‘I am a piece of fallen skin’ ‘I am a broken hair from a spider’s leg’ ‘I am from dirt the cat tramped in’ We three wait In a corner close to the walls Behind and beside the washing machine We see the day come and go And we wait Ants wander by often, lizards, sometimes, too The cat peers under the machine About once a week And we wait One day the machine is gone And all traces of worldly humans Soon the plaster and brick will crumble And we wait We see the weeds encroaching Pushing through every crack The wind will never find us here And the heat and cold bother us not And we wait Now there is only darkness Every living thing has disappeared We float away in space Waiting for a reformation
The most important skill of a species intelligent enough to understand both their insignificance and their mortality is the capability for distraction.
Tim Urban
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the great variety of food I can find where I live. It’s still new and refreshing to me.
We are dust under the dust of the feet of the king Now unsatisfied with the problems that you bring Rising up to challenge centuries-old traditions That led the country into these downtrodden conditions
What made sense once no longer really applies The world has gotten smaller for information supplies The dust, the people are not prepared to let it be They are motivated to be the change they want to see
I am so happy and grateful to get through another month mostly healthy – just a little pain. Let’s see what excitements September brings.
Stuck at school all day but that’s ok as I can keep myself occupied wherever I am. Having pen and paper, a book and internet help and the two coffees I picked up this morning have kept me charged up well.
I’ve updated things on my blog, written my daily poem, played guitar for ten minutes – I brought my shitty guitar to school just for this purpose and bought a better one a couple of weeks ago.
I’ve taught three classes, marked their work, which I can feel is always improving; helped another teacher with their work – warning them not to ask questions that they themselves cannot answer!
Only thing I haven’t done yet is read some of my book, which I normally do at the cafe. I have read a bunch of articles online, though. My eyes are a bit blurry from staring at the screen.
The best thing about today is seeing my students ‘ improvements through the semester. For some reason, these things stood out a lot today. Anyway, it makes me happy. Some kids are sneaky and try and trick me but it’s out of laziness more than anything. I think I catch them most of the time.
We wake up in the morning fresh and ready to go and by the end of the day, we are covered in dust. The dust of emotions, of work, of stress, of everything.
– Daily Stoic email
Most days disappear too fast. I was busy – busy with what? I set myself small goals and challenges and cross them off at nightfall. The next day, do it again. Wash, rinse, repeat.
I am a machine and the dust gets in. Wash it away, wash this out of my life.
Talking of dust, it hasn’t rained here for 6 months, the land is cracking, grass clings to life but the jungle can still prevail. It doesn’t matter what gets thrown at it.
The sight of a big rat running around hopefully means the snakes are gone for now. Our lazy cats bring us gifts of small lizards and small birds, blood trailed across the kitchen floor.
Each evening we water the plants and trees, the sun red over the mountains, barely penetrating the thick smoke blown down from Myanmar and Laos. This is still the Wild East – laws often meaningless, common moral duties not learned in the chaos of the education systems.
We live in dust, breathe it in, poison for the lungs. But, we live.
A wise man said that you can’t step in the same stream twice, But I find that wet feet soon get caked with sand and grit, that’s very unpleasant, especially between the toes…..
nomeansno
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be able to go outside again. It was weird to be outside again after two weeks at home.
To-do list
Record another TCRAH and finish off upload details ✅
Express your gratitude and happiness to see people ½
Do not judge people ✅
Finish installing Powerpoint ½
Chinese drawing
My first day outside in 2 weeks. It felt a little strange as I was riding to Utopia and this feeling of freedom and being able to go anywhere. It was good to catch up with everyone there – I think I should try and talk more with everyone who works there, maybe they think that I am not that friendly.
Anyway, the air quality sucks so it was back home and indoors again. For some reason, I woke up and got up at six thirty so actually managed to do a few things before even going out for coffee.
At around 10.30 it’s usually too hot and sunny to be outside but with the smoke so thick there’s an apocalyptic colour to the sky and only a vague idea of where the sun is. It was still hot but I took the opportunity to water our suffering plants and trees.
A trip out for lunch and re-stocks at Makro and I got a lot more done in the afternoon.
Back to school tomorrow. I want to try and maintain this good feeling I’ve had for the last two weeks even if having to deal with difficult people. This is my test.
I would like to go and help George with some lesson planning but I have a feeling that the lack of communication last week will end up getting dumped back on me in the morning (I was originally told that I would be able to start preparations back at CRPAO at this time). Oh well – let’s see how it goes and I’ll attempt to think before I speak.
Remember – things you can control and things you can’t control.
