Tag: fireflies

The Nothing Special – 2nd December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Those were the days of Terry and Bruce
Ran the airwaves without ever getting loose
It’s the holidays, it’s eight o’clock
It’s time for Nothing Special to rock
A variety of nondescript acts
A poor mans reading of ridiculous facts
There’s nothing special about Christmas this year
So Nothing Special is watched without fear
The boring boredom of the everyday
Made Nothing Special special in some way
Rolling out the favourites as if to assume
This is what people wanted to consume

There was something comforting about holiday TV in the UK in the 70s and 80s. Banal family entertainment that will never live on in memory. In those days there was not much entertainment to choose from though now I feel we suffer from having too many choices. Is this simply a function of growing old?

I’d written down ‘Nothing Special’ earlier but forgotten why and ended up thinking about TV ‘specials’ of the past instead.

We make each other alive. Does it matter if it hurts?

Ingmar Bergman

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed
Today I’m grateful for:
Thailand having yet another holiday on Monday, which I only found out about today. We had already planned to be in Phuket until Tuesday anyway but this means I only have to take one day of leave.
The best thing about today was:
Nong Fah came to class and gave me a Chupa Chup for no particular reason at all. I was pleasantly surprised and appreciative. All my students were in a reasonable mood today which made the day go well for all of us.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I realised when I went to pay for coffee this morning that an automatic payment had come out of my bank rather than Paypal and I only had 32 baht left. When Amy asked me to pick up some food I had to ask her to transfer me money and I’d also ordered some books from Bangkok that I had to apologise that I couldn’t pay for yet and hoped they hold for me. The day we get paid seems to vary from month to month. Sometimes on the first or fourth or within two or three days on either side. It’s a little annoying I don’t have money as we leave for Phuket tomorrow. I’ll be living out of Amy’s wallet for a few days.
Who do you envy?
I don’t think I envy a whole person particularly, perhaps not even envy at all. If there are specific traits that I might envy in people I’ve learned to accept my lack of ability and realise that everything is in accordance as it should be. As I envy so might others envy me.

I took this picture a long time ago. It was actually a video and I just found it again today and took a screen capture as this lightning bug’s tummy flashed on.

Other World – 23rd March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Grass still green, succoured by recent rain
Sprouting from the dusty clay
Freshly unfurled frangipanis
Bursting brilliant, reflecting sunlight under your chin
The silent hills, jungle-covered green and khaki
Teems with little lives unseen
Sun smothers, bleaching the air white
The living and the inanimate
Thirsting for the next sunset
In the starlit night
Your body wears a shirt of humid air
Breathe deep the day gone
As fireflies pulsating dance
Attracts the eyes of confused dogs

Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalising animal.

Robert Heinlein

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that we finally got some rain overnight. Temperature is better and my garden can enjoy the water.

Take A Moment – 23rd September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Dogs jumped excitedly chasing thrown ropes
Fireflies are buzzing about the grassy slopes
The full moon rises beyond the growing storm
Lighting spikes in 3D as the sky is torn

In silence, I take her arm with great care
We watch in wonder, breathing deep the air
This moment savoured we’ll never see again
We dash undercover to watch the coming rain

This beauty all around we mostly never see
So take a moment for yourself to truly be
Sleep well each night, grateful for your days
Close your eyes, settle now and give praise

Last night was a beautiful night with a perfect temperature and clear skies except at the horizons.

Amy went out to the shops as I was practising guitar in my room and when I’d finished, I relaxed inside, waiting for her to return. When she did, Tangmo had followed her in, so I knew it would be my job to get him back out, enticed with his favourite rope and as I stood trying to extract the rope from his jaws, a beautiful lightning display was taking place as a storm threatened. In the darkened sky, each flash of lightning suddenly highlighted the depth and beauty of the clouds, even in this odd monochrome. Sometimes the lightning was hidden in the distance, behind the emerging bouffant clouds along the lower storm line. Other times great spike shot out between the two frints and hung in the air for a second or two.

Closer to the earth, fireflies buzzed around the jungle growth and I took a moment to hold Amy’s arm and breathe in the joy of life. The impatient dog revised his attempts at pulling on the rope in my hand and we could only convince him to leave after substituting the rope for a fallen palm frond, which is like catnip for him for some weird reason. We quickly managed to close the gate and returned to some TV viewing before bed.

Finally, about a couple of hours later, the storm, which seemed to be coming and going, delivered some rain for about ten minutes and we contemplated sleeping without the aircon for the first time since the end of winter back in February. However, a couple of mosquitoes started attacking so we put the aircon on for a while to subdue them.

