We got that attitude! – 11th March 2020

I am so happy and grateful for being able to entertain myself at home.

Peace is the break between two wars.

Krishnamurti

To-do list

  • Just Dance ✅
  • Meditate ½
  • Sort CDs ½
  • Finish grading files ✅
  • Read a lot of Midnight’s Children ½

Dancing got us revved up this morning and I set to finishing marking all the exams and completing the files at around 5 pm. I remained calm even whilst trying to navigate the nonsense that gets sent out to us teachers. I even realised that marking the exams doesn’t really mean anything. It’s a strange system that sets the teacher to write the exam because it can’t be compared with anything. There needs to be a standard exam and defined curriculum to work with – it’s a huge waste of time for teachers year after year after year. But, whatever – I did it – it’s done (at least until someone tells me I have to do more).

Whilst marking the exams I think they were quite well done in that (with only a few exceptions) they accurately reflected the standard of the students. Someone will look at the results and will get upset because the scores are so low. They could say that the teacher is no good, to which can countered with, then why let the teacher write the exam?

I can see Ray, who taught these kids last semester, was very lenient with his marks and that’s fine – no one has the same standard. The three days I’ve spent filling in grades will be looked over and modified so that no one fails so that all entries can just be filled with random numbers and, indeed, that is what many teachers do.

I’m aware that someone will likely say something to me about my grading and I will have to control myself and try to be as diplomatic as possible. I don’t know how well I can handle that.

I’m always surprised at the things people come up with when they have different ideas about how things should be done.

We got that attitude! – 10th March 2020

I am so happy and grateful to my students this semester. They made me laugh despite driving me so crazy!

Now, you’re in this argument. In the middle of it, take a deep breath and ask yourself ‘What do I want right now?’ My hunch is the answer is NOT ‘I want to argue!’

To-do list

  • Just Dance
  • Mark exams and complete grading ½
  • Record TCRAH
  • Meditate (Inner Engineering)
  • Sort more CDs (about halfway done now!)

I ate a lot of blue cheese yesterday and it woke me up during the night with bad diarrhoea so I ended up sleeping almost until midday.

After lunch, I started marking exams and it was around 7 pm by the time I finished so didn’t get many of the things done that I wanted. However, I feel like I still achieved things and completed tasks that had to be done.

I enjoyed marking the exam and thinking about all those different personalities in my class. It really sucks that the system has let the students down but it is what it is. I have to figure out a way to find myself happy within it.

I thought today that I can’t change the world – the ideal of youth – so I can only change myself.

Tomorrow, I hope to dance!

Joy – 27th January 2020

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Said for loaning me 100 baht so I could buy coffee.

It is a joy to be hidden…..but disaster not to be found.

DW Winnicott

To-do list

  • More exam preparation ✅
  • Typhoon game for revision
  • Review each hour at night
  • Think before speaking – do not complain ½
  • No Facebook at work ✅

Spent free time at work today finishing the final exam questions. That’s me prepared until the end of April.

I challenged myself today with the question – ‘what can you do to surprise your partner?’ After a little thought I realised I should book somewhere nice for us to go for our tenth wedding anniversary. I’m really happy with myself about that. It will be a fantastic time.

My challenge for each hour of today:
6am – stretch, meditate, shower, eat, five points challenge
7am – drove to work, prepared extra worksheets
8am – got coffee and did some reading from Daily Stoic*
9am – worked more on the IEC exam, went to pee many times
10am – continued on exams and got another coffee
11am – finished exam paper and printed, messaged Jim and dropped off
12pm – ate lunch and read some more Daily Stoic
1pm – watched Coursera videos and failed the quiz
2pm – fixed set up in library just in time for the only lesson of the day
3pm – rushed through the lesson, Jim returned exams for updates
4pm – fixed exam papers and dropped off again, drove home
5pm – finished reading A Chinese Life
6pm – watched some TV, and looked at Facebook for the first time
7pm – ate dinner and discussed holiday plans with Amy
8pm – here in bed, writing this and will read next

*What do you remember reading from Daily Stoic today? If you can’t remember then I think I didn’t really take in what I was reading.

