In the raw, you leave A bitter tingle on the lips A dusty drift in the air Dry to the connoisseur’s nose
To grip the sweat of flesh Where the cups of coffee sit Hard knocks on wood Built for many winters
All the ale spilled over And never a complaint Stoic and solid, ever-steady Dampened with a cloth
How is it that your shade Perfectly matches your function? When your name is spoken Your colour is revealed
Sealed with a scent A low release of forest Antique aching legs Of stale cigars, whiskey and work
Write a poem about an object in five stanzas using sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch – in any order. What is it? This was a tough write and I don’t know if people can understand what the object is!
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good despite almost swearing when my alarm went off. I got up and at it though and now, about two hours later, I’m wondering if I can increase my exercise time a little in the morning. Seems like I’ve already forgotten about how tired I am by Fridays and thinking of pushing it further now it’s Monday!
(10 pm) So tired now that I’m no longer contemplating pushing myself so much!
Today I’m grateful for:
The students in the sick room who bandaged up my fingers whilst taking pictures to show that they were working when required. Fixing the bleeding farang teacher is good optics.
The best thing about today was:
My first class, 3 hours with grade 12s was relaxing and fun. I didn’t push them too much and tried to keep everyone engaged as best as I could. I was quite impressed with their English skills and with their confidence to at least try their best.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Tokyo finally got me today and it was my own fault.
Usually, when I’m leaving House I don’t disturb her as she is sleeping, yet eyeing what is going on but today she was on her side and raised her paw for a belly rub.
If I had come round to her side maybe everything would be ok but I tried leaning over the bench which left my hand hovering over her until I got my balance to sit down. I know that she feels threatened by this and sure enough, she snapped her jaw around my fingers and me trying to pull away left a big gash on the inside of my forefinger and knuckle of my ring finger.
Weirdly, it didn’t hurt that much, though I knew I should be feeling pain. Due to the location of the wounds, they soon started dripping blood. Gui’s mum got out the medicine kit that they have to keep handy for these situations and I quickly cleaned up before heading back to school.
I got the cuts band-aided at the sick room and went off to class.
Something I learned today?
Praewa complained about her boyfriend, my grade 8 student Ten, smoking too much marijuana! I was not at all surprised to hear this.
She has been very unhappy since she met him and I don’t understand what his appeal is. Bad boy appeal maybe? All her friends keep telling her to dump him and she keeps threatening to.
Ten is immature and doesn’t have any parental guidance at home, living with his grandmother and his younger sister.
I’d be happy if I never heard his name again and I usually like the ‘bad’ kids.
What three words describe today?
Interesting Inspiring Tiring
Amy took this picture just before fixing up the support for the nest with an old shirt. Things were getting precarious there.
I’m saying goodbye to all the terrible kissers Crazy roommates and sideways pissers No more mental breakdowns for me I’m handing the landlord back the key
Moving on from fast food dates Working minimum wage cleaning plates I’m tired of all the dreams I’ve dreamt That I never had time to attempt
But finally, the time has come for me To make the trip towards a different sea The school of life has me graduating Beyond the realms of just contemplating
The terrible kissers will be a reminder To treat myself and others kinder Four winters and summers now past The time is right to move on at last
Ok but still coughing a little. When I got to school I found that one of my classes has 15 students off sick today! Amy is coughing and has a sore throat now too.
Today I’m grateful for:
My student Lydia for expressing her appreciation for my class today which was about vowel sounds.
I was also grateful to Tulip, who I moved from the back of the class to the front, which she was extremely unhappy about but then excelled in her interactions and was full of smiles.
I messaged her later to see how she felt about it and she gave positive feedback. I hope it encourages her for the future.
The best thing about today was:
A steady diet of happiness, many happy positive moments without one standing out.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I turned up to an empty classroom for my first class of the day, only then finding out that they had to go off to some meeting for the morning.
It would be nice if the kids learned about planning and communication so that when they become adults they can plan and inform people like me that get frustrated about its lack!
Nevermind. Five hours before my next class. Let’s drink coffee!
Something I learned today?
