Tag: Flesh Narc

Spreading The Pain – 10th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

I hate myself and I’m letting go
I’m about to tell you what I know
Transferring hate counters my pain
Until I start to feel the hate again

A vicious circle, beyond my control
I chose to further damage my soul
If you refuse this hate from me
How will I ever learn to be?

Closed my mind to all your tales
All my successes feel like fails
I found myself brought to my knees
To spread more pain as I please

A walking contradiction runs away
From all the friends that want to play
A pain no longer able to bear
And no helping hands left to care

A loser in life, love and existence
Taking the path of least resistance
Kill me now, I’m scared to commit
Suicide – I just can’t do it

Today I’m feeling:

Bleary but upbeat. I hung around at school for an hour enjoying hanging out with all the many students I know and even some I don’t know. I came out for coffee but sitting here for a couple hours has seen my energy levels fall and I decided to cancel my class this afternoon and go home, especially as Amy leaves again tomorrow morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

Some sun breaking through for an hour or two to dry our washing. I still have a couple of doonas to take to the laundromat that will need washing and drying which I’ll try and do this weekend.

The best thing about today was:

Coming home to find that Amy had mopped and vacuumed before she leaves tomorrow. As we have another long weekend coming I can enjoy a clean and relaxing house.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

We’d told Aing that I fly to Australia on October 12th so asked her to come here on the 11th. As I had to tell Bronwyn and Jochen what dates I would be there I thought to double-check my flight details and discovered that I actually leave on the 9th! Luckily we hadn’t booked her ticket already! With a few messages back and forth everything is confirmed and we’re good to go!

Something I learned today?

I watched another Jerry’s Take On China about how the US is stirring up trouble in the South China Sea about a reef claimed by both China and the Philippines. Amazing how easily reality can get distorted through the lens of corrupt and compromised media. I find it difficult to reconcile that I’m more likely to trust Chinese state media these days. At least in amongst the weirdly Asian political presentation style it is just generally facts that are stated. No opinion or bias just plain reporting. The criticism will be that it is completely biased to the party’s doctrine but that criticism can also be directed to any Western media these days too. No matter the many-party system, there is really only one party. As the old saying goes, ‘It doesn’t matter who you vote for, the government always wins’.

What are some of my favourite song lyrics?

All the quotes that I entered here for 2022 I entered into a little notebook to send to Hayden. As there was lots of space left I decided to fill it with lyrics that I love. But when going through them and looking at them as words they somehow lose their impact. Some words carry their emotion in the way they are sung along with the memories of sweet times gone.

I took this picture because I received a nice package from Reece in the USA containing the Flesh Narc compilation which I will release soon, along with a whole slew of bonuses that I will have to find time to enjoy.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #35 – 18th April 2020

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Music from Senyawa, Jamesy and Sean, Far East Family Band, Air Miami, Arcwelder, Flesh Narc, X_X, Deerhoof, Hidden Rifles, The Damned, Chepang, Lindsay Cooper, Tigermen, Fifty Foot Hose, Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros, F, Younger Brothers, Shadow Minstrels, Cypress Hill and Eddie and the Hot Rods.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my computer. It enables me to do so many things. I wonder if I could live without it? Of course, I could but I don’t think I want to.

To-do list

  • More 1994ever ✅
  • Record TCRAH – spend time on this one ✅
  • Watch less TV today ✅
  • More drawing

Today is Tuesday. I haven’t been writing in here because I have gotten myself absorbed in some good TV and by the time I come to bed it’s too late to turn on the light and write.

I feel like things are coming together more in my room – nearly got all the CDs in their cases – after more than two years! Now I’m trying to get rid of the CDRs and thinking about all the DVDs I have and what to do with them.

I’m hoping to keep up with all the backlog of 1994ever and other bits and pieces of writing. It’s been enjoyable to go through all those, thinking about the past. It still feels like it happened to someone else. Even brief glimpses of mundane things pop into my head and it makes me think about what times and events that I’m part of now will pop into my mind in the future.

Life feels quite mundane and predictable though I also feel quite happy and content.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #19 – 4th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Music from R. Stevie Moore, Alamaailman Vasarat, Kustomized, Sun City Girls, The Monkees, Flesh Narc, Beastie Boys, Cheer-Accident, Milk Burp, Different I’s, Logic Circuit, The Skatallites, Rebel Truth, GIRTH, Mahavita, Toy Dolls, The Woolies, Angelic Upstarts, Lost Nation and Bleach.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our visitors who fill our home with action and variation. It’s nice to be able to share our experiences with other people.

From commonplace book

I’m much more interested in being a hero than a professional.

Billy Childish

To-do list

  • Get out of your own head and talk to people ½
  • Compliment people ½
  • Do something nice for someone
  • Upload TCRAH ✅
  • Write to Kieran and Chrissie ✅
  • Write blog about making friends

A busy and productive day – time ran away too quickly.

Mam and her family enjoyed breakfast and within an hour we had students.

I feel more confident today and have mostly pushed the negative from yesterday out of my mind. This was helped a lot by getting down my thoughts when writing to Kieran and Chrissie.

I was happy to receive a reply from Jochen. Well-considered and thoughtful ideas to my questions particularly about children. I look forward to composing a reply. He has also agreed to do some recorded responses for the podcast which provides me with the challenge to prepare and execute that.

I didn’t manage to do all the things on my list today, perhaps overreaching. I need to take into account that recording a new podcast can take up to three hours.

My self-control was only minimally tested today when Amy wanted to go to a local shop to buy some clothes for the funeral tomorrow. I was fine with this, to be honest – it was necessary. I do feel a little that I am sick at the moment though but mostly just dizziness and not affecting my mood.

We have a 5 am wake-up tomorrow and I hope I can get some extra sleep on the drive to Chiang Mai. I’m somewhat prepared with things to listen to on my phone and things to read. I don’t anticipate any other free time tomorrow.

Something I could have done better with today would have been to help Amy more with things around the house. I’m very lucky that she cooks and cleans for me all the time. It gives me lots of free time and I often feel somewhat selfish for that.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #09 – 26th October 2019

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Music from Flin Flon, Butthole Surfers, Rudi, Walt Mink, Trumans Water, The Residents, Flesh Narc, Meteoro, Andy Partridge, Girls Against Boys, Patrick Fitzgerald, Daniel Striped Tiger, Really Red, R.D. Burman featuring Asha Bhosle, Husker Du, Poison Dwarfs and The Lambrettas.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have the courage to explore the places we go and discover cool little cafe bars like this and meet their eccentric owners.

Mae Sai hidden cafe