From birth, our bodies begin rotting on the vines, Makeup masks our ruin; clothes shroud crumbling shrines, Enough seats for us, our grief, and ghostly diners, Clay dolls shaped by less intelligent designers;
Gorge while we can, is what the void inside us tells, Teeth grind charred swine, desperate to stuff hollow shells, Too lost to gauge each other’s decomposition, Doll cracked maliced lips chitchat in competition;
Starved, we crave the feast, each other’s incompleteness, Clay clings to fear’s wrinkles, exposing raw weakness, A mask slips, the vultures dive on the roadkill eats, Eyes glimmering in hope of lacerated treats;
Enraptured, we unravel, cherubic and sweet, Guilt claws our full guts, choking undigested meat, Regret gnaws sweet scraps in this hostile carcass, We lick our plates clean to disguise our darkness;
Eat away our germinating cancerous shame, The charade that glues us whole, this fresh tumoured claim, Why are we starving for each other’s misery? To spoil the scraps of goodness; call it victory;
Aroused by the rotting, vultures peck at each corpse, Prey and feed until there’s nothing left on their forks, Stacking up our stinking shells in the smoke-soaked trash, Our bellies bloated where nibbling maggots thrash.
The media golden penny Shared and liked by millions More poisoned than many And governed by reptilians!
The rabbit’s path is lit To keep you keen and focus Enjoying the wade-through shit Until the shepherd woke us
When the golden penny dropped Baring the true face of the media That’s when the distraction stopped To build your own encyclopedia
The following is a letter from January 8th, 2024, delivered today from the past
Dear FutureMe,
It’s now 30 years since leaving the UK. Now it seems like it doesn’t make much difference. After ten years it was still quite a novelty and being in Australia was still filled with wild emotions. But since then it felt like the UK was no longer something I understood or was a part of.
Though I count Thailand as my home now it is still a little tenuous to stay here and if I leave here in the future it definitely won’t be back to the UK but most likely Australia (unless Amy and I end up somewhere else).
You didn’t write much about this at the time but Amy and her family are going through a typical Thai-style drama at the moment and I wonder if it is all settled by the time of receiving this letter.
Amy’s man-child useless brother and his girlfriend are due to get married. Whilst that should be a cause for celebration we can see that this is not anything to do with love but purely circumstance. When quizzed on his reasons for marriage her brother purely said it was because he was getting old. He said this in front of his bride-to-be.
And so why has she agreed to this?
Part of the condition of marriage is that Amy’s mum will pay off their debts with her newly acquired money from selling her apartments. She will also have to pay a dowry to the bride’s family. So the bride and her family do get some benefit from this arrangement. And what the future might bring for them, who knows?
She now lives in Chiang Rai whilst he is in Bangkok. They don’t talk about anything they are doing and they have no plans for the future. Everything looks like it is just a short-term plan to get out of debt.
Amy’s brother contributes nothing to their family and is selfish beyond belief except for his one or two friends who he treats to food and drink every time they meet. Essentially, he is buying their friendship. His mum and dad treat him like a prince, forgiving him for any wrong he commits.
He’s drunk every day and can’t even piss in the bowl. If he comes to our house again I will instruct him to go piss in the garden.
Amy is obviously upset at the treatment he receives in comparison to the way she is expected to behave. It is a stereotypical patriarchal behaviour that is perpetuated by her parents but not something Amy will stand for. But she also has to bide her time and play the game, so to speak, to make sure that she gets her fair share of inheritance in the future. Otherwise, he is likely to receive everything and even so, he might already end up pissing away the inheritance money before they even expire. We’ve seen it happen in other aunties’ families.
It surely is a frustrating situation though it doesn’t impact me directly at this stage. I just have to be supportive of Amy and listen to her troubles when she needs me.
It’s the start of another year and I’m not much into resolutions or planning for the year, just taking it as it comes. I’m still very happy with my place in the world on an individual basis and hope it can stay that way for the foreseeable future.
I hope this letter finds me still happy and content and maybe even a little wiser. Take it easy PastMe
Connections form between young and old As the tribe gathers at these tables Every nugget may not be gold And truths told as if they are fables
The dining room, like a rush-hour train A gaggle of gossip between gulps of water The old folks never tire to explain Love for their new grandson and daughter
Two hands touch to make a familiar bond Share secrets down the generations Soft in comfort where love belongs And meets all expectations
Shared with WDYS #257 picture prompt and also submitted for an assignment at AllPoetry.com as follows: Write a 12 to 24-line poem in any style that uses simile. Keep the imagery consistent and clear.Make sure that you use two clear examples of simile in your poem using the words ‘as’ or ‘like’ as discussed in the lesson. Try to write in the present tense and incorporate at least one concrete use of the senses in addition to imagery and metaphor, which was covered in the previous assignment.
