Nil All Draw – 13th August 2023

Once I’ve met all my desires
I’ll be sure to conjure some more
A constant chase for satisfaction
Always trying to even up the score

I’d like to stop this always running
Trying to look behind every door
I want to exit it altogether
Now I’ve considered what life is for


Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed and positive. A little more awake than the last few days. If I had some kind of flu I think I’m on the other side of it now.

Today I’m grateful for:

The Libgen website that makes finding certain books very easy even though I generally download them and then forget about them. I wish I made more time to read and read and read.

The best thing about today was:

Playing guitar for about four hours as I enjoyed some mental stimulation with some cannabutter and half a trip. The music was sounding very smooth, ringing with a perfect ohm.

Something I learned today?

I read about a bookstore owner turned woodcut artist called Han Lilin who discussed a 19th-century anarcho-feminist called He Yin Zhen and led me to a book that analyses her writing.

Han Lilin’s woodcut prints were very cool but I couldn’t find a place that was selling them.

What is my mood today?

Happily elevated today. From getting up lazily to enjoying my coffees, then watching Sydney beat the Suns in a fairly ordinary match, before getting lost in music and tunes and rhythm and finally settling into some TV watching. I didn’t get much of anything done I guess but enjoyed another day that can be endlessly filled with entertainment.

I took this picture because Noey is back from her holiday and when not making me coffee she likes to play with P’ti.

Both Worlds Paradox – 15th October 2022

Beauty fades as knowledge grows
And wisdom comes too late
To understand what the old one knows
As the acceptance of this fate


When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.

Viktor Frankl

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and chilled
Today I’m grateful for:
The lady in the print shop helping me to print out a few things I needed. Some for school but also printouts from my blog which I will send to Hayden.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing reading a couple of books. I love the anticipation of starting a new book, a new journey, new knowledge.
What movies do you need to watch?
This is easy. There are NO movies that I NEED to watch. I have a hard-drive full of movies that I’d like to watch along with many DVDs, Netflix and YouTube. And perhaps, hopefully, one day I will. I may even try it tomorrow, now that it is in my head.

I took this picture because as I was enjoying my walk home this morning I recalled when I did my first exploratory motorbike ride around the village and came down here, where the sign seems to indicate no entry. I sat on my bike undecided whether to go forward or turn back and as I looked around a lady outside the adjacent house called out and waved me through. I soon discovered that everyone used this shortcut and they just didn’t want cars coming through. Today though, I noticed that someone has taken the trouble to re-gravel the track so there are no more puddles and potholes. Wish this had been done before the rainy season.

Straight Outta Dumpton – 8th June 2022

All the pretty boys tucked up in bed
Curfew imposed on their father’s behalf
Fingers for guns, hide behind the pillows
Dying the best to make your friends laugh

Six months of schooling in the forest
You must make enemies into friends
The kind of which you’d die for
And on whom your life depends

The hierarchy is understood
Cigarettes smuggled in by sir
Dirty mags and your dirty rags
A room of raging hormones stir

No belles allowed to distract
Weekend casuals made from tweed
The only hunt is on for foxes
The only entertainment a boy should need

A world apart outside the fence
The stinking farmer chuckles
A future built on manors born
On shiny boots and polished buckles

Dumpton was a boarding school near where I lived as a teenager and it was a place of some mystery to all us hooligans in the village. I think Murray befriended someone there one time but information was scarce on what went on there. I assumed it was a place for the toffs to send their kids for an education in preparation for a life of shooting pheasants and marrying princesses.

Very occasionally the gate was open onto the school estate and we risked being chased by angry masters and irate snobby teenagers as we rode our bikes through the grounds just to be nosy and as a shortcut to the main road and the streams that fed into the river.

Checking maps on my old haunts it looks like the school has since moved a few miles closer to town (Wimborne). Thinking about these times brings back the smells and emotions of them. The innocence of youth; open minds, enquiring into anything and everything curious.

History (via Wikipedia)

The school was founded as a boys’ preparatory school at Dumpton Park in Kent in 1903 and evacuated to Cranborne Chase in Dorset to avoid bombing raids at the outset of the Second World War, (as were many schools from south-east England).

In 1945, the school moved to Gaunt’s House, near Wimborne, and flourished under the Headmastership of Colonel Trevor Card. Unusually, the dormitories were named in memory of former pupils who had died on active service; (these included Cock, Pollard, Brown, York, Dutton and Fanshawe). Trevor Card was succeeded by Messrs Carter and Monkhouse as joint heads in 1958, and subsequently by Major General Frank Thompson.

In 1988 the school moved again to its present site at Dean’s Grove House nearer to Wimborne.

Well, this shows that the school moved whilst I was still living around the area although by then most of us kids had moved on from hanging around the village now we were old enough to ride motorbikes and drive cars.


If you don’t respect the way China has been able to pull so many of its people out of extreme poverty, and don’t get why such actions would cause such unified support for their government, it’s simply because you lack and adequate understanding of the anguish of extreme poverty.

Caitlin Johnstone

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I can be kept easily entertained by books, courses, movies, playing guitar etc. I’m never bored of my life.

We got that attitude! – 15th April 2020

I am so happy and grateful that my hair hasn’t completely disappeared off my head yet! I can just about look like I have a full head of hair. I am grateful that I can cheaply dye my hair too so I don’t look like the old man I feel.

If beautiful art does not express moral ideas, ideas which unite people, then it is not art, but only entertainment. People need to be entertained in order to distance themselves from disappointment in their lives.

Immanuel Kant

To-do list

  • More 1994ever ✅
  • Another drawing ½
  • Another lesson (finish?) ✅
  • More CD sorting ✅

Friday (as of writing). Wednesday and today I didn’t bother to go to my room but on Thursday I got a bunch of things done.

I heard from TLC that I need to go to school on May 7th to work out how we are going to teach online. I’m guessing I will have to make a few adjustments to my plans, so I’m not too worried about writing more plans at the moment.

Amy and I went for a long bike ride again yesterday. I really enjoy just riding around and seeing how the land changes over time.

We got that attitude! – 8th March 2020

I am so happy and grateful to have so many options available to keep me entertained.

What we believe means nothing. How we act is what it’s all about.

Eckhart Tolle

To-do list

  • Just Dance in the morning ✅
  • More CD sorting
  • Record another TCRAH ✅
  • Meditate ✅
  • Think before writing and speaking ✅

Well, doing Just Dance in the morning definitely had a positive effect, made Amy laugh and gave us some exercise. It was a good start to the day. We’ll do it again tomorrow.

I spent most of the day in my room whilst Amy was happily drinking inside – she got the dancing mood later in the evening but then got a little teary as she was thinking about our cats, 2 of whom are approaching the end of their lives. We really love them and it will be sad when they go. But we can go at any time.

I’m feeling more in control of my emotions currently, perhaps because I’m not surrounded by the gossip and chatter at school. It’s very tempting just to quit doing it but I feel I should just keep pushing myself and improve myself. I can’t keep making the same mistakes and expect things to change.

Rave The Whale – 13th January 1993

Past caring, passed caring
Eyes popping, flashing lights
Ecstasy takes you away
Passing on future nights
Save the world, someone
Before there’s nothing left to save
Stop the music, please
Educate the rave

8th Sep 2024 – As the alternative to the alternative, punks turned into ravers and the passionate resistance to the ills of society was forgotten for the bliss of entertainment. I hated it.