Tag: Fog

Big Tokes – 29th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Fucked up and thinking
All the crazy thoughts
Eyes half shut and drooping
Smashed out of sorts
Time stretched and twisted
An hour, a second, a day
Wake up next week
With nothing left to say
Your brain on drugs
The egg now over-fried
Paranoia and suspicion
Now set deep inside

I don’t want innovations which improve my shopping experience or make smartphones a tiny bit better. I want innovations which eliminate world hunger…innovations which help humans live in harmony with our ecosystem.

Caitlin Johnstone

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and high
Today I’m grateful for:
Matt giving me some kratom tea and then some weed tea at his place that had me fucked up and paranoid on the way home and when I got in I went straight to bed where I kinda fell in and out of dream state. I woke up an hour later groggy and still slightly bent. I’ve done nothing else but be lazy tonight. Weed really seems to be the best drug to keep people sedated.
The best thing about today was:
Having fun with my kids in class again. I think we got past the rocky start we had last week and I feel a little more confident again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Well, due to that unexpected high I wasn’t able to do things that I would normally want to do and I’m at peace with that decision. I felt out of control and the way to deal with it was just to slow everything down.
What are you curious about?
I’d like to say I’m curious about everything but that’s not really true. I’m probably less curious about many things now just out of laziness. There are things I don’t need to know. Actually, so much I don’t need to know. With modern technology, I wonder if my kids feel like this about everything. Just find out what you need to know when you need it. Maybe in the foreseeable future, this will be a benefit.

I took this picture because this is the first foggy morning of winter. Despite it being cooler in the morning we’ve needed the aircon on again at night and right now I’m sweating away with two fans before heading into the chilly bedroom.

Lower The Flags – 9th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Flights of fancy, a child always spoiled
Political wrangling, in scandals, embroiled
A name in history, now forever soiled

A handy harem, each night to select
Behaviour fitting one of total disrespect
A country mourning its own death from neglect

Ignorance is the most practised of skills
Run away to a mansion in the hills
Escaping judgement on who pays the bills

An era ending not soon enough for some
Time to reflect on what has become
Lower the flags, put flowers in the gun

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to open the curtain this morning to thick fog, almost hiding the rice fields right outside our fence. It’s nice to wake up to cold air sometimes.

I lost it a little bit yesterday as I was saying goodbye to everyone in the teachers’ room and George refused to even acknowledge me. Dylan came outside and I asked him what was going on and he just said that George says I don’t talk to him anymore, so he’s not going to bother talking to me, even just to be polite.

I got pretty defensive at this but let it drop quickly and tried to forget about it. I just hope Dylan can see and understand George’s reactions for what they are but I feel that George will be able to persuade him whichever way he wants. It just feels so childish.

Even if I don’t like people I can still be polite. As I discussed with Bruno last week I’m not here to make friends and have a good time with everyone. I’m here to do a job and I want to do a good job – and I can have a good time doing that.

The opportunity arose to say hello to George today, so I gave him a cheerful ‘good morning’ and got a begrudging ‘hello’ in response. I just smiled under my mask and reminded myself of something I learned from George when he would say ‘I generate the atmosphere I wish to be in.’ Indeed.

I’m chilling in the cafe whilst preparing more work for the coming weeks. I hope these ‘off’ weeks can continue as it gives me lots of time to prepare.

Oh, last night I finished watching a short JTV series called The Queen’s Classroom in which a super tough teacher improves the students in similar ways to myself, though I am not as strict as she is. At the end of the story, the students agree that they will remember their teacher forever – in a good way. I hope that I can have the same influence on my students.

The work they are doing with me this semester will push them hard but I already get a feeling that they are very capable. I never want to underestimate their abilities and possibilities.

Reading the story of Aladdin. I’m only vaguely familiar with this story and I can see it not ending well for Aladdin. So, if I had a jinnee and unlimited wishes, from a lamp or ring, what would I do?

My Terrorist – 16th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You’re my terrorist, siding with our gods
Next week’s enemy, against all the odds
Difficult to believe, though it’s oft-repeated
Cheating the cheaters, so everyone is cheated

You’re my terrorist, you may do my bidding
About those rewards, I was only kidding
You die for nothing, just another’s lies
And in your defeat, I still claim the prize

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the coolness of winter days very slowly returning. Comfortable mornings of fog and misty mountains.

