Look deep into the eyes Of the cat and dog freed from its cage There to be seen The root of all human happiness To chase around the beach, cuddle and engage
Not too bad today, at least in the morning. I got up at a reasonable time, partly in preparation for going back to school tomorrow at the normal time.
I spent a few hours at Utopia reading and writing and could get myself into the flow for that which felt good.
By afternoon, though I ran out of energy and napped and have been lazy and run down since. I hope that feeling doesn’t carry over to tomorrow.
Health:
Physical: 6 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Noey being back from overseas and bringing me a couple of small gifts and making my coffee today. It was good to see her again and it sounded like she had a great time on her travels.
The best thing about today was:
Hmm – today felt like a day of two halves, the first with energy and positivity and whilst I still felt positive later, my lack of energy was disappointing. So nothing in particular stands out to me today.
Something I learned today?
I made my first poetry Instagram post today and will start learning more about it and give it a go to try and get some more eyes on my writing somehow. With no friends or followers added yet, though I have had zero views in 8 hours!
I also updated my MacBook and iPhone, which now means that I can mirror the iPhone and write directly from my keyboard into this app. This makes writing a lot easier and I would only have been able to do it before by paying for the premium option.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
By following students on Instagram, I found out that today is Rista’s birthday and so I sent her birthday wishes. She’s a nice, lively kid and I like her a lot.
Dizzy and tired still, though a little better mentally.
I think I’m understanding a little more about why I’m feeling the way I am mentally.
My routine involves teaching and writing and those both keep me in the now. Whenever I’m not doing those things, I have been updating my blog or watching things relevant to my past ie. nostalgic.
Due to the flooding and school being closed, my routine has been upended and I haven’t been doing things that have kept me rooted in the now and way too much thinking about the past.
This has got me contemplating too much about things outside my control. Perhaps it was sitting for hours (in the now) at the hospital yesterday that has brought all this into focus.
So, now aware of this, I can think about how to improve my thoughts and situation.
I slept ok until some point in the night I had indigestion and then remembered that I had drunk two bottles of soda water in the evening, something I know will get my guts rumbling when I’m lying down to sleep. I’m a slow learner.
Health:
Physical: 6 Mental: 6
Today I’m grateful for:
To the student in the shop who read the staff with my shopping list (see below).
The best thing about today was:
Sydney beating Port to make another grand final. I managed to listen on the radio, which is certainly not exciting at all and really difficult to follow but at least I was able to keep up with the game.
I’ll watch the mini-match tomorrow and enjoy that.
I’ll probably listen to the Geelong/Brisbane game too and hope that they belt the shit out of each other to make it tougher next week for whoever is the winner.
Something I learned today?
Amy asked me to pick some stuff up at the auntie’s store at Fah Tai market and sent me a list written in Thai. When I showed it to the boy working at the shop, he apologised and told me that he couldn’t read. I guess he just gets by ok on speaking.
A sip on a brandy to warm before bed All the weekly beers still kept in the shed Put on another log to keep the fire burning The grandfather clock chimes our time turning
Another Sunday roast, all sat at the table A quiet word for all being so grateful Once were children running around playful Suddenly, time passes and no longer able
Inspired by Existential Comics 249 and my own formative years living at my grandparents’ house.
Today I’m feeling:
Great (once I got to school). I skipped exercise this morning and opted for an extra 30 minutes of rest.
Most of this week I’ve been waking up a little before my alarm but today was a sudden jolt and I took the lazy option. I know that I could’ve pushed through but thought that tonight I would not be able to relax so much as friends and family will be over to celebrate Amy’s birthday.
Once at school, there was a very good feeling as students prepared for Teacher’s Day to pay respect to us (though us farang teachers are not particularly included).
Baipad was back at school and happily showed me all the videos that she had taken at Chiang Mai Zoo. When I commented that she wasn’t in any videos or pictures she said that she didn’t like having her picture taken. I was like that too at her age but wish that I had more photos of myself from then.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the well wishes that I got from students throughout today, for Teachers Day.
The best thing about today was:
Dutchie asked me if he could call me P’Shaun instead of Kru Shaun. I didn’t think much about it at the time and said to call me anything except Lung Shaun!
