In Submission – 12th November 2024

A smart-mouthed bad crazy-drunk
Forgotten night of manic adventure
Black-eyed slurred self-pity
Another slug of ‘no surrender’

The door opened by the bottle
Ushers safety within its cage
Discard the day of tired dreams
Darkness enlightens the stage

The truest friend ever found
Til the comfort became a curse
A body weighted in dilemma
On a mission to submerse

Down, down under the table
Joined by the rats and the finks
Afraid of love, the amber’s pull
Further into the ether sinks

Another sniff to calm the edges
Eyes hidden from the light
Til Jesus was doing cartwheels
Across the lawn one night…

Submitted to AllPoetry.com competition of Walter Mosley’s Easy Rawlins quotes. Quote as prompt (and paraphrased):“Jesus was doing cartwheels across the lawn in the porch light.”

One Thing – 5th December 2022

It’s all you have, there’s nothing else
All you held are old dusty dreams
It’s the time you are alive, this one thing
The only possession that is what it seems


Every moment wasted on the dramas of others subtracts from your strength.

Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and carefree despite still having to organise things for my students for tomorrow’s classes.
Today I’m grateful for:
The rental car company and for being able to drive around Phuket at leisure and without worry.
The best thing about today was:
Today has been steadily great. Right now we’re in the Hilton restaurant at the beach with free-flow alcohol. Good for Amy! This morning we had delicious brunch at another beach, along with Aing, after dropping Fern and Harper at the airport. Everything went super smoothly timing-wise and Amy and I drove back by the scenic beaches route with a quick circuit of Patong just as a reminder of being there 10 years ago. The lovely hotel we stayed at that time has been abandoned since, probably due to the pandemic, but there were lots of new ones and many foreign tourists around as expected. After dropping Amy back at Pim’s I went off book shopping and picked up one book I was looking for and another three by Studs Turkel, who I’ve never heard of, but was fascinated by the name and an approval from Kurt Vonnegot on the back cover of one. Awesome, even with the heavy rain.
Something I learned today?
According to surveys, Chiang Rai is the drunkest province in Thailand. Not sure how this was measured and it must be pretty serious as everywhere in Thailand loves a drink.
What are some of the challenges you face?
My biggest challenges at the moment probably revolve around health. I need to lose a little weight again and build up some stamina but seem to be suffering a little from what may be long covid. I get breathless and exhausted easily. I have aching hips and a painful neck, weak arms with painful elbows. I should focus a little bit of extra effort on maintenance in the next few months.

I took this picture because it was good timing for us to be dropping Fern to the airport near where Aing lives and Aing has a day off today so we could treat her to lunch. The food was great and the beach was good too.

We got that attitude! – 20th May 2020

I am so happy and grateful for the opportunity to work with George and Dylan at CRPAO this semester. I think we will have a lot of fun.

To-do list

  • Zoom with Ellen
  • Enjoy the role playing today ✅
  • Another article for Bruce
  • Some more Inner Engineering

The day at school actually went to plan and the evening at home didn’t at all! But that’s OK. These things happen and it’s nothing to get beat up over.

Amy and Takky and Amy’s dad were drunk by the time I got home and everyone was in a happy mood so I hung out and played with Ritchie (Takky’s dog).

I worry sometimes about Amy hurting herself when she’s drunk – she also gets a little maudlin and down. I like to drink too and have a good time but recently I just haven’t felt like it so much. We did on Friday and had a great time but it’s getting harder for me to do it on school nights.

We want that attitude! – 2nd December 2019

After a great start to the weekend, things got a little more sober after Amy fell and hurt her face and hands. We were very quiet and recovering on Sunday.

Looking forward to coming back to school on Monday was brought to a sudden halt by discussions with the school and my agent about withholding two days of my pay for not attending the weekend seminar. I feel particularly aggrieved at this as it was not made clear to me that this would happen and it is not fair to withhold money for not attending an unpaid weekend of work. My agent blames the school and the school blames the agent. This is a very typical scenario here in Thailand and exactly the situation Amy warned me about.

But what to do now? Should I just accept the situation, stand up for myself further, walk away to something else (which may just end up with similar problems) or walk away from everything?

My learning shows that I should remain professional and unaffected emotionally by these types of situations but I still struggle with these things.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have read some positive things today otherwise I might have felt completely terrible due to a situation that happened at school. I’ll catch up with George briefly as he often knows the right thing to say.

14th July 2022 – Looking for a photo to use for this post I found what seems to indicate that I went to the local hospital on the next day and got myself a medical certificate giving me a day off, as a fuck you to the school for not paying me!