As I’m reading another article about stoicism, gratitude and amor fati, I can feel my brain changing. These words were revelatory for me when I first read them. Now they are comfortable reminders of my acceptance of the way the world is and the way I am. I often think about my mother and wish to hear her talk about things in our lives. I can’t do that except in my mind. That brings me some comfort still.

I miss Kimi even more, in some ways. My mother is/was always a part of my life. Kimi was a kindred spirit I found, like Jochen and Matt, Rich, Steve and Rob and others. Finding some special people in your life is a rewarding experience that provides hope and gratitude to my being.

Amy’s auntie passed away last night. Perhaps some people will feel the same way about her. I hope so.

Our plans (what little we have) will change this weekend but that is out of my control so I can accept it.

I will do what I can to continue living this blessed life in the best way possible. Now, it’s time for class. Let’s see if I can take this positivity and rub it off on some of my students.

Go on out, get some more – 1st February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Some vague hints of dreams. Thoughts about how you would live your last 24 hours. Imagining today is my last – all the things unfinished – but every life is left unfinished. Wingsuit riders living life to the fullest. Not sure I could do that. My thrills are different. This old man likes reading books. What a joke. I should’ve gained this wisdom as a young man. But here I am and I gotta live.

This weekend I found many lurking memories and thrilled to return to them but life is not just about the past. What of my future? I don’t want to spend my future just documenting my past I want to add to my memories where I can.

Fatman report

Weight: 77.6kg
Resting heart rate: 49

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a week off from the kids, this week being Scout week, whatever that means. I still have to do some things with them but at least it’s not another week in the classroom.
I am so happy and grateful for the cool foggy morning. Fog like God’s breath over the jungle.Thankful for another day of breath of my own. I want to keep breathing for as long as I can.

Scout week at school means lots of free time, though, of course, I have filled up all my free time enjoying reading, writing, sketching and thinking.

I enjoyed the weekend though it could have been a couple of days longer. I started off in a blaze and kinda ran out of energy by Sunday afternoon, though listened to podcasts whilst dozing, keeping information flowing.

I finished Notes From Underground and immediately started reading it again – this time underlining passages of interest. I also really dug Eleven Minutes which inspired some writing on Saturday moring.

Started on The Infinite Jest – feels like it may be a slog but I’ll give it a shot.

Have been doing things from my list bit by bit. Feeling good about what I’m doing.

To-do list

  • Give away everything you sketch ½
  • Continue gratitude letters ✅
  • Do something for Amy ½
  • Another remix
  • Contact Benjii again ✅

*Schedule – 4th February 1985

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Everything in order
Everything on time
Such a perfect thing
This wonderful life of mine

I’m on schedule
I looked at my schedule

Don’t know when I’ll die
I haven’t planned it yet
But I’ll tell everyone
So they don’t get upset

I’m on schedule
I looked at my schedule

The Week That Was

Record of the week: Flux of Pink Indians – Punk Sucks

4th February 1985
Started work in the warehouse. Quite a good laugh but fuckin’ knackering. Went down Gaunts after. Chased Perry, Burt and Muz around Gaunts cos they wanted me to. Talked for a while. Came back. Fuckin’ fell asleep. Kinky dream about Lisa.
7

5th February 1985
Fuckin’ had hundreds of fuckin’ deliveries. 20 pallets of Carcases, 2 orders of Key Terrain. We didn’t have time to do it all. Had a good laugh around Gaunts. Maybe do Stumps t-shirts, have an initiation. Talked to Muz for a while.
8

6th February 1985
Pissed around on the bus in the morning. Fucked around in college. Got bus back. Wayne was on there. Had a good laugh. Got school bus. Good laugh again. Fixed drums. Got 11 people in phone box down YC. Pissed around down there.
8

7th February 1985
Don’t remember much about today. Don’t think we had a lot to do at work. Big Brian was doing the bulk lorry – he’s a cunt. Muz wasn’t coming out so stayed in. Quite a few things on telly. Something about some bikers which was OK.
5

