A little sick with a sore throat and lack of energy. I skipped my alarm and exercise for an extra 30 minutes of sleep. I’m hoping not to have to do too much at school today. I could do with an afternoon nap and I’m saying that now before it’s even 8 am.
(10 am) And there we are, the tipping point. Lazily wandering from place to place and eventually being told there’s nothing for us to do today. So here I am back at House for coffee number two.
Today I’m grateful for:
Lots of free time in which I could read, write and learn whilst sipping coffee and then later spending a couple of hours reading comics in bed, where I did indeed, enjoy an awesome afternoon nap.
The best thing about today was:
Hanging out with Michael and David for a little while this morning and then lazily walking from school to where some of the kids were doing the zip-line and we watched for a few minutes, ducked away and walked back again. The temperature was ok for the most part and once off the highway, the walk was quite pleasant.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The typical dysfunction of Scout week activities at school used to bug me but now I listened to how they bugged David instead and accepted the advantages that we can get from it.
Something I learned today?
Andrew Huberman is into Rancid.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 13. Be Nice. I don’t mean you should be a pushover. You can be someone that doesn’t take shit and be nice about it. Just don’t insult people, think you’re better than them, or act like an idiot.
I’m a lot nicer than I used to be. I don’t insult people or think that I am better than others anymore but I probably am still prone to acting like an idiot every now and then. One would hope that we are all a lot nicer than we used to be but then you meet some people…..
I took this picture because these flowers have decided to grow, against the odds.
Relaxed and a little sad. Most of my relationships now have been formed around my students and I know that I will miss them during the holidays. Some students feel the same, not necessarily about me but about not being able to meet their friends often. But it is also great to have a break from it all too and I’m starting to look forward to going to Australia.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Gam for putting a frangipani behind my ear, giving me a hug and saying she will miss me in the holiday. I have appreciated her efforts to improve her English this semester and she has appreciated the time I spent to help her.
The best thing about today was:
Little Nicha wrote a very sweet message for me in the Quizizz I gave her class today. Along the lines of ‘Thank you to help me learn more when I am struggling and for comforting me when I was sad.’ I’m tearing up a little just writing it!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I had psyched myself up to stay at school and play a little tennis with Funfai before her coaching but it had rained a lot during the afternoon and I wasn’t sure if she would still go. She said she wanted to and the rain had cleared so I waited around playing volleyball with a bunch of other kids. But then more rain came and I gave up and we agreed to try again next semester when there will be less rain.
So, it was annoying that I stayed around when I could’ve gone home quicker but I still enjoyed the time hanging out with different students.
Something I learned today?
Last night I was following up on the drama at school with Feije and asked Nong Fah what was the story. She told me a little and it was a totally new story to the one from the day before!
When I asked Fah what she thought about the events she said she didn’t know, much like when I asked her before what was up with Feije recently. I then realised that she was being typically Thai-style diplomatic and didn’t want to say anything bad about someone else.
I found this kind of endearing but also frustrating in that it’s difficult to know how people really feel about things in Thai culture.
Either way, it was an interesting learning experience for me to see how some cultural norms are here through the lens of my students.
Also in relation to yesterday, the student having trouble with his friends messaged me saying he stopped being friends with them because they were punching him. I told him that friends don’t do that and that he can tell me if they keep bullying him. He said that it was okay because he didn’t want to cause any trouble. I told him that I understood but that I was there if he needed me.
I thought that this was a kind of Thai attitude but now I’m writing more I guess this is how many kids deal with being bullied anywhere in the world.
What changes did I experience this past month?
This feels a little difficult to contemplate these days. Things are changing a lot more slowly than previously and are less noticeable. I guess that as it’s gotten to the end of September I’m starting to feel a little excitement about going to Australia, as I will leave in ten days time.
Also as the month has gone on and the holiday approached, I’ve felt a gradual winding down and relaxation in the classroom.
I took this picture because I have no new pictures today so scouted around the house for something interesting. These cats are part of a set of 5. The picture behind is from a long time back as I was still dying my hair black then. I think it’s from a trip to somewhere in Thailand.
Just a recording, a memory A gentle nudge to remind One day in the future I’ll look back and find No readers were here to see What these words meant to me
In another time and place Some comments will be made Either an idiot in the making Or a compliment to be paid Either way, it’s all good And no readers misunderstood
Today I’m feeling:
A little tired. I’ve been waking up before my alarm, though unable to stir myself out of bed, as my mind is slowly getting around the fact that it’s back to work again next week. I’m starting to feel the stress and tension, my mind anticipating obstacles in the class. Self-preparation for self-preservation.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to park illegally at the airport as no one cares that much about it. It’s surprisingly busy here even though it’s 8 pm.
