Taking The Time – 16th December 2022

The mountain is not going to move
You see it but don’t see
The time taken is given back
Even if you disagree


Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness and dies by chance,

Jean-Paul Sartre

Today I’m feeling:
Exhausted
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy got bitten badly by Tokyo at House this morning but I’m grateful that we could get to a hospital easily and get it looked at and also get a rabies injection. I’m also grateful that I was able to quickly reschedule my day and take a day off from school to help Amy.
The best thing about today was:
Getting well wishes from my students for Amy and also them doing the work that I assigned them.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Dogs are out of my control and I didn’t take into account that whilst Tokyo is happy with me there are other people she is just aggressive towards. I felt like it was my fault that Amy got bitten because I gave her some food to give to Tokyo but unfortunately, Tokyo already thinks it is hers and so bit Amy to get it back. I quickly decided to take care of Amy rather than go to school.
For the last three nights, I’ve had less than seven hours sleep and it caught up with me. By the time we got home at lunchtime, I hit the bed for almost six hours. I’m still tired now at 9pm. This is one of my catch-up days where I get little done. I’m more accepting of the fact that these days come now and then.
Something I learned today?
Dogs be dogs.

I took this picture because there were these webs all over the lawn this morning though weirdly when trying to take a picture of more than one they kinda disappeared in the picture.

Born Ready – 18th December 2021

It’s all about the effort, you gotta believe
That’s what success is, not what you achieve
To be in control is to be steady
To become the best, realise you were born ready

Tell yourself, repeat, don’t be lazy
If you put 100% you cannot be crazy
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose
Success is defined by the action you choose


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the passionfruit I can see outside, on the ground, waiting for me to pick it up and scoop out its insides and drink its delicious juice.


Yesterday I ran out of energy. My last class was restless so we got through it double quick and the boys all left and the girls all cleaned the classroom, which made me sad and upset.

I ate lunch and read in the teachers’ room until George came in, making noise and encouraging everyone to eat more than they wanted, ordering Dylan and others around and wanting everyone to join in playing Kahoot. It’s sometimes difficult to see if everyone does it to humour him and not upset him or if they find him really inspiring and friendly. I find it all insincere and manipulative, as you can probably tell.

Anyway, it was obvious I had to get out of his way for them to play so I went out to the other room. During all this, I just flagged and though I’d planned to go meet Bruno, I cancelled and headed home and was in bed before 8 and asleep by 9.30!

I didn’t feel too bad in the morning today but couldn’t force myself to exercise and settled for coffee instead.

I’d missed a call from Ellen yesterday and she sent me a message this morning that she was thinking of killing herself! I called her and talked with her for half an hour. She’s having some tough times and I hoped I could give her some positive encouragement. I told her we should talk again each Saturday (just so I can check in with her).

She’s still looking for people to teach for her, which I’m too busy for now but I don’t really know anyone. Even foreign teachers at school, I wouldn’t want to recommend to her in case she gets fucked around by them. I hope she’ll be ok.

Today, I flagged again around 3pm. Amy and I had been running around preparing for next weekend’s party at her parents. We stopped in a cafe on the way back and as we drank our drinks, we both stopped talking and subconsciously realised it was time to head home and take a nap.

I got sucked in by the Khalil Gibran story I was reading, ‘Khalil The Heretic’ and then ended up reading comics until just before sunset. Better for a good sleep tonight anyway.

I’ll go feed the cats and feel like watching a movie, maybe a few sips of whiskey.

Terminal Diagnosis – 2nd December 2021

It’s the one prophecy that never fails
To take the wind out of your sails
Forgotten by distraction, the world it passes by
There’s no escaping that you are gonna die

Every second that’ll never be repeated
This diagnosis cannot be defeated
Today is the day to stop pretending
And live your life because it’s ending

21st Jun 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our washing machine that can fit a doona inside. Needed today as Tigger peed on Amy’s last night.


I was super tired last night and got into bed at about 6.30 pm. I read for a bit and then slept and slept very well, even when Amy woke up and turned the light on as Tigger peed on the doona right next to her head! I don’t know why he pees everywhere at random times. If there is something wrong, he doesn’t show it. He’s really happy most of the time, with us at least.

He fought with Kim Chi a few days ago and was having a go with Cap yesterday, too. Usually, if we see something starting, though, it seems to be Cap that starts it. He’s stupid like that! Tigger is much bigger and stronger.

Two good classes this morning and I will only do a little easy work tomorrow in preparation for a 3-day week next week. Thailand certainly enjoys its public holidays.

