Tag: free time

Woke Up Wet – 27th June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

I dreamt of many unknown friends
Their benefits, my dividends
Satisfying emotional needs
Together, mind and body succeeds

When the pieces of the puzzle fit
Combined along with opposite
A touch is more real than money
Pay the piper for a pot of honey

A delicate and delicious dance
From sultry look to seditious glance
So on this mental canvas paint
A horse to ride without restraint

Sat in saddle; sound, secure
Found the fun worth looking for
Before the ride, one last check
From tippy toes up to the neck

The rhythms of night relish to move
From furious and fast to slow and smooth
On the corner, shouts “I’m coming home!”
Imagination ensures I’m never alone

Always welcome in this house to stay
The dream, the wish to forever play
Able to ignore all consequences
Maintain in my own confidences

The dreams of which I’ll never tell
Are memories where I often dwell

Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt (sultry dreams), MLMM Monday Wordle #378 and Writer’s Workshop Prompts (ignore)

Today I’m feeling:

Despite spending a total of four hours at House today and constantly thinking there was something that I should do, then remembering and immediately forgetting, so it was I forgot to write anything here until now, in the evening.

All was smooth and good today with my first two hours freed up now.  On arriving for my first class my students begged me that they wanted to go and watch their classmates in a dance competition at Kotchasarn.  As there were 4 of the class involved there and about another ten also missing, preparing for the Teachers Day tomorrow, I decided it would be best to acquiesce on the condition that they do the writing work that I had planned before our class next week.

And so I went over and watched the competition for a little while by myself, as dance groups from various local schools competed for the chance to go on to the Provincial level competition.

It was a good atmosphere and I met August and we chatted about the competition and also whether we had anything like this when I was in school, which we didn’t.  I guess in many ways the school I teach in is more progressive than the one I studied in.

In the end, I really only had to worry about my final class of grade 8s today and they are familiar with my requirements now as we do the same practical exercise twice a week just with different texts.  It being the last hours of the day they know that the sooner they get down and finish my work then the sooner they can leave.

Today I’m grateful for:

Word of mouth.  That’s how I found out that Teacher’s Day is happening tomorrow.  It’s only now, in the evening, that Kru Mai has confirmed all the details for me and I will have another free two hours tomorrow morning.  Hooray.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying the atmosphere at the dance competition and then bailing after an hour, before my students had even performed, so I asked another student to send me a video later and I would give them points in class.

A little later the video came through and they performed really well and I sent them a message of congratulations.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I did get out into my room and played guitar for the first time this week.  Unfortunately, it was for less than ten minutes though as I was busy sorting out other things.

Something I learned today?

Baipad sent me a picture of a fennec fox from her visit to Chiang Mai night safari.  It looks like a kitten or puppy that hasn’t grown into its adult ears.  

She was a little disappointed that she didn’t get to see any red foxes which are her favourite.

I took this picture of five of the dancers today. I recognise Neung but not sure if the others are in my class or not. The girls especially look almost unrecognisable when they dress up.  Even Sarah, who I joke and play with every day made herself up and got some hair extensions and I wasn’t sure who she was when she started talking to me!

Sunset Over Hawaii – 26th June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

This
Island
Under night
Skies a-blazing
Rows and rows of homes
Turning to ash and dust
Maui, Hawaii – on fire
No rescue until it’s too late
There’s money to be made rebuilding
This island under night skies a-blazing

Destruction and death
Build back better, U.S.A.
Casino waiting

A Dectina Refrain submitted to Living Poetry Monday Poetry Prompt

AllPoetry homework:

The Country of the Blind. – Stanzas 1 and 4 by C.S. Lewis

Hard light bathed them and a
whole nation of eyeless men
dark bi-pedals, not aware
of how they were maimed
A long process, clearly a slow curse
drained through centuries
Left them thus

If a man, one that had eyes
a poor misfit, spoke of
the grey dawn, or the stars
or green sloped sea waves
Or admired how warm tints
changed in a lady’s cheek
None complained he had used
words from an alien tongue
None questioned.
It was worse. All would agree
“Of course.” Came their answer
“We’ve all felt like that.”
They were wrong.

………………
1. What is Lewis saying?
2. Here he compares the poet to the masses who believe they have experienced the same feelings. Why does Lewis say they are wrong? Look at the first stanza.
3. What are your feelings in comparing the poem to society, today?

This has taken me a while to get to as I prefer to spend my time writing over analysing. Slowly I am starting to appreciate analysis though so as to better understand what a poet might be saying.

So, today I finally came back to this and interestingly I read this quote this morning which seems along similar lines:

That showed me in an instant that not by wisdom do poets write poetry, but by a sort of genius and inspiration; they are like diviners or soothsayers who also say many fine things, but do not understand the meaning of them.

– Socrates, The Apology


To attempt to answer the questions….
2. Lewis says that they are wrong because society as a whole blindly accepts what it may be told. (Does this connect with the phrase ‘the one-eyed man is the king of the blind?).
3. In comparing the poem to society, I can see the parallels but as a poet, I prefer to consider myself with the man with eyes. But then, maybe individually, we all do that. And thus we end up with society. Individually thinking and believing different things and collectively believing the same things.