Grade One – 13th August 1984

Pretty good for a beginner
You’re the best, you’re the winner
I don’t fuckin’ care who passed
Schools are a thing that just can’t last
They’re a blast from the past
And I fucked up my mocks
‘Come on boy, pull up your socks’
I ain’t done well, I’ve got ungraded
My chances of employment have been jaded
But I don’t fuckin’ care who passed
Schools are a thing that just can’t last
They’re a blast from the past

*The Week That Was – 14th May 1984

Record of the week: New Model Army – Vengeance and Spirit of the Falklands (from Vengeance LP)

14th May 1984
Went to school. Did Office Practice – piss boring. Came home. Went down track. Came back. Did some drums. Took dog. Can’t remember anything else. Watched telly all night. Went to Houldey’s – everyone was there apart from Dandy. Came back. Watched Scully – fuckin’ ace – and Hill Street Blues.

15th May 1984
Got up 12. Went to Wimborne, saw everyone come out of school. Went to Simon’s – he was occupied with some bird. Came back. Went to Allenborne to see if Kathy was about. Came back. Read book. Had tez. Went to Jez’s. Had a decent game of snooker. (?) beat by one point 70-71. Came back. Watched Young Ones – better than last week. Doing more on wall. Went to sleep.

16th May 1984
Got up about 11. Started pissing and rode to school on moped. Had a H.E. exam which was shit. Got back, did this and that. Doing wall. Zoe rang. Had a fuckin’ shit talk. She started crying and hung up. Fuckin’ pissed me off. Went round Houldey’s – had a laugh. Went to sleep.

17th May 1984
Woke up 10. Went down track. Went to Wimborne on moped. Looked for Kathy. Vince and Rob looked at my bike. Came back. Pissed around doing this and that. Went over Jez’s. He told Roo he was chucked out of PCH. Had another decent game of snooker. Came back. Went to sleep.

18th May 1984
Managed to get up – but only just. Went in – R.E. (exam) – was fuckin’ shit. Christian this, Christian that. Wrote ten poems. Finished R.E. in half an hour. Went up Simon’s to get amp but he wasn’t in. Bought tons of grub. Went to Jez’s. Had a shit game of snooker. Jack Chickenshit being a cunt. Took Carly and Cilla back. Now I’m home.

19th May 1984
Jez came over. Went to Poole. He bought NMA. Got bass back. Scrounged money for a lead. Met these girls who gave us some fags. Came back. Went to Three Legged Cross to get my amp. Got Shirl’s amp. Pissed around. Shirl came round. He went. We did some more. Went to Houldey’s – no one there. Came back. Had tea. Did some more. Sharon and Zoe rang. Zoe was in a shit still. Pigs came round and did us for playing too loud. Went to Houldey’s. Beki and Dandy were swimming. Came back. Went back at 10.45. They came back. We came back home.

20th May 1984
Playing PCH til 3 and went to sleep. Got up 10.30-ish. Fixed my bike so Jez could get home. He went. I took dog. Went to Houldey’s. Beki was going with Mini somewhere. I came back. Took Mat’s amp back. Dandy was there. Walked back. Went to Jim’s – took Subhumans LP. Had some food. Watched Spitting Image. Cane back. Roads were a cunt. Went to sleep.

*The Week That Was – 7th May 1984

Records of the week: Sex Gang Children – Beasts, In Excelsis – Carnival of Damocles

7th May 1984
Got up. Didn’t do much. Went down club. Zoe rang before. Gave Shaun Chick a game of snooker – he only just beat me. Came back. Watched TV. Hill Street Blues. Steve Davis won the snooker.

