Tag: exercise

Wait A Minute – 28th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Just wait a minute, slow it down
You can’t see the trouble brewing
The choices made are pure emotion
And you don’t know what you are doing

Wait a minute, test the waters
Before the wave crashes and breaks
You’re rushing headlong into trouble
And the pain of those mistakes

Wait a minute, use your brain
Look at the direction you are going
Don’t brush off the wiser words
Thinking you’ve done all the knowing

Wait a minute before you decide
To step into the fire and burn
Live to fight another day
With all the things you’ll learn

Wait a minute, take a breath
Are you certain that you know it all?
Is now the time to experience
The depths to which you’ll fall?

Today I’m feeling:

Perhaps after yesterday’s prompt about dreams, I was very aware of the dream I was having this morning as my alarm went off. For some reason my thoughts and emotions were spiralling out of control and even as I was aware of it happening I couldn’t control it. Nong Fah was trying to comfort me in a kind of student/teacher role reversal, but it didn’t work. 

This dream was based on events from yesterday when Spain was very emotional in class and couldn’t be consoled. He is on the spectrum as is said these days and was having a tough time. 

Yesterday I also talked with Fah about not knowing why Feije was acting a bit of character recently because they seemed to have become more friendly.

I woke up feeling a bit stressed and disconsolate but soon got over it with exercise which got the blood pumping but I also had to push hard to motivate myself to complete.

At lunchtime, I found Fah and friends in the library and Feije’s expulsion was the main topic and then, lo and behold, she appeared. Everyone gathered around to get the gossip and I made myself scarce so the kids didn’t feel uncomfortable.

Today I’m grateful for:

Gui’s mum for giving me four or five custard apples from their tree outside the cafe. I was surprised and appreciative.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing all my grading files for my students and reflecting on how the semester has been. It is definitely an improvement on last year for me with fewer frustrations. As ever it is always enjoyable to watch these young people and their stories develop. I appreciate them very much and I feel as if some of them appreciate me in return.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There was just one point where a couple of students pushed my patience. I knew they were excited for the holidays but I just wanted them to do a little work for me first. Despite their initial defiance, they could see that I was serious and begrudgingly came and did it. I’m glad they didn’t push it further.

Something I learned today?

In my grade 7 classes this week I’ve just been giving short gratitude quizzes asking three things. What they are grateful for, what they learned and if anything is upsetting them. That last question has proved to be the most interesting. 

This afternoon one of the students, Film, said that they were worried about another student’s mental health. I looked around the room and that student did look troubled and flustered. I took Film aside and asked what had happened and he told me that the student’s two best friends had been bullying him.

Knowing all the students involved I was not too surprised to hear this. 

I took the student off to the teacher’s room and reassured him that the bullies were showing their true colours and were not being good friends. I can see he wants to be good in class but gets roped into doing ‘bad’ things by his friends. I encouraged him and told him that there were other students in the classroom who were concerned and cared about him.

He had a little cry but seemed to understand and appreciate the support. My guess is that they will all be friends again by next semester and it will all be forgotten though I think it would benefit him to find new friends that treat him better.

28th Dec 2023 – Sure enough they are all good friends and thick as thieves again, though I can see the bullied one is a little more cautious now.

What’s my favourite thing to do when I’m feeling down?

These days I kinda know how to stop myself from feeling down but if I feel like I can get it under control I know that sleep often helps me. Another thing that helps is to just do something different. I have so many options available really and it could be something as simple as going for a walk.

I took this picture because Cap hasn’t come and sat next to me for a few months. It was nice to feel his fur on my skin but the temperature was damn hot and sticky already and he was adding to it. I don’t know when or how deeply he sleeps as he seems to move from place to place every five minutes.

