The belly up dog rolls in recognition; celebrating the leash, revelling in submission.
In a democratic house, its institutions sing “we are free” until it doesn’t mean anything.
The belly up dog doesn’t need to be told he’s free to roam the lonely nights of cold.
Inspired by a couple of quotes:
we now live in an era when the slaves celebrate their slavery.
Nick Tosches
Democracy is a con game. It’s a word invented to placate people to make them accept a given institution. All institutions sing, ‘We are free.’ The minute you hear ‘freedom’ and ‘democracy’, watch out because in a truly free nation, no one has to tell you you’re free.
Look deep into the eyes Of the cat and dog freed from its cage There to be seen The root of all human happiness To chase around the beach, cuddle and engage
Positive and happy this morning. A little bit of that Friday feeling despite being a little tired due to a crazy pee dream that was trying to wake me up. I was so aware that in my dream I was even telling myself that this wasn’t just a pee dream but just that I was peeing in my dream. I was trying to convince myself to keep dreaming.
But eventually, it was too much as the bucket I was peeing into starting overflowing even after emptying it one time. I groggily got up to go to the bathroom hoping against hope that there were still many more hours to sleep but getting back to sleep was difficult because I kept thinking about the dream.
Predictably, it felt like as soon as I got back into a deep sleep my alarm went off.
Today I’m grateful for:
A few folks taking the time to comment on a couple of poems that I’ve written in connection to some prompts. I’m at the stage of looking for prompts in other new places for inspiration – though I’m rarely ever short of ideas to be honest. Just looking for a bit of variety and some more challenges. By taking part in the prompt challenges it is bringing new people to come and look at this blog, which I appreciate. I’m not particularly after clicks or likes.
The best thing about today was:
Four hours sitting, writing, thinking, drinking coffee.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Two students, Kwang and Pang, pushed me too far today. I wasn’t angry and not outwardly upset but they have both shown me a lot of attitude recently.
I like them both and I’ve tried to help them more than other students and I’m sad to feel disrespected by them after all the chances I’ve given them. We’re near the end of this semester now and I’ll tell them not to bother coming to my classes because I don’t want them disturbing everyone else.
I just told them to pack up their stuff and go. The class was much better after that.
Something I learned today?
Pigs can’t look up into the sky due to the anatomy of their neck muscles and spine.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Nomsen came to class this afternoon looking a bit frazzled and her friends told me that she’d been crying and she quickly covered her face as more tears came. Without making a fuss I left her to it with her friends.
I was asking students random questions about music and instruments and I came around to her when she had stopped crying but she was obviously thinking about something else. I was guessing it was about a boy. She soon asked to go to the bathroom with her friend and I didn’t question it like I might do at other times, thinking maybe she’ll feel better when she gets back.
They were gone for about 30 minutes I’m guessing, and when they got back they caught up with their work as quickly as they could. When Nomsen came to hand in her work she seemed better so I asked her what happened today.
She was quiet at first so I asked if it was about a boy and she shook her head and offered… ‘it’s my uncle…’ Oh no, I thought, maybe he’s in hospital or died, so I said ‘I’m sorry to hear that’ and gave her a hug.
On writing this I’m worried that she may have meant something else by her comment but I really hope not. I just messaged her to see if she was feeling better and she said she’s ok. I hope so.
I took this picture because two new pups were outside the gate this morning and were friendly. Tangmo came running over and lots of play fighting ensured and he got so happy he ran at full pace around the teaching room three times without stopping.
Pretty good though it was a struggle to get up as I had enjoyed a couple of drops of cannabutter last night that knocked me right out.
Today I’m grateful for:
Go Nuts chocolate bars. They are kinda like Snickers but cheaper as they are manufactured in Thailand (I guess). They are smaller than a Snickers bar so I usually end up eating two at a time but even then they are cheaper. I still like a little something sweet after a meal, kinda just finishes it off for me.
The best thing about today was:
Spending a couple of hours in my room listening to new music and finding new songs to try and play on guitar. I also enjoyed being in the garden watering all our plants.
Something I learned today?