8th May 1984
Managed to get up in time. Stef was in a mood first. 2. Went up library. 3. Did Maths – shit. Pissed around in art room with Burd. Lunch – sat on bench having fags etc. English language – didn’t do too badly I don’t think. Came back on bus which was all right. Went down. Jamie ain’t allowed out. Came back. Watched Young Ones which was pretty crap.

9th May 1984
Jim came into school for no reason. Did Social Studies in morning – pretty bad. Lunch – lay in the grass with Sarah and Vicki. Social again – which was easy. Wrote 7 poems. 7. Went up library. 8. Maths – shit. Went down Witchampton. I beat Roo at snooker. Went to Burd’s – played football. Roo’s old man brought me back.

10th May 1984
Half day today. English Comprehensions – was quite easy. Tried to get out of hall for a fag. Doubled up on bus. Rupert was supposed to come over but fuckin’ didn’t. Played drums, went down the track. Re-dug the camp and started doing some more til it pissed it down. Went to Houldey’s. Dried off. Came back. Had a bad talk with Zoe. Drew on wall. Did taping.

11th May 1984
Another half day today. Had a fuckin’ boring Physics exam today which I totally fucked up. Came back home – took dog for walk. Went down to the track and did some digging. Went to Houldey’s. Had a chat with Mr Houldey. Met Mr Shearlock – had a chat with him. Went down to club. Met Jez and Roo. We decided to really get PCH together. So Carly knew Paul Chick had a guitar so Roo bought it. I ran around with things. Saw Peter Chick – more an accident. Came home.

12th May 1984
Got on bus for Poole. Met Jez. Roo didn’t get on cos he couldn’t afford it. Jez left his bass guitar with me. Still no Black Flag so bought Sex Gang Children and In Excelsis 12″s. Put bass in Bandstand. Met Fish. We went to the Quay. Got bus back. Jez got on. Saw Simon. Told him to ring. Got back home. Went down track. Watched Automan (?). Went to track again. Simon rang. Jez rang. Went to where Jez was. Baby’s (indecipherable) then came round so he couldn’t go to the disco. Roo pissed off. Then I did. Watched film. Went to sleep.

13th May 1984
Woke up at 12. Burd rang, said he was coming over. He came with Roo. Played Subhumans to them. Started cleaning out garage. Took everything out. Put some back. Took some to dump. Put some on fire. Roo was getting on our tits. He pissed off. We had a game of football in garage. Started a fire in there. Jez went home. Went to Jim’s. Came back

*The Week That Was – 30th April 1984

Records of the week: Birthday Party – Mutiny, anything by the Faith, Subhumans – Cradle To The Grave

30th April 1984
Managed to get up in time. Was doing Art exam all day. Turned out all right. Lunch – had a chat with Bernice cos her and Jim ain’t getting on too well. Flash in the pan. Put strobe back in the morning. Went down track. Jasper made a new bit. Paul Miller came down. Came back – did fuckin’ ace pic on wall.

1st May 1984
Fuck knows how I woke up today. Pissed around in the library in the morning. Did English literature exam. Don’t know if I’ve done well though. Thought I’d get letter but didn’t. Went to Burd’s. Went to club. Had a decent game of snooker. Came back.

2nd May 1984
I did it again. Fuckin’ got bored in the library. Nearly everyone was doing History. Clements had a laugh with me and Mini. Afternoon did typing exam – don’t think I’ve done too well. Showing photos around to everyone. Went to Burds. Went to Houldey’s. Shit(?) Martin up. Going to watch Love At First Bite.

3rd May 1984
Get to school. Fucking Maths exam was fucking bloody hard. Don’t reckon I done well. Pissed around at lunchtime. Went up the library. Got bored up there. Fuckin’ shit(?) teachers. Went to English. 4 people were there. Went to Burd’s. Rung Zoe there. Went to club, had a decent game of snooker. Went to BMX track. There’s a swing down there now. Went to Houldey’s. Made coffee for Beki. Muz left his bike there. HaHa. Drawn rose(?) on the wall.

