Where To Hide? – 29th April 2023

Where can I hide from you?
Your red and blue words cut
Angel face, honest and true
Harder to crack than a nut
Where can I hide from me?
My blue and red words cut
My cave mind unfair, unfree
Always stuck in my own nut
All that glitters is not gold
Our stories best left untold


Today I’m feeling:

Very relaxed feeling today so far. I feel like I got an unexpected holiday gifted to me.

Today I’m grateful for:

My curtains all around the house. Since Amy went back to Australia I keep most of the curtains drawn all day to try and stop the sunlight and heat getting in. I think in our next house we have to think more carefully about design to allow better airflow and insulation to keep heat out. If there ever is a next house.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying all the things I was reading from Substack articles about events in China, Dave Simspson’s book The Fallen about ex-members of the Fall and Michael Parkinson’s biography about his interviews with Muhammad Ali.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I called Hayden today and he was feeling down about things. He complained about his friends and how he feels they are treating him and also that he was feeling lonely. I was a little stuck with what to say and ended up saying that me and mum were far from good examples on how to make and maintain friendships and I felt a bit apologetic towards him. I tried to generalize things a bit and tell him that we often don’t have any idea what other people are dealing with so we have to forgive them and at the same time, we also have to be kinder to ourselves. I’m still trying to understand these things so he shouldn’t beat himself up about not knowing the best thing to do.  Although I couldn’t really help him at least he knows he has someone he can talk to.

Something I learned today?

I think I accidentally saw the result from today’s Swans match whilst looking around Youtube. I didn’t see a score but the picture and title were definitely pointing to a defeat. Oh well. I will still watch the match replay tomorrow morning and try and enjoy it!

What is my idea of fun?

These days I feel like I have no idea about fun. I’m happy and content but fun doesn’t play much of a part in my life right now. Perhaps the closest I get to the feeling is going on crazy bike rides or being with my students. I would love to be involved in concert organisation again but there’s just no chance of doing it locally and I’m slowly losing touch with what’s going on around southeast Asia too.

I took this picture as a follow-up to yesterday’s. It seems these flowers don’t burst open into bloom, they just wilt like this. They look like they are tired and gave up.

Trump 5390 – 27th February 2023

I met a salesman from an orange land
Who said “Two fat and chubby legs of stone
Stand on the golf course…In the bunker, on the sand
Buried in broken promises, whose botox smooth
Unwrinkled lip, and sneer of old demand
Tell that it’s maker well understood
Lifeless things will always be lifeless things
This hand mocks him, there is no good
And on the pedestal, these words appear
My name is Trump, you’re fired!
Look at my face, losers, and despair
No trace remains of policies of decay
A colossal trainwreck of heartless hot air
Blows across the bunkers and far away.”

As Shelley imagined Ozymandias over 2000 years ago, I imagine the same about Trump over 2000 years from now.
4th May 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Colour Challenge
4th Nov 2024 – Shared with Living Poetry November Visual Prompt
5th Feb 2025 – Shared with dVerse Reimagining the Familiar


Today I’m feeling:

Happy though still a little dizzy and tired.

Today I’m grateful for:

The charging cable that I always borrow from Kru Mai so I can use the speaker in the classroom. I’m charging now so I can use it for class tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

In my morning class finding 100 baht that someone had dropped but no one claimed. I kept it and waited to see if anyone would come back to claim it though no one did.

In my second class, it was Anchan’s birthday and we sang her happy birthday. Often the kids ask me for money and I’ll give them one baht and tell them to share. Anchan cheekily asked for 100 baht and as I was up for the day I gave her the money I’d found.

Something I learned today?

In 2010 the US Supreme Court made a ruling in Citizens United versus Federal Election Commission that companies are people and money is speech, therefore allowing companies to use money to influence the political process, effectively turning the US into a plutocracy.

What is my favourite photo of the past month?

I think this must be the pictures Aing took of me at the waterfall. The experience itself was fantastic and freezing and then to see myself, a flabby middle-aged man in his underwear dwarfed by the torrents of water falling from the rocks yet laughing with joy, stupid mad joy still motivates me to live my life any way I can and want.

I took this picture because, in the messy garden of House which is full of green everything, this red flower overhanging the path screams ‘take my picture’!

A lazy weekend spent trying to keep my brain in control. It wasn’t too bad but it meant not being in the mood to do anything much.

There’s a bunch of chores I was hoping to complete but ended up doing only the essentials so another huge pile of shirts awaits as well as all Amy’s indoor plants that need some topping up with water.

At the the start of the week I’m somehow filled with energy but by the end I’m knackered. This weekend was a catch-up with myself.

To push myself a little I’ve messaged Bruno to go for a little ride which also forces me to get my bike a quick service and a wash too. By committing to some things I’ll get pushed along.

I did spend the weekend chatting in LINE with some students about their futures and that was a good little exercise in communication, not just for them but for me too.

Back in the classroom, this morning was fun as I’m relaxing into the end of the semester, as the students have been doing for the last six weeks or so already.

Sometimes I question whether pushing the kids harder is the right thing to do. Their lives are so much easier compared to my own experience and what I understand for many other students around the world. In my mind that leads to laziness and lack of innovation or critical thinking.

I look at myself and realise how I, myself, hidden away from people, generally ignorant of the dramas of the world, feel much happier that way. Maybe there’s just no right and wrong, or good or bad way. I can feel that I’ve bonded with this group of M1 (grade 7) students – I guess as we’ve had at-school classes for the whole year instead of the lockdown interruptions of the last two years.

I’ll miss these kids as I won’t teach them so much next year if class arrangements stay the same