I read it on the internet so cannot claim it is true but this text said that supermarket apples can be up to one year old. After picking they are covered in wax, hot air-dried and placed in cold storage.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent supportive messages to Tulip, Khawhom, BB and Namfon after our class today.
I encouraged my grade 10 students when they sulked after I gave them a more difficult option and then proceeded to do very well anyway, so I gave them positive feedback.
I helped supply a couple of forgetful students with pens this morning.
I helped Amy without complaint immediately after getting home. She had been sweeping up leaves and wanted me to finish off and throw them over the fence.
What deserves my energy and focus right now?
Now I’ve settled on Thaipod101 for my Thai studies and will stop with the other apps for now. I have a two-year subscription and must focus on pushing forward with it. I have the routine and habit in place and the belief that I can do it. So, this is not just ‘right now’ but it does start ‘right now’ and ‘right now’ every day!
I took this picture because I was thinking I should try to identify this dead snake that Amy found near our terrace. It was hard to say why it was dead. There were no obvious wounds except a little blood around its mouth.
What did I learn today? The student reminds themselves What do I need to unlearn And take down from the shelves? What did I forget today That must be revised and relearned? To fight against the Illiterati Some books must be burned
inspired by a quote by Alvin Toffler which I’ve immediately forgotten!
Today I’m feeling:
A little slow to go and tired. I was exhausted last night and fell to sleep quickly but woke again once the aircon switched off and due to aching shoulders from exercising.
Today I’m grateful for:
The polio vaccine that I was given when I was at Bransty First School. I have a slight memory of receiving vaccinations here every year or two and not really understanding what they were for but they were serious business. It may be childish recall but the needles back then seemed to be as thick as a pencil and as expected they sure hurt a six-year-old’s skinny soft flesh. I never knew anyone who had polio but many of the adults around seemed to and told of its blight.
Reading an Ian Dury biography today told of how he contracted polio from a swimming pool in 1949 and all the problems he suffered whilst growing up. It was not until 1954 that a vaccine was finally created and which I would be given about 20 years later.
Whilst there may be some scepticism about a fast-tracked covid vaccine I scoff at people who refuse all vaccines for whatever reason. I understand a friend’s reluctance about vaccines when her brother died after an allergic reaction to one and I’m sympathetic to that tragedy but that cannot counter all the positive effects of vaccines for the 99.9% of people who it has saved from experiencing severe health issues.
The best thing about today was:
Getting a fair bit of reading in. Some more Midnight Library, the first chapters of the Ian Dury bio and finishing the first part of the Clive James bio. I even spent some time in the hammock for the first time maybe for the whole year.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I ran out of energy, as often happens on Saturdays these days. I submitted to an afternoon nap after trying to put it off. I woke again just as it was getting dark and haven’t really woken up properly. I think I’ll be back in bed again soon.
Something I learned today?
Amy got home safely from the gay bar she was in last night. I had fallen asleep so wasn’t able to video-call and accompany her home. She also told me that her dad seemed to be doing ok and they thought there was no cancer spread though that’s not 100% confirmed yet. So long as he recovers and Amy’s grandmum can hang on then our plans she be fine to go ahead.
What situation is asking me to be courageous or brave right now?
Maybe not sure if brave or courageous might be the right words but I have to get my head around the fact that Amy will be back permanently soon. That will be a shift in routines and make me busier than these last couple of years. I’m already struggling to get things done that I enjoy each day. If I think about sacrificing anything it will be watching videos in front of the TV which is what I usually want to do to wind down a little.
I took this picture because I liked the way this ice was sitting in the glass and liked it even better with a black and white filter.
We are a dysfunctional family of four Carrying our tools across the floor Ready to give you all from the heart Before finally ripping ourselves apart
Going from friends to colleagues We grew along with our intrigues Soon we melded ourselves into one Deciding to take the whole world on
The fun stopped one night in the rain The last note ringing could never explain A flick of the switch to mark the end The crowd goodbyes a dearest friend
Dining out on those glories past Provoked so many questions asked Time will put in order the truths The connection made by these four youths
written after reading the Jawbreaker interviews in We Owe You Nothing
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good again. I had better energy and was able to do my warmup in the morning before coffee. The rest of the day has been a steady supply of all right.
