Tag: Dylan

Are You Happy Now? – 6th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Back in the good old days
Of feeling miserable and sad
Never could consider the ways
To stop from feeling bad

Depression in the dark room stays
Endlessly elevating the mad
Safely hidden away from praise
Scribbling it all out on a pad

The written word rarely pays
But surely makes one glad
No matter what anyone else says
Those were the times that were had

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Awake and alive despite only about six hours of sleep. Also feeling a little fragile and on edge but don’t know why. I feel like if something doesn’t go to plan I could easily lose the plot.

Today I’m grateful for:

Funfai for inviting me to play tennis which we finally got to do today. I made it through about 30 minutes and she had already been playing for an hour before that! It was only 9.30 am but over 30 degrees and no shade. I haven’t played for more than twenty years so everything was pretty stiff. My brain knew what it wanted my body to do but my body wasn’t always capable. I was dizzy after sitting down, drenched in sweat and super stinky as my shirt was one of those that hadn’t dried properly in the sun last week. And although my body feels used up I think it is happy to have been used. I want to go again!

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that Carsick Cars will play in Sydney whilst I’m there! I saw they will play with Garry David, so hit up Bob Blunt to get more info. Amy already has me busy with lunch and dinner appointments on the day they play but Bob advised that they added an afternoon matinee show which I should be able to squeeze in – no problem! Cool bananas! He also told me Julian Wu is the tour organiser so I messaged him too and he’s prepaid a ticket for me and it will be awesome to catch up with everyone again. What a trip!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got a message overnight from an M3 student, Pon, who I taught last year saying he was hoping to join the English Program next year but his grades weren’t up to scratch. I had rarely interacted with him and he was always quiet in class though he usually did my work. His low grade was when Dylan was teaching him and I’m not sure why he decided to message me to say he was devastated. I’m understanding but not exactly sympathetic. His grade was in his own hands and now he’s reaping the results of his lack of attention at the time. ‘Don’t care was made to care’ as I was often told as a child! Students are not taught how their decisions and actions affect their futures.

I read an article today about the negative effects of phone use and social media on children and how it affects the mental health of the undeveloped brain. It’s common sense to me that kids shouldn’t have phones in class! Even though I have tried to have them utilise their phones for study they often switch in and out to other apps which I know is detrimental to learning and memory.

I also received a message from my M2 student Alew, asking about scholarships. I don’t know how you go about applying for those but I’m glad he’s asking the question. I pointed him to Champ who may be able to give him some advice.

Something I learned today?

I saw that in China you can order your taxi by phone and if you are not sure where it might be, like at an airport for example, you can shake your phone and it will trigger the hazard lights on the car. And once in the taxi, you can control the aircon from your phone too.

What motivates me to do my best?

If I am invested in something I will do my best. Sometimes if I’m not invested I will also try to do my best but be less bothered about the result. 

I am always trying my best at school to entertain and teach my classes. I put a lot of effort and energy into that and I’m personally motivated by that. I care about the results for the students and not for the results as seen by the school, which is why I disagree strongly with their grading policy.

Funfai took this picture because I asked her to. I wanted to see how I looked after running around in the sun for thirty minutes!

To-Do List Of Yesterday – 28th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

You’re never going to get to the end
But the end will find its way to you
No matter how hard you try to cross the list
Find satisfaction in whatever you do

I wish I’d thought more about how it is to live.

Cecelia, Through A Glass Darkly by Jostein Gaarder

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Dylan for giving Amy and me some homemade Baileys for Christmas. It reminded me to give him the shirts that no longer fit me in return.

Yesterday, Champ told me that students will be in school full-time again next week. This made me revise my plans for my classes and last night I posted a short video asking my students to ask me anything and in this morning’s class, I got the students to make and send a video question, which was a welcome break for them and they enjoyed messing around with video filters.

It also, unsurprisingly to me, highlighted a lot of the students’ deficiencies when it comes to thinking and speaking! But that’s ok, I think I will incorporate more work like this to be included on the school’s English Program page.

I’m also looking forward to having the students back here full-time again, as switching between at-school and at-home study week by week is challenging for me and even more so for the kids. I don’t know how long they will keep kids in school, though. If another wave of Covid comes, which it surely will, everything may change again.

I don’t want to wish time away but I am looking forward to a proper holiday, proper as in not working – no plans to go anywhere, without thinking about school.

This afternoon, I will drop by Bruno’s and go for a quick hike somewhere close by. Need to work off some of the pizza and beer weight I put on this week. Doing 30 sit-ups twice a day now. Need to be careful with my back, though; my abs are still not strong enough.