Mother, I’m not like you I’m not wise to your ways I’m barely a teen And can see through your plays
Is it better raised like this Or for you to be taken away? When you are gone Where do you expect me to stay?
When Dad died we fought hard To make our way together Until you saw the glitter of gold That turned out to be old leather
Uncle tried a little bit but can’t even manage himself! He just takes ALL the money, I don’t know where ALL I’ve got is INSTANT NOODLES for the rest of the MONTH! Mother don’t leave me here, I know you still care…
A STRANGER came to me today and SPUN A GREAT STORY OF FORTUNE I didn’t know whether to BELIEVE HIM BUT I’VE NO ONE ELSE TO TRUST! I ALWAYS TRIED TO DO WHAT’S RIGHT BUT LOOK WHERE THAT HAS GOTTEN ME!? WITH NOWHERE ELSE TO GO I’LL HAVE TO DO AS NEEDS MUST – Sigh!
…
Mother, I don’t want to be like you I don’t want to be wise to those ways I’m still a vulnerable child at heart But I’ll hold on to anything that stays
Sadly, a situation facing one of my best and favourite students right now, though I have taken the poem where I hope it doesn’t end up for her. Submitted to the Word of the Day Challenge – Vulnerability and NaPoMo.
Pretty good again today. Though the pollution is getting worse I, at least, seem to have gotten over any allergic reaction. For now, anyway.
Today I’m grateful for:
The people who came and removed the roof from our entertainment area so that when the storms come this year the winds should just blow through instead of ripping the roof off. It’s a shame to see it all laid out on the floor to be taken away. That was expensive stuff.
The best thing about today was:
Lazily going about my day getting things done that I wanted to do, with a little bit of everything thrown in.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I ate a weed brownie and started reading about the Boer War and how some folks back then saw the British Empire’s decline in the same exact way that happened to the Romans and as is happening to the USA now.
It’s just wild to watch people (societies) walk into the same mistakes that have happened over the centuries.
Anyway, all that was fascinating until I got to the end of a section and wanted to listen to music. I stuck on some CHROMB! and put my brain into overdrive trying to keep track of what the musicians were doing.
I was happily lost in its madness and was in a trance-like state for the best part of an hour. I think I handled that pretty well then!
Something I learned today?
Wholesome news:
Dozens of Huskies Escape Pet Cafe in China
The barking mad footage from a Shenzhen shopping centre shows the dogs running wild after a customer failed to close the door properly. It reportedly took about one hour to round them up.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I took out the garbage this morning which was easier said than done as our usual dumping area on the road has disappeared with the work going on. Luckily there is another area not far away though.
I unpacked the packages of cat food, put them away in the cupboard and broke down the boxes.
I cleaned out the gutters, urging rain to come and fill them.
I watered the mango tree which is budding hundreds of tiny fruit. Let’s hope some make it to maturity this year.
I took this picture yesterday because the restaurant we went to for lunch had these two coloured grasses along their driveway just like we do. But I kinda like it in monochrome.
A bit more lively than yesterday though I still fancy an afternoon nap. I’ve been the driver for the family today, to Chiang Saen, Mae Sai and Mae Chan.
Today I’m grateful for:
The candy seller at the market, where I found the candies that the stall has outside school and obviously at a better price. Whilst I picked out a few different bags she offered various others to try and taste. I was lucky that Amy found the noodles and mala sauce she wanted in this shop too so I snuck all my stuff in there for her to pay.
The best thing about today was:
Driving around, which made me think that I haven’t been up around the Chiang Saen, Chiang Khong area yet (on the motorbike) and it would be good for a nice laid-back ride sometime.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst I was in my room playing guitar I was surprised to hear the sound of rain on the roof. I didn’t think too much of it though it was kind of unusual to have rain at this time of day, this time of year. But then I heard banging and the shade outside my window had fallen down and was now slamming against the wall. The rain had gotten heavier and suddenly the wind had picked up. Next came rumbles of thunder and everything got stronger. I went outside and Amy screamed as the roof on the entertainment area started banging again where it was broken in the summer storms last year. I ran to the garage and emptied the wheelbarrow already full of water from the leaking drain and found a bucket to put in the shed to catch the leaking in there too, though both of these were relatively useless in rain this heavy.
Something I learned today?
Amy has been watching these YouTube videos of two Korean boys travelling around Thailand and today I saw some pretty nice places in Isaan that they were visiting. It would be good to go there one day though I feel a lot of places in Thailand look the same everywhere. Jungles, rice fields, mountains, rivers and beaches. I’m still quite smitten with it all though.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Driving the family around wherever they directed me and even though sometimes they confused me with their directions, I carried on without complaint.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 7. Be Grateful. Say thank you to everyone and everything “Thank you for this beautiful day.” “Thank you for your email.” “Thank you for being there for me.”