Today I’m grateful for:
The beautiful fat dark clouds covering the tops of the mountains this morning after a night of intermittent rain. It looks like it will rain more but I decided to ride my motorbike out for coffee so that I could remember the feeling of being cold (the rain is cold but the air isn’t).
The best thing about today was:
Finally getting to see the Swans win again and with their biggest-ever victory margin as they scored over 200 points against the troubled Eagles. It wasn’t much of a contest but it was better than watching another dire struggle and losing. I managed to beat my shirts into shape getting the ironing done at the same time too. A winning day.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve wrenched something in the middle finger middle joint on my right hand and it hurts like hell. I’m not sure when I did it. I did a bit of weeding but I can’t remember feeling anything untoward at the time. It could’ve been when I was hanging, though I don’t recall anything much then either. Playing an hour of guitar probably hasn’t helped either. I’m going to handle it by going to sleep and hope it feels better in the morning.
Something I learned today?
The biggest winning margin the Swans have had is 171 points, which they equalled today. It’s also the first 200-plus point game by any team since 2011. I don’t think it reflects how good the Swans were but how bad the Eagles were.
What is my favourite form of self-expression?
Is this not the living breathing thinking acting form of myself? If I move, if I open my mouth. My favourite form? Myself as a whole. Take it or leave it.
I took this picture from Facebook because it’s fascinating to see Chiang Rai in 1977 which is when I’d just moved to my grandparents’ house in Dorset. It was also 2 years before Amy was even born. This made me think of everything Amy’s grandmum must have seen change in her lifetime here. Time is fast, time is slow.
The tale of the incompetent teenager That can dig himself out of a hole Because this moment will last forever And it’s slowly eating away his soul The book is only at the first chapter And it could easily be snatched away The pleasure is in anticipation For the years, the months, tomorrow and today
Today I’m feeling:
I slept so much last night that my body was stiff when I finally got up. After 13 hours or so of rest I thought I’d be rested enough but I couldn’t muster the energy to even do my usual jumping jacks warm-up or ride my push bike to Utopia. My two coffees also didn’t have the impact I was hoping for perhaps spoiled by the remnants of last night’s beers though the aftertaste was pretty good. By 11.30 I had started to do some reading but found myself nodding off quickly and despite hoping to avoid an afternoon nap I couldn’t resist and started it early. Waking at 1.30 I dashed out for a big plate of lardna before the forecast heavy rain was due still feeling hungry picked up a bunch of ice creams on the way back. Again hoping these foods would turn into energy I sat at home dazed not knowing what to do so put on some music and dosed again. Finally, after talking to Amy and feeding the cats I felt my energy return and picked up the guitar for an hour and a half and read some more. It’s weird how zonked I am on Saturdays now.
Today I’m grateful for:
My energy finally returning as I was finding myself feeling depressed and useless. I’m thinking I need to eat a little more again, especially when I’m working out a little harder than before and even though I’m trying to lose this excess fat. Maybe my balance isn’t quite right yet. I wonder how much of my teenage depression was aggravated by bad eating and sleeping habits.
The best thing about today was:
Reading an inspirational Facebook post from Champ who has been in Melbourne for six months already now. I knew he would post something like this at some point. He is highly motivated and pushes himself and he is a great example for our students to not give up and that if you want to achieve anything you have to keep going, getting back up each time you’re knocked down and working through the tough times. I linked all my students to his post in the hopes of inspiring them.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Yesterday we got a schedule for next week’s scout week. I was hoping to avoid having to get too involved but it looks like I’ve been pencilled in to do a couple of things. It’s a bit annoying and I feel resentful but I reminded myself what I tell my students sometimes, in that sometimes you just have to do things you don’t want to do and that they even turn out to be fun. I’m talking myself into it slowly though I’d still prefer to be able to do my own thing.
Something I learned today?