I’ve become involved in helping Champ with plans for the students to do a TED Talk video. I’m not sure what it involves just yet but I think it’s good to be asked to be involved. It’s a little bit of a show thing and I would prefer just to be encouraging all students to put in more effort day to day.

I’m feeling ok, though I may flake out again early tonight. I’ve been getting up a little earlier and I realise that my morning exercise has moved up to about 30 minutes from the ten minutes or so when I started doing this. I feel good after exercise and I’m definitely working off the weight but I will need to find a better balance and increase my food intake again.

Apart from breakfast, I generally only eat lunch and then snack on nuts in the evening. I’ve managed to push my lunch until 3 pm, so I have two long periods with no food intake. Just water and coffee between breakfast and late lunch.

The abs routine is getting tougher but I struggle my way through and don’t feel inclined to give up as I may have done in the past.

Fat Cat – 26th July 2021

You’re a fat cat hiding
But you can’t really hide
Your belly is sticking out
Of the box on either side

Climbing up on the shelf
With the picture as your screen
Your paw hanging over the edge
So you can still be seen

Let’s play this game longer
I know you want to dash outside
But everyone is watching
Everyone knows where you hide

15th Aug 2024 – Submitted to What’s Going On – dogs and cats

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that we could take Tigger to the vet today. He’s been a little subdued and not eating much and due to his condition, we erred on the side of caution. He’ll be there for a few days.


Sometimes my mood changes suddenly and I just cancel everything. The last few days I’ve been tired and was looking forward to a lazy long weekend, which it has been in general but I had committed to teaching online for Ellen on these days off and I just feel like my brain isn’t in the right place.

It’s weird but when I get up early and go to school I end up with more energy to do more things. I find if I have a relaxed morning, I really struggle to motivate myself.

So, with a tired weakness, I cancelled my lessons for today and for Wednesday, which is also a holiday. On Tuesday I have to go to work and should be ok to do the extra classes after school. I should try not to get stuck like this and work myself up to being ready to go whenever asked of me.

Sometimes, I think my life is too easy. Sometimes I feel like I need pain and stress to work, to appreciate living. I can relax but why can’t I relax correctly! My brain….

We got that attitude! – 6th June 2021

I am so happy and grateful that this morning I can go and read and drink coffee in my regular weekend cafe and then I can come home and swing in my hammock and watch the football. I must remember how much of a good life I have and not to take it for granted. I am better off than a large percentage of the world population and I value that very much.


It’s been a while. Things have been up and down. I wonder if I am becoming bipolar in my old age!?

Last week, I had what felt like a severe brainfart – not sure if it was purely emotional or driven by something physical, as I had to take a couple of days off work, during which I mostly slept. I seem to go through this cycle every two or three months – just get exhausted for what feels like no real reason.

I don’t feel overworked or overstressed – it just feels like a sudden illness. I always put it down to minor reoccurrences of glandular fever, but who knows? I went to the hospital, and they just said I had a cold, which seemed like a cop out.

By last Friday, a week after that exhaustion, I felt great again – almost ridiculously good. It was strangely noticeable.

On the Wednesday, I went home in a black mood after getting a message that teachers had to stay at school until 4.30 pm, even though we finish class at 4 pm.

I’m always keen to get home quickly and enjoy my free time, and this news had me contemplating quitting again. But luckily, I got back into reading ‘How To Think Like A Roman Emporer’ again, and it offered some perfect advice as a reminder.

The fable is of the dog tied to a cart. If the dog pulls against the direction of the cart, then everything is a struggle, and the dog will suffer. Sometimes, the better option is just to go with the cart and find a way to get loose later.

Thankfully, Thursday was also a holiday. I went back to work on Friday, still a little sulle,n but something clicked inside me again to pick me up.

My final online class of the day, with some of my favourite students, went easily and quickly, and I let everyone finish early but something that made me feel good was a couple of students not wanting to leave and wanting to talk more, practice some listening and speaking and just have some no-pressure learning.

I got home energised and excited despite having a difficult broken sleep the night before and nailed some guitar learning for myself – sometimes a few days break helps you get back to it and better.

Back to these online classes again tomorrow. I hope I wake up on the right side of the bed, so to speak, or that the good things I’m doing for myself – yoga, meditation, study etc – remain in effect. Good, good, good.

We got that attitude! – 12th February 2021

I am so happy and grateful for a day off work today. I was a bit tired yesterday – perhaps from working out too much and not enough protein – something I should fix. So I was beat when I got home and just watched TV and slept early – a nice long sleep.


I missed a day (of writing) because I didn’t come into my room yesterday evening – just lazed, watching TV and reading and then slept a lot – was even more tired.