I saw a message posted to our department messaging group that there is something going on in the morning tomorrow which maybe means a change to our classes. I’m hoping to arrive at school tomorrow to find out my class is cancelled! It’s no big deal if it’s not but a bonus if it is!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I shampooed Tigger again just before lunch and he put up a little more of a fight this time but I managed to get it done without any scratches, thankfully.
As mentioned above, I watered the garden whilst Amy was enjoying watching a TV show and after that, I came in and fed the cats.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO 1. Struggle Is Good. Never say “I can’t take it anymore.” Say “Bring it on!”
This has taken me a long while to realise and embrace, although looking back I can see that I did this often.
I have a capability to endure certain things that others might not. Conversely, I’m sure others are capable of enduring things I cannot. It is the attitude towards this struggle that I embrace more now so that I might look forward to the difficult tasks.
I tend to visualise and actualise the feeling of having completed something and being able to relax, satisfied that I had done something.
When I was a teenager, so long as it was something I was interested in, I could start big, wild projects that could occupy my time and mind. These things didn’t feel like a struggle. Without realizing it I soon discovered that it wasn’t always the satisfaction of finishing something that made me feel good but just the doing of it. Over time this meant that I could take on tasks that were less interesting to me because I would just enjoy the doing, the struggle of them.
When I ask my students to write out a few paragraphs of text I enjoy taking note of those who complain and those who just get on and do it. This reveals a lot about their attitude.
These days, having a space that I love to rest my head at night, I can rationalise all discomfort at uninteresting tasks knowing that when the sun goes down I have a place where I can relax and do the things that are interesting to me.
Whilst I would rarely say ‘Bring it on’ I am no longer afraid of the challenges that confront me.
I took this picture because this tree’s red flowers turn brown before splitting open and revealing their seeds. This is the first time I’ve actually noticed the seeds inside.
Thanks for the visit last night Was there a reason to come? I wasn’t really doing anything Perhaps that’s why you came along
And why were you the way you were? Not quite happy it seemed We still couldn’t even share a joke Even in a meeting dreamed
I had to leave quickly I felt like you were perturbed I closed the door behind me And woke up quite disturbed
Typing this one out has given me deja vu. I feel like I may have written something similar about another dream I had. This one though was about the anxiety of meeting an old friend after tens of years and left on bad terms. In this real dream, I had last night, the meeting did not go well
Today I’m feeling:
Tired from a 5.30 am start to start the last day of Grandmum’s funeral. It occurs to me that this (kinda) solemn occasion is a huge stress on the family. There are so many ‘rules’ and traditions that should be followed, to do it the ‘right’ way, that it’s impossible to be perfect.
By the time we got to the crematorium, stress levels were up and it almost felt like forgetting why I was there. That was soon remedied though when the coffin was opened for the family to pour coconut water over the face and body. I turned to see Amy crying and it tore at me as I teared up too as she poured over some water and said goodbye and then I was full of grief again.
At this point though, all the ceremony of the last few days made more sense in my mind.
Today I’m grateful for:
The family again for including me as part of them and not minding too much when I did not know what to do in these circumstances.
The best thing about today was:
The best thing about today will be crawling back into bed and enjoying sleep. Things get back to normal tomorrow but I can’t wait for the weekend already.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Sadly I lost my streak on my Thai study app as I’ve been too busy running around this week. I’ll not beat myself up about it because it doesn’t change the things I’ve learned already. I’m trying to make the learning a little more difficult again to push myself. I’ll get back to it.
The scheduled quiz I set for my class to do this morning didn’t work, which was a little frustrating. Thankfully there was some free time at the ceremony where I could set it up again
Something I learned today?
Assigning work to a class always teaches me who can be responsible for themselves and who will just take advantage.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Today I was Amy’s little worker and I obediently did what I was told without complaint, even when we did things that seemed odd to me. In the morning I carried a tray of food to another building where we sat for a few minutes and then walked back to where we started. That tray was heavy after a while but I didn’t complain.
Either we went to that place by mistake or there was something about the food being in that space for a few minutes that gave it some kind of blessing that I’m not privy to. There is a lot of symbolism going on that I don’t understand and would scoff at if I did.