Thailand reminds me of the free festivals I attended occasionally in the UK in the mid to late 80s. There’s a chaotic order and unspoken civility but one that borders on the edge of disintegration at all times. Whilst everything goes well for everyone concerned things go on as usual. But things don’t always remain that way and then will be the true test of one’s mettle. Sometimes the rush of blood from my head, as I stand up too quick, reminds me of that wafer-thin barrier between reality and insanity.
At the moment, Thailand is far more beautiful at night, when the rough edges are hidden in darkness. The smoky haze of the day’s white skies now unseen, along with the mosquitoes that suck on your sweaty ankles.
The days are full of dust and dirt. Individual abodes may gleam and glitter powered by personal responsibility but the bits in between are left to rot and ruin. Construction is everywhere, as in all developing countries, ignorant of the political decisions made in far-off lands. I try not to keep up with the news of the world but the stupidity of the American presidency is hard to ignore, like a train wreck in super slow motion. I know enough about Thai politics to not talk about it. I am the stranger in the strange land and that suits me fine.
Politics…..
We avoided any house stresses by taking a quick trip to Chiang Mai. This was its own small test of my driving skills. Whilst puttering around the city of Chiang Rai is a pleasant enough affair, the open road, full of its mountainous twists and turns, is a different beast altogether.
Tail-gaters desperately seek advantage and pull out at any opportunity and decide they will ‘go for it’ if there is even an inch of space. All this at high speeds that even had me bemused at how fast I was going. Amy and I whooped and hollered at one particular basket case who we hoped to see crash in a fiery ball of petrol and oil but instead, everyone acquiesced and moved aside and let the danger advance to be somebody else’s problem.
Settling into the drive, it is quite a pleasant trip through some nice forest and jungle, offering some nice views when you may afford a brief glance away from the road. After three hours though I was happy at the approach of Chiang Mai.
The city has grown considerably since my first visit and I must confess my dislike of it now. It sprawls and crawls, taking its dusty entrails out into the paddy fields, eating up new villages as it goes. We were lucky enough to be heading out into those edges though, to meet our friends from Sydney past.
Jess is one of Amy’s best friends and she was staying with her aunt and cousin. It took us a long while to find the location but once there it was an oasis of frangipanis and beautifully cut grass. A big main house and steps leading to what was until recently a small and very popular restaurant. So popular in fact that Jess’s aunt was on TV just a few days previously talking about the construction and design.
Two dogs, one in its autumn years, the other a bouncy teenager, sniffed at us and the younger one was warned not to get too excited. Aunt Siripan advised that sometimes he can get aggressive for no reason as I would discover several times through the evening. Though he never bit he would snarl and bark, teethed bared and scarily so. But a few seconds later he would be calm and look up at me with a sorrowful face. It was shocking and amazing to see. One second I was expecting a bleeding arm and the next I’m in love with this pup’s dopey eyes and soon after scratching his belly again, prompted by a paw offering.
Auntie’s food was amazing as expected. She had spent a fair amount of time in different parts of the world, including England, even speaking with a stronger English accent than myself. She spoke a very deliberate and thoughtful Queen’s English which was impossible not to like. We were regaled with stories of her life and past times, though saddened by the sudden death of her husband last year, which eventually saw her overwhelmed with the task of running a successful restaurant solo.
She was now reviewing her plans for the future but still in obvious mourning for that close comfort and steady hand of guidance of a partner. She commented that if she died now she would die happy with her life as it was but I encouraged her to consider that if she lives until she is 100 she still has another third of her life ahead of her.
Our evening was enjoyed with other Sydney friends, all now scattered worldwide, Lekky and Steve and Lena. We were so happy with our time there that inevitably Jess was asking us to leave as she was tired and wanted to go to bed. Jess is the bright shiny smile as she awaits food, but once filled just wants to slip away and retire.
We cheered everyone off as Amy and I headed over a suburb or two to stay with her old high school friend Oh, around midnight. Amy wasn’t quite done for the night though and got Oh to ride to the 7-11 to get more alcohol. So it was at 2am we finally go to bed with plans for a late meet up with Jess and her dad the following morning.
That done, we headed back over the mountains for the quick return journey. Exhausted I was by the day’s end but finished off nicely with a full and fancy dinner with an ice cold beer.
So it was for the next couple of days, us totally escaping the realities of our house build, a mini-holiday, a quick trip via a tea plantation into Myanmar, to get me a new leave-by-date in my passport and to score ridiculously cheap malt whisky that I just hope is real when I get to open it in our new house…..one day!
1994ever 