’s always a way from here to there
There’s only trouble not accepting the change
That a new you is just waiting to share

Inspired by the first half of this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

Tired again after my adventures yesterday with tree cutting. My body is aching and I’m a little dizzy and slow this morning. However, still feeling positive enough. The day is mine.

(later) Well, the day involved a three-hour exhaustion nap from which I woke up even more dizzy. I’m not up to much today.

Today I’m grateful for:

Discovering three sticks of Miang Kam in the fridge which I’d forgotten about. Amy bought them last night for me.

The best thing about today was:

Not being particularly worried or bothered about anything. Really, nothing much happened today and I’m just enjoying wallowing in our nice clean today house.

Something I learned today?

For the I-don’t-know-many-times, the resolution raised at the UN to lift sanctions on Cuba was voted for by all but two countries, the USA and Israel. I may not have a clear picture but it feels like the world has had enough of American imperialism and world policing.

I took this picture because P’ti was looking like a boss this morning.

Hands Cave – 16th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can you say hello for ten thousand years?
Can you see these words in twelve thousand and twenty-three?
What does it mean when the writing is on the wall?
Leaving one’s mark for the whole world to see
Were your dreams as big as mine today?
Staring at a sky only minutely adjusted
It’s a blink of an eye for those held on high
And in whose words were once trusted

Today I’m feeling:

A little dizzy and unsure which way things will go. So I’ll push myself in the direction of happiness as best I can.

Today I’m grateful for:

The two bloggers who click on the like button to almost every single thing I post. I’m reminded about this today as I had a quick look at their posts too and liked a few back.

The best thing about today was:

Getting home before midday after going to school, hanging around, having coffees and going grocery shopping. Taking advantage of this chill week before getting into the classroom.
Also seeing Mee, Yok and Petch at school again as they didn’t come yesterday. We were all happy to see each other again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing except minor inconveniences that were acceptable to my current state of mind.

Something I learned today?

I saw a nice story about Taiwanese and HKers travelling to a mainland Chinese city to celebrate a local south china festival of which I forget the details but the point is that despite all the supposed tensions between these places the average people in the street just want to get on with their lives.

I took this picture because I spied this visitor after coming home. I’m chasing other cats out from our place now as I don’t want them disturbing the harmony for our two boys.

There are many paths dripping dark so dense – 24th May 2003

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What is wrong with my body? Does my sick mind hurt my body too? I get sick a lot – I don’t know why. But this feels different – could just be some weird virus – hopefully nothing more. But what if….?

I feel dizzy or weird when I move my eyes or head and feel sensitive to noise sometimes. The thing is I don’t feel sick – not ill or anything – but it seems my body wants to shut down – I don’t feel like doing anything in particular – just resting or the things I normally do at home. I don’t have the energy to get out really. It’s been like this for about two weeks.

23 Apr 2022 – In 2009 or 2010 I got glandular fever which knocked me around for about 3 months and ever since then whenever I’ve had the symptoms described above, I always put it down to a reoccurrence or triggering of it again. As I was writing this in 2003, it seems like it must be something else that has been causing these symptoms which still bother me even now.

It may be connected with my sertraline medication, which I started taking in 1999 and still take now. I could try and get off it but it’s such a small dose one doctor suggested it may just be a placebo for me. Every time I’ve tried weaning myself from it though, after a while a situation would get me down so much that I would end up taking it again. It’s always worked so I’m a little reticent to stop taking it. I have very little stress in my life now though, so it could be worth thinking about again.

Sometime around 2000 or 2001, I went to an allergy specialist to see if it might an allergy issue but they didn’t find anything in particular, just a pretty general allergy to dust and which I doubted anyway. A highlight of going to this specialist though was the beautiful and friendly Burmese receptionist that worked there. At the end of the day, I would’ve preferred a resolution to my problem but I took what I could get and tried to make the best of the situation.

I often wonder about people that I’ve had brief connections with and what they ended up doing with their lives. These people were usually serving staff in favourite food shops. Mami at the coffee shop next to where I worked in Help Street, Chatswood. Emma, at my favourite Chinese takeaway (Shanghai Gourmet) in the Mandarin Centre, who taught me how to order my favourite dish in Chinese. That may even be Emma in the attached picture. Eun Bi at the Sushi shop. Mikiyo at another coffee shop. Sue from another coffee shop who I was close enough to to hang out with occasionally. After Sue went back to South Korea I became friends with Jenny too. I would meet these friendly people at least once or twice a week for many years in some cases and it certainly paid off to be nice to them as I would often end up with freebies and extras.

And then there was also Jenny, Peter, his wife Nancy and Nisha who all worked at the sandwich shop I would frequent whenever I could. I watched Jenny grow from a quiet 18 year old, unsure of her future to a business owner and now mother. She even asked me for advice about the guys who chatted her up in the shop, eventually asking for more advice about one in particular who she ended up happily marrying. After moving to Thailand she was the only one of my friends who called me to see how I was doing. I remain very grateful for her thoughtfulness and we still stay in touch.