I took this picture because this cutie decided to take a rest at the bottom of the temple stairs.
Tired, relaxed and lazy again. Today is a repeat episode of yesterday pretty much. Not excited, not unhappy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The cake that Amy came back with at lunchtime, presumably from Nong Oh who she was out with. A light chiffon with cashews in a thick caramel topping. It was nice in that it didn’t taste as sweet as it looked.
The best thing about today was:
Cleaning up the last pile of junk on the floor of my room. There is stuff there that is inspiring me to think of new lesson plans so I hung on to quite a bit of it. The floor is clear but I still need to go through the stuff on the shelves and that will mean more inspiration and ideas and then a concern about lack of time to execute all those ideas.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In the scheme of things, I did very little today. If there was anything out of my control then it had no lasting resonance with my memory.
Something I learned today?
From watching the interview with Nathan Rich I discovered that you can inject whisky into your veins and get drunk from it. I mean, it makes sense but it seems like a stupid thing to do when you can just drink the stuff!
That guy has certainly had an interesting life and we share a weird connection in that we both got into computing as a way to raise ourselves up in the world (and both into punk and then with interests in China).
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Today was all about Amy and being sympathetic to her situation with the unfolding drama therein.
Was the killing of hundreds of hairy worms on the avocado tree a good or vile act?
Tell about something you love doing that you’re terrible at. And tell about something you really do not like doing that you’re great at.
For the former, I guess it would be playing guitar, though I don’t really think that I am terrible. I’m just not good.
For the latter maybe Maths, though again, I wouldn’t say that I was great at it either. In fact, if I think about it I actually like learning about Maths but have an aversion to it because of a long-held hatred of my high school Maths teacher.
Even then, I’m over it (I should be because it was 40 years ago!) so I need to think of something else here.
It’s tough. I don’t consider myself particularly great at anything and at my age now I’m not really doing anything that I don’t like doing anymore.
I took this picture because this pup is cute and loves me.
This missile will find its way Into the hands of men as gods This bomb, when come out to play Accelerates the unlikely odds Nowhere safe from your precious metals In bunkers even, sat hiding Under rocks, the earth unsettles Monsters are patiently residing
Today I’m feeling:
Good again though I can feel tired from the morning exercise and last night I didn’t stay up much past nine pm.
Today I’m grateful for:
The immigration officer at Mae Sai who gave me my visa, which allows me another ninety days stay and then one year. And I can get that next one at Chiang Rai.
The best thing about today was:
Not being at work in the morning. It’s always good not to be at work when you are supposed to be, even though I enjoy my work these days.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Every day I could fill this space with something about my classes or students. Knowing that I wouldn’t be at school this morning I sent work to my students on Saturday to give them plenty of time to do it beforehand if they so wished. I reminded them on Saturday night, on Sunday and yesterday too but still, there were 13 students that didn’t do any work or communicate with me about their not being able to do it.
Some will use an excuse that they had to go for vaccination during class time but that’s not going to fly as they knew about the classwork three days previously. It has got me thinking about how to make some kind of lessons about planning and preparing for things.
Something I learned today?
I read an interview with volunteer medical emergency people in New York where they discuss trying to treat gunshot victims sometimes even as firefights are happening between the police and the ‘criminals’. Just replaying those thoughts over made me realise that the USA is already a third-world country.
What kind of responsible country has gun fights on its streets? What kind of organised country requires volunteer emergency services? A third-world one. It feels like the USA is trying to drag everyone down to their level.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I drove myself and Amy to the city this morning and I took Leo for a walk before driving us both to Mae Sai and back home.
I took time to prep a class for work that they have to do tomorrow so they were a little surprised that they had no actual work to do.
Hopefully, they are primed and thinking about what they need to do tomorrow. I’m pretty sure they can articulate in Thai but they need to figure it out in English.
I had to hold three students back in class because they didn’t do the work that I asked of them during class time. Once they had resigned themselves to this fact I tried to make it at least a little bit fun for them until they had finished.