8th February 1985
Still not a lot to do at work. Planned to leaflet the Void gig and not do a poster cos it doesn’t photocopy very well. Came home. Pissed around as usual. Went down YC – wasn’t very interesting. I think they’ve sussed out that we fiddle the pool table. Couldn’t stay awake to watch the film
6

9th February 1985
Went to Wimborne. Met Bernice. Went for pizza with Fog and Maggie. Came home. Pissed around on drums. Went down Gaunts. Sharon was there so we pissed her off. Went to Bernice’s at 7. Caught bus to Bournemouth. Went to gig. Atrox played pretty well. Then fuckin’ Bad Noise were fuckin’ around. During Disorder a couple fo fights started. Taff electrocuted himself. Got bus back.
5

10th February 1985
Can’t remember a lot about what happened today. It was fuckin’ cold. I went down Gaunts. Came back. Went back. Pissed around at the woods behind Murray’s. Dean was even there. First time for fuckin’ ages. Didn’t go out tonight cos it was too cold. Spitting Image was OK.
6

*The Week That Was – 24th December 1984

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Record of the week: Manitou (live)

24th December 1984
Met Bernice and Steph. Wandered around Wimborne and got cold. Came back. Not feeling too well. Felt like dying. Jim, Jez, Roo have betrayed me and themselves.

25th December 1984
DAMIAN DIED TODAY – R.I.P.
Went to Murray’s. His dad has borrowed a business computer – decent.

26th December 1984
Found out the bastards put my name in the paper.

27th December 1984
Pissed around at work. Everyone from Gaunts is being a cunt. Especially Murray.

28th December 1984
Played cards at work. Got letter for payments through.

29th December 1984
Got copying done. Went up to gig. Gave out leaflets. All groups were good, especially Manitou. Went back to Fog’s. Got back at 2.15. Went to sleep at 3.

30th December 1984
Got up at 12. Tried to start bonfire but it wouldn’t go. Will Damian never rest? Read a bit more of book. Went to sleep.

*The Week That Was – 17th September 1984

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Record of the week: Pregnant Combine Harvesters – AURA, Zounds – Can’t Cheat Karma, Cult Maniax – Full of Spunk RP

17th September 1984
Nothing special happened today.

18th September 1984
Met Zoe in Wimborne. Had a laugh with Parafin down the woods. Pissed around with Bennett’s air pistol. Went to Houldey’s. Dandy still gives me the horn. But SHE’S SO BEAUTIFUL I NEVER WANT TO SEE HER. Found my giro. £49.50

19th September 1984
Collect money. Went to Poole. Went with Bernice on the bus. Got some records. UKDK LP, In Excelsis, Disorder, Chaotic Dischord, Zounds and Cult Maniax. Had a laugh with Parafin again.

20th September 1984
Got up late. Granny had a go. Went and bought some things. Chased Burt for something to do.

21st September 1984
Went to Wimborne. Got pissed. But somehow got bored. So came back.

22nd September 1984
Went to Fog’s. Rupe was there. Jez came over. Fog came. Went to party. Had a good time. Went to the Void. Went back to party. Went back to other one with Jez. Went back to Fog’s. Came back. Mum was back.

23rd September 1984
Got up at 1. Went to Wimborne. Jez and Rupe came round. Played Megamania and Super Breakout at Bennet’s. Watched Threads. Quite disturbing. Mum got me horoscope book.

*The Week That Was – 10th September 1984

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

10th September 1984
Went to Three Legged Cross. Dominic’s. Watched Bladerunner (crap) and Christine (good) at James’.

12th September 1984
Went to sign on, on school bus.

13th September 1984
Doing dares around Gaunts. Did hundreds of things.

14th September 1984
Got amp back.

15th September 1984
Trying to organise practice for tomorrow. Found out I get £16.50. Princess Diana 2nd son born. WOW-E-WOO. Had a crease up around Gaunts.

16th September 1984
Mark, Jez and Fog came over. Got stopped. So went to Scramble meeting down the road. Came back and got stopped again. Went round Scramble track. Shirley’s here – old slag. Perry broke a telephone box window so we scarpered.