The longer I keep practising being grateful the more I’ve realised there is to be grateful for. Sometimes I struggle to find something new to be grateful for, especially if I haven’t been doing much but I usually come up with something. I’m not sure how many years I’ve been doing it now but I think I started sometime in 2020 and managed to do it pretty much every day since.
I’ve mentioned in the past that Thai people don’t often say thank you in a shopping situation and it’s quite a cultural norm. I can’t help myself though, it’s just ingrained since childhood to say please and thank you.
I took this picture because these kitties, along with two more inside, were surveying the surrounds from this second-floor vantage point as I pulled up at Utopia this morning.
Good and positive again. I can feel that I have a better attitude and more energy in the days that I exercise in the morning and that I should also force myself to do this on weekends and holidays as I often just fall into laziness then.
Today I’m grateful for:
The little female (age indefinable) petrol pump assistant who double-checked what I wanted and then, after filling the car, gave me two bottles of water. She tried to explain about the water but I didn’t understand. I just assumed that they were free!
The best thing about today was:
Taking time with a couple of my troublesome students this afternoon and helping them get a better idea of a grammar point. I felt relief and joy when they started getting the answers right by themselves. I even managed to get a smile out of one of them.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My first class today with grade 8s was a little wearisome. Some days it feels like they just insist on not learning. I stayed relatively calm but inside I feel a little tired and deflated from it.
Something I learned today?
The single most expensive item for the British in the American Civil War was rum.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
We went to the temple again for some follow-up Buddhist things for Grandmum. I did as was directed though wasn’t sure about any of what was happening. In the end, we served monks food and everyone (except me) at lunch too.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO 3. Spend Time with People You Love. That’s your family and best friends. If you don’t have a family, create one. Most people in life are only visitors. Family is for life.
My tribe is my family these days. I’m not particularly close to anyone except for Amy and I’m fine with that. If I ever need to make new relationships they will come naturally from within my tribe.
The internet definitely has made things easier to stay in contact with my tribe, who are scattered all around the world.
Whilst the ease of communication keeps us together, our tribe survives apart.
This space buzzed by mosquitoes A history was being carved out Dusty messes swept into the corners Where cockroaches nested, no doubt
Now an empty room remains A hunger within this home The incense lights the way So we don’t have to be alone
Ghosts are only seen by some A chilly feeling in prickly air Once a room full of new stories Is left in stasis with nothing there
Grandmum’s empty room
Today I’m feeling:
Still a little tired though I slept quite a lot. Not going to push my classes today and going to take it easy myself too.
Today I’m grateful for:
A surprise lunch date with the family at the seafood restaurant Amy and I tried last Sunday. At first I felt a little annoyed as I had wanted to stay at House to read and write after going to apply for the work permit after my first class. That quickly faded though as I’ve grown much more accustomed to sudden changes of plans. The food was also great, which certainly helped too!
The best thing about today was:
Sitting with groups of three students at a time and working on a grammar rule with them. I can usually get a good response out of small groups when there’s an opportunity to do so and we all could laugh and learn together.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I went to get my work permit and in the process they asked if I want it for two years to which I thought ‘sure!’ It was only then I wondered how much it would cost and I found out it will be 6000 baht which is all the money I have left this month!
Something I learned today?
As we’ve been busy for this last week I haven’t really asked Amy about much of what the latest news is or about all the stuff at the temple. With a couple of wines under her belt she talked for a long while about different people that attended the funeral, all of the costs and stresses for the family and what little she knew about the Buddhist rituals and rules.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent supportive messages to three of my students who struggled with situations today.
Nicha took this picture because she snatched my phone out of my pocket whilst I was distracted with another student. I’m quite happy for some students to do this because I can look forward to a surprise batch of photos to check later. Obviously in this shot I had caught up with her to get my phone back.
Thanks for the visit last night Was there a reason to come? I wasn’t really doing anything Perhaps that’s why you came along
And why were you the way you were? Not quite happy it seemed We still couldn’t even share a joke Even in a meeting dreamed
I had to leave quickly I felt like you were perturbed I closed the door behind me And woke up quite disturbed
Typing this one out has given me deja vu. I feel like I may have written something similar about another dream I had. This one though was about the anxiety of meeting an old friend after tens of years and left on bad terms. In this real dream, I had last night, the meeting did not go well
Today I’m feeling:
Tired from a 5.30 am start to start the last day of Grandmum’s funeral. It occurs to me that this (kinda) solemn occasion is a huge stress on the family. There are so many ‘rules’ and traditions that should be followed, to do it the ‘right’ way, that it’s impossible to be perfect.
By the time we got to the crematorium, stress levels were up and it almost felt like forgetting why I was there. That was soon remedied though when the coffin was opened for the family to pour coconut water over the face and body. I turned to see Amy crying and it tore at me as I teared up too as she poured over some water and said goodbye and then I was full of grief again.