The Week That Was – 18th March 1979

Owned It – 9th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Scouring her memories, she recalled all her faults
The stupidities of youth launched her verbal assaults
But she stood by her actions, owned her mistakes
The beds that she lay in were the ones she makes

He too examined his past, it still made him mad
Could never forgive himself, not even the slightest tad
Those times replayed had become his obsession
Dragged past anxiety down into deep depression

Forgive yourself, she said, to make him feel better
But something inside him just wouldn’t let her
Help him to see the brightness he’d once seen
To pull him back from the darkest extreme

She’d tried her best but saw a lost cause
Left him alone to heal his own flaws
He still cries for her, even these years later
Telling himself that he will always hate her

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to share some of our passionfruit and will take to school for Dylan, We have so much we can’t eat it all.

I like the thought-provoking newsletters I’m signed up for. Some are fun, practical, others political. Today, I read a fun one about deciding what to celebrate each day.

Today I forgot to bring my lunchbox from home, so I’m celebrating getting my yummy lunch from Oasis and the chilli burning the inside of my cheeks will remind me of this all afternoon!

I’m also celebrating going to Central to buy a new one, and then coffee and reading! Woohoo! Every day is a celebration.

We got that attitude! – 31st March 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that there is a local vet nearby where we can take our cats in the case of small emergencies. Last night we had to take Kim Chi to get some wounds cleaned up – looks like from fighting. She’s much better already

Just had another good class with Maeve in which she commented she feels much more fluent in her speech already. She did very well.

I then worked out my abs – which has made me feel good. And today at school I managed to work out a way to complete my 20 lessons plans, not just quickly and easily but also with a good method.

George is so off with me now that it is actually amusing. Dylan follows him around like a puppy but even he pushed back a little today too, light-heartedly commenting that George isn’t happy when Dylan doesn’t do what he wants.

Two days until a month’s break. Happy.

We got that attitude! – 20th February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the weeds in the garden – a reminder of the constant struggle of life and of the determination to survive. Don’t give up. I am also grateful for the nicer things that grow in our garden. In the mornings there is a beautiful smell from a flowering tree which brings me a great feeling of harmony.

Yesterday was a kind of brought day and got me down a bit. When that happens I usually don’t feel like coming to my room and watched a load of YouTube and a movie instead. It felt like the right thing to do somehow although perhaps I might’ve gotten better quicker if I had come here – maybe I’ll force myself next time.

What a strange week. From a weird ecstasy on Monday to what sometimes felt like tragedy on Friday. I had an ominous feeling before my class on Friday and looked over my lesson to make sure the students could manage it. They actually did well enough but they were difficult to control. Champ came to talk with them though I didn’t know what about and they were all quiet and curious for a few minutes after that. It was difficult to get them to focus after that and I lost my patience, having to repeat myself again and again and packed my things and told them to leave 20 minutes early – they could tell I was upset with them.

Later, I talked with Champ and he told me he had told them that next semester they wouldn’t have a farang teacher for English as they were too disruptive and loud with me – forcing me to be loud (and frustrated) with them. Obviously they kids would have been curious about this and what it actually meant.

I felt better after discussing things with Champ a bit and came to my own conclusion that I’m really only happy teaching students who want to learn and I struggle to control those who don’t. Sometimes I can laugh it off but it often seems to depend on me.

I don’t where my foreboding came from earlier in the day but it certainly proved right – or was it a self-fulfilling prophecy?

I also got really upset with George as he insisted that Dylan play guitar for everyone in the room. George does this often – forcing people to do things whether they want to or not. It’s not normally anything extraordinary but it really grinds my gears and I feel another contribution to my turn around on my like for him.

I can also feel that he has a problem with me now as he no longer includes me in anything – probably because I usually want to do other things most of the time. I feel it’s a little bit like retribution against me somehow. I don’t follow his way so I’m excluded from his chums. I feel it’s a little insincere because also at the same time, he can still be nice and friendly. Maybe I read too much into it and think about it too much – maybe it’s proximity, as we spent too much time together earlier in the school year. Both our bad sides are shown.

His manipulation of people shouldn’t bother me as I can’t control him or the people he directs the manipulation at. He tried it with me many times before and he knows it doesn’t work with me.

Uh – I feel it’s a shame and that all the problems I have with people stem from me. Sometimes that’s ok and other times it gets me down. But I feel it’s not something I can easily fix within myself.

I am a solitary person. I do need other interaction but just enough to satisfy myself. I am jealous of how other people have more social lives than me but don’t want to be obliged into it if it makes me uncomfortable. I find most people boring to be with. That’s the way I am.

