Tag: flowers

The Storm – 5th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 11 Comments

Along the road, we met, orphans of the storm
Cursing the life to which we were born
Sitting on these steps, desperate and forlorn
Soon alone again, an orphan of the storm

Submitted to No Theme Thursday picture prompt

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but positive.  

Cap woke me up three times during the night, to let him in and out of the bedroom.  Another time I needed to pee and then the birds started singing and my alarm zapped me up.  

I contemplated snoozing but pushed through and struggled on with my intermediate abs exercises.  I felt good about that and the cold shower but then as I was listening to my students doing pairs reading I found myself tired.  

Fortunately, they were all called off for the second period to practice for the ceremony on Thursday to wish farewell to the grade 9 and grade 12 kids, giving me an extra hour free today!

Today I’m grateful for:

Max from Ad Interim contacting me again to see if I would like to help with their second album.  

I’ll give it a listen first but have no issues working with them again as they paid back their first album loan within six months of receiving their records.  

I’m extremely grateful to be asked to help them again.

The best thing about today was:

Nong Freya being the only student who came to my class today and still wanting to be taught.

I guessed that the class were practicing for the ceremony on Thursday and as she is somewhat excluded socially in her class I’m guessing either no one told her to be doing that or that she chose to come to class instead.  Either way, if she wants to study then I will teach!

Being just one-on-one makes for a lot of clarity and ideas to be shared.  I was able to see how she worked and thought about things (we were just doing a simple gap-fill exercise) and I also got to hear how well she can read, something which I don’t often get a chance to do in normal class time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As described here, there were a few surprises thrown at me today and I handled them pretty well.

Something I learned today?

You can hear a blue whale’s heartbeat from over 2 miles away. Their hearts weigh roughly 180kg.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I replaced the light bulbs in the garage and at the front of the house today.

I helped Amy by carrying some ceramic pots to where she wanted them in the garden.

I got pens for two of my forgetful students this afternoon, whereas normally I would deduct points from them.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  25. Take Action. Don’t just sit there, do something. Without action, there is no outcome.

I have followed this mostly, sometimes out of spite or contrariness, proving that I can do something, either to myself or to others and other times out of a desire to inspire; if I can do it then anyone can.  

All the action has amounted to me being here, where I am in the world.  Generally happy and satisfied.

I took this picture as a follow-up to yesterday’s picture as the flowers end up falling on my car.

The Truants – 4th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We found our place, a gathering stone
A place to hide and smoke cigarettes
To tell each other dirty jokes
And stories of first-love fumbled sex

Hidden away from prying eyes
Though all knew where we were
Once a month, rounded up
To the headmaster’s wrath incur

It was our heaven in quiet times
To laugh and joke and sing
Away from all the realities
That our wasted lives would bring

Submitted to Crimson’s Creative Challenge, inspired by the picture above.
11th Apr 2024 – Submitted to RDP Thursday

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty relaxed and happy.  A little tired as Amy kept me up late when she got home last night, tired and emotional, overthinking about family things.

Today I’m grateful for:

The jelly candies that I bought in Mae Sai last month.  I’ve been eating them myself because they are delicious but they are also a good candy to give to my students as treats.  They mostly prefer them over the fruity Mentos.

The best thing about today was:

Having my students read one-on-one and two-on-one in my classes today.  I was happily surprised by a couple of students’ improvement over the last twelve months.  I like this time of year for the relaxed attitude towards study.

I’ve thought before that it would be good if it could be like this all the time but when I think deeper it is perhaps because of all the pushing and hard work during the year that they have gotten more comfortable with their study.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In the morning Amy told me she wanted me to come home between classes to take Cap to the vet.  I wasn’t into this idea because I wanted to chill at the cafe, catching up on reading and also because with the change of plans at the weekend it meant driving to the city and back twice instead of once.  Her plan for today would’ve meant another two trips in one day.