Earlier this week Amy was talking about the Titanic and I didn’t know why and she asked if I’d heard the news? What news? She talked about a submersible that takes tourists down to view the wreck had lost contact and they only had two days of oxygen. Amy was incredulous that I knew nothing about this but I was quite happy not knowing about it and wondered what I didn’t know. Anyway, today I did come across a video talking about the fact that the submersible has since been found and that it had imploded killing the five people on board. They played an animation of an implosion and even at a slow speed it lasted less than a second, the water pressure is so strong. Anyone in that situation wouldn’t have had time to suffer. It seems though that discussions before locating the submersible were more morbidly centred around the fact that one person could have survived for twenty days with the available air and how the people might choose who should die so the rest could live. What the fuck is wrong with people?
What is my favourite photo of the week?
I didn’t take many after my ride on Sunday and I already put those here so back to Sunday I came across this big temple in a comparatively tiny village. Someone in the village must be in the money!
I took this picture because Piti was looking majestic and relaxed when I arrived at Utopia.
The primary kids having sports day today. Knowing my own students wouldn’t be interested in studying today I quickly thought to organise them into groups and sent them off to the stadium and set them a task to do a quick interview with all the teachers. It gave the kids a break and a bit of fun at the same time. They did it really quickly and I gave them the rest of the class off. There are probably only six weeks of classes left and even they will be heavily disrupted. Half the kids have given up already, it’s just one big playtime.
The best thing about today was:
As mentioned above, the change of scene for the kids was also good for me. I had a lot of fun too.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Arriving at school to find the road blocked off and getting stuck in traffic felt a little annoying but my first class started at 10 so I wasn’t really in a hurry (just to get to that first coffee really!). I didn’t know what event was going on but then I saw all the primary kids and asked John and he told me it was their sports day which triggered the idea for my classes. There was another school sports day going on too as well as some other event for older folks dancing and singing out in the middle of one of the football fields.
Something I learned today?
Mission of Burma are one of my favourite bands and whilst listening to the End On End Dischord podcast heard mention of another podcast with all three members discussing their first album so I listened to some of that today which was immensely interesting to me. One major thing I didn’t know was that Clint Conley went into rehab just after recording that album back in 1982. This is minor trivia but because it is music that has such a deep connection with me it interests me a lot. If I learned anything completely life-changing today I’m sure it would’ve stood out.
What gives you energy?
I was just thinking today that I feel more energetic if I exercise more. Breaking out of lethargy is a battle that has a good reward. Other stimulants give me energy from medicines, drugs, drinks or food but they all have some downsides too. I also feel more energetic when there are things which I have to get done. When there’s little to do I end up doing little.
I took this picture because Tangmo didn’t come when I got home but about an hour later I found him here relaxing outside our door. He didn’t smell too bad today. Just like a dog rather than his usual smell of garbage and dirty water!
The birth of morning, begin it all over again The pen on paper, pondering what it means
The curse of ideas, coursing through my head The blessing of words, buzzing about my brain The lack of time, lurching ever onward The thread of images, turning me more insane
The death of days, dying sunlight fades The soothing sleep, succumbing now to dreams
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my sunburn from yesterday’s ride. Somehow, perhaps from vitamin D, it has given me some extra energy this morning and I feel great.
In an effort to stop Amy from drinking all afternoon, I took her for a long exploratory bike ride, leaving after lunch and planning to get back before it started raining. The skies were cloudy and threatening, but as we went on, blue sky and sunshine peeked through. I set a target destination somewhere in the back of beyond and only checked occasionally that we were on the right track.
Amy was in good spirits but then began complaining of a sore butt. I, too, had a sore butt but that’s the price to pay for adventure. I stoped and Amy walked around trying to pump some blood back into her butt, and it became apparent that I’d missed a turn and we were now way off target. Not lost but directionless, I turned around and headed back, Amy now quiet as a mouse and hiding from the sun.
We got back around 3 pm, and it was only then that I saw how burned my arms, shoulders, and forehead were. A cooling shower and aloe vera gel helped a little, but I was hot and itchy for the rest of the day. I practised guitar for an hour or so and finally nailed some pieces I’ve been struggling with.