I was fluctuating between happy and depressed depending on how I read into people’s reactions to me. I didn’t feel fully in control.

Today is a day off – now today has a day off for Chinese New Year and the urging to get people to go out and spend money again. There’s another long weekend in a couple of weeks too!

The best thing about today was meeting Aing and Manow again – it feels like a long time since we last saw them. Aing said she misses her old gang of boys (Nu, Gus and Mink) – her new gang is all girls and ladyboys. Nothing stays the same.

I enjoyed picking weeds our of the grass as the ground is still soft from the soaking earlier this week. My hands smell of green and dirt.

I’m also happily getting better at guitar – very slowly but I can see and hear the progress. I’m still enjoying the process. Slowly, slowly.

We got that attitude! – 21st June 2020

I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch the football in Australia from here in Thailand. It’s a nice feeling when your team does well.

To-do list

  • Visa in the morning ½
  • Enjoy drive and visit with Matt ½
  • More blog posts
  • ‘Thank you’ mantra ½

Damn, something happened to me on Sunday. I went to visit Matt and he showed me all his cool modular gadgets which was pretty interesting. After a couple of hours though I suddenly felt like I’d had enough and left quite abruptly. I didn’t really understand it – it seemed like it was time to go.

I got home and felt ok but perhaps a little odd. Amy came home and we got into a ridiculous argument over nothing so I went to lie down and breathe away the emotions. Then suddenly I felt super tired so took a shower and went to bed. This was at about 6 pm.

Apart from waking up at different times for about 3 hours total I slept through until Tuesday morning! I just felt completely exhausted and had a headache and wondering if I still have some residual pain from the work on my tooth (headache is on that side). I can also imagine this made me cranky on Sunday too.

Needless to say, I didn’t get much of anything done during this time. Now I’m having to run around to prepare things for my visa. Our annual fun week!

We got that attitude! – 25th February 2020

I am so happy and grateful to have a phone that helps me organise things in my life.

The way in which the stream of life is to continue on its journey is written in the sands.

Sufi tale

To-do list

  • Please stay calm ✅
  • Reply Stoa emails – they are challenging ✅
  • Print more for KhawThang ✅
  • Watch out for catastrophic thinking ✅
  • Offer to help someone ✅

A quiet day today. I realised that my self-esteem is not good at the moment and not sure why.

Dealing with the kids today was a bit of a struggle for me to be honest, even though I was fairly calm and relaxed but it made me question what it is I’m doing and if it is bringing me happiness. It could just be end-of-semester exhaustion and a feeling of lack of motivation.

I’ve been thinking a bit recently about what I really enjoy doing and that is tour organising. I don’t see any way to turn it into a monetary venture but it would be something that would bring me closer to contentment. The time to do it would be soon though, as I’m getting older and lots of travel and sleeping on floors will get more difficult. I want to talk with Amy about this sometime when the time is right.

28th May 2024 – The COVID pandemic put any of these ideas to rest.

Tomorrow we have no classes and not been told what we are supposed to be doing so I will plan to finish off some things that I am studying.

I’m also getting to the point of thinking to limit all the information I’m trying to process. It’s all good and thought-provoking but I may not be giving myself enough time and opportunities to process it.

With a snap of my fingers, in the blink of an eye – 10th January 2020

How can I surprise my partner?

This is a tough question. After more than 10 years together we don’t have many surprises these days. I was thinking I would like to book us our holiday in Vietnam as a surprise but curious that she may just get upset for not consulting her. We have our ten-year anniversary coming up – perhaps I could book us a place to stay for the night. Yep – that’s what I’ll do – find a 5-star resort in the mountains and we’ll spend our anniversary there.

18th Dec 2022 – I did book this but Covid got in the way as everything shut down. I booked it again a second time in 2021 and that too didn’t work out as lockdowns happened in Thailand at different stages.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Amy when she cooks me breakfast in the morning and doesn’t complain to clean the dishes and iron my shirts. I will try to do these things more when I can share our burden.

Commonplace book for work

Use this space to write out quotes, passages and thoughts that have some meaning for me. These could come from anywhere.

On Journaling

Prepare for the day ahead

Each morning you should prepare, plan and meditate on how you aim to act that day. You should be envisioning everything that may come and steeling yourself so you’re ready to conquer it. As Seneca wrote “The wise will start each day with the thought ‘Fortune gives us nothing which we can really own.’ Or think of Marcus’ reminder ‘When you wake up in the morning tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil.”

