Tag: focus

Distraction – 8th January 2025

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

The media golden penny
Shared and liked by millions
More poisoned than many
And governed by reptilians!

The rabbit’s path is lit
To keep you keen and focus
Enjoying the wade-through shit
Until the shepherd woke us

When the golden penny dropped
Baring the true face of the media
That’s when the distraction stopped
To build your own encyclopedia

The following is a letter from January 8th, 2024, delivered today from the past

Dear FutureMe,

It’s now 30 years since leaving the UK. Now it seems like it doesn’t make much difference. After ten years it was still quite a novelty and being in Australia was still filled with wild emotions. But since then it felt like the UK was no longer something I understood or was a part of.

Though I count Thailand as my home now it is still a little tenuous to stay here and if I leave here in the future it definitely won’t be back to the UK but most likely Australia (unless Amy and I end up somewhere else).

You didn’t write much about this at the time but Amy and her family are going through a typical Thai-style drama at the moment and I wonder if it is all settled by the time of receiving this letter.

Amy’s man-child useless brother and his girlfriend are due to get married. Whilst that should be a cause for celebration we can see that this is not anything to do with love but purely circumstance. When quizzed on his reasons for marriage her brother purely said it was because he was getting old. He said this in front of his bride-to-be.

And so why has she agreed to this?

Part of the condition of marriage is that Amy’s mum will pay off their debts with her newly acquired money from selling her apartments. She will also have to pay a dowry to the bride’s family. So the bride and her family do get some benefit from this arrangement. And what the future might bring for them, who knows?

She now lives in Chiang Rai whilst he is in Bangkok. They don’t talk about anything they are doing and they have no plans for the future. Everything looks like it is just a short-term plan to get out of debt.

Amy’s brother contributes nothing to their family and is selfish beyond belief except for his one or two friends who he treats to food and drink every time they meet. Essentially, he is buying their friendship. His mum and dad treat him like a prince, forgiving him for any wrong he commits.

He’s drunk every day and can’t even piss in the bowl. If he comes to our house again I will instruct him to go piss in the garden.

Amy is obviously upset at the treatment he receives in comparison to the way she is expected to behave. It is a stereotypical patriarchal behaviour that is perpetuated by her parents but not something Amy will stand for. But she also has to bide her time and play the game, so to speak, to make sure that she gets her fair share of inheritance in the future. Otherwise, he is likely to receive everything and even so, he might already end up pissing away the inheritance money before they even expire. We’ve seen it happen in other aunties’ families.

It surely is a frustrating situation though it doesn’t impact me directly at this stage. I just have to be supportive of Amy and listen to her troubles when she needs me.

It’s the start of another year and I’m not much into resolutions or planning for the year, just taking it as it comes. I’m still very happy with my place in the world on an individual basis and hope it can stay that way for the foreseeable future.

I hope this letter finds me still happy and content and maybe even a little wiser.
Take it easy
PastMe

The Truants – 4th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We found our place, a gathering stone
A place to hide and smoke cigarettes
To tell each other dirty jokes
And stories of first-love fumbled sex

Hidden away from prying eyes
Though all knew where we were
Once a month, rounded up
To the headmaster’s wrath incur

It was our heaven in quiet times
To laugh and joke and sing
Away from all the realities
That our wasted lives would bring

Submitted to Crimson’s Creative Challenge, inspired by the picture above.
11th Apr 2024 – Submitted to RDP Thursday

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty relaxed and happy.  A little tired as Amy kept me up late when she got home last night, tired and emotional, overthinking about family things.

Today I’m grateful for:

The jelly candies that I bought in Mae Sai last month.  I’ve been eating them myself because they are delicious but they are also a good candy to give to my students as treats.  They mostly prefer them over the fruity Mentos.

The best thing about today was:

Having my students read one-on-one and two-on-one in my classes today.  I was happily surprised by a couple of students’ improvement over the last twelve months.  I like this time of year for the relaxed attitude towards study.