At this point though, all the ceremony of the last few days made more sense in my mind.
Today I’m grateful for:
The family again for including me as part of them and not minding too much when I did not know what to do in these circumstances.
The best thing about today was:
The best thing about today will be crawling back into bed and enjoying sleep. Things get back to normal tomorrow but I can’t wait for the weekend already.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Sadly I lost my streak on my Thai study app as I’ve been too busy running around this week. I’ll not beat myself up about it because it doesn’t change the things I’ve learned already. I’m trying to make the learning a little more difficult again to push myself. I’ll get back to it.
The scheduled quiz I set for my class to do this morning didn’t work, which was a little frustrating. Thankfully there was some free time at the ceremony where I could set it up again
Something I learned today?
Assigning work to a class always teaches me who can be responsible for themselves and who will just take advantage.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Today I was Amy’s little worker and I obediently did what I was told without complaint, even when we did things that seemed odd to me. In the morning I carried a tray of food to another building where we sat for a few minutes and then walked back to where we started. That tray was heavy after a while but I didn’t complain.
Either we went to that place by mistake or there was something about the food being in that space for a few minutes that gave it some kind of blessing that I’m not privy to. There is a lot of symbolism going on that I don’t understand and would scoff at if I did.
I took this picture because this cutie decided to take a rest at the bottom of the temple stairs.
What does it feel like to function? Thoughts turned to action The picture comes alive An outlaw in this society We lose life every day Yet art will always remain The air and the food In a world where it’s easy to starve
A little dizzy still and my sore throat is back, I think from the incense at the temple irritating my throat.
Today I’m grateful for:
This Thai family around me. Not without faults but somehow welcoming and inclusive for this idiot.
The best thing about today was:
I did get an hour of free time this afternoon and got twenty minutes of enjoyable bad guitar practice.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve been assigned a task this evening as part of the ceremony though I’m not clear what it is. I was just told to follow the others doing the same thing. I feel like a kid in a school play who doesn’t remember where to stand or exactly what to do and just looks around at everyone else and hopes no one notices.
(Later) Well, it involved some scooting on knees and wai-ing and I hoped didn’t look too out of place as the only white non-Buddhist in the room.
Something I learned today?
This was a couple of days ago but worth mentioning that journalist Gonzalo Lira died in a Ukrainian prison. He was imprisoned for reporting truths about Ukraine’s targeting of civilians in Donetsk both before the US proxy war and in the early stages of it. It’s just another nail in the US imperialist coffin that lies about freedom and democracy.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
In between classes, I came to the temple to support the family and after class, I came to collect Amy before driving us home and then back to the city again to pick up food for Grandmum’s mourners.
August (grade 8) came to my class today sighing that she misses her boyfriend (who broke up with her six months ago). I consoled her but later sent her messages to be strong and independent. She appreciated my words but I could feel she’s not strong enough yet.
August (grade 9) took this picture because she stole my phone out of my pocket whilst I was talking with Kru Ren. This is Sunwa, August and Pat, whose birthday it was today. 15th birthday I guess, though she behaves with a little more maturity than her classmates.
Standing here amongst the detritus This is certainly a lived-in room The treaties of the past are scattered Across a floor that’s never seen a broom
There’s an unused TV in the corner Hoping the remote will be found one day Tho’ full of dust, it’s fuller with love A satisfying sty in which to laugh and play
inspired by the memory of living in Mick’s house – more detail here
Today I’m feeling:
Tired but relaxed. Amy stayed at her parent’s last night and much of today and after coffee, hanging out washing and shampooing Tigger I slowly watched the day disappear reading, watching TV and not much else.
Today I’m grateful for:
The discounted milk protein drinks at the Lotus store – three for the price of two.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing reading Wuthering Heights, which I enjoyed much more than I expected. I love finishing one book because it means I can start another!
I also started reading China Underground at Utopia, the first two stories of which reminded me a lot of my time meeting people in China and to realise how much the world, and I, have changed since.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There is some family drama going on that I have absolutely no control over and so the best I can do is to comfort Amy and help her with figuring out the best way forward.
It’s a frustrating situation that goes deep into Thai culture and societal norms that involve blind acceptance of the patriarchy.
Whilst I knew about this, it is uncomfortably close to home this time. It is also making me feel even more for the female students that I teach and wonder what of their future.
Something I learned today?
Our avocado tree is infested with giant hairy worms that are eating their way through the leaves. I have to warn Amy to stay away from there as she will surely be allergic to their hairs.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I fist-bumped the staff at Utopia and the girl customer whom I have seen there a few times before and smiled and acknowledged most everyone else who came in whilst I was there reading and drinking my coffee.
Apart from that I didn’t have much interaction with anyone else today, even online.
I took this picture because these little fucks are difficult to see on the tree. There are five visible here and 100s more out of focus.
1994ever 