And I think that answers question 1.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again. I forgot to write anything this morning as instead of spending the first six hours of the day at the cafe I decided to sit with my old class and help some of them with their work though I also took advantage of this time to make some future lessons.

Sitting in that class made me look at the kids a little differently. I could see that they were more attentive to the Thai teacher and understood more (obviously).  They still struggled when it came to answering questions and their comprehension but it made me feel a little more sympathetic with them.

The work Kru NumNim has been giving them is from the British Council and I decided to take it and reuse it for my reading classes with them.  I’m hoping that they at least remember some of it and can draw on their learning in this class when it comes to doing it again in mine.

At House, I sat, read and wrote as usual and now felt that 4 hours was an ok amount of time to spend doing that, instead of the six hours of the previous couple of weeks.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the folks who ensured that my records arrived safely from Hong Kong.

The best thing about today was:

Everything again.  It was consistently good from morning alarm, exercise, breakfast and driving to school to getting home, sitting back and watching videos.  

I’m also feeling a little relief at having fewer hours to teach tomorrow than before too as another two hours got passed on to another teacher.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The parcel of Bennu The Heron records arrived yesterday but I had to go and pick them up from the main post office and pay 700 baht tax on them which is just about the end of my money for the month.

Still, it was better than paying what Amy originally thought was 4000 baht.  If it had been that much then I would have sent them back.

Something I learned today?

I found Yurin sitting by herself today and she looked up at me sadly and said ‘No friends’.  I talked with her for a little while and she said that she was quarrelling with Dena and Earn though I’m not sure about what.  I told her not to worry and maybe it will all blow over.

Later I caught up with Dena and she said that Yurin was always causing drama and everyone was sick of it.  Actually, I’m not surprised at this as Yurin was always causing problems in the first semester of grade 7 when she was hanging out with Hyper, who eventually got taken out of school by her parents.  Somewhere inside, Yurin has some conscience, though sadly, I don’t think the future holds much positive for her.

Praew told me that she won’t be in school tomorrow as she has to go to hospital and when I asked her why, she explained that she has to get new medicine for depression.

I asked her how she felt after taking the medicine and she said that she felt better but it also made her more anxious.  I noticed before that she has shaky hands.  She’s a bright and funny girl and I wouldn’t have guessed that she was taking medicine for depression.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I told Praew that she could talk to me anytime if she wanted.

For the last couple of days, I’ve been trying to encourage Baipad to do something kind for her friends.  Yesterday she offered up that she lent her lip balm to her friend.

But then I asked her to do something intentionally kind today and she was stuck.

When I saw her in the morning she and all her friends were all just sitting playing games on their phones, with barely any interaction between them.

She told me that she will go to Chiang Mai tomorrow so I reminded her that she could buy a nice gift for a friend or something like that.  Let’s see if she does!

I took this picture because Jin demanded it. Ueang and Jin, busy avoiding study.

Whisper In The Dark – 19th June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Stumble in darkness clear of you
A restful cave, I start to think
Repeat the mantras I wrote for you
To amuse, gather together what I have
To pass this quiet time

Thrust into light, away from you
A forgotten face is all I have
Understood by both, no means no
Repeat the mantras I have for time

“You think you have time, you have no time”

Ghosts by nomeansno

A golden shovel inspired by nomeansno and submitted to FOWC with Fandango – faceless and MLMM Wordle #377 – clear, restful, repeat, amuse, pass, thrust

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good.  I was so tired last night that I couldn’t even read in bed.  My eyes were hurting, probably from too much screen time, and may get even worse today with my six-hour break before class!

Anyway, my alarm woke me up from a deep sleep but I felt good from it and exercised and got going.

Today I’m grateful for:

The folks at the post office who helped me get the parcel sorted to send it to Singapore. It was freaking expensive and meant getting credit at House again until I get paid but had to be done.

The best thing about today was:

I knocked up a good lesson plan in my spare time today and I enjoyed thinking about it and putting it together.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Man, this six-hour break is killing me!  It’s too long.  I think next week I will go and sit in with my old class.  Let Kru NumNim teach and help out some of the poorer students.

Something I learned today?

I got back in touch with Nevin and he wrote back today that he will be moving to HK to study in a couple of months. Hopefully I might be able to catch up with him there sometime. 

Review your acts, Good and bad.

In my one and only class of the day there were 4 or 5 female students who weren’t supposed to be there, come to hang out with the younger girls that they fancy. I let it go for today, as I actually didn’t spot them until later in the lesson!

I don’t usually mind if other students come but they seemed to be disturbing the kids that need to study the most.

Amy took this picture of the mum and dad. Happy family.

Blue Explosion – 12th June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Holding the power of blue
The nobility thought noble
Peasant acceptance grew
Hypnotised and immobile

Violence in the Kush
For the truest blue ever seen
Not just any old push
But the ultramarine

An accident with blood
Gave us the