I’ve thought before that it would be good if it could be like this all the time but when I think deeper it is perhaps because of all the pushing and hard work during the year that they have gotten more comfortable with their study.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In the morning Amy told me she wanted me to come home between classes to take Cap to the vet.  I wasn’t into this idea because I wanted to chill at the cafe, catching up on reading and also because with the change of plans at the weekend it meant driving to the city and back twice instead of once.  Her plan for today would’ve meant another two trips in one day.

I suggested it would be better to wait until we got the truck back and then she can take Cap at her leisure.  Thankfully she agreed to this idea before I left for school.

Something I learned today?

I saw a headline about a Palestinian mother’s newborn twin babies who were killed in an Israeli airstrike.  She had been waiting ten years to conceive.  

Zionists sure know how to inspire hatred.  This will not end well.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  24. Never Look Back Too Long. Reflecting on the past is only good for one thing: Learning.

I am taking a lot of time looking back these days as I go through putting information into this blog.  I am sometimes nostalgic but as the life lesson says, I am using this information for learning.  

I’ve almost fully given myself over to my students and Amy these days.  I’m less inward-focused in my day-to-day life even though I do do a lot of thinking.  

I’m happy where I’m at though not sure where I am going just now.

I took this picture of the flowering tree that I park my car under in the afternoons, in a vague attempt at keeping it cool. The flowers are pretty. I think I took a similar picture last year.

The Innocent – 27th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The whitest wild eyes of youth
Lips that have never kissed
Always running away from truth
Without fear of anything missed

The smoothest skin, muddied hands
Boys and girls with crazy dreams
And no one ever really understands
What the problem really means

Loving and losing without a touch
A game on the playground of thought
Wanting it all and not wanting much
Is all that’s ever been taught

Today I’m feeling:

Much better though somehow time ran out yesterday and I was so tired so I woke up with a complete surprise when my alarm went off. I could’ve slept for a few more hours. But as soon as I got to school I got my energy back again. Now I’m only coughing a little bit.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nancy for helping to fast-track my visa so that I can lodge it tomorrow and get my visa extended until it’s completed. It means driving to Mae Sai tomorrow so I’ll miss my first class in the morning but should be able to get back for the afternoon.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling good in general despite being on the go for most of the day from morning exercise, getting to work, photocopying for my first class, teaching, writing and reading during the only real downtime of the day today, back to class then finishing, shopping, post office, back to the city after Nancy’s call, back home, setting up for Loy Kratong, preparing to tomorrow, playing guitar, studying, cleaning up all the Loy Kratong candles, finally into bed.

Lots of good interactions with people even though not all of them were about positive things. Again, not one thing stands out as best.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

6 of my grade 8 students didn’t really bother doing work in my class today which was very disappointing. I didn’t really get upset about it, though I did deduct points from them in the SchoolBright system and tell their homeroom teacher(who is pretty useless). I’m not going to bother pushing these kids much as I only see them once a week. They understand what my requirements are and it’s pretty simple. If they can’t be bothered, well, it’s up to them.

Something I learned today?

According to Al Jazeera Israel has released 117 Palestinians in the last 3 days and in that same time they’ve detained 116 new Palestinian prisoners in areas across the occupied West Bank!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I messaged Earn about her not getting distracted by other students in my class today which she is sometimes prone to do. She said it was because she was in a good mood, so I told her to try and bring her good mood to every class.

I messaged Funfai who told me that she won 3rd place in her tennis competition which was for the whole of Thailand. I congratulated her on all her good work.

I took some selfies and gave Kru Fang a farewell hug as today is her last day at our school. I hope she is happy and has a good future.

I was Amy’s Loy Kratong photographer and assistant with setting up and lighting candles. I happily did as she requested despite her shortness with me at times.

What do I want to focus on this week?

My focus at the moment has come around to consistent Thai study with ThaiPod101. But I’m already in the habit with that so I don’t need to focus particularly.

Same for exercise and playing guitar.