4th May 1984
Got to school, did Maths – was easier than yesterday. Afternoon – went to Art for a laugh – did put(?) thing. Went to library but got bored after two minutes and went back to Art. Doubled up on bus, went to Jeremy’s, was supposed to stay but came back. Rung Zoe and had a chat. Watched telly. Went to sleep.

5th May 1984
Got up. Went to Poole. Bought Subhumans and Birthday Party. Still no BF. Got bored. Came back. Saw Simon in Wimborne so got off the bus. He was pissed off because he forgot to sign on. Came back. Pissed around on moped. Zoe rang. Had a depressing chat. Went down track then up to Houldey’s where Dandy was flashing her beautiful legs. Blah Blah Blah. Went to sleep.

6th May 1984
Woke up. Took dog. Had food. All the usual shit. Went down track, bust moped up. Went to Houldey’s. Told Beki and Dandy about Jamie smoking etc. Beki getting in a right strop. Watched Sugarland Express. Went to sleep.

*The Week That Was – 26th March 1984

Record of the week: Conflict – Cruise
Record of the month: Anti-Sect LP, Sex Gang Children – Children’s Prayer, Mauritia Mayer, Abyss, Confessions of Sin – Loose (Live)

26th March 1984
Woke up at 9 minutes to 8. Physics – had a go at Hayward. Maths – shit. Lunch – didn’t go for a fag. Social – messed around with Mandy and wrote a song. H.E. – had a go at Pritchard. Pissed off really. Watched some telly. Went down club – got some baccy. Bike’s not working properly. Watched Hill Street Blues.

27th March 1984
Got up at right time. Had Physics practical most of the morning. Went for a fag after it. Lunch – pissed around with Burd. Went to typing exam all afternoon. Did ok in that I think. Bus home was quite funny – it was very quiet. Look at bike to see if anything was visibly wrong. Went for a runaround – seems ok. Doing some more art – it’s coming on quite well. Enjoying The Dickies. Just about to watch 5-a-side football. Night, night.

28th March 1984
H.E – (?) with 4 years – had a chat with Sarah. Physics – organising the PCH party. Lunch – me, Jim and Burd went for a fag down in the woods. R.E – ok. English – did this play. Biz – had a chat with Julie. Maths – shit. Waiting to watch Milk Cup replay and soccer six later. Not a lot else really. Can’t wait for PCH. Liverpool 1-0 Everton. Went to sleep.

29th March 1984
Art – burnt a picture and nothing else. P.E. – played football, pissed around. Lunch – nicked some clackers (?). Should be able to get drums from Sponge. Played football. Social – did projects. Biz – did (?). English – read play. Went out to Just’s – gave cassette to his mum – he wasn’t in. Came back to Gaunts. Me, Muz, Burt and Graeme went up to Houldeys. Chased them home. Came back – typed up PCH, organising songs. Went to sleep.

30th March 1984
Assembly – snore. English – did fuck all. H.E. – wrote some songs. Maths – shit. Lunch – played football. Art – ok, new ideas for pictures. Biz – typed up PCH cos Bell wasn’t here again. Physics – pissed around – wrote a song ‘Apeshit Hayward’. Went to see Dandy. Went on over to Burd’s. Went to club with him and Ben. Went over to Roo’s – nicked his bike as he’s gone to Devon. Ben rode it, Burd on the back of me. Met Rich down at Gussage. Played cards in the Drovers. Did a smart wheelie on the way back. Burd came off the back. Came back to the club – me and Ben got chucked out. Came home. Watching horror film Dr Phibes Rises again – looks pretty silly.

31st Match 1984
Football’s not on so went to Poole. Burd and Ben were on bus – wrote song. Found out Mike doesn’t like me. Gilly was fucking following me everywhere. Met Paul and friends, still he followed. Met Simon, still he followed. Met Paul again. Finally Gilly pissed off. Got the bus back. Burd got on at Wimborne. He got off at my place. Ate some frogspawn, wrote some songs. Went to Houldey’s – tried to shit up Jamie. Put road sign in someone’s drive. Came back, recorded some stuff. Took Burd home. Came back, watched Comic Strip and some of the film. Also found out that can get some drums now. Get them on Monday.

