The roots have grown The longer you stay The harder it is to leave
Now time has shown That along the way You’ve found what you believe
The comfort of the rich depends upon an abundant supply of the poor.
Voltaire
Today I’m feeling: Relaxed and lazy Today I’m grateful for: The fisherman who caught the prawns I ate, somewhere far away. Shipped them to shore, then the factory workers who prepared them and packaged them and the drivers who delivered them. The best thing about today was: Enjoying ice cream and snacks after a weed gummy. It’s hard to stop eating! What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? I could tell Amy was getting a little irritable around lunch time so I just laughed and joked a little and not getting sucked into an argument over nothing. She quickly lightened up and everything was normal again. These situations can quickly go out of control when I don’t handle them well. In what ways have you observed balance in nature or in the universe? Looking at mountains, staring at the sea. I see balance in nature when there are no humans around and I become a ghost, an observer but only as a memory. Looking up at the stars and the moon, being grateful for this very specific role I have been given.
I took this picture because Jet made this nice drawing of me and my nice shirt! This picture is a throwback to a couple of weeks ago. No pictures again today!
The bird in the limes whoops ‘Here comes the rain’ Ants busy themselves in relocation Coming inside again At each gust the bough twists Fruit falls to the ground A flash to signal cats To hide from the oncoming sound Low breaths hanging dark Pushed frantically apace Rapid gunfire hits the sheets Falling around this place The frogs shout out their pleasure The cats, a-sleeping, wait Again the birds are whooping As the worms turn toward their fate
What we become depends on what we read after all the professors have finished with us. The greatest university of all is a collection of books.
Thomas Carlyle
Today I’m feeling: Tired but content Today I’m grateful for: My students at least seeming to understand what it is I want from them in class. They lose their bravado when having to talk with me one to one. The best thing about today was: Finishing classes early and being able to come home and have a sort of nap whilst listening to Sebka Chott, with Cap alongside me.
I took this picture because I love finding drawings of me in my student’s books. Some of these kids are quite talented.
Rich in dreams but poor in reality Abundance has removed all the limits Stepping outside all the comfort Where days become hours become minutes
Soft, decadent, bored with what’s owned Kept alive with constant shocks The warrior plays the long game And keeps the ship far from the rocks
Renew, and prepare for the peasant’s war Retrench and practice key strengths Recognise all enemies come from within And what exactly is being fought against
Inspired (and borrowed) from Robert Greene 14th May 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango
I want to know you’re there, but I want to be alone.
Virginia Woolf
Today I’m grateful for: Being reminded of the quality of Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina whilst watching the old BBC TV series, marvelling at the old TV production style and the seeming absurdities of Russian aristocratic life. It reminds me of times of my youth when I would have cringed to see anything like this on tv and even now I don’t think I could enjoy it without having read the book first. The best thing about today was: Was waking up throughout the night to find Kim Chi in various places on the bed. I disturbed her a few times but she happily rearranged herself each time.
I took this picture because I was quite impressed by my student’s drawing skills. Her name is Apple.
Slamming into each other Having so much fun It’s a heaving circle pit Until each song is done But someone is down On the slippery floor they slid Someone should help them up But no punk in ten did
The skins have come with bats Meting out some violence What to do about them? Just met with silence The beatings had started The punks all run and hid Stand up all together But no punk in ten did
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that it is Thursday and I only have two classes today and will finish at 1.30 so will have lots of free time. I plan to draw a picture of Tokyo to give to Gui as a gift.
We all have to start somewhere. I was always interested in art at school because it appealed to the part of my brain that could utilise imagination rather than drier subjects that required adherence to some sort of order. Weirdly I did well enough in those subjects though. Anyway, art just felt like the easy pass.
Of course, painting wine bottles and flowers didn’t really appeal and I wasn’t mature enough or my imagination broad enough to conjure anything worthwhile. I think I actually ended up doing more artistic things at home more than in class. Two pieces particularly stick in my mind and I don’t recall doing either at school. My most prominent memory of my three years of art class was finishing off a bottle of vodka and leaving the bottle in the classroom for other people to draw in the future. That was first year of high school – we were 13 years old. 1980 or 1981.