I should focus on finishing sorting out the piles of things in my room as I never got to finishing it. I made it to a functional and clean 85% leaving 15% of things that I didn’t want to make a decision on yet.

I took this picture because the full November moon means it is Loy Kratong, a festival to celebrate the goddess of water and ironically ends up polluting most rivers with debris of one sort or another.

Terrible Kissers – 21st November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

I’m saying goodbye to all the terrible kissers
Crazy roommates and sideways pissers
No more mental breakdowns for me
I’m handing the landlord back the key

Moving on from fast food dates
Working minimum wage cleaning plates
I’m tired of all the dreams I’ve dreamt
That I never had time to attempt

But finally, the time has come for me
To make the trip towards a different sea
The school of life has me graduating
Beyond the realms of just contemplating

The terrible kissers will be a reminder
To treat myself and others kinder
Four winters and summers now past
The time is right to move on at last

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions
10th Oct 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Leaves

Today I’m feeling:

Ok but still coughing a little. When I got to school I found that one of my classes has 15 students off sick today! Amy is coughing and has a sore throat now too.

Today I’m grateful for:

My student Lydia for expressing her appreciation for my class today which was about vowel sounds.

I was also grateful to Tulip, who I moved from the back of the class to the front, which she was extremely unhappy about but then excelled in her interactions and was full of smiles.

I messaged her later to see how she felt about it and she gave positive feedback. I hope it encourages her for the future.

The best thing about today was:

 A steady diet of happiness, many happy positive moments without one standing out.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I turned up to an empty classroom for my first class of the day, only then finding out that they had to go off to some meeting for the morning.

It would be nice if the kids learned about planning and communication so that when they become adults they can plan and inform people like me that get frustrated about its lack!

Nevermind. Five hours before my next class. Let’s drink coffee!

Something I learned today?

I read it on the internet so cannot claim it is true but this text said that supermarket apples can be up to one year old. After picking they are covered in wax, hot air-dried and placed in cold storage.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent supportive messages to Tulip, Khawhom, BB and Namfon after our class today.

I encouraged my grade 10 students when they sulked after I gave them a more difficult option and then proceeded to do very well anyway, so I gave them positive feedback.

I helped supply a couple of forgetful students with pens this morning.

I helped Amy without complaint immediately after getting home. She had been sweeping up leaves and wanted me to finish off and throw them over the fence.

What deserves my energy and focus right now?

Now I’ve settled on Thaipod101 for my Thai studies and will stop with the other apps for now. I have a two-year subscription and must focus on pushing forward with it. I have the routine and habit in place and the belief that I can do it. So, this is not just ‘right now’ but it does start ‘right now’ and ‘right now’ every day!

I took this picture because I was thinking I should try to identify this dead snake that Amy found near our terrace. It was hard to say why it was dead. There were no obvious wounds except a little blood around its mouth. 

The Agreement – 1st October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Autoscroll with the eyes
Swipe right for a surprise
Emoji conversations
Anti-social innovations
Everyone just a click away
What was learned today?
A new world record recorded
One second, triple crown awarded
Today’s winner of the internet
Is so easy to forget
But you either follow or lead
The new social etiquette agreed

Today I’m feeling:

As enthusiastic as the weather which is dull and grey. Not unhappy though. As I sit drinking my coffees I contemplate the day, where I may watch yesterday’s AFL grand final, play guitar, read and read and read and possibly vacuum through the house, though that is bottom of the list. I’m contemplating the week ahead and have to go to get medicine tomorrow morning, do some shopping and get some more lesson plans ready before travelling next week. And right now I’m wondering when my washing will ever get a chance to dry.

(Later) Sun did eventually crack open the sky but not quite enough to completely dry my sodden pants and towel. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The vacuum cleaner and the excellent work it did following me around sucking up lizard shit and cat hair. I feel like I can pretend a room is clean if it’s been vacuumed. Just don’t look too closely.

The best thing about today was:

An afternoon visit to Utopia for a little extra buzz to push me through the nap stage and spur on my cleaning enthusiasm.