Flying monkeys dressed like bellmen – 3rd March 1994

What mad destiny had led me here, keyboard sat and twisty back?  Last entry into my world made six days gone.

Weekend spent with drunken buddies at the Joiners, we presented P.J. with a 31 candled cake Broni whipped up in the storm of the morning.  I took stage for drunken announcement which I don’t remember whether to regret.

Me, my baby and the Maybush mad dogs had drunk ourselves to oblivion and we were barking no more.  We hit our various sacks and I fell asleep dreaming of dancing in aisles, hassling young girls telling me they’re with a brother’s friend who’s in a band that’s playing that they can’t quite remember the name of, of P.J.’s face, lit up with grim surprise, of Red Dwarf and Broni’s complaining of tiredness.

Waking with others lain strewn about the house, rest of the crew let themselves in 3am after dumping P.J’s vodka drenched body home.  He toilet slept after sickness, no doubt some of our cake included. 

We laughed at the stories of the night before and we all lifted from our slumber, some to band practice, others to the industrial mecca of Eastleigh, where me, Broni and Richie consumed coffees at his, then Chrissy’s.  She’s occupied all her waking moments and twas good to see her happiness at the poetry booklet, now finished and for sale.  She and little tike Amanda read poems together as people came and went like the house was an airport terminal.  Poor Chrissy, faced with such loss, I saw some of her scribblings saying ‘Chrissy loves Steve’, recently done.  The hullabaloo of the house though must distract her somewhat, surrounded by so many friends.  Beautiful Rebecca now able to sit upright without topsy-turvying over on the floor, soon writing poetry I bet!

Came back black highway and relaxed with cheese and wine, for we live like kings, and watched a beautiful film called Orlando and eventually fell asleep to another called The Lover.

My Monday at work cut short as my wrist said ‘Hey Mister, no more you write with me’, so appointment made I wait around the sunny Tuesday at home and on visiting surgery (the receptionist another one of the deja vu people as I’ll now call them) get signed off for two weeks rest and pleasure.  But what frustration this brings as I have a million things to put to paper with pen and an arm that won’t accept the challenge, hence here sat typing this!

Midweek brought the freshest sunny day so far this year and I sat in the park watching the world go by and reading some more from Jack, sat desolate in the mountain tops pondering existence and coming up with some pretty good ideas.

images.jpg

All this and more too as Broni is several moondays late and we think up names and cry and wonder about our future and what plans best to make.  Nothing definite yet though.

But I’m still full of happiness for the world and know I can overcome whatever challenge life might wish to throw at me.

Two postscripts; Broni hits car at fifty miles an hour reverse!  And I’m in the bad books with Fatty though I’ve not yet heard it from his lips and my guess is unlikely too either. Poor boy.

*The Week That Was – 8th April 1985

Record of the week: VA – Unsafe At Any Speed, Husker Du – Zen Arcade

8th April 1985
Day off. Decided we’d have a piss-up. It was quite a laugh. Went to Houldey’s til midnight. Dean broke my nose!!

9th April 1985
Got up ok. Didn’t feel too bad. Chopped some trees. Put fungicide on this posh bungalow. Did Mr Ashby’s bedroom. Mr Ashby told me about 2CR competition.

10th April 1985
Didn’t go to see Josh and John last night. 3 girls up the road invited people to go round so we did.

11th April 1985
Saw those girls again I expect.

12th April 1985
Bought two bottles of Scotsmac. Drank one but didn’t get pissed. Went to YC.

13th April 1985
Mum goes to London. Husker Du and Die Kreuzen LPs came. Got fuckin’ ratted tonight. Emma, Kirsty and Sam came round. Graeme got off with Emma and I sort of got off with Kirsty.

14th April 1985
Graeme said Emma’s got a big mouth. Haha.

*Hypocrite – 1st April 1985

The nationwide hypocritical scam
Jumps up and down my throat
The dark and sinister scram
Carrying guns and tote
Them at hypocrites
Piece in the puzzle
The picture fits
Take off your muzzle


The Week That Was

Record of the week: Husker Du – New Day Rising LP, Stupids – Violent Nun 7″

1st April 1985
Worked 4 hours overtime. 8.30-8.45 Merley. Sent off for Zen Arcade etc.

2nd April 1985
Started at factory in Wimborne.

3rd April 1985
Youth Club had Word and Action but cost 50p. So 13 of us decided not to go – pissed around for a good long while instead.

4th April 1985
Only work half the day cos of weather and circumstances. Saw PA for £65 but no one in Atrox was interested. Boring cunts.

5th April 1985
Day off. Went to Wimborne.

6th April 1985
Got drunk unfortunately but met some decent kids. IN THE EAR.

7th April 1985
Started Atrox stuff for Piwi.