Anyways, I slept really well and dreamed that I’d been given a playful calf for some reason, and it made my dream really happy. Often these days I’ve been resetting my alarm to give me an extra 20 minutes’ sleep, but today I just got up and go. I didn’t think about it until I was exercising and was thinking perhaps a shot of sun yesterday had boosted my energy levels. The sunburn suggests having overdone it, but I’ll take it.
I did my usual 5-minute morning warm-up workout burpees, which I always struggle to muster up strength for and also my mini weights routine for my shoulders.
I’ve been feeling great all day. I hope it maintains through the weekend.
I am so happy and grateful that I have more energy these days. It helps me make better decisions.
To-do list
Awards – why is this hard? ½
Compliment two people ✅
Remember that thing about listening ½
Clear some emails ½
IELTS and TOEFL check ½
An enjoyable day as I only had to teach for 2 hours and it was with 1/9 who are the best students. I felt more grounded today and I was looking for opportunities to do the things on my list but often they came to my mind at times when it was too late to action. I want to keep on trying to form the habits of the first 3 things on my list – I feel like they are important.
Kru Fluke helped me with some printing today so I gave her an award of my favourite teacher of the day but after that, I forgot about any other awards. As I was writing this I also remembered that I told Dylan he was a good guy for helping me with something too – so that’s my two compliments.
I helped Dylan a little in his class too so I’m going to cross off my Random Act of Kindness achievement for today. I’m actually finding it difficult to stay out of other classes because I just enjoy being around the students and helping out.
With nothing much else to do for preparation for work I could spend all day reading or listening to podcasts or watching vides but helping out is making me feel happy. I’m really enjoying working here and I have to thanks George a lot for that.
Last Sunday Amy and I, along with Mum and Dad, had to attend a funeral in Chiang Mai. It’s a three plus hour drive and meant a 5am start for us. I know we’re getting older and getting up earlier is kinda normal but damn, 5am!
I was hoping to be able to spend some time listening to podcasts but when we arrived at Mum and Dad’s and found Dad asleep in the passenger seat it was obvious that I would be driving. It was still dark as we left the city and approached the mountains. The air turned grey and dusty as the sun rose slowly somewhere in the sky and it was entrancing to watch the changes to the colours of the mountains that I was driving towards and soon driving through.
Dad’s big truck made easy time as we settled into the long valley and then through the twisting second set of mountains where a never-ending road work slows things down somewhat. I had to ease off once into the Chiang Mai valley though as, eager after the road works, I was starting to hit 140 km/h without even realising it.
This funeral was for cousin Ting’s mum. Ting had taken the time to travel an hour or so to my own mother’s funeral in the UK so it was only appropriate that we attend her mum’s and it was good to catch up with her despite the circumstances.
Monks did their thing and relatives did their thing and I followed where and when I was told. I noted the ‘No women allowed’ sign outside one of the buildings and wondered when Thailand will discover its enlightenment. Is it my place to judge and do I need to care about how people following certain religions behave? Well, if it feels like injustice it feels ok to care. Just know that progress of this sort often takes more than a single lifetime but we can hope that the progress is made before the world burns.
Having left Chiang Rai before the sun came up, we returned after the sun had set again. Chiang Rai missed us for the day and still the Earth turned without care.
And so it was we arrive at Friday and this time I’m on a solo adventure in my own car, again to Chiang Mai. This time it was for my UK passport renewal and I had allowed myself an overnight stay so as to split up the driving.
I had challenged myself since the Sunday journey to drive more conservatively and having that extra time I planned to enjoy the drive and take a few extra seconds to check out the views. It also meant I could listen to music uninterrupted for 3 or 4 hours.
For some reason I enjoy driving; I’m not sure why. This trip towards Chiang Mai was especially entrancing and I arrived in a very good mood. In fact I was a little annoyed that the first half of the travelling was complete!
The first port of call was back to International House, where I had studied for my CELTA certificate, almost two years previously. I bumped into my favourite tutor there and was pleased to have a quick chat and also to see a few other staff members that I still recognised, though had forgotten their names.
The environment here on the mini campus still amazes me, it’s so beautiful and not what you would expect. Like a holiday resort but with not much to do except study. I somewhat envied the students who would be arriving after the weekend but then I remembered the feeling in the first week when I was questioning myself whether I could do it or not.