Like A Good Indie Kid – 25th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I wonder what the nineties were like
Listening to Radiohead, Oasis and Blur
Before technologies stole all the time away
And endless scrolling would not occur

I wonder what the eighties were like
When heavy metal was at its height
Emo was still scribbles in teenage diaries
And grunge was preparing to take flight

I wonder what the seventies were like
With spiky hair fighting patchouli oils
A changing of the guard was in motion
And knives were out for the spoils

The turning of Kerouac, Tolstoy or Woolf
Found good indie kids expanding their minds
Without the shots of adrenaline
This type of adventure usually finds

So today, in all the libraries sat
Good indie kids write their poetry and prose
Listening to the music of their forebears
Searching for the truth and where it goes

Inspired by a phrase in this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

Better than expected. Yesterday my energy kept increasing after the slow stumbling start and I didn’t feel like a nap and was expecting to be tired at bedtime but instead still felt awake and enjoyed watching TV and reading. Before midnight I turned out the light but struggled to slow my mind down before finally falling asleep for what must have been less than six hours rest, and even then waking up a little before my alarm went off. I talked myself into exercise, something which is becoming easier each day (each working day at least) and still appreciative and inspired by the slowly changing form I see in the mirror.

Today I’m grateful for:

Meeting Fah and Gafile who are my old students and in grade 10 now. They told me they were worried about an English exam that they had today. As I was doing my own Thai language study tonight I remembered about their exams and sent them a message to see how they did. They didn’t do so well so they know that they need to improve. I’m grateful that they are still always happy to see me and despite struggling in my classes too, they wish that I was still teaching them.

The best thing about today was:

Seeing Amy’s dad looking good after his operation. He was in pain but was fairly cheerful and already able to walk himself to the bathroom. His doctor is hoping that from what they saw during the operation that he won’t need any chemo. He should know by Friday.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My one class today were in a playful mood and I let them loose a little, though still asking them to answer a few questions which made them think. I plan to ask them the same questions in each class this week and hope to see some improvement in their thinking during that time. But I’m also not taking it too seriously either.

Something I learned today?

Through asking my students what they learned today they told me that in their science class, they learned about India sending a spacecraft to the moon. Chandrayaan-3 was the first successful landing at the lunar south pole.

I like that students learned about this and maybe don’t know so much about previous achievements by the USA and USSR. It reminds me that the stories children are presented with deeply affect their thoughts about the world.

What is within my control right now?

Whether I should let Cap in the door or not. Whether I should turn the aircon down and go to the kitchen to get a soda water. When I eat and what time I go to bed. Whether I play guitar or watch TV or both. To decide if I have written enough here. Whether I’m tired and happy or tired and grumpy.

Many day-to-day minor events are within my control. Almost anything else is outside my control.

I took this picture because whilst visiting Amy’s dad in the hospital I took advantage of being in one of the tallest buildings in the city. Chiang Rai hasn’t gotten to the point of skyscrapers everywhere and I’m not sure it ever will. I was on the sixth (out of seven) floor and I seem to remember one of the hotels having ten floors but apart from those I don’t think there are any other buildings above four floors in the city.

The Weakest – 19th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

No eagle, no lion, no predator
The playground of hope is dark
Clinging tightly to a rape whistle
At night to cross the park

From the last to the lowest
A place at the table is set
Fighting for a share of pie
When crumbs are all you’ll get

If the line is ever crossed
To rise beyond the station allowed
Conspirators will come to cut
The tall poppies from the crowd

How may a little girl push the boulder
Up the hill each day
Without joining together to make
Lighter work and play?

Bitter words spat out designed
To keep the weakest divided
Too late to change the rules of the game
With a winner already decided

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty positive. Winding down my brain a little bit as the term ends. I could feel the exercise this morning getting easier and happy to see the body changes going on. When I try to convince some of my students to get some exercise I’m sympathetic to their feeling of lethargy and apathy as I was exactly the same but now I think more about how much better I might have felt in my formative years if I had kept up some proper exercise or even sport.

Today I’m grateful for:

The distortion and overdrive pedal board I have that make it fun to try and play along to noise rock bands. It gets so noisy I can’t tell how badly I’m playing!

The best thing about today was:

My grade 8 class knuckling down and helping each other to complete a task that many of them weren’t prepared for. If they had their books with them and had done all I asked each week then they could easily answer all the questions. I knew many who always forget their books or write on pieces of paper that they lose.
Once those kids realised they were screwed they recruited their friends to help but then those kids were busy trying to complete the work.
The idea is for the kids to remember to bring their book every time and that will help them. Did it work? A little, perhaps.
The smart ones understood and they were free to go when they were done which put the pressure on the others. I enjoyed watching them and helping them when they needed it. For me, at least the class went well.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Everything felt like it was in control today. Not necessarily in my control but nothing really got derailed.