The best thing about today was:
I struggled through getting my head around a lesson plan and how, when and why I would use it. At least I could do this whilst sipping good coffee and watching people coming and going. I pushed on until finished and was quite happy with the result in the end.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
It seemed Runa was going to stay around the city rather than near home so figured I wouldn’t need to pick her up at the airport but then she called just before getting on her flight and asked if I was ok to pick her up and that’s ok with me. Runa is never on time for anything and it’s already 29 minutes after her flight has landed. I can imagine her still sitting on the plane trying to get organised to get off. She cracks me up but I don’t need the drama that comes along with her chaotic life.
Something I learned today?
Again I don’t feel like I really learned much useful. I watched Netflix and comedy on YouTube. Trying to keep my mood up rather than go deep into anything.
I took this picture because all our different frangipani trees are blooming. Big bunches of flowers get blown off in storms but each year there’s more and more. I love to see old frangipani trees. Ours are still young but I hope to see them old one day.
A town all snowy white and middle-class The drunks tell stories often repeated Shufflers trapped in a cul-de-sac torture All plans for their children defeated
A week in the sun by the sea Swap cardigans for sunburned backs Strange behaviours set tongues wagging Is this the life that everyone lacks?
Enter no more the green and pleasant Ruined by the hardest-working poor Facing fists of fury on walking home All desperately banging on the door
The drizzle drenches the pavements grey Children too bored to stomp in puddles Tugged by the leashes of all that glitters Out of reach of all of these muddles
Excitements distract along the terrace Dogs fight cats, cat fights dog A word of wise from the blinders Submit oneself to pointless slog
A little more positive and upbeat. It’s not time that heals our grief, it’s the forgetting.
Today I’m grateful for:
Sight. My eyesight is suffering a little these days perhaps from the dodgy air, lack of sleep and constant looking at screens. But I can still see. If I had to choose between losing my sight or my hearing I would choose losing sight. I would miss reading but could still listen to audiobooks. I think I would really struggle emotionally if I couldn’t listen to music though.
It still feels like yesterday that, as children, we were all warned about listening to loud music would damage our ears so much that we would go deaf in our old age. And that watching too much TV would lead to early-onset blindness. I had to start wearing glasses when I was around 26 years old and my mum had to wear hearing aids from perhaps her 50s onwards. So I guess I’m doing all right so far.
The best thing about today was:
Brushing Cap and Tig whilst they purred in pleasure. They have been getting more attention from me now Kim is gone. They are still fussy about being touched or picked up but if they are in the right mood it does seem as if they are reciprocating my love.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Right now Netflix isn’t working for me. Just as I’d like to settle back and watch some more of the series Dark. It’s not like there is nothing else I can do so this is only a mild annoyance. I’m aware it’s also a very first-world problem too.
Something I learned today?
Apparently, there is a weird law here in Thailand that makes it illegal for politicians to sing and dance on stage during an election. This came to note because someone called out the current Thai PM for doing exactly this recently. The annoying thing about the article discussing this was the fact that there was no indication of why this was a law. Presumably, it made sense at the time it was implemented. It may even make sense now if it was explained. Like any law in Thailand, it is fairly flexible and depends on who broke it as to whether any action would be taken.
What are 3 things that bring me joy?
Nothing is really bringing me joy right now. My positive emotions are not that strong I guess. The emotions of grief and sadness are much easier for me to tap into. I’m bouncing back slowly but it does make me think why can’t I be prone to happiness and joy instead? They are all just emotions.
I took this picture because this is our infamous red sun as it sets behind our blooming frangipani. For most of these days, the smoke is so thick that if the sun can be seen at all it can be stared at directly without a problem. That’s something I’d prefer not to be able to do for the sake of a clear sky.
You became the master of money And accumulated great wealth Became a master of muscles And maintaining physical health But that final puzzle piece Is still hidden as if by stealth Couldn’t master your mind Couldn’t master yourself
Happy and relaxed, waiting for the sun to drop so I can do some watering again. I’m hoping for an early rainy season again but I think this year may be long and dry, unfortunately.
Today I’m grateful for:
Manus at the post office for always being helpful and friendly and trying to help me remember the Thai word for ‘registered’.
The best thing about today was:
A long chat with Amy about different ideas and plans for the future.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I had just gotten on a roll with updating more blog entries when Fui came to House and we started talking. I’m never sure how long he will stay but I decided I had no hurry today and we ended up chatting for about 90 minutes. We often go over the same things but we learn a little more about each other each time. At points, I was keen to get back to what I was doing but I told myself to relax and enjoy this time.