Unfortunately, one of them was overemotional and rushed their work so that it was illegible and I had to make them do it again. By now, everyone else was gone and the sound of kids outside having fun was very obvious. She eventually broke down crying saying ‘I want to go home’ and though I felt sorry for her I realised that she is very selfish and very spoiled by others around her. I gave her some sympathy but also reminded her that it was her own bad choices that put her in this situation.
As we were leaving the class I tried to remember what it was like when I was being ‘taught a lesson’ and put myself in her shoes.
I like to credit my kids with smarts, they know exactly how to manipulate adults to get what they want and I feel like their tears are more because they know they fucked up and were wishing they hadn’t. I felt really sorry for her but had to stop myself from giving in and letting her off.
How have I prioritized my well-being this year?
This has been by slowly increasing the amount of exercise I get and I have learned that I feel better and more positive on the days that I exercise.
I have also gotten into the habit of reading things that reinforce what I already know and though they often fizz in and out of clear memory I can feel that reinforcement building slowly, protecting my emotional stability.
Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
If this was inside the house…I don’t think there’s anything that can’t be replaced so maybe I might just grab anything to hand…. Grabbing important documents would be handy but I’d have to shove Amy back inside to grab them as I would undoubtedly grab the wrong things, for which I would forever feel her wrath!
If it was in my room then it would probably be my old photos. I’m slowly trying to digitize them all and if that ever becomes the case, even though I would have them stored online somewhere I would probably grab my hard drives with all the pictures, music, books and comics that I’ve collected over the years.
I took this picture because I was surprised to see all this extra decoration on the window at Utopia over the weekend.
Great and ready to go. Up at 6am to head out with Bruno on a long ass bike ride that I’m following him along on. Right now, after 8 hours on and off we’re in the middle of some mountains waiting to go up to see a temple perched right at the top of a craggy cliff.
Today I’m grateful for:
The guy who came to help us use the petrol pump outside a village in the mountains. We didn’t need his help and he was just curious about is but we appreciated him anyways.
The best thing about today was:
Stopping in a pretty well-kept mountain village somewhere between Chiang Mai and Lampang and enjoying a coffee in an old wooden cafe overlooking a small community square where kids were playing.
(Later) We opted for going up to Wat Chaloem before it was too late and I’m glad we did. It was an expensive entry for foreigners but compared with anywhere else in the world I found it good value. After a van ride and an exhausting walk up steep steps the views from the top were incredible. When I saw the mountain in the distance as we were riding towards it through the valley, I couldn’t believe that there was a temple up there and then I was up there looking back down.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Bruno was a little frustrated with me and how slow I was riding but I just wanted to enjoy the journey for as long as possible. His personality has him racing everywhere. Well, he is the way he is and I am the way I am.
To be honest I haven’t felt quite so comfortable riding my bike since coming off it last year. That was only a minor incident but it was a good reminder of how easy and quickly an accident can happen. I’m way more cautious going around corners now especially when there is gravel on the road.
Something I learned today?
I learned a lot about the roads through the mountains around Chiang Mai and Lampang and the villages nestled within. I learned a little more about myself and about Bruno.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
At one of the lookout points we chatted with a Russian couple that live in Chiang Mai.
We deliberately stopped at a nice village cafe and I bought some expensive coffee honey from them to give them a boost.
I petted several dogs including a beauty at the temple that had a reddened eye and only three legs. It was very affectionate.
When was the last time I felt overwhelmed?
From memory that was when I was working at Woolworths and having to deal with my asshole boss. I’m sure he may have been a good boss for the company but that’s the kind of person I despise. Someone who puts the corporation ahead of people is not to be trusted!
Anyway, that situation badly affected me as it was tied in with physical pain from overwork along with depression and (apparently) PTSD. I was supremely grateful to get out of that situation as I felt myself going out of control.
I took lots of beautiful photos today but chose this picture because this is what I was faced with when I went to brush my teeth. This is Thailand, this is jungle country.
Home Workouts Workout — Morning functional strength training
Today I’m feeling:
Awesome. I felt especially good after my short chest and arm exercise this morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
Our car. I say this because I often see old cars around that I would like to own but remember all the trouble I always had with old cars, except for The Rocket, and how unreliable they could be. So that got me thinking about how grateful I am for our little boring Nissan that keeps going despite the daily thrashings I give it.