Something I learned today?

Russell Brand has been accused of sexual assault. Whether the accusations are true or not, it is interesting that this is happening now, some 15-20 years after the events, now he is straight, sober, rolling in money and challenging dominant media narratives. 

He admits to many bad behaviours in his past and some of the accusations are disturbing and he should at least be held accountable for anything proven.

The investigation into these accusations was done by journalists. Why not by the police?

If I could change anything from my past, what would it be?

With the benefit of hindsight, I want to answer that there’s nothing. In reality, I often answer this question with ‘I wish I had gained wisdom faster and listened to what I was being told instead of being so pig-headed.’

But perhaps if I want to get specific, and again this is with the benefit of hindsight, I would change my drinking habit and despite having many great drunken times, wish I hadn’t used it as a crutch and exacerbated my depression.

When people told me exercise was good for depression I could only exercise my drinking arm. It was impossible to motivate myself through my constant stupor. I’m careful not to tell others so bluntly that they should exercise but just say to go for a walk if you can or start very slowly and not all out to burnout in a week.

I took this picture because as I’m often having days with no pictures I’m forcing myself to find things in the house to take pictures of. This is one piece from my tiny collection of Gloomy the Adult Bear paraphernalia that sits on top of the ledge of the living room door.

Gone Clear – 17th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Remember when then was now?
You couldn’t wait to get to here
And now you’re here, your desire is for then again
As the past became more clear

Today I’m feeling:

Less achy than yesterday but also slightly more tired. I did do 100 jumping jacks to try and undo an aching lower back. It kinda worked but need to stretch it some more. Yesterday I didn’t read the book I planned, opting for comics instead. I also didn’t play guitar. Lazy. Today I had planned to go and visit Matt but don’t think I’ll make it. Lazy. My motivational drive is all over the place.

By the time the long lazy day had passed (still too quickly), I got a sudden burst of lesson planning on and now my mind is whirling with ideas for classes when I should be winding down and preparing to sleep.

Today I’m grateful for:

The bananas that Amy’s mum gave me last week. I’ll finish off the last two tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

Just going at my own pace and waiting for drives to come. It still didn’t come for playing guitar today unfortunately and I think it is because my lower back is sore and sitting and playing guitar compounds it. I’ve also felt a little disillusioned with listening to music but that’s mainly because I want to read and find that difficult when there is music on. Lesson planning I can do at the same time though and when the music started I loved it and wondered why I was holding off. I need to listen to more music more intentionally again.

Something I learned today?

I was looking for something that I watched today to jog my memory about something I learned today. I went back to a classroom management video and from there ended up in the YouTube rabbit hole. I learned about one strategy that may be worth a try with my grade 7 students next semester, though would have been better at the beginning of the year. I had a plan before the start of the year but then forgot all about implementing it!

Quote: Learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference – Marcus Aurelius.

This quote can also tie in with the legacy question today. No matter what you might wish for with what you try to influence, it is out of your control. Trying to keep others in your control is to punish them with your ego.

I am constantly learning about the things in my control and becoming indifferent to what is outside. It is a practice that will never be perfected but must be continued.

This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to make a difference in the world ourselves but it is up to other people whether they get anything out of it.

What is my legacy?

I think I’m not that egotistical to expect to have any real legacy. I know that I have had some influence over various people’s lives and hopefully inspired others from time to time. Sometimes that was my purpose but mostly I was doing things just for my own pleasure.

After a generation or two, I don’t expect anyone to repeat my name but I’m still satisfied with everything I do and have done.

I took this picture because it sums up the day. Soon after this, a dark storm stuck around for the whole afternoon bringing the night sooner than expected.

The Cup Spiders – 5th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A cracked cup
Chipped and faded
Sits dusty behind antique glass
A spectator to many stories
Left untold

Holding congratulations aloft
Cheers to that day
Or sombre with lukewarm water
The passing of time

The spiders came
With their own tales
Making a new home
Hiding in wait
But nothing comes
All the times have died

The heat, the air
The insects and the weeds
A cup returns to earth
Still cracked, still broken
Yet still a cup

Today I’m feeling:

Strong and healthy. But also getting a little positive anxiety to start planning for next semester. It’s positive because I will use that as motivation. At the start of my exercise routine this morning I felt like I would want to fall back into bed by the end of it but I was suitably energised to get myself going. I can feel some of the exercises getting a little easier but push-ups kill me.