Something I learned today?
You can buy a cock ring called the Tally Wacker that counts your thrusts when fucking. I’m not sure if it syncs with your health devices but maybe 100 thrusts equals a calorie?
What is one lesson I am learning right now?
We’ll have to generalise ‘right now’ a little because if taken literally all I’m learning is what I can remember from ‘around’ ‘right now’!
I’m learning a little how to relax and even be bored again. This week involves a lot of TV and reading, playing guitar and listening to music. Much like many other weeks but interspersed with even less teaching than usual.
It’s taken me a long time to learn to relax and in the back of my mind, I’m confident that when the time comes necessary I will be able to get right back on my game again.
I took this picture because I wanted a different angle to look at the garden. I like this mini bamboo plant that apparently cats like to eat. Not sure ours ever do though. The leafless frangipani has more focus than the other trees near it which are also now losing their leaves. The frangipanis are just starting to show leaves sprouting through now. You can also spy the tops of some of our cacti too.
It’s the 7th of February 2022 and I’m sitting in the cafe, Le Paradis, next door to CRPAO, where I am currently an English teacher. It’s scout week and us farang teachers have nothing to do for this whole week. I’ve decided to clock in, show my face and go home again unless anyone wants me to do anything.
I’m feeling pretty happy these days. Amy has been in Australia for a week now and has gotten herself a job already, which she will start in March, after travelling to Albury and Adelaide first to visit friends.
Tomorrow I will go to visit Bruno and Nut for dinner and on Sunday Aing and Now will come to stay for a few days, for Aing’s graduation ceremony. She will look around the area with the intention to start some sort of business here, which is great news. It will give us a local cat sitter that we can trust!
By the time you are reading this, it’s possible you are no longer working – that might even happen as early as the end of the semester in March. Whatever happens, it will be ok, though I’m enjoying having access to almost all my income for a change.
I am still thinking too much about George and the way he is treating me but I am slowly able to push it aside, made easier by just avoiding him at work. I don’t feel anything bad towards him. He obviously feels hurt by my actions towards him, which in my mind have been fairly minimal and understated. He seems to have a higher expectation and can’t deal with that not being met. At least that’s how see it, with the little that I managed to get out of him to try and find out his true feelings.
Everything I accuse him of, I can accuse myself. It doesn’t matter. We’re just not compatible but I don’t let that interfere with staying polite.
I have written many times about my ability to keep myself (my mind) occupied and I don’t easily succumb to loneliness. I would rather be alone than struggle to maintain a difficult friendship. Perhaps this is something that I will improve on in the future but I am happy with myself the way I am. Real, good friends will find their way to each other.
Do I want to tell you anything? Just keep going. You’ve done so well to get where you are now. This year is looking bright to me, right now, with so many possibilities. Some will happen, others will wait. I’ll go and make some music.
PS – look at your blog for this day in the past, over the years. Do you notice anything?
Grass still green, succoured by recent rain Sprouting from the dusty clay Freshly unfurled frangipanis Bursting brilliant, reflecting sunlight under your chin The silent hills, jungle-covered green and khaki Teems with little lives unseen Sun smothers, bleaching the air white The living and the inanimate Thirsting for the next sunset In the starlit night Your body wears a shirt of humid air Breathe deep the day gone As fireflies pulsating dance Attracts the eyes of confused dogs
Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalising animal.
Robert Heinlein
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that we finally got some rain overnight. Temperature is better and my garden can enjoy the water.
I am so happy and grateful for our Frangipani trees. Blooming and fragrant even in this drought.
I am fond of reading and listening but as to believing, no thank you, I can’t, and I don’t want to.
Anton Chekov, Love
To-do list
Finish CDs finally! ✅
Look through photos
Call George ½
Fill in cracks in concrete
Friday now. I talked with Hayden on Wednesday and he told me that his girlfriend had gotten pregnant. I pondered becoming a grandad but then he told me that she had got an abortion. I didn’t really have any reaction to this news – it’s not something I can change or choose to judge. He and his girlfriend will deal with it the best that they can.
I have been enjoying being in my room again though I’m still not 100% happy with the layout – it’s not quite comfortable yet.
Not yet hungover, still wobbly and happily void of any stresses involved with departing my home country of the last 24 years, Thai Airways does its usual job of safe and stylish delivery. In between meals and bouts of sleep, I observe the passenger in front of me constantly annoying the hostess and interrupting her as she talks and serves others. Finally, she firmly tells him he has to wait his turn.