I suggested it would be better to wait until we got the truck back and then she can take Cap at her leisure.  Thankfully she agreed to this idea before I left for school.

Something I learned today?

I saw a headline about a Palestinian mother’s newborn twin babies who were killed in an Israeli airstrike.  She had been waiting ten years to conceive.  

Zionists sure know how to inspire hatred.  This will not end well.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  24. Never Look Back Too Long. Reflecting on the past is only good for one thing: Learning.

I am taking a lot of time looking back these days as I go through putting information into this blog.  I am sometimes nostalgic but as the life lesson says, I am using this information for learning.  

I’ve almost fully given myself over to my students and Amy these days.  I’m less inward-focused in my day-to-day life even though I do do a lot of thinking.  

I’m happy where I’m at though not sure where I am going just now.

I took this picture of the flowering tree that I park my car under in the afternoons, in a vague attempt at keeping it cool. The flowers are pretty. I think I took a similar picture last year.

Swan Waiting – 1st March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Maybe she wasn’t the smartest
She’s certainly not the fastest
Some days this brought her to tears
Unable to face all her fears

Yet she determined she must try
If she was ever to get by
To prove to herself she could do
The things she had been asked to

She told herself she must believe
And so she began to achieve
Slowly transformed from ugly duck
Full of intent and not by luck

(Formed into a beautiful swan)

Not waiting for others’ consent
No dumb luck, just full of intent

Submitted to Sammi Scribbles Weekend Writing Prompt #352 – Intent (91 words)

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty positive. Forced myself up to exercise and feel a lot better for it, as well as the cold showers when getting home from work.

Today I’m grateful for:

Getting paid today whilst sitting in House between classes, meaning I could pay off my tab.

The best thing about today was:

Relaxing with my grade 7 students in the afternoon.  There was a good atmosphere as I had them reading one on one with me though predictably other kids joined in, even from other classes.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Busy with catching up on reading and other writing I forget to write here during the day and I’m catching up in the evening. However, I’ve had a quarter of the brownie Amy bought last night and I’m happily stoned now and struggling to write more!

I took this picture because I noticed the sun shining on these delicate flowers as I walked into House this morning.

Dying Dynasties – 9th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

Incapable of relinquishing self-image
Narcissus drowned in his own pool
Flailing wildly at the reality around
The king becomes the fool

Trying to satisfy their own myth
Yet satisfying neither foe nor friend
History shows that for every rise
Every dynasty will surely end

Soon the fall accelerates
Mistakes compound exponential
Rulers rue their overreach
Whilst the ruled realise their potential

A letter from future me (sent 9th February 2023)

Dear FutureMe,

I recently received a letter from PastMe which I had written one year previously. In that letter, it was scout week and Aing and Now were here for Aing’s graduation. And so it is this time, scout week and Aing and Now are visiting again for their friend’s graduation.

Yesterday we went on a walk up to Khun Korn waterfall where I couldn’t help myself and stripped down and jumped into the freezing waters and felt the breath pushed out of my body by the water dropping the ten metres or so onto my head. It felt amazing. I feel revitalised but also tired today.

It was a funny coincidence that for scout week the M3 students were also at Khun Korn so I dropped by and saw them all getting cold, wet and dirty. They looked like they were having begrudging fun.

The future is not clear so I’ll just keep going until I receive this letter and can reflect back on what happened. Amy and I have discussed possibilities such as my going to Australia for a little break and then coming back together. This would be around the end of the year. She is also considering going to work with Mai for a while if she gets pregnant again. She is definitely going to Athens and Santorini in July before coming back to help me with my visa again. We also discussed her return here to maybe teach a little again and think about opening a small cafe/restaurant here. I still hope she decides to do that because that was one of our original plans when moving here. I wonder what the situation will be by the time of reading this!?

The world is open to many possibilities for us, which is a good place to be.

Will I remember the struggle this year of dealing with my troublesome classes? Will it have been any better with my new classes? I hope I have found some strategies for better dealing with it.