Like the other times I’ve had to draw on my education, such as Maths and English tests when applying to University, I’ve been able to dig deep into my memory and apply myself somehow. So, now I’m sketching when I have the chance and I’m digging into those art lessons I honestly don’t remember anything. What I learned about perspective I got when studying photography back about 12 years ago and watching YouTube videos about pavement artists and force perspectives.
Now, what I really learned, and learned from punk rock and my mother, is about just doing it. Getting on and doing it. When I look at these sketches again I can see the imperfections, the incorrect spacing etc. But when I look with kindness I think, wow, that’s pretty good (for me!).
Rather than set my expectation too high and demand perfection or failure, I choose the middle ground. Do it, finish, move on.
These sketches are from my morning coffee spot, House. My enjoyment with these was due to the very strong perspective of all the straight lines in the room.
First sketch
After making each drawing I gave them to Guey, the owner, and, if working from a photo I took, deleted the photo so all I end up with is a digital file of my sketch. I will do the sketch within 30 minutes, not as a rule but more that I have found the feel and if I went any further I would be getting down into detail that would take it beyond a sketch. Through these 3 sketches (over 3 or 4 days) I could feel improvement each time and they made me really happy and gave me a small sense of achievement.
Second sketch
When I find some more free time and inspiration I will do more but I think I’m done with House now, though they have a cute dog and a challenging garden that would be fun to draw. Hmm….ok – tomorrow!
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I have been able to continue this gratitude journal app every day for more than a year now. I will switch to writing in a diary from now. I am so happy and grateful for the unusual big rain today and the fact that our roof holes that I plugged have held up fairly well – just a few leaks. Our plants will be happy for some water.
The best thing that happened today was being able to read whilst eating my lunch. I was late to eat so there was no one else around.
Other little nice things included many students being smiley and happy with me and trying to communicate as much as they could.
There’s a big storm hanging around today and there’s been a lot of rain. It’s funny – the dull drabness of the sky reminds me of England. Here it is a nice interlude to sunny warm days. In England, it would feel much more oppressive as those days would last for weeks on end.
I am so happy and grateful to have a cheap gym close by where I can go and work out after work when I have time.
Change requires you to kill parts of yourself, parts that don’t serve you anymore. This will not be easy, of course, as those parts don’t want to die.
Stoic improvement
To-do list
Can I draw a nice card for Kru Noon? Cats or dogs? ✅
Typhoon revision games for both classes ✅
Write gratitude letter for Maesara ½
Write something for Matt’s DIY guide
More Coursera – take notes
I got sidetracked today – thinking about something from the Coursera lesson a couple of days ago and took on the mammoth task of deleting many of my ‘friends’ from Facebook.
I’m really happy to have made a half-decent job of a cartoon dog and cat card to give Kru Noon some time. I enjoyed doing it so maybe it is something I will try more of in the future.
Today Amy ended up getting her arm plastered up after discovering that she had in fact broken it a couple of months ago when she drunkenly fell over. It is very specifically that event that has led me to stop drinking so much.
I’m a quiet drunk – I enjoy the feeling and don’t often get loud and rowdy but more and more I had been enjoying it less and more particularly the hangovers. I’ve started filling up my time with things I would like to do each day and find being hungover means I get little done.
Finding Tramadol has also been a great inspiration. Whenever I take it I feel great and really savour things more. Time goes so quickly though, I think because you just get really involved in what you are doing. Time goes quickly anyway, especially as I keep finding new challenges to entertain and ideas for creating things.
Amy is a happy drunk and loves to dance and party. More recently though I’ve noticed her have some more negative responses – in particular towards me, sometimes scratching me hard. When she gets like that I just want my night to end and go to bed. I think Amy’s reaction like this is a subconscious reflection of the unhappiness that she is feeling living in Thailand again.
I know it frustrates her here a lot and that she cannot relate so well to some of her old friends, so she turns to me as her only support. I do my best for us to do things together and she knows I’m trying for her. She’s smart though. I think she will work out a way to make herself feel better.
My past event to savour tonight is the rest of the Limited Express tour as I only got about halfway last night. I also figured I would work my way backwards through time with these memories and see if I can recall more and more.
1994ever 