1st April 1984
Got up. Did some typing. Chris came round. He went to get me some roly papers – told my mum he was getting some chocolates. Had some jam roly-poly. Pissed around doing fuck all. Watched TV. Went to Simon’s – didn’t stay long. He went and practised with Ian Bryant’s group. Came back, watched Spitting Image, film and Sky At Night.

*The Week That Was – 19th March 1984

Record of the week: Flux of Pink Indians – The Fucking Cunts Treat Us Like Pricks

19th March 1984
Decided I didn’t fancy going to school. So stayed home. Had kip. Poked around with moped. Wrote letter to Zoe – to send tomorrow with Bloodstains etc. Now I’m waiting for something decent to happen. Saw Julie on the bus. Mum wouldn’t let me out. So started writing a sort of book called ‘Collected Notes of an Imbecile’ including anything and everything.

20th March 1984
Might as well go to school. R.E. – did nothing. Boring YTS film. Maths – shit. Biz – ok. Lunch – can’t remember. P.E. – played football – good laugh. Went over to Rupert’s – gave Burd a lift. Did some taping. Went down club. Had a game of pool. Saw Amanda. Came back. Watched a decent film – Red Sun – Charles Bronson. Went to sleep.

21st March 1984
H.E. – wrote four songs for PCH. Physics – more PCH and peeing about. Lunch – played football. R.E. – nothing. English – ok. Biz – ok. Maths – shit. Bus – had a laugh with Beki. Came home. Got bored. Went out on ‘ped. Saw Jasp, Burt, Scott. Came back. Found out Zoe had rung. She’s coming down to Bournemouth April 7th. Rung her. She was out so she’ll have to ring me back. Typed up PCH. Packed letter to Zoe. Minder is pretty good. Got to prepare H.E. now. Did so.

22nd March 1984
Got seen smoking by Houldey. Art – Hough wasn’t here so did fuck all. P.E. – had an ace game of football. Jane still wants to go out with me. Is that good or bad? Social Studies – ok, didn’t do much. Nick and Chesh got caught smoking – which was quite funny. Went to H.E. to do preparation for exam. Finished early and went for a fag with Nick and Stece. Got Annabel to go out with Burt for a laugh. Went down to Gaunts, ran into a tree while setting (illegible). Saw two people doing strange things in their car. Came back. Watched something. Went to sleep.

23rd March 1984
Bought in rest of H.E. Assembly – boring. Did H.E. exam, everything went ok. Nick’s didn’t go too well. Went for a fag beginning of lesson 4. Langridge could smell it when I went into Maths and I think he might check-up. Lunch – checked exam dates. H.E. – went to tidy things up. Went for another fag lesson 6. Went on to Art. Did nothing as Hough wasn’t here again. Biz – ok. Physics – Hayward was in a good mood and was taking the piss out of us for a change. Liz is going to France for two weeks. Went to chippie. Went up to Houldey’s with Muz and Burt. Had a laugh. Dandy gives me the horn. Got back and had a wank. Watched Cheers. Went to sleep.

24th March 1984
Went to Houlday’s, thought I’d see Dandy but didn’t. Went to match with Mr Playing Howdy (?) – was a good match. We won 4-1. I scored with a head. Fell straight into mud, started pissing it down. Freezing. Came back home. Went to Poole. Bought Flux LP. Put deposit on DK live LP. Met Simon etc. Baldie’s lost his wallet but found it again. Went home on bus. Rich and (?) were on. Flux LP is pretty weird though I’ll probably get used to it. Watched telly rest of the time. Couldn’t stay awake for film though mum watched ice skating til 4.30am.

25th March 1984
Woke up 1 o’clock. Took dog for walk. Watching Milk Cup final Liverpool – Everton 0-0. Zoe rang – she’s not coming on the 7th but for the first week in Easter instead. Not a lot happening. Not feeling very tired so put on 4-Skins LP and did art til 12.20.