I also bought a 30-baht light switch and replaced the dimmer switch in the living room because the dimmer switch only works with old-style bulbs. The fluctuations of voltage in the house blows the bulbs too often that it’s annoying to keep replacing them especially as they also getting harder to find in stores.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As I was talking with Amy this evening I realised that this coming week I would need to walk Leo in the mornings and afternoons but had planned to go to work and just hang around a little while and then come home (or for tomorrow go to get new meds at the hospital). This would mean two trips to the city each day which would work out expensive petrol wise. Amy seemed a little annoyed when I mentioned this and she was already tired and ready to sleep and didn’t want to have to think about it further.

In the meantime I think what I will do is do the double trip tomorrow, hang around at House on Tuesday until the afternoon and then on Wednesday I have a plan to meet Bruno and some of our old students for lunch so hanging around isn’t a big deal. Then on Thursday, I can take Leo to Oil’s pet resort as that was the plan when I was away anyway.

Something I learned today?

Collingwood won the AFL grand final yesterday. It was a tight game and Collingwood have probably been the best team this season but still, unless you’re a Collingwood supporter, everyone else supports their opponents.

What do I want to focus on this month?

My focus is on keeping my head on straight, not stressing about the changes ahead and enjoying my holiday. 

Outside of that, I’m kind of excited to prepare some new lessons for next semester. I know that sitting down and starting that is the hardest part and once I get into it the ideas start flowing.

I took this picture because Tigger is a photogenic cat.

4/6 Time – 1st August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Keep the rhythm
Hold onto harmony
No sleepwalking

Meditate on
Presence and principles
Mindful essence

Stop pulling strings
No imagination
Confine yourself

To the present
All with objective calm
It’s up to us

inspired by a recent Stoa Letter newsletter

9th Jun 2024 – Submitted to the Word of the Day Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

A bit more lively and with it. Forgotten now, I know that I had a few different but quite realistic dreams. I was happy to enjoy them. I also managed to push through 75 star jumps and ride my pushie to Utopia for coffee. If I could tell myself every morning that a good day always starts with exercise perhaps I could motivate myself to do it at weekends.

Today I’m grateful for:

The digging tool we have for working in the garden. I guess it’s a hoe of some sort as it can be used for that too. Swing it high and hard enough though and it can dig. I’m also grateful for the recent rains making the ground a little easier to dig too. The two little trees were quickly in the ground and I look forward to watching them mature.

The best thing about today was:

Watching Amy bravely battle an arm-sized tokay in the kitchen and work room. I knew she wouldn’t rest until it was caught and outside. We had to chase it a bit and move some furniture but eventually, I managed to trap it in a plastic bin against the wall and Amy slid a mat across the top and quickly carried it outside where it finally ran off. 

I think the lizards look amazing and they are pretty shy. They only get agitated if you bother them. They do shit everywhere though, along with all the little geckos that are running around our house. 

I’m going to buy some lizard repellent sometime, though Amy said she read reviews that they can actually attract more lizards rather than get rid of them!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy had a few requests for jobs for me to do during the day but as I was in an improved mood I just did them happily.

Something I learned today?

I chuckled at a report today of the EU sending warships to the South China Sea to protect trade routes from Chinese interference. More than 80% of the shipping through the SCS are ships coming from and going to China! The spin of the hypocrites in the West is amazing. Is there another agenda?

What do I want to focus on this month?

Focus? I’m not sure to be honest. Trying to save a little money would be useful because I have to buy a lot of cat food and get the car serviced this month. But basically, it is business as usual. Teaching, learning, reading, writing, guitar, cleaning, coffee, exercise.

Amy took this picture because she was quite proud of her carrot cakes. They look great but we haven’t tasted them yet. I’m sure they will taste great too though.