Today I’m grateful for:

The DuoCards app that is helping me improve my Thai learning quicker than other apps I use. I’m considering buying the subscription so that I can practice for longer. I currently use 4 free apps which are all time limited. DuoCards is a spaced repetition flashcard system similar to Anki.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a nice message from Earn after I sent her some positive reinforcement in an effort to help her combat her shyness when talking to a boy she likes. She wrote ‘i luv u t.shaun’ which comes as a big surprise as she was very rebellious and grumpy with me for a lot of the time last year. 

Also today, Fah tried to sneak away from my class this afternoon and I just happened to see her and call her back and she was a little upset and impatient at the time. I messaged her later and she is smart enough to understand that she shouldn’t have done that.

When some of my students call me ‘father’ in a loving way I sometimes think that perhaps now I am suitable and knowledgeable enough to actually be a father. But that time has come and gone. It also helps that I don’t need to see ‘my children’ for more than a couple of hours at a time!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

For the second time, someone stole my cooling powder from the small teacher’s room where I keep my things at work. I have to remember to see if I can find keys for the lockers in one of the classrooms tomorrow.

Something I learned today?

In a speech directed at the USA Xi Jinping commented on their behaviour with a Chinese idiom along the lines of ‘blowing out everyone else’s light won’t give more light to you’. I liked that as it seems appropriate.

What is one good thing I can do for myself?

Keep going.


I took this screenshot because I thought I could use it from time to time to send to students when they are feeling a little down. I’ve been collecting other similar inspirational quotes for them since too. No new pictures today.

Ugly Duckling – 4th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I lied to myself for a long time
I always understood the truth
Under the twisted thoughts of mine
Born of the immaturity of youth

It’s always a struggle, always a fight
To keep the evil demons at bay
Complacency can be found in the light
And the beasts come out to play

Finally, I sought to reject these lies
Because I was slowly killing myself
I broke the bonds of the feeblest ties
And my mind rediscovered its health

Today I’m feeling:

Good and fairly positive. I woke up with a start as my alarm went off implying that I didn’t get enough sleep. I pushed through exercise knowing I was burning up some fat stores as I didn’t eat much at all yesterday, not feeling that hungry, and weighing in under 80kg again today. Throughout the day I was surprised at how well I was feeling and I put it down to the exercise I’ve been doing which inspired me to keep it up.

Today I’m grateful for:

The packet of Tong Garden jumbo raisin medley that I mix with a small packet of party snack mix to add some texture and flavour for a pre-dinner treat.

The best thing about today was:

Being greeted by so many different students, many of whom I didn’t even know, some talking to me about other students in my classes. Everywhere I walk around school students want to talk or at least communicate with me though they can sometimes get cheekily upset when I forget their name, though I might not have spoken to them for three months. I’m slowly starting to find where each little ‘gang’ hangs out at lunchtime so if I’m in the mood and have time I will happily wander around for an hour stopping for chats, play, and sometimes even learning.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In the morning I realised what I’d planned for my class today they had already done, so I quickly threw together a spelling test, 20 words open book and 20 words closed, along with a word search game for each.
I started the class with the word search but it soon became apparent that it was really difficult and was going to take longer than expected. As I wanted to do both word searches and tests in one hour I quickly jumped online and remade the second word search easier. Even with that though we didn’t manage to get everything done.
There are some poor students in the class who really struggle with spelling and a couple that didn’t write anything at all on the second one. I told them that it didn’t matter if they got everything wrong but they must at least try. One student did indeed get every word wrong but I could tell from what she’d written that she was at least listening and trying. That’s what I prefer, especially as opposed to some others who just copied from their friends.

Something I learned today?

I learned that two of my favourite students had a falling out a few weeks ago and I was a little surprised by it at first but on reflection it’s pretty normal for kids this age. I heard both their stories but couldn’t really get to the bottom of it and either way, I still love them both for who they are with me.