I had hoped that they still had copies of my work for the course in the office there but unfortunately, they only hold on to them for six months. Never mind. It was nice to drive through those familiar small lanes where nothing has changed too much. The city is sprawling out that direction but has only had minimal impact so far.
Back into the middle of the city and everything went well with my passport application, though I had some difficulty making my signature similar to what it was 10 years previous. The staff laughed with me and I’m guessing it’s not that an unusual problem as they had paper prepared for applicants to practice.
Quickly out of there and across town to a book shop that had been recommended. An hour and 1000 baht later it was time to find some food and I treated myself to a tiny pizza and salad. Woohoo! Holiday time!
Dark by now, I waited at the Mohawk Bar to catch up with Facebook friend John Murrie. The bars opening time is 8pm and it was only 7pm so I sat in the car reading some more Anna Karenina, taking the opportunity to cross off one of my daily challenges. By 8.30pm the bar was still closed and Tolstoy was taking a sleep-inducing hold of me and I had to quit and head out south to my overnight lodging with one of Amy’s old school friends.
I wuz ‘ere. No one else wuz.
Tired and sleepy I was somewhat energised by meeting the two puppies of the house, once I was accepted as a welcome enough intruder. I was warned to keep my shoes away from them so placed them in my room and shut the door. Not long after, I placed myself in the room and fell asleep but reminding myself I must make an effort to talk more with my hosts Oh and Namtan when I was in a more lucid state in the morning.
In a flash it was morning and after getting my reading challenge completed before 8am, I did 40 squats, took a shower and planned a breakfast coffee for my hosts. Unfortunately, I had left the bedroom door open and hadn’t noticed the dogs sneak in looking for some bounty.
Everyone showered and set I went to get my shoes but they had disappeared. Obviously, the dogs had got them but no problem, whatever, let’s just go on a hunt for them. One under the car, another at the back of the garden. Unfortunately, they hadn’t just been deposited but chewed on and spat out! Ah well, farewell my shoes. Luckily they were just about wearable as I had no other shoes with me. The girls were very apologetic for their pups’ behaviour but I just thought it was funny. I’d had the shoes for a few years so they’d done me pretty well. Maybe an excuse to go shop for some others soon.
An excellent coffee later it was time to get back on the road and my mind was filled with wonder as I listened to good music and again enjoyed the twisting roads round rolling mountains. I counted off the landmarks backwards, breaking the 3 hours down; mountains, valley, mountains, home. The return journey never as exciting as the outset, slight melancholy following the setting afternoon sun.
However, once home I was awed by the feeling of comfort. Looking across our garden I gave Amy a big hug and declared ‘I love it here. I love this life and I love being with you.’
The local rock group down the street Is trying hard to learn their song They serenade the weekend squire Who just came out to mow his lawn Another pleasant valley Sunday Charcoal burning everywhere Rows of houses that are all the same And no one seems to care
– The Monkees
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have the energy and motivation to get up and do things. Today I took time to water the garden and clean the car.
…my memory was never loaded with anything but blank cartridges.
Mark Twain
To-do list
Write blog about Chiang Mai trip ✅
Record TCRAH
Water garden in the morning ✅
Prepare CD cases and case some more discs ½
Clean up balloons
Once again time ran out but I had a very busy and productive day. As well as getting up and watering the garden, front and back, I also washed the car. I ate breakfast in there somewhere too.
Before the morning was out we went for coffee and photocopied in preparation for afternoon lessons. In between lunch and teaching, I also wrote up a blog entry about my trip to Chiang Mai. It wasn’t as good as it was in my mind yesterday though.
Time running out doesn’t seem to be bothering me as much as it has in the past. I’m more accepting of the fact that I can finish something later. So long as I’m getting some things done then it’s fine.
Tomorrow is back to the routine mad Monday. One of the lessons should be pretty straightforward though and hopefully, the two difficult classes will be getting used to the method of what I’m doing with them now. I hope to get the rest of the exam questions finalised this week and probably be able to finish the regular class one tomorrow if I put my mind to it.
1994ever 