*The Week That Was – 23rd July 1984

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

23rd July 1984
Got up. Found out there was another accident last night at Horseshoes. Went to Wimborne. Met a few people. Went to Careers. Told me about a YTS at Holmans. Came back. Went down track. Crabby, Scott and Burt camped in Crabby’s garden. Went to Houldey’s. Dandy wasn’t there. Came back. Read book til 1 o’clock and then went to sleep.

24th July 1984
Got up. Mum took me to Wimborne. Went to Holmans. Asked about their scheme. Could be a chance of working there. Saw Bernice’s sister. Jim doesn’t want to go out with Bernice anymore. Came back. Had tea. Went down track. Went to Bernice’s. Was teaching her how to ride a moped around the car park. Walked around town. Came back. Met Shirl, Paddy etc

25th July 1984
Got up at 11. Watched telly. Played records. Went for a pizza with Fog and Bernice.

26th July 1984
Went for a pizza. Jim’s going out with Bernice again.

27th July 1984
Got pissed tonight at the Horns. Went to Wimborne. Pissed about down there. Can’t remember anything else. Went for pizza with Fog, Bern.

28th July 1984
Didn’t go to Bournemouth to the squat. Got some booze instead. Came home. Got drunk. Went back to Wimborne. Went to Horns. Had a pint. Got some booze. Jim came over and we got drunk.

29th July 1984
Woke up. Went to Wimborne. Got some more money. Me and Jim got pissed again tonight.

*The Week That Was – 4th June 1984

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Record of the week: Black Flag – My War (again)

4th June 1984
Got up. Did this and that. Took dog. Burd came round. We did some practising til someone rang up and told us to stop. Did tape for Zoe and Sharon. Went down track later on with Jasp and Muz. Did a couple of fires and things. Got sofa from Houldey’s and put it in garage. Jez hates my painting. Haha.

5th June 1984
Got up at 7. Went to school. English in the morning. Went down town with Chesh. Came back. English all afternoon. I smell fuckin’ bad. Got home. Had a bath. Went down track. Everyone was down there. Muz, Martin and Scott chickened off down Hinton M. I went there later. Went to Frost’s and watched Young Ones. Met James and Greg. Had a laugh – remembering things. Watched Young Ones again on their video. Got back at 12.

6th June 1984
Got up at 10. Went to Wimborne to get stuff for Jasp. Met Jim. Had a chat. Came back. Gave Jasp – weedkiller. Came back then went back down. Did bloody everything. Made a fire jump which I went over. Came back again. Zoe rang. Had a decent chat. Cleaned (?) out. Went back down. Tried to start a fire. Martin got in a shit, literally. Had a laugh down at the school. Shit up Beki, Dandy and Becky. I hate Beki Houldey.

7th June 1984
Can’t remember much but I must’ve gone down to the track cos I didn’t do anything else. I was out this evening cos I missed Porridge. Jasper got done for making fireworks. Rode around the school on my moped. Had a laugh generally anyway. Me and Muz talked til about 10.30 and I came back.

8th June 1984
Went to Wimborne. Met Fog. We went to the Job Centre. I came back. Went down the track. Rung Jez up. He was going to Wimborne Disco. I went over to his place. Ben’s mum took us to Wimborne. Bought some booze. Saw Rupert the fucking cunt. Saw Jim. Jez went into the disco – the wally. Me and Ben stayed outside and drank people’s drinks. Ben got totally pissed and I was pissed. Rupert’s mum brought us back. Other things happened too daft to mention.

9th June 1984
Rupert’s mum brought Jez over to my place at 12. We didn’t get to sleep til 4. Woke up at 11. Did more on tape. Gave out leaflets on way to Houldey’s. Dandy was wearing a minidress – cor. Pissed off for a while. Mum took Jez home. I went on me bike. Me and Jez went to Ben’s. He seemed alright. He reckons Hatchard broke his nose. So we’ll have him. Had a chat with Ben’s mum. Came back blah blah blah.

10th June 1984
Got up. Went to Wimborne. Folk Festival was on. Mum was there. Didn’t see many mates so came back. Did fuck all. Went to track. Football was on. England beat Brazil 2-0. Fuckin’ surprise or what? Watched Spitting Image which was good. Watched rest of Sybil while doing crosswords.