In the morning I had been updating blog entries from 1984 and was disparaging towards Rupert with whom I had been friends with just a week or two before and unfriendly a month or two before that. At that time I was a couple of years older than these two students today, which goes to show how immature I was at then despite hearing how mature I seemed from other people.

What do I hope to experience some day?

Sometimes I miss that feeling of excitement and discovery of new love but it’s been so long and I guess I’m somewhat jaded, just by my age, that if the situation ever arises again I doubt the feeling will be the same. Really, I prefer the feeling I have now anyway, of ongoing love, trust and satisfaction.

I’m avoiding the question. 

Have I had all my experiences already? I’m barely shocked or surprised at anything these days. I’m appreciative of being appreciated or rewarded with kind words or even awards but they don’t emotionally charge me at all. I feel like I’m just doing what I do. 

I guess I could do some thrill-seeking or travelling. But ultimately everything boils down to the same thing. Being in one place is much like being in another.

Okay, I hope to experience continuing happiness with my little Amy wherever we are in the world. I hope I can take my current feeling of contentment with me in whatever is next in my life.

I took this picture because this shy little cat often sleeps in the shade of my car whilst I’m drinking coffee at House. It’s too nervous for petting though.

Sculpting – 3rd September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

With a hammer in hand
Chiselling at the stone
Crafting at the life planned
In one’s thoughts alone

Painting cloudless skies
To fall down to this earth
Daydream a new surprise
Meaning defines its worth

An artist in every way
Reflecting deep-held traits
When words can never say
The statue silently states

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good but in some pain. I fell asleep on my back last night which was pretty unusual for me but I soon woke up needing to pee. Back to side sleeping, my shoulders ached me awake again a few times so when my alarm went off I wanted to sleep a bit more but then I was feeling pain on the left side of my jaw as my rotten teeth decided it was time to tell me to go back the dentist. With needing to pee again it was time to get up. I still managed to motivate myself with a 100 star-jumps and out to have a day of coffee, reading and ironing.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to watch a funny podcast on YouTube that made ironing 17 shirts more pleasant than normal.

The best thing about today was:

I found out Hayden has a new girlfriend called Vashti and I was surprised to hear that she is Aboriginal. I’m not sure why I find that surprising. I only ever met his first girlfriend who was a stereotypical pretty blonde-haired blue-eyed girl. He sounded very happy today and looking forward to his new job doing support work which he is hoping to start in the next week or two.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In general, the garden is out of my control or more specifically it is too big and I’m too lazy to get it under control fully. My priorities lay elsewhere. Handled by Amy asking if we needed the gardeners to come again to which I replied ‘Yes!’

Something I learned today?

Having removed a ton of YouTube subscriptions I returned to Little Chinese Everywhere and Yan’s journey from Europe to China. This time she was in a small Georgian village nestled in amongst rolling green mountains. One particular interaction stood out to me when the old lady owner brought breakfast and Yan said thank you in Georgian and the old lady gave her a hug and said thank you in Chinese. It reminded me of the goodness within most of humanity.

What mystery fascinates me?

Ultimately the mysteries of the truths of the world. Growing to be more aware of histories written by victors or manipulated by those in a position of strength I’m left contemplating what it is that I know that is true. So many lies are so often repeated these days and so much information and counter-information is available. What is it that I should believe?

Mysteries of origin, the universe, the planet, humanity. How can it not entertain the mind? The existential mystery of meaning.

The mystery of what I will eat tomorrow.

I took this picture because I found Tigger sitting here in the unkempt grass and though his colour is stark against the green in this picture he somehow blends in and would be difficult to spot for unsuspecting critters wandering by. Here he just seemed to be enjoying the sun after dinner and looking a little majesterial.

The Mouth Breather – 29th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A familiar pain satisfies
Almost spurning contempt
Each feeling classifies
Contradicting its attempt
Mouth breathing still
Forms subconscious thrill

Inspired by a sentence or two at Spinning Visions. Sometimes, the familiarity of something is comfortable even though it is something we dislike. We, as humans, really don’t enjoy change.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. My body is a little achy from exercise but I can feel my bones getting more support from my muscles. My head is feeling positive and I’m happy to be where I am in the world.