P’ indicates something along the lines of older brother whilst Lung is uncle (usually associated with being old).
I wonder what their thinking is behind wanting to call me this but I’m taking it as a positive, that the kids feel that I am more a brother than a teacher.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
We had a nice big party that Amy told me she finished at 3.30 am. I crashed at around 11 pm I think, after having my first alcohol of the year, opening the Glenfiddich that Amy bought for me last year. The party meant I didn’t do any writing until now (Saturday morning) sitting at Utopia.
Something I learned today?
Bruno talked with Takky about applying for a bachelor’s at MFU. I wonder if he will follow through.
What is my favourite time of day?
My favourite time of day is usually the one that I’m in.
I try to make the best of whatever the situation may be. Getting up early for school or to travel, staying up late to read or watch something interesting. Stinking hot in the classroom or in an air-conned room.
Day or night, it’s all alright.
August took this picture because she called me over to play selfies.
Pretty good. Did some exercise again and thankful for it as I can feel my lazy muscles trying hard to pull my body together.
Today I’m grateful for:
Getting out of the house for a day as Amy suddenly came up with the idea to drive to Toeng, so after coffee, we set off, ate huge prawns in Toeng, cake in a rice field cafe somewhere, dropped by to see Wan in Chiang Khong, up to Chiang Saen for some snack shopping in the walking street, and finally a Maekhong riverside fish dinner before getting home 9 hours after leaving.
It was good to be out, but I’m looking forward to tomorrow and staying in!
The best thing about today was:
Having a quick video call with Hayden before our lunch was served. He’d just come off a 20-hour shift with one of his difficult clients but seemed pretty chipper.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy is pre-menstrual so whilst she was pretty good today she also got a bit wild every now and then.
Something I learned today?
Crispus Attucks was an American whaler, sailor, and stevedore of African and Native American descent, who is traditionally regarded as the first person killed in the Boston Massacre, and as a result, the first American killed in the American Revolution.
I took this picture because…. cake! The photo was better than the cake.
The art of war is a lesson in peace The politics of life to make the violence cease The finest swords will all eventually rust To build a legion is to gain their trust
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and positive though I have a nagging tiredness throughout my body. This could possibly be from pushing myself too much with exercise but the benefits of it outweigh this. Some of the things going on in the family are getting me down a little. This is connected with cultural differences but it’s hard not to judge a situation when something is so clearly unfair. No details to share here as yet. Perhaps if and when the situation resolves or is in the past.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding the candy lady outside of school. Miyor and KhaoFang were walking around the park after classes and I bumped into them and they offered me a bag of candy of a type that I’d never seen before. I took one and it was tasty so I asked where they got them and they pointed to one of the stalls so I went to investigate and there was a cornucopia there! It was also a pick and mix so I picked out a couple of each to try the range. I didn’t eat any yet – I’m saving them for the weekend.
I was laughing to myself today about it because it feels just like when I was at school as a teenager. I always skipped lunch, saving my money to buy records instead. Then I would scrounge pennies off friends and buy candy from the van that pulled up in the playground every lunchtime.
The best thing about today was:
Getting my work permit so quickly sorted that I had time to grab another coffee before my class started. I guess it doesn’t take long when you’re handing over 6,000 baht.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After making copies of my work permit I headed over to the office. It was only while I was there that I discovered that I have to fill out the visa application and pay another 2,000 baht for the visa when I take it to immigration next week. I thought that whole process was already done when I was at immigration at the end of last year but it seems that I was just on a bridging visa. Amy was not impressed to hear this, especially as I don’t even have 2,000 baht left this month.
Something I learned today?
This evening I found out that the 6,000 baht will get refunded next month. Woohoo!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sat and helped a couple of students again, taking the time to work with them and encourage them.
Every morning now, when I arrive at school, I join Baipad, Jan and Apple and talk with them for a few minutes. Sometimes it’s a struggle to get them to look away from their phones but slowly they are opening up and chatting a little bit. I can especially feel that Apple is more relaxed now to speak English.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 4. Don’t Start A Relationship If You’re Not in Love. I’ve done this more than once. You kind of like someone and think: “We might as well give it a shot.” Not a good idea. You’re either in love, or you are not. Don’t fool yourself. It’s not fair to you and the other person.