I was tired and slept almost immediately and deeply. I had a dream similar to a few nights ago, where I felt like I was about to be attacked, this time by someone at the window. I kicked out and screamed in my dream and also in my bed. Amy rolled over and asked if I was OK and I was kind of amused and really just wanted to go back to sleep. Eventually, I answered her and did, indeed, fall back into deep sleep.

I found out in the morning, however, that Amy was almost into her sleep when my scream woke her and she struggled to get back to sleep again. She was most annoyed but really, Amy is never a particularly good morning person. She can be far too clear and rational at that time of day, not soft and loving. But we laugh about it and I constantly feel a deep affection for her that I often don’t think I deserve.

The Art of Noticing Wall Pictures – 25th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Forcing myself to notice the pictures and decorations on the walls in different places. Strangely, this was a tough one and it made me realise that I don’t go to many different places, especially during these difficult pandemic times. Of course, it may be that I did go to many places but didn’t notice the pictures on the wall!

This was the first picture – taken all the way back on Jan 6th!
Finally got to 10 pictures today!

Poems on this day

Field of Observation

Warm damp air clings to us
In the middle of our own field
Like quantum theory – look away
A million fireflies are revealed

Lightning flashes on the horizon
Boding well the breeze to come
Buzz on about your business
There’s space here for everyone

Illusions

The grey is not just in the sky
It’s in my head, my half-closed eyes
The passions of yesterday are gone
The words said cannot be undone

This sick mind exaggerating
All my deadly contemplating
A coward stuck in sheep’s clothing
Just wants an end to my self-loathing

To run away, just run and run
To put an end to what’s become
We slowly watched things going sour
Took the pain and gave it power

We mixed it up, caused confusion
Stuck inside this brief illusion
I still love you, I will always love you
How can I ever love myself?

Rocks and Oils

Artificial lines and boundaries
Sought to divide and rule
Keep the savages occupied
Then pour on extra fuel

Some arbitrary borders
Laid down after wars
Pay us to keep the peace
We’ll be back to settle scores

Killed a man a thousand years ago
For this, you’ll one day pay
And grab this dirty rock of yours
Put down a flag and say

‘Get out and stay out’
You’re not welcome here
Our fathers always taught us
You are not what you appear

This Is A Test

Some days I ask myself
Just what am I doing here?
On good days things make sense
But others are not so clear

Sensitive to your words
Your scathing drunken attack
I can’t always shrug it off
Unless you take them back

Regularly we cycle
Through this vicious routine
So here we go again
What does it all mean?

I just wanted to take it easy
Sit back and relax
But then I see you drinking
Preparing your attacks

Let’s sit down and fix it
Make things for the best
Many more years ahead of us
This is just a test

Plus Minus

If I keep writing down these negative thoughts
Am I throwing them out or reinforcing them?
Am I making things worse than they already are
Or should I be symbolically divorcing them?

Gratitude Journal

I’m so happy and grateful to be able to stand in our garden at night and watch all the fireflies buzzing around. To feel the warm air surround my skin and to stare at the moon and wonder if I could go there. It seems close enough to touch.

The best thing about today was thinking and writing my way out of a funk. Last night, I was a little cranky, and Amy was drinking again. I was in bed, and she came in to play, but I wasn’t really in the mood. Then she bit my face, and I pushed her off me. She felt insulted and complained that I don’t love her anymore and walked out. I was tired and annoyed, and although I was thinking about these words, I was so tired I fell asleep and didn’t even hear Amy come to bed.

I was woken up during the night, having a dream that Amy was getting too friendly with Ben, another of the teachers we know, and after that, it was difficult to get back to sleep.

I snoozed my alarm, and Amy didn’t bother to get up in the morning, but before I left, I told her that I was worried about her still. She said she was the one who should be worried. I get really upset when she’s drinking and says things like ‘you don’t love me anymore’ just because I’m annoyed with her behaviour at the time.

This morning, I couldn’t feel my way out of this darkness, but eventually, by the afternoon,n I was feeling OK. Not brilliant, but OK. However, Amy was in a short and bad mood when I got home due to an upset stomach and problems with something she was trying to bake.

I thought we could go for a drive tomorrow – it’s a holiday here again. Amy asked ‘Where?” but I just don’t care where – just get out of the house and see what is out there. We both know that there is nothing out there but it’s just a distraction from staying home again.