Tag: embarrassment

Grant Never Left – 18th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A local legend
Filled with holes
An awesome story
Forever told 
Misquoted memory
A dramatic twist
A Chinese whisper
Adds to the list
Was he so high
He just stayed on?
Slept under stars
Friends all gone

Inspired by the story of Grant Hart staying on in the town where Husker Du played their final show for several months after. I read this in The Punk Planet Interviews book.

Today I’m feeling:

My body is tired again. Can’t motivate myself much though I’ll hang from my hoops later and try to stretch out some weariness. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The old uncle who waved me forward indicating that the way I was going was the way out. This was after I emerged from a Google glitch that had me deeply embedded in jungle vines and old bamboo, shredding my legs. Thanks, Google. Thanks, uncle.

The best thing about today was:

Having an afternoon nap between 10 and 11 am was odd. It was maybe only twenty minutes long and despite having had two coffees it was deep and refreshing. Almost as if I was prescribed a certain amount of sleep and I just needed to finish it off. 
Anyway, I knew I would have to try and counter an actual afternoon nap by taking myself off somewhere so I hopped on the bike with the intention to ride up to Mae Chan in the opposite direction that Bruno and I came back through a couple of weeks back (avoiding the police check). From there I wanted to travel through some of the villages near the base of the mountains around there. Lots of nice spots with views and funny little paths off here and there that were fun to explore. All the while riding along the almost dry river there. A fun day out. Tiring and refreshing at the same time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At Utopia this morning I had a sudden need to use their tiny bathroom. I could see the floor was wet but didn’t realise how much so until I stood up and my pants were soaked through and I looked like I’d peed myself. There was nothing else I could do about it except walk back out into the shop and past all the staff and customers, all the while trying to explain that the floor was wet in the bathroom. Well, what can you do? Best not to be embarrassed and just keep going. I don’t notice much ribbing of each other between kids about things that were embarrassing to me as a kid. It seems a little more forgiving of uncontrollable embarrassment though of course, I could be missing it due to the language barrier.

What is one new thing I’d like to try?

Is there anything? There are probably many things but there’s nothing much that I think I would go out of my way to try these days. If something came along then I’d try it. Am I running out of things to try? Is nothing exciting anymore?

I took this picture because this just came out of the blue as I came around a corner. It seemed to be by itself but behind the trees and up the hillside were more temple-type buildings.

Phobia – 3rd May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What are you really afraid of
When you’re afraid of what you’re told?
Are you really afraid of
These things you can’t even touch or hold?
Or are you afraid that your dreams
Will crumble at the lies that you’ve been sold?
Keep those dreams beside your bed
Unable to sleep on your mattress of gold

Today I’m feeling:

In the morning I was tired from getting up too early so instead of an afternoon nap I went for a morning one instead!

Today I’m grateful for:

All the artists and musicians I’m currently working with on upcoming releases for tenzenmen. Things have slowed down but I’m still happy to be helping musicians make music that I really enjoy.

The best thing about today was:

Wanting to play guitar. I just haven’t had the feeling for this past month though had been forcing myself every couple of days even if just for five minutes. I did about ten minutes in the afternoon but then felt compelled to pick it up again in the evening.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Eating lunch at the restaurant I was happy with green curry salmon and a side dish of cabbage in fish sauce. I was enjoying the spicy sauce and went for a spoonful of the cabbage which I happily chewed up like the cows outside my kitchen window, grinding the vegetable into a swallowable pulp. However, the chilli suddenly induced a sneeze which I managed to catch with my hand without too much damage. But then I felt another coming and I stupidly tried to hold my nose which didn’t have the desired effect of killing the sneeze. Instead, the sneeze manifested and forced air out of my mouth along with its contents! Chewed cabbage pulp hit my hand and sprayed in a wide arc over the table and onto the floor. I quickly tried to clean myself and the table, thankful I don’t think anyone saw what happened. I picked up pieces off the floor after finishing eating trying not to show any guilt. I think I got away with it though I’m giggling and embarrassed at the same time.

Something I learned today?

Today I learned that it is Cap that pees on the folding mattress as I caught him in the act. All this time blaming Tigger; though I had my suspicions. Amy was concerned when I told her as this behaviour is often a cat’s way of saying there’s something wrong. After coffee, I can back and set up the litter tray and stick him in it and he started peeing immediately. I put a tissue under him and could see that there was no blood which is usually an indicator of some problem. Then he went and sat at the sliding door and looked out at Tangmo who had come into the garden when I came home. It was then I realised that yesterday Tangmo had chased Cap into the house and so maybe Cap was reluctant to go outside to pee and decided that the mattress was the best replacement. Recently I’ve been leaving the gate open overnight so it’s possible Tangmo has been here during the night and maybe chased our cats inside from time to time and made them afraid. I noticed Tigger being indoors more recently and I thought it was just due to the heat but perhaps it’s all connected with Mo. I wish he was a calm dog and could be friends with our cats, but we don’t have much choice as he’s not ours. I’ll be keeping the gate shut more now though.

What is happening around me right now?

I’m sitting in Tid Doi Tid Din having just finished some lunch. I needed a full food hit to keep me going today so ate green curry salmon with rice and cabbage in fish sauce. Not sure if it’s enough to buck my energy up but at least it’s a fresh range of vitamins and minerals.