Idea Of Heaven – 4th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We still have to teach the Gods to be human
They should bend to our will, not us to theirs
First, we have to understand ourselves
And an idea of heaven that everyone shares

Today I’m feeling:

I didn’t sleep well but felt ok at my alarm. Two hours into the day though and I’m feeling a little low and flat. My eyes are sore again and the cloudy grey skies feel depressing.

Last night Paen (Baitoey) contacted me again feeling depressed and suicidal. I don’t know how much more I can give her. I know she doesn’t have the skills but it seems like she doesn’t want to do the hard work and is always looking for the easy way out. She needs some guidance to turn her thinking around and I’m not the best person for that.

Her struggles weigh me down too.

Today I’m grateful for:

Payment coming through today as I was just about to run out of money. It meant I could pay the gardener who came today and can also order some more cat food now too. I still have money put aside for the aircon fix and hopefully enough spare for the plumbing fixes. Not sure if there will be enough for the guttering though.

The best thing about today was:

Many interesting conversations with my students outside of class.  They usually remind me about things I went through when I was their age.

Also, Champ was back from Australia for a quick visit and he was telling me that he had to do some part-time work to be able to afford to stay there whilst studying. He’s working at a school teaching grade 5 kids. He was comparing the difference between the education systems in Oz and in Thailand and that he now has a clearer understanding of us farang teachers when we work here and get frustrated at the way things work. I’ve adapted myself now but it does feel like a little vindication.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got home I could see that the gardeners had been. I’m thankful to them for tidying up our home but also can’t help noticing what a bad job they are doing. After asking them to clear the weeds properly along the driveway last time, this time they made no attempt at all. Worse still was that they cut the avocado tree that Bruno gave me last year, cut at the trunk! It was just starting to grow well and looked like it would develop into a nice-looking young tree. Fucking careless.

Something I learned today?

The great Chinese spy balloon incident is over. The US admitted that they found no evidence of anything beyond the weather instrumentation that the Chinese told them it was. The US is in the hands of adults acting like 5-year-olds.

How did I practice kindness?

Today I sat down with Paen and listened to her grievances about her life and what help she would like me to give her. She actually didn’t say much, I did most of the talking. I challenged her a lot because I can see that she is just running away from the real issue which is her own self-esteem, insecurities and problems at home. I can see that the things she wants me to help her with are not long-term solutions. 

I have shown her a lot of kindness and tried to help her many times. I can’t fix what happens in her head but I will support her as best I can.

I also ran into Preawa during the day and she was having some kind of problem with her boyfriend who was following her around forlornly. I messaged her this evening to see if she was ok and she said she was and appreciated my concern.

I think one of the reasons that the kids like me is that the can feel my empathy towards them even as I might be berating them for being lazy. I may not be the best teacher in the world but I think I’m a pretty good human.

What do I want to focus on today?

It looks like I will have to focus some time on helping Paen to see if she can change programs back to English. I see this as a band-aid solution for her because the problems are coming from within herself. I’ll try and find her the school counsellor and also find out why she stopped taking her meds. She seemed to be doing well in the first couple of weeks of the new semester.

I took this picture at the weekend because I’m loving seeing the freshly planted rice paddies. Is this a Thai spring?

Don’t Let Go – 1st May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We don’t want to let go of our dreams
Those were the best days we ever had
But nothing is quite what it seems
Until we compare the good with the bad

What we need is a switching of scenes
And a reminder of what it’s like to feel sad
Remember that feeling from our teens
When our impulses forever drove us mad?

4th Apr 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Today I’m feeling:

A bit tired from late sleep last night and trying to get up early though I kind of failed with that. I got some shopping in this morning that was a bit of a struggle to push myself to do. Getting home at lunchtime meant the day felt like it has gone quickly but I got various bits and pieces done and so don’t feel like I’ve wasted time.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding the small packets of pickled chilli and chilli in fish sauce that most restaurants have, whilst at Makro. They are bulk buys and I don’t need them often but they were only 30 baht for each pack of 100. And they won’t go off either.