Hang in there, Shaun

Don’t want a life of lies and pretence – 18th February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Cat cries – wake up call – got a present for you, toss and turn – nice dreams again, forgotten or fading already.
Cranky neck, cricks and creaks.
Birds call – wake up, the sun is coming, left big toe throbs in pain.
Welcome to another day.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my weird independent personality. I prefer just to keep myself amused over trying to keep everyone around me engaged. It’s not that I’m cold but it’s just the way I am. I work hard for my students and other younger people – I offer them my advice and my point of view and expression are just as valid as any other teacher’s methods, I’m sure.

Amy’s alcoholic uncle got killed, being hit by two cars, so we’ve been running around a little bit sorting things out for his small funeral. He was not particularly well like so there wasn’t much to attend to in the end and everything was over within two days.

Someone mentioned that the size of the funeral is a reflection of the person’s life. Steve’s funeral was attended by so many people it was standing-room only. But, so what? Do either of them care? I think that they would both ask for a chance to do it all over again.

Amy wishes for a small funeral. Me too.

Both classes today were enjoyable as I watched kids trying a little more than usual to do and say the right things. Dylan and I both agreed it was weird how some days the students are all good and other days they can be a nightmare.

Yesterday I stopped to talk to some students in the canteen and a couple asked me to teach them more English so I’m trying to arrange to help them out once a week. They gave me the impression they were keen to study and that is what I am looking for in the students. Let’s see.

All in all, the working days have been good this week.

We got that attitude! – 4th February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that our car started this morning because Amy said she had a problem with it last night. It’s great to have a reliable car.
I am so happy and grateful for Miche to be Amy’s friend and for her and Amy to go out last night and have some fun. Amy has been enjoying the garden but it’s good for her to get out otherwise she is stuck here all the time. So I’m thankful Miche is her friend.

The best thing about today was talking with Dylan about music. He asked me about the feeling when Kurt Cobain died and I asked him how old he was – but he hadn’t even been born. We talked about the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Gorillaz etc

We got that attitude! – 28th December 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for my cousin Mungo. He reminds me of me when I was younger. Searching for truth and meaning in different places. I’m still searching but have a better idea of where to look more that I’m older.

To-do list

  • Clear stage 4 guitar ½
  • Study more Ableton
  • Find things that you can do for others ½
  • Find a suitable git for Amy
  • More drawing

I’ve been feeling pretty good all round since I started getting up early again and doing minimal exercise, yoga and meditation. It seems to give me the energy I need for the day.

Going for coffee now is my time to study Thai. I don’t stay much longer than necessary as I used to. It was nice to hang out with George and Dylan at De Lanna in the mornings but it was getting a little repetitive. We would also often stay quite a long time and the coffee is no good now Manow has left and it wasn’t great to start with.

It was a little difficult to break away from doing this each morning and I think George took it a little personally. I also was overthinking everything but all is fine now. I also wanted to spend more time focusing on language learning and it would be kinda rude to do that whilst in company.

I didn’t tell them that I was studying much more as I didn’t want any external pressure about it. I put enough pressure on myself. I’m making slow but steady progress. I challenge myself to do three apps worth of study every day. Some of it is sticking.

I recorded the last Chiang Rai Alternative Hour this week. It’s been fun to focus on that for this past 12 months or so during lockdowns and no travel. I’d like to spend some more time just listening to and enjoying music again. Something which I’m doing as I write this.

I have a few other things I’d like to do more of as well, such as drawing, improving at guitar, learning more about Ableton and reading more. I have to remember that I have lots of time.

We got that attitude! – 5th August 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that I have more energy these days. It helps me make better decisions.

To-do list

  • Awards – why is this hard? ½
  • Compliment two people ✅
  • Remember that thing about listening ½
  • Clear some emails ½
  • IELTS and TOEFL check ½

An enjoyable day as I only had to teach for 2 hours and it was with 1/9 who are the best students. I felt more grounded today and I was looking for opportunities to do the things on my list but often they came to my mind at times when it was too late to action. I want to keep on trying to form the habits of the first 3 things on my list – I feel like they are important.

Kru Fluke helped me with some printing today so I gave her an award of my favourite teacher of the day but after that, I forgot about any other awards. As I was writing this I also remembered that I told Dylan he was a good guy for helping me with something too – so that’s my two compliments.

I helped Dylan a little in his class too so I’m going to cross off my Random Act of Kindness achievement for today. I’m actually finding it difficult to stay out of other classes because I just enjoy being around the students and helping out.

With nothing much else to do for preparation for work I could spend all day reading or listening to podcasts or watching vides but helping out is making me feel happy. I’m really enjoying working here and I have to thanks George a lot for that.