Today I’m grateful for:

The guy who makes the Post-Avant Jazzcore Happy Hour podcast that has given me many hours of interesting listening either at home or in the car. 

I mention it today because I was listening today and the music was a little minor-chordy, moody and dark and ultimately I didn’t find it quite as exciting as other times though I could feel the musicians were pretty damn awesome.

The only downside to the podcast is that I have to change the playback speed to normal as I’m usually listening to talking podcasts at one and a half speed.

The best thing about today was:

The chaos of my last class of the day! It is one of the classes that I moved to work in the canteen because I was embarrassed by them in our language building as they were extremely difficult to control. 

Moving them and giving them standard tasks that they repeat each time but with a different text has allowed them to get an understanding of what is required and they can plan ahead so that they don’t have to sit around until the end of the class. 

One of the advantages of being in the canteen is that the kids can spread out and go off as they please when I’m happy that they completed the work. 

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that some of the poorer students have improved their skills a lot, perhaps with maturity as well as learning. 

What I like the best is that they no longer fear work when they see it. Gradually over time, they’ve realised that they have to try and that is all that I’ve been asking of them. I guess you could say they’ve made me proud!

They are still a chaotic bunch as any group of 36 13-14-year-olds are prone to be but they are generally fun to be around.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One of my classes, one of the better ones, was a bit of a handful today and tested my patience. Thankfully it was only a one-hour lesson and a fair percentage of the students understood what was required. Some days you just don’t know what you are going to get but I’ve gotten better at rolling with the punches.

Something I learned today?

Some American politicians are considering leaving the United Nations. To be honest they should as they never follow or implement the consensus opinion unless it suits them. That is not what a UN should be about. BRICS is becoming a superior allegiance of countries that does follow international law and UN resolutions and they have put forward a 10-point charter that states so. Outside of the brainwashed Western kaleidoscope of nightmares, it seems obvious where the better path forward lies.

I took this picture because Kim’s grave is finally looking the way I want. I’ll be happy if it continues like this without any grass growing through. I miss that little kitty too much.

Three Years – 27th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Lives on hold, unprepared
Hiding under the stairs
Trembling and scared
World revolving unawares

A chance, opportunity
Wasted, waiting for the fix
Hoping for immunity
From Batman’s bag of tricks

Next time, unprepared again
No lesson learned
Three years become ten
None may be returned

16th Apr 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – Immunity

Today I’m feeling:

A bit more active than yesterday. I think the pleasure of the cannabutter is giving me good long sleep but also still affecting me the following day so I’m going to lay off it for now. It’s effect is very mild and pleasureable but if it makes me groggy for the whole of the next day then it’s not worth it.

Today I’m grateful for:

My own understanding of my body and brain. Today has been completely drug free except my anti-depressant and whilst it’s not been a fun day to speak of it’s passed by pleasantly enough. I can feel my muscles and joints recovering slowly and hopefully they are primed to get me going again in the morning.

The best thing about today was:

Finally watching Come And See. I feel like I don’t have the attention span for movies sometimes but then realise I can sit through hours of podcasts or TV series. I knew this movie wasn’t going to be any kind of rom-com but the mood kind of reflected my day and it’s message and purpose were clear to me. It showed the trauma and atrocity of war and was a struggle to watch but I’m glad I did. I might have to sit back with something comedic tonight to balance it out.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The weekend has been a bit of a write-off, no writing, little reading, no workout and no guitar. I’m not worried about it at all as I know I need downtime. It’s just sometimes I feel like kicking myself when it feels like I’m wasting time.

I’ll be back on it tomorrow though. Morning exercise then off for coffees. Then I have an 11.30 appointment with Kru Hin to learn how do our grades in the online system, my one class at 1.30, then off up to the hospital to get more sertraline and back to play guitar and watch the last Swans AFL of the regular season.

Something I learned today?

One of my grade 7 students was proud to send me pictures of himself running in a 5km through the city today, similar to one that Amy and I did a few years ago. It’s nice to feel that he wants to show his teacher this. He was one of the kids I kicked out of class a couple of weeks ago so there is an element of sucking up involved but I know he’s a good kid, just being a teenager.