The difficulty with this is when growing up and learning about love. Our societies don’t emotionally prepare us as children for the consequences of love. It’s quite noticeable here in Chiang Rai, Thailand that a fair percentage of teenagers are not so much into the idea of romantic relationships yet. They might have urges and desires but many are still learning about how to make good friendships amongst themselves. I used to think that this was somewhat of a downside to the kid’s development and that they were growing up too slowly but now I see it as a benefit. In the West we are not aware of all the privileges that we have just by circumstance, to be able to grow up so quickly, whether mature or not.
In my own experience, I thought I was in love many times as a teenager but I was just in love with the idea of love, without knowing what it really was. My first relationships were rough on my partners as I had no clue how to treat them, having been told through society that chocolates and flowers could fix anything. It wasn’t until my mid-20s, meeting Bronwyn that I first felt what I consider to be true love. And then even that was not enough to keep us together.
It’s way too easy to say ‘Don’t fool yourself.’ We fool ourselves all the time without knowing. We do have to go through the process – love, lose and learn. Not many people get things right the first time.
Now I try to teach my students to guard themselves somewhat, to protect themselves from the huge emotional twists and turns of young love. When they break up, to encourage them not to dwell on something that wasn’t meant to be. To stop feeling like it is the end of the world. But I know, it feels just like that and words are sometimes little comfort.
I took this picture because this is an unusual sight, to find both our cats sitting on the same mat like this.
Pretty good though it was a struggle to get up as I had enjoyed a couple of drops of cannabutter last night that knocked me right out.
Today I’m grateful for:
Go Nuts chocolate bars. They are kinda like Snickers but cheaper as they are manufactured in Thailand (I guess). They are smaller than a Snickers bar so I usually end up eating two at a time but even then they are cheaper. I still like a little something sweet after a meal, kinda just finishes it off for me.
The best thing about today was:
Spending a couple of hours in my room listening to new music and finding new songs to try and play on guitar. I also enjoyed being in the garden watering all our plants.
Something I learned today?
I saw a message posted to our department messaging group that there is something going on in the morning tomorrow which maybe means a change to our classes. I’m hoping to arrive at school tomorrow to find out my class is cancelled! It’s no big deal if it’s not but a bonus if it is!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I shampooed Tigger again just before lunch and he put up a little more of a fight this time but I managed to get it done without any scratches, thankfully.
As mentioned above, I watered the garden whilst Amy was enjoying watching a TV show and after that, I came in and fed the cats.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO 1. Struggle Is Good. Never say “I can’t take it anymore.” Say “Bring it on!”
This has taken me a long while to realise and embrace, although looking back I can see that I did this often.
I have a capability to endure certain things that others might not. Conversely, I’m sure others are capable of enduring things I cannot. It is the attitude towards this struggle that I embrace more now so that I might look forward to the difficult tasks.
I tend to visualise and actualise the feeling of having completed something and being able to relax, satisfied that I had done something.
When I was a teenager, so long as it was something I was interested in, I could start big, wild projects that could occupy my time and mind. These things didn’t feel like a struggle. Without realizing it I soon discovered that it wasn’t always the satisfaction of finishing something that made me feel good but just the doing of it. Over time this meant that I could take on tasks that were less interesting to me because I would just enjoy the doing, the struggle of them.
When I ask my students to write out a few paragraphs of text I enjoy taking note of those who complain and those who just get on and do it. This reveals a lot about their attitude.
These days, having a space that I love to rest my head at night, I can rationalise all discomfort at uninteresting tasks knowing that when the sun goes down I have a place where I can relax and do the things that are interesting to me.
Whilst I would rarely say ‘Bring it on’ I am no longer afraid of the challenges that confront me.
I took this picture because this tree’s red flowers turn brown before splitting open and revealing their seeds. This is the first time I’ve actually noticed the seeds inside.
Excellent. Got up 5 minutes earlier than usual so that I can incorporate some stretching into my morning exercise routine. Also gone back to two lots of exercise. The habit is fairly well entrenched now so doing a little extra is not too much of an issue.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru David joining me briefly for a coffee at House. It cut into my writing time but actually, I appreciated a quick chat about AFL and racist English hooligans!