I’m sitting at a corner table next to the window and near the door. Outside, cars and trucks speed past on the highway only about ten feet from where I’m sitting behind big plate glass and in the cold air conditioning. Outside looks hot and I can’t decide if I want to go to Daytripper to see if they have banoffee or not. I’m enjoying the aircon as I see students on motorbikes (3-up) at the U-turn burning their bare exposed legs in the sun or on the bike’s exhaust.

There are not many customers here but enough to keep the staff on the move. This restaurant is kind of attached to the hotel behind it from which it draws most of its custom. I haven’t been here for about three years though do very occasionally order delivery from here. It’s expensive for the students and across the highway I can see a plethora of white shirts and black pants and skirts in the local food shop with 30 baht plates.

The environment inside is appealing, a mix of modern with traditional wood finishes and floors. The wall opposite me is lined with rows and rows of bottles of wine and beer and by the door the clunky PC and keyboard that controls everything.

I took this picture because I’m treating myself to lunch today.

In The Ring – 3rd January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Why suffer to win a meaningless victory?
The search for glory, the greater goal?
Do we strive just because we can
And winning fills the heart and soul?

inspired and plagiarised from Existential Comics

Poverty is not necessary. It is a social, economic and political failure, usually caused by a history of injustice.

Chris Tomlinson

This ends a year of finding quotes every day. I wrote them all in a book that I will gift to Hayden. I’m going to fill up the book with some choice lyrics that also inspired me.

Today I’m feeling:

Motivated and energetic

Today I’m grateful for:
Well, I’m grateful for Amy again. Despite her being busy preparing food for a party at our house tonight she still made me pasta for dinner and enough to feed me for three more meals in the freezer. All her friends are happy to come here and enjoy Amy’s entertainment.

The best thing about today was:

Having that feeling of motivation again and not being too tired and lethargic at the end of the day. While Amy was busy I was preparing some lessons and discovering new worksheets and things for the kids to read and then also updating old entries for my blog and things like that. I’ve managed to keep going fairly well today. I hope I can keep it up.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At the party tonight I was actually expecting to be joining them and eating with them and didn’t realise that when Amy made dinner for me I was supposed to eat it quickly. I was hungry anyway so it didn’t really matter and when I think about it Amy planned well because she and her friends will be chat-chat-chatting in Thai.

I’m okay to just sit and enjoy everyone having a good time but I can’t really add much to the conversations and things like that, so it’s good that Amy allowed that I wouldn’t be part of the party although I was around and still talking a little bit with everyone. It’s nice not to have the expectation and to feel a bit like the odd one out.

Something I learned today?

Today I watched an interview with Andy Boreham and the ex-prime minister of New Zealand John Keys and they were talking about China, in particular, John Keys was talking about his experience of China and I pretty much had to agree with everything that he said and so I didn’t really learn anything new but just confirmed something that I already believed.

It’s okay to listen and watch things that confirm things that you already believe but also I’m interested in other arguments or a point of view.

I watched another video of someone whose reports I usually enjoy but this one, whilst it was about something that happened between China and America there was something that he was saying that didn’t feel like it fell in line with what I believe to be true. I wanted to understand his argument for the particular situation but because of other things that were said that seem to be common putdowns about China put me off wanting to watch any more about it.

It’s a shame because even people who seem to have a balanced view can fall into rhetoric or just follow what is accepted as fact when actually, if it’s not accepted by some people, such as myself in this case, then it affects what they are trying to argue. Maybe I would change my mind on his point but because of other statements around it, I was put off to listen further.

It goes to show how difficult it is for people presenting news and reporting to just stick with, I’m going to say facts but is it facts or just accepted truth? It’s difficult to judge for anyone now as a listener, as a watcher. We all get caught in this trap.

Write about your most embarrassing moment.

I’m struggling to think of something that was really embarrassing to me since I became an adult.

So, I can remember a time when it was a Christmas time family party and my grandad played a prank on me. I guess I was about 12 or 13. He was selling it as a seance and that he was contacting people from beyond. He had me rub my finger on the underside of a plate and then touch various parts of my face and apparently, this would help communicate.

After about 10 minutes they showed me a mirror and what had happened was that they tricked me and they had burned a candle under the bottom of the plate and obviously I was running my finger along there and putting soot all over my face and when I was shown the mirror and saw myself, I was so upset and unhappy.

I couldn’t believe that I had been made to look so foolish in front of the family. I hated my granddad for a long time after that.

I took this picture because I am the clown, the entertainer, and the teacher. These were the kids at the restaurant from a couple of days ago. I will drop some simple English books for them one day. No new photos today.

Dang! And back into it!

Two morning classes, push, push, make these kids work, no easing into things. They responded well enough and I feel satisfied. We know what to expect of each other on the battlefield as we push for a win-win outcome.

Some will be lost, maybe lost already. Some will return and be pulled into the unit by improving maturity.

I tried to encourage Poppy this morning by showing her a magic card trick but she wasn’t sure why I was doing that. I think she will go off and think about that a bit more. She needs attention, which she no longer gets as she lost her friends. I will try a couple more times. She’s hard-nosed and unsure of things but presents a tough exterior. I’m reminded of myself, of course.