I’m also busy being lazy. Reading, watching TV, listening to music. But also spending a lot of time updating 1994ever.com. Not that it will ever be finished but I hope I’m closer to having all the pre-2000s information completed by now. There’s still a lot of stuff to go through.

I’m enjoying life though not quite as much as last year. Right now, I feel a little stuck in an anticipatory wait. Maybe I need to make something happen next. Or maybe it’s just a feeling and not my reality. How am I feeling now?

These letters to myself are not as easy to write as they are to other people!
So with that I’ll be off for now!

Today I’m feeling:

Sick with a cold.  My sore throat was hurting through the night and I woke up with a head full of snot.  I think I’ll not hang out for too long this morning before heading home and finding some medicine, rest and sleep.

Today I’m grateful for:

The pharmacy that was open in the village where I bought medicine for fever, sore throat and itchy nose.  KhaoTang’s mum’s shop was closed today as were a few other places, possibly due to the Chinese New Year.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling very relaxed despite my sickness.  I had nowhere to be and nothing to do beyond whatever I wanted.  I wrote to Rob and caught him up on some of my news.  I’ll try to keep that communication going again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Despite being hungry, eating was a bit of a struggle.  I didn’t really have an appetite and even though I knew the food was tasty my receptors weren’t getting the message.  I forced myself to eat it all though.

Something I learned today?

China made a microchip that uses light rather than electrons. It is said to be three thousand times faster than its electron equivalent and uses so little energy in comparison that it could last for 500 years before needing a recharge.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  15. Rest Before You Are Tired. Even if you love your job, and every day seems like a holiday, you need to take time to rest. You’re a human and not an android, never forget that.

I love rest but I also hate it.  I lay down too much and spend many hours reading in that position.  I love reading.  It feels like resting.  I like to get things done.  I always like to be lazy.  I push myself too much and my body forces me to stop.  I’m still working on getting the balance right.  Another decade or two and I should be good to go!

I took this picture because I thought these tiny little flowers were cute when I walked around Mum’s garden last week. My mind has been focused on words rather than pictures this week.

Attention – 12th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Attention spans are…..
Just ignore the….
This perversity is….
Can’t make it to the end of the…..
It’s new glittery….
I’d rather be….
I want, I want, I want

The modern world wants…..
You’ll be paying for….
Moving through….
Skip the…..
Get to the point!

I’ve got better….
The state of the….
Boss level killer

Today I’m feeling:

A little sick from my sore throat. It’s spreading up into my head now. Back to bed.

Got up again at 4 pm, ate some food and feel like sleeping more.

Today I’m grateful for:

Not having to do anything important, allowing me to rest.

The best thing about today was:

Clearing out the old bottles and cardboard from the garage. We got 160 baht for our trouble.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Skipping learning today as too tired and feeling groggy. Never mind. In the big scheme of things, this is just a minor blip.

Something I learned today?

I got about 20 minutes into a documentary about the fall of the Mayan Empire before feeling like coming back to bed before 7 pm. I learned a little about the guy who burned all their books and ironically it was his written records that allowed historians to try to piece the language back together again.

Here’s a picture from yesterday of the flowers on the giant asparagus.

Making Space – 24th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s treasure in the gaps
The white space of waiting
Suddenly an idea snaps
Into the place of creating

Here’s the room for thinking
Running between two places
Eyes open, no blinking
Look into the empty spaces

Removed from daily disarray
The thoughts now flow free
Consider all to do and say
Use the tools to think and see

All these things are at hand
To keep tidy the mess of the mind
So when things don’t go as planned
Peace is still easy to find

inspired by various posts by David Elikwu

Today I’m feeling:

Uncertain. I was having great interesting dreams all night and a 7.30 alarm was upsetting but here we are again with the get up and go. We had to come to the city as Dad has his first day of chemo. We had to run around a bit and take his dog for a walk. I had to go to immigration too, where they told me to go to the head office in Mae Sai or go over to Laos to re-apply for a visa. It’s so annoying but I’m trying to apply my practice of going with the flow.