I tried to watch the new Blade Runner movie but this surely wasn’t the right environment. Much more satisfied with the mindless comedy of Thor: Ragnarok. Pretty sure I was still drunk at the time of arrival in Bangkok where the queues for transfer were horribly long but still, I didn’t care as other foreigners stood by and shook their heads. “Welcome to my country” as Amy sarcastically often says.
The short flight to Chiang Rai is not of any particular note except for the Sumo who steadily waddles on the plane and listens to something on his headphones. I’d like to think it’s the latest grindcore release or something equally zen.
Just my luck, I get stopped at customs, where no one ever gets stopped and they pick out the new iPhone I bought for Amy as a surprise, at duty-free in Sydney. They want me to pay tax on it. Apparently, you can bring stuff in without tax if the value is under 20,000 baht and this is over. I plead with them that I have just relocated from Australia and this is how I am welcomed to Thailand. I tell them my wife will be furious if she knows I had to pay tax on the gift. I look at them puppy-eyed. They discount the tax rate for me but it’s then I realise I only have 500 baht on me anyway. I offer it to them but they seem unimpressed. They look over my shoulder and ask ‘Is that your wife?’ Amy is waiting just beyond the doors with a curious look on her face as the officers her invite her inside.
Some discussions later we end up paying the tax and told that it was just unlucky they decided to check my bag. It’s also apparent that if the phone had been unpacked and in my pocket, no one would have noticed either.
Welcome to Thailand, indeed.
Next day the hangover finally kicks in, added to by the approach of a cold, no doubt initiated by the last night of drinking and talking which caused me to almost lose my voice. Now the coughing starts.
Both our cats are confused to see me again but we soon make up when I start feeding them. Whoever feeds them is their favourite, always. We are all camped in a bedroom in Amy’s parent’s house. A place that is her childhood home and we’ve often stayed here on our previous travels but is not quite comfortable for us as we don’t know where their things are, and all our things are stored in the multitude of boxes piled high in the living room.
We head off to visit our house, the first time I have seen it in person. Now I can appreciate the dimensions of each space, yet can’t imagine it as a home just yet. It won’t be long now and we can start filling it with the things that make it homely.
I start my life as a gardener today, breaking up big clumps of clay and watering all the various plants and trees still left growing which includes durian, ten lime trees, jackfruit (already with one big fruit almost ready), papayas, Thai chillies and multiple frangipanis. We’ve also ordered 5 Jacaranda trees that we hope will grow and blossom at the front of our land and attract visitors should we run some business from there. A small reminder of Australia too.
We pick up some drinks for the workers at the local store where I’m introduced to the shopkeeper. May as well start the village gossip at the source. I hope we’ll become good friends in the future.
The workers live in temporary tin sheds they have built alongside our house and we are doing little extra things for them to keep them content and happy to work for us. They are not quite used to some of the designs and plans that we have so we need to explain things often and carefully for them. They are very hardworking men and women, mostly from Burma, though legally working I’m told. One wife is fairly heavily pregnant and presumably (hopefully) not doing any heavy work but maybe preparing meals for everyone. Despite their poor accommodation they still have a TV and satellite dish rigged up to keep up with their favourite shows or maybe the EPL.
Despite our tiredness and my now constant coughing, dad (father-in-law) decides we must all go out to the new fish restaurant to welcome me here. I try to partake accordingly but between us, we only manage three bottles of beer. The food isn’t as good as some other places we have tried in the past and the service was still going through a teething period. There’s a big lake out front with attractive table settings but in the evening it’s a constant battle with mosquitos, which would spoil things somewhat. I still have to invest in repellents and appropriate clothing, luckily those things are very cheap here.
Both our nights are fitfully slept as I cough myself and Amy awake but we stirred at 6am to get to our house again before it gets too hot. I set about the watering, almost completely covered head to toe from the oncoming sun. Next, I need to invest in some wellington boots as my runners get covered in muddy clay. It takes about an hour and a half to water everything and I start dreaming of automatic water systems. One day, one day.
The temperature is good in the morning and stays reasonable for the rest of the day. I, however, have to retire with medicine for a nice siesta.
The siesta soon became a full nights sleep, again, broken often by coughing. But we’re up and at them at 6am again stopping off at a little shop that has been running for 45 years with just a slim menu involving tea, coffee, toast and eggs. It’s brilliant and cheap but doesn’t do enough for me as we get to our house and Amy does some supervising and I fall back asleep on a deck chair on the terrace. I have nice dreams and awake delirious before driving back home and sleeping even more, until it is time for us get prepared for our next little journey to the UK, to farewell my mother and catch up with family and friends.
1994ever 