The best thing about today was:

Having both Cap and Tig wanting to be around with me in the living room. It’s unusual for Tigger but I think he really enjoys the attention I’ve been giving him with brushing him a lot.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I was out shopping I thought I might as well go to the bank to get a new bank book but if forgotten that today is another holiday so they were closed. I didn’t get upset despite it being time wasted. Just one of those things.

Something I learned today?

I finally found a solution for my iCloud problem I mentioned the other day. Unfortunately, it was a workaround rather than a fix and the workaround caused me a bunch of extra setting up of other things. At the end of the day though I’m glad I got it working because it was an annoying bug that didn’t make sense and was confusing me a lot!

What do I want to focus on this month?

This month I need to focus back on the classroom. Staying calm under pressure and being the best teacher I can be for my students. It’s been a long and difficult break for me and it takes me a while to get back up to speed. I need to remember the mistakes I made last year and be smart enough to know how to avoid them. Slow and steady. Remind myself that there is no rush.


I took this picture because Tigger hid his face in shame after I discovered he’d peed on the folding mattress again! Fucking fuck! He keeps coming for a complete body brush though and his coat feels fantastic.

We got that attitude! – 29th March 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for my weak abs. Now I’m really testing them with exercises. Hopefully, it’s not too late to build them up. When I’m in old age I hope my muscles can hold on to my excretions.

Best thing about today was keeping myself busy and occupied whilst boring things were occurring around me.

In the morning, we had to attend a meeting where the director talked in Thai for an hour. I used that time to meditate. Later, no one had given any instructions on what to do so I read some things online and caught up with emails.

Tomorrow, I will have to do more serious work now that I’ve been given some direction on those requirements. That will provide some focus for the next few days til the end of the semester on Friday.

My music search this week – 5th November 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment
  1. In a never ending search for music that I haven’t yet heard and might like (that is making me slightly mad) I came across some great blogs that I, surprisingly, hadn’t come across before. First is One Chord Is Enough, with one or two obscure 70s and 80s tunes to listen to. Punk, post-punk and things from when it was exciting to read what was new in the “Independent Chart” run downs in the music rags.

  2. I found the One Chord blog after a search for Rhythm Plague who I was inspired to seek out due to this post about the Rotary Totem label. I think I only found one song by the band of this name but stumbled upon a treasure chest of music from that magical period of 70s and 80s. I downloaded all 160+ mixes and will stick them on the phone to listen to at some point.

    I’m kinda excited as my search for music is still on the ear-out for a tune I heard on John Peel back in 1979. All I remember of the song is it was kinda punky a-la The Users and there was a stop in the music for a shouted vocal of “Who are these people?”. I heard a song from the One Chord Is Enough site that maybe the song but only if I’m misremembering it. I can’t even remember what this song was now – it’s in a pile of 1000s of files to check out. Everything is in the queue. I love this shit!

  3. Another search lead me to the Stewart Lee alter ego of Baconface and his show “Global Globules”. The premise is odd (in a typical Stewart Lee fashion) and the music is freaking killer. Lots of freak scene acid folk psychedelic obscurities from around the world. From the first seven two hour shows there’s perhaps only one band I’ve come across before and that’s Brainticket. If you are familiar with them but not much else then definitely check this show out for more.

  4. Another blog that I’m slowly plowing through is Music for Maniacs. I forget how I came across this one – perhaps connected with an episode of the excellent You Don’t Know Mojack podcast, that has lead me in search of many interesting SST related releases. Anyway, Music for Maniacs is as described – it’s out there, avant and just plain weird recordings and stories about them. I quickly found a series of compilations and downloaded them. They are in the queue for listening.

  5. Music related reading, again from the Mojack podcast, is the New Vulgate – Joe Carducci’s old blog. I skip through some of the non music content and I’m not a huge fan of Joe’s writing but that’s not important. The information is important (to old music nerds like me and Rich Levine). Rabbit holes are here.

  6. I finished reading Henry Rollins first volume of Fanatic! Here’s my tongue in cheek review.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be back at school and have a routine again. I need routine to keep me focused.