*The Week That Was – 5th March 1984

Record of the week: Confessions of Sin – Loose (live)

5th March 1984
Physics – ok. Maths – shit. Social Studies – ok. Someone put my bag in a bin so I left it there. H.E. – ok. Got letter from Black Flag’s drummer Bill Stevenson. They’ve got a new LP – My War, released March 1st so should be here soon. They’re coming over early June – right when my fucking exams are. Fuckin’ typical. Practised at Simon’s – fuckin’ ace laugh. Especially Balderson’s Boots. Hill Street Blues – fucking funny.

6th March 1984
Found my bag. R.E. – ok. P.S.C.E. – shit. Maths – shit. Wellman wanted to see me – Mrs Bell said ‘well done’ – fuckin’ bitch. English – good. P.E. – had a fuckin’ laugh pissing around in basketball. Getting good friends with Julie again. Maybe taking her to Brownsea on Saturday before gig. (?) not open yet. Went to Muz’s – making fireworks with Jasp. Had a laugh with some on wall (?)

7th March 1984
H.E. – did fuck all. Got hamster cage for Damien – he ate 7 other mice on Monday. Should get him tomorrow. Physics – ok. Didn’t do a lot at lunchtime. R.E. – has film on addiction. English – ok. B.Studies – shit. Maths – fuckin’ shit, got more revision books today. Went to Muz’s, Burt came round. We went up to the common. Blew some aerosols up. Burt shit himself. Went back to Shirl’s who gave us some (?) and a burger. Went to Muz’s, played a bit on his computer. Came back.

8th March 1984
Met Damien. Art – bit of a laugh. P.E. – badminton, fuckin’ knackered. Pissed off for some reason. Talked to Julie. Social Studies – not too bad. Went for a fag with Mandy. Business Studies – won part of a lottery to use an electric typewriter. English – reading. Took Damien home on bus. Chris gave me a lift from bus. Put Damien in cage. He’s not very sociable. When I picked him up he pissed all over me. Not a lot happening tonight. Doing some art and even revision. Rang Paul and Andy who seem to hate each other now.

9th March 1984
Julie isn’t coming tomorrow – but next Saturday. Bit pissed off. English – ok. Got Aischrolateria tape. People liked it. H.E. – boring. Maths – shit. Art – Mini brought in his moped to draw. Business Studies – pissed around on electric typewriter. Physics – ok. Saw some Saw some common (?) punk on the tube. Went to Muz’s. Chris came down. Me, Muz and Burt went up to Houldey’s and had a crack-up. Listening to Aischrolateria now – for a laugh.

10th March 1984
Played football against Bournemouth who were acting like a bunch of pricks – we still lost 5-3. Met Simon in Wimborne. Went to Ratty’s. Went to Poole. Watched Simon have his hair cut. Went to Record Fair. Bought Skids/SGC/Fall singles. Ratty took them back for me. Got bus to Bournemouth. Went up to gig. Had a chat with everyone. COS weren’t playing which pissed me off a bit. Atrox played instead. Then Breakout. Then COS turned up too – we had a fuckin’ great time. Loose for 10 minutes – ace. Idiom Tribe went on – real heroes. Aheads went on to catch everyone. I went back then so missed Self Abuse. I should see them on Monday though.

11th March 1984
Finally stirred at 10.40. Feeling a bit pissed off but looking forward to tomorrow. Went to Muz’s, saw Conway on the way. Muz wasn’t in so went to the BMX track in the woods. Started hailing it so went to Shirl’s – who wasn’t in. Left some tapes for him to tape. Went home. Remembered I had to collect bag from Houldey’s so did so. Saw Dandy – lovely. Came back. Watched It’ll Be Alright On The Night. Had a bath. Had a chat with Mother. The fuckin’ money situation is in a terrible state. Damien bit me today.