The best thing about today was:
Getting things done in the garden and cleaning the moss from around the teaching room using the high-pressure hose. I’m really tired already but it provided a great sense of achievement also topped off with mala soup and grill.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I lost my cool as Amy badgered me for help and then started (what felt to me like) talking down to me like I was a kid. We were outside and I kicked a nearby bucket away in frustration, which then, of course, got her upset too.
I almost immediately just found the situation funny but Amy was very upset and gave me the silent treatment whilst I tried to make it up to her.
Something I learned today?
I watched some videos of the recently released City Skylines 2 video game. It looks very good but I could immediately see how much time would need to be sunk into it and it’s time I would rather spend with other things these days.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
My vile deed was losing my cool with Amy and I’m disappointed with myself because it was nothing really. I’m still trying to make it up to her but she hasn’t quite forgiven me yet.
This morning I just had the one grade 7 class and encouraged my students with their reading which is slowly improving. They should be proud of themselves.
Amy took this picture because Tangmo quietly came over as we prepared to eat an early dinner. He sat and waited patiently and occasionally begged for bits of food. After we had finished we walked him to the gate where he now understands it is time to say goodbye and he walked off home.
Right now you are feeling so sad and down about life. One week ago today you took little Kim to the vet where they told you she would have to stay overnight. By the next day she was gone and on the following day you buried her next to the garage.
That first week without her has been hellish. With Amy away in Australia, herself suffering the sadness along with the inability to comfort each other, it feels like double emptiness. One little cat had made such a great impact on your own little life.
You try and fill the space with Cap and Tig but their own individual personalities don’t cut it. They have their own thing going on.
Along with all this is the terrible air pollution burning your eyes and giving you headaches. When you read this it will just be a memory and hopefully you are enjoying the clean fresh air at the end of rainy season and looking forward to winter. Don’t forget this though. This shitty air will come again. Be prepared.
As the ghosts of Hellcat still haunt you, slowly this pain will dampen and I hope that all you have now are the best memories of little Kim Chi and all the love she brought to you. Like all that you’ve lost in your life – mum, Steve, Kimi – they were special.
This is hard to write. I’m sitting here in Utopia feeling a little like not wanting to go home and be surrounded by the memories. It’s the holidays now and not wanting to go out into the foul air means staying home and subjecting myself to the constant reminders of that bright-eyed little one.
I hope you are feeling better mate. Shaun from the past
Today I’m feeling:
Aching all over. Old muscles must’ve been activated yesterday. I slept well enough and woke up before my 8 am alarm but feel like today may need a nap to catch up fully.
I was dizzy drinking my coffee and have come home and got back into bed! I don’t feel sleepy, just tired.
Today I’m grateful for:
Yesterday! Despite my tired body, I feel great, especially after a two-hour top-up of sleep. Slowly I’m feeling (and seeing) the benefits of my exercise habit.
The best thing about today was:
I enjoyed playing guitar today and ended up playing for about an hour and a half. I didn’t do a whole lot of anything else much otherwise though. No exercise at all today. Give my body a chance to recover.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Around 2 pm I decided to go out to the shop next to Utopia to get my favourite dish, Lard Na, but when I got there the lady said she’d run out of the crispy noodles. She provided a solution in Thai that I didn’t understand but agreed to and waited with some trepidation. But I shouldn’t have worried because the thick rice noodles she used she had added an egg too which had gone crispy and tasty, all buried under the usual sauce, tofu and veggies I like.
Something I learned today?
I watched a couple more episodes of The Making of Apocalypse Now and understood more the parallels of the history, the movie’s story and the making of it. The crew went through their own kinds of hell to make it possible. Quite an impressive feat and one of my favourite movies.
What do I hope to achieve someday?
100? To wake up with no aches? Recognition, immortality, legend?
Complete 100% satisfaction and happiness?
I feel like I don’t have any real goals set to tick off any achievements and now I pass the mantle on to Hayden and my students. They have potentially more future ahead of them than I do and my hope is that they achieve some of their dreams and wishes.
I took this picture because this little buddy was pleased to see me again and quickly presented her belly for rubs.
1994ever 