I can understand that reality changes for us all the time and now I’m in a new reality where I have to do a certain set of actions to move forward. That’s all this is. It’s up to me if I choose to be frustrated and annoyed.

If I can keep thinking like this then these days will be smooth. I also need to counter Amy’s complaining about this and other things in general. She’s already light-heartedly talking about going back to Australia!

I usually don’t react too much to her complaints but things can build up. 

Breathe. Calm. Practice.

Today I’m grateful for:

My agent Nancy, who clarified for me what I need to do next to reinstate my visa.  I’ll still have to mess about getting an extension to my now-current tourist visa and possibly have to go out of the country and back one time, but that’s what will have to be done. Nancy offered to do a working visa through her but it will take just as much effort as us doing the spouse visa again. I just sent her a thank you message as I was writing this.

The best thing about today was:

Playing with the neighbour’s kids for a few minutes. They were waiting in our entertainment area even though Amy told them I was sleeping. I wasn’t actually sleeping but just chilling in the air-conditioned bedroom. They were so noisy though that I roused myself and played with them and communicated with them as best I could. There are two boys and one girl.
The boys are pushy and chatty, the girl, quieter and more respectful. They like to be lifted up to hang on my gym rings though I have to make sure I catch them when they want to let go. Yesterday the girl said she was too scared to try it but I told her she could do anything that the boys could and today she did and was proud of herself.
A few minutes later, through visual cues, she understood that I wanted to catch the smaller boy and turn him upside down. I couldn’t get close enough but she coaxed him over until he was within reach. She was thrilled and they were all giggling. Smart girl.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The visa situation could’ve gotten out of hand with Amy already a little stressed about having to run around for Mum and Dad but ultimately things settled down as we got on with everyday things.

Something I learned today?

The colour orange was named after the fruit. In English, at least, I suppose.

I took this picture because I don’t recall this tree having flowers like this last year. My memory is not the best though!

It Will Be Written – 5th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There I willingly dive
Into the shadows of my mind
To navigate the labyrinth
And consider what I find

Sometimes I tiptoe
Through the field full of mines
Other times, I rush blind
Ignoring all the signs

This chaos is real
And perfection is out of reach
The lessons I have learned
Are now my turn to teach

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Like I’m heading towards exhaustion. After pushing through exercise this morning I felt a bit better but I can feel that the extra energy I had last week from exercising is not here this week. It could just be that there are no students here to help me maintain a little anxious tension in my thoughts and body but I also need to think beyond that. To feel inspired regardless of what the rest of the day holds ahead.

Today I’m grateful for:

The new Quizizz AI that makes it easy to take a text and generate questions from it. Life is getting easier but does that mean it is getting better? 

The best thing about today was:

Feeling inspired. I got lots done writing-wise at House this morning and then figured out some good lessons for my grade 10 kids and as I mentioned above, using the new AI tool has made it easier.

And despite my comment this morning about nearing exhaustion, I was still going, adding work to those lessons at 9 pm after a couple of hours of enjoyable guitaring that I had earlier contemplated skipping.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had accidentally closed a file on my computer that was a document of quotes that I wanted to write about but can no longer find the document now that it’s been closed! It’s easy to find books of quotes but I obviously had this one open because they meant something to me but I can’t even remember where it had come from. A minor frustration in the scheme of things.

Something I learned today?

I noticed Momo was a little quiet yesterday and messaged her to see how she was doing. Scrolling back at previous messages I saw that she hasn’t been very happy this semester and is struggling to make friends in her new class. She said she missed Porpieng and Baitong since they moved schools and what I hadn’t considered was when she said that they had been in the same class for nine years and that she never practised making new friends in that time so she thought she was lacking some social skills. I always thought of her as a friendly outgoing person and I think this feeling caught her by surprise.

What skill would I like to learn?