The best thing about today was:
Getting home around 2pm and getting lots of things done earlier than usual (trying to prioritise things). It’s not even 6pm at the moment and just a couple of things left to do. I was already contemplating going to bed and reading comics and I’ll do that soon I think.
I need to adjust my sleep time a little too, with getting up five minutes earlier and extra morning exercise. I don’t seem to have any problem falling asleep but I’ve not been getting good sleep recently due to waking up with pain in my right shoulder.
Something I learned today?
I read an interesting article on the West’s history of the Great Leap Forward in China and how no one who went there could find any evidence of a famine at all. There were food shortages due to 3 years of crop failure and the US, intent on destroying the Communist Party of China, then sanctioned grain into the country. However, the CPC continued to distribute grain to those most in need.
The whole narrative is posited to be pure Western propaganda and the figures quoted for the number of people who died were just the usual number of people that died anyway. When something is quoted as ‘6 million people died during the famine’ it implies that it would be on top of the normal death rate.
The author provided lots of evidence and it also reinforces other articles I’ve read recently stating that the US war with China started when they realised the Nationalists would be defeated by the communists.
Over time, I’ve become more convinced of the lies and deceit at play in the hands of the USA and it has become much harder to decide what is the truth. As the old phrase states, ‘If you see the lips moving then you know they are lying.’
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
The usual encouragement to my students for trying their best.
What were some moments of joy I experienced this year?
This is hard for me to recall specifically but as moments of joy did not particularly stand out (which doesn’t mean I wasn’t happy or having a great time) I do recall moments of savouring. And these too are not specific but I do recall the feeling when it occurs.
Sometimes this might be several times a day and other times maybe just once a week. It could be on a bike ride, drinking a coffee, eating food or just sitting and reflecting. That feeling has come more often in recent years rather than moments of joy.
I took this picture because Cappuccino looked beautiful sitting in the soft light of the sunrise this morning.
Our society is wealthy enough to meet our needs Yet organised such that violence is needed to survive Fight not crime but instead, fight those who create it A real civil society dictates what it means to be alive
Slept badly and though I know I’m tired I also know today is an easy day, at least beyond the fact that we are running around doing my visa which is a stress all by itself.
I forced myself to exercise a little this morning even though my routine is disrupted by Amy being here and us running around doing things.
Sometimes I can see how old people get grumpy when routines are broken. I don’t want to get set in my ways but I do want to get back into an exercise routine again.
Today I’m grateful for:
The visa officer who was kind and helpful and despite us having a small issue with a bank statement he allowed my visa to be processed and I have to go back in September hopefully to receive another year’s grace.
The process is always stressful and has Amy wound up and I try my hardest to not bite and stay calm. Having not slept well I managed until around 11 am and was starting to flag. Whether Amy sensed that or not I’m not sure but I perked up when she decided, out of the blue, to buy me some nice shirts. Later in the day I also found some nice cheap work pants too.
The best thing about today was:
Having the free time to deal with all the visa bullshit without too much hassle and still get back to hanging out with the kids at lunchtime and for my single class. Then back to shopping at the mall.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I lost my temper a little at the end of my class today as we were running out of time and a few girls were playing TikTok dancing on their phones. It passed quickly when I took the phone away and told them that they could get it back from their homeroom teacher at the end of the day. When the class finished one of the girls stayed behind and was suitably contrite, asking for the phone back. I was okay to do that this time with a reminder that next time it will definitely happen.
Something I learned today?
I found out that the visa officers at immigration get their lunchtime coffees at House. They came in as I was leaving today.
What are some activities or hobbies that bring me joy?
Joy? Sometimes when I’m riding my motorbike I get a feeling approaching joy. The smells, the air (when it’s clean), the cool of the shade, the freedom to discover.
In the classroom, there are occasions when joy erupts, which is less easy when you’re on the teaching side of the equation.
Otherwise, there are times of happiness, satisfaction and fun but joy is not an emotion I particularly need to chase after. Small brief moments are preferable.
Takky took this picture because, for my visa application, we have to take photos in our bedroom, outside our front gate and, for this year, we turned the teaching room into our living room as Amy entertained there last night.
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