If I could live anywhere in the world, where would that be?

I’d like to live anywhere that is safe and stable. I’ve found living somewhere where I don’t fully understand the language has been helpful as I don’t get fully sucked into the vortex of shit-talking that people find so enjoyable. No matter how much I tried to avoid the corruption of politicians in the UK and Australia I always would get back into it. It was a waste of my time. I know things are even worse here in Thailand but I don’t have to think about it or be involved with it. 

I can still see myself living in the UK or Australia though I don’t think it would be for extended periods. Otherwise, I think I can live anywhere, as I said, so long as it is safe. Water, electricity and internet preferred.

I took this picture by accident when I was talking on a video call with Amy. She was busy running around cleaning Lewis’s poop at the time, just as I was about to feed our cats (action shot in the top corner). This is how Amy and I have communicated for the past two years and I’m glad of the technology that makes it possible.

No More Shiny Things – 25th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

What is left to be pursued?
The bigger, brighter things have faded
Realising that there’s nothing new
Has made us all become jaded

No longer entranced by shiny things
It’s all been seen and done before
A mind that’s closing sooner brings
Death knocking at your door

5th Oct 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – pursuant

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and good! I slept early last night and ended up waking a little earlier but as it was still dark I tried to get back to sleep and when I finally got real deep into it again the alarm went off.

I pushed and struggled through exercises telling myself how much better I will feel afterwards. My arms and legs ache at the joints from all the extra work they’ve been doing but ultimately my body feels more together and capable. I can only imagine how I might feel if I had treated myself better in my teens, twenties and thirties.

In my early thirties, I started going to the gym after work and then straight to the beach to bodyboard. I always felt great after that but rewarded myself by drinking. One step forward, one step back.

Today I’m grateful for:

The nice taxi driver that took drunk Amy home from the city this evening. It reminds me that most people are ok.

The best thing about today was:

Messaging with Nong Mee and getting an update on how she is doing as I rarely see her these days. She is the girl who swallowed a bunch of pills last semester. She said she is doing better and that even when she feels down she knows both myself and some of her friends are there to support her. I was heartened to read that and happy for her too.

Something I learned today?

I read in Derek Sivers’s book Hell Yeah Or No that our beliefs and understanding of the world are based on our location. 

Obvious, true, but the point was that when you go to foreign places, the people there grow up with their own set of beliefs and understanding. Rather than take the approach that our way is best we need to unlearn our own beliefs and accept different ones. 

Even knowing your way is better it’s not appropriate to try and change something blatantly. Gradually, exposure on both sides will find some kind of agreement.

I know I struggled with this when I started teaching in Thailand. Of course, I want to improve things for the lives of those I’m teaching. I no longer think I can do that with words but rather through actions and just being.

Quote: Day by day, what you do is who you become. – Heraclitus

I guess it’s obvious. But when you are in the middle of being you, and always believing you are right, the obvious becomes obscured. 

Since my late teens, I became less confident in the things that I knew. Doubt crept into everything. 

For a long time, I considered myself a fence sitter, often admiring those who held strong beliefs. Now I have come around to the fact that the fence is often the best place to be. The wind can blow in different directions. Whilst there may be universal truths everything else is always up for debate.

How did I practice stillness?

I’m going to say that I practice this when I’m reading. I know my brain is still active but I am usually focused within the story, almost out of body.

Even when I do meditation my brain struggles to calm though I do generally feel less stressed after. I know it’s a matter of practice. I don’t think I’m in a state of stress that requires me to counter it with converted efforts towards stillness really.

I took this picture because after I finished my class around 4 pm I ended up playing volleyball with Nicha and one of the boys and got soaked with sweat as there is no cover in the playground at the moment. The sun kept appearing through the broken clouds along with the already high humidity. Nicha joked about how cold she was when I tried to block the sun with my hand. I didn’t even really cool down in the aircon of the car on the drive home and the house was already stinking inside so I tried to cool down with a shower but even that was a struggle. Then, seemingly suddenly, it got dark and proceeded to rain heavily non-stop for about thirty minutes resulting in all this water sitting on top of the soil under the trees, the ground already too waterlogged to soak up more. The rain has calmed down a little now but is still coming down with no sign of it stopping just yet.