I hope I’m not at the point of learning old-man skills yet. I don’t think I want to play chess or bridge. I still feel like I want to learn to surf. I loved bodyboarding back in my 30s and I know the thrill. I never progressed to surfing though. That time may have passed.

I’m still developing skills in guitar, Thai language, and classroom management amongst other things so I have plenty to be getting on with. 

Growing magic mushrooms might be a cool skill to learn!

What’s one thing you made this year?

I made a ton of poetry but that is not something new. I made plenty of messes, but again, nothing new. I made some happy students, a lot of lessons and new student friends.

I made mistakes, though hopefully they are reducing each year.

But what did I make that is something new?

I think it was this year that I made a booklet with all the blog entries from 1979 and sent one to Hayden and another to Sharon.

I also made a notebook with a quote for every day of the year in 2022 that I sent to Hayden.

I made a grave for Kim Chi and as I write this it brings tears but at her grave, I feel pleasant as I pick out the grass to allow the other things to grow there.

One thing I didn’t make is any food. Shoving meals into the microwave or shoving potatoes into the oven does not count.

I took this picture because I found these flowers pretty, standing out against the stark green and the deep blue of the sky.

Run Run – 31st July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Running from myself, running into stories
Running for my life, running past old glories
Rolling like a rebel gathering no moss
Rolling around, pretending to be the boss
Running from stories, running into myself
Running out of ideas, stuck up on the shelf
Running along so fast, ran up to the top
Running into tomorrow and I’ll never ever stop

initiated by writing at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

A little underwhelmed again today. I thought about things I could do with my spare time until Amy decided to fill up the day with various tasks. Maybe it will avoid the inclination to have an afternoon nap.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding two inexpensive trees to plant that will hopefully end up providing shade for the kitchen. Amy’s mum said that they grow really fast. Tomorrow I will have to dig the holes for them but it shouldn’t need to be too deep.

The best thing about today was:

Eating a typical Aussie-style hipster breakfast of smoked salmon on smashed avocado on toast with fried egg. A bit of a treat as I rarely eat foreign food when Amy is not here.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I can’t quite rise out of this subdued mood. I have no enthusiasm or inspiration. There’s no spark of life in me right now. I just have to keep going knowing that perhaps tomorrow will be a little better.

Amy and I haven’t discussed what happened on Friday night and there still seems to be a little tension in our communications. 

Something I learned today?

Today is Paen’s (Baitoey) birthday. She sent a simple ‘Happy birthday to me’ message before telling me that no one in her family remembered or did anything for her. That is terribly sad, if true. I didn’t dwell on that and instead wished her the best for the future.

I took this picture because I’ve been paying attention to trees and flowers as we went looking for possible trees to put next to our kitchen for some shade in the future. The tree we liked was about 20,000 baht including transportation and placement. Nice but we need to spare money for other things.

Last Library Lost – 30th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

High on the dusty fumes
Amongst friends old and new
Above us, a high ceiling looms
And a door beckons us through

There are tiny beautiful things
Collected to devour
High above, a princess sings
With such emotional power

Such candies of peace and war
Looking for old times lost
Not knowing what to look for
Or worrying about the cost

Along creaky floorboards and stairs
The world can be travelled at home
There’s nothing else that compares
To reading in one’s own comfort alone

Cries for love in poetic rhyme
Tears for another’s book burning
Forever backwards travelling time
A whole world ready for learning

17th Jul 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge
25th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Poetic

Today I’m feeling:

Undecided. Still a little weary and the skies are dull and grey again though at least there is rain to make the pleasure of staying inside more appealing.

After lunch of Amy’s homemade lasagna, it’s difficult to stay awake and I thought I could play guitar but Amy has gone for a lay down so I’m struggling through. It seems to have gotten darker throughout the day somehow, the mountains drenched in dark most, as the farmer backs and forths through the watery paddy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The wind, our fans and the humidity. Despite it raining today and as it was forecast for the whole week I decided to wash my bedsheets, hang them on the terrace and shove the fan on them. Tonight I’m back in the big bedroom with clean sheets and another fan. Amy is out with Nut tonight and if she comes back late and drunk she can possibly not disturb me if I’m already sleeping.