Put the day up for review

Stoicism isn’t just about thinking, it’s about action – and the best way to improve is to review. Each evening you should, like Seneca did, examine your day and your actions. As he put it “When the light has been removed and my wife has fallen silent, aware of this habit that is now mine, I examine my entire day and go back over what I’ve done and said, hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing by.” The question should be: Did I follow my plans for the day? Was I prepared enough? What could I do better? What have I learned that will help me tomorrow?

To-do list

  • Drive slowly and safely – enjoy the journey ✅
  • Talk with John and learn more about him
  • Prepare yourself to meet UK bureaucracy ✅
  • Go to the bookshop if you have time ✅
  • Be courteous to all traffic ✅

I fairly lazily drove over the mountains today and really enjoyed it. I was somewhat sad to arrive. I managed to do everything I planned and bought 5 books at the bookshop. A bit of an extravagance as none of them are on my to-read list.

The application for a new passport was also a completely painless experience for which I’m grateful.

I have very much enjoyed today so far sit now waiting for John to arrive and open his bar. The old auntie here, collecting parking money, shouts instructions from her wheelchair, as the cars pull into the driveway. John is running on Thai time and I’m starting to flake, the long day catching up with me.

I gave it half an hour and decided to leave, tiredness getting the better of me.

At Oh’s place and loved playing and petting her two puppies – once we had become friends. I suppose I could’ve waited for John for longer but don’t feel bad for not. I’m sure we’ll meet someday. It’s just nice to put a real personality to the online persona.

Tomorrow I have to drive back and teach Khawtang and Prang/Sea. Based on how I’m feeling right now, I’m going to be exhausted. Hopefully, I can enjoy some free time on Sunday.

Try to relax me now but then again, Oh no! Isn’t it good? – 23rd-29th March 2018

Damn, I’m running out of energy.  Early mornings of digging earth, shovelling stones, wheelbarrowing stones through wet clay, moving concrete blocks from one end of the garden to the other, these things are catching up with me.  Amy jokes that it’s like an everyday episode of the Biggest Loser and I hope that it can at least result in some weight loss.  We generally only work until about 10am when the sun breaks through the cloudy haze and starts to sear flesh.  If we are not running around on errands or furniture shopping we can get a couple of hours in from about 5pm when heat tends to dissipate somewhat.

I’m trying to keep my promise to never complain about the heat here and, in fact, most of the time it doesn’t bother me too much, certainly not to complain or moan about.  But it is energy sapping.  I’m at 3-4 showers a day at the moment.  Any effort in the garden is almost instantly rewarded with wet clothes and it’s important to cover up as much skin as possible.  The biggest pain is when bending down to pick out weeds and sweat pours over my glasses, which I’ve also managed to drop on concrete and scratch the supposedly scratch proof lenses.  The next biggest pain is standing upright again and feeling dizzy for a few seconds.

We arrived at our house at about 8.30am this morning, with Amy’s parents driving up too.  We had a small hornet’s nest to get rid of and Dad was going to show me the correct way to use the metal bladed strimmer, which appeared to be just not to use near anything that might smash the blades, which is unfortunately not that many places on our land but at least he got some long grass and weeds cut.  However, as soon as we arrived I was so exhausted I fell asleep for 3 hours, despite all the noise going on around the house and garden.

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We’ve started buying various bits of furniture that we need now that we are close to the end of the house build.  We won’t get them delivered until we’re absolutely sure everything that needs fixing is fixed and that seems to be delaying us a bit and it looks like I may not even get to live here before I head off for my course in Chiang Mai.

20180327_162549.jpg

I’m supposed to be doing a pre-course task before attending but I’ve just been too tired and time consumed with everything else.  This weekend we are driving to Chiang Mai to meet Sydney friends Lekky, Steve and Lena, along with Jessica and her dad.  We’ll drive back to Chiang Rai with Jessica and her dad the following day and then drive up to the Myanmar border the day after and see what goodies we can buy there.  I’ll be driving mostly though I hope I can get Amy to drive on Sunday so I can watch the AFL on my phone.

I’ve had to pay for the AFL app access along with VPN subscription to be able to watch the games but in the end, it seemed to be the easiest option.  There are a couple of Aussie bars in the city that screen the games but they don’t open until 5pm and the early games are already halfway through by then.  Plus I like to have a beer and relax when watching and don’t want to have to drive the 20kms or so home afterwards.  Damn, I can’t wait to sit down on our new lounge with a beer from our new fridge, watching football, overlooking the sun setting over the mountains out the back window, the smell of Amy’s delicious cooking wafting from our kitchen.  It can happen one day, right?

I have more to write but it’s going to have to wait. There are no more 1994 entries scheduled to post either, not until I get more free time to write them up which might not be until the end of May.

What a lovely place to be, what a lovely place to be.