Amy invited Bee to go with them but never got any reply before she left. Bee had commented on a photo that Amy shared of us all out at dinner, ‘miss you so much’ etc. but we know that she won’t be allowed out by herself by George.

Who knows, maybe she did get out in the end. But I doubt it.

The best thing about today was:

Watching Sydney hang on against the Bombers in the AFL. We have a slim shot of making finals still this year though to be honest we probably don’t deserve it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Just as I’ve been sitting here writing this Cap came in and pissed on Amy’s bed. A big one, FFS! Just as everything was starting to smell nice… 

I took the wet sheets and pillow and dumped them outside on the terrace then soaked up as much pee as I could before throwing a bottle of baby powder over the whole bed.

Something I learned today?

My OG student Momo messaged me today asking me what question to ask someone to find out what kind of person they are? Cute! She’s switched to the Japanese program this year but from what I understand her pertaining to, she is online chatting with an Italian guy using English. 

Quite amazing how far we’ve come from pen pals writing letters every couple of months to just being able to immediately connect with someone face-to-face on the phone.

Momo is a very intelligent and cute girl. She can snag a handsome Italian!

What is my favourite photo of the past month?

Oddly, it’s this one. I took four photos of these flowers which hang on big trees. None of the pictures were good but I zoomed in and cut the picture down to just this and it has something about it. The image has stuck with me.

I took this picture because these pretty dragon fruit flowers only look good for a day but they are big and cake-like fluffy. Still no fruit.

We Were Seventeen – 22nd June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In the grip of insecurities
She burned down the beautiful garden
New seeds sprouted with maturity
Reciprocated with a pardon

The weight of regret, too much to bear
One side of the story was hidden
Until this heartache was repaired and
Past indiscretions were forgiven

inspired by the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Susceptible to minor disruptions. I realise I’m tired this morning after less than 7 hours sleep but I felt pretty good driving to work and was happy to have a little funny conversation with my students Jan and Baipad before driving to House for coffee. At the school exit, I was careful when driving across the busy main road. A traffic cop was standing there and angrily (it probably wasn’t with anger but just clear gesticulation) waved me through even as a big truck was bearing down from the left. Somehow that really made me dark, though I really understood quickly what was happening in my head. I’m still trying to replace the feeling by remembering the interaction with the students instead. It’s not quite working yet. Perhaps this is a job for coffee!

Today I’m grateful for:

My students for really testing me today as I struggled with energy and enthusiasm. A couple of students who didn’t want to read in front of the class I kept back and had them try just for me and I’m proud that they did it. I just want them to get more confident and comfortable so that they test themselves and their abilities. I’m not so fussed about their actual output.

The best thing about today was:

Nothing in particular. Today was a bit of a blur and spent mostly in an above-average happy mood (after the incident in the morning).

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was starting to feel fatigued and exhausted by the time of my last class, who have become comfortable enough with me to try to push my boundaries. For the second half of the lesson, I had them read in front of the class with the rule that if anyone talked the reader would have to start again from the beginning. They soon figured out to be quiet and managed it for about 40 minutes which was good enough to get things done. 
I was happy to leave school and looking forward to getting home but then I remembered I had to go shopping too. Still, I managed to push on. I’m ready to drop.

What is a habit I would like to develop?

I think there’s nothing much at the moment. I’ve worked on developing a number of habits over the last three years and my time is too full already. So perhaps the question should be reversed to which habit I might like to inhibit instead. Eating candy? Watching YouTube? I don’t know, really? I think I’m good for the moment.

I took this picture because I saw something unusual sprouting from this plant (plant or tree, I’m not sure) yesterday and this morning it had become much more visible and grown to this. I never thought these would have flowers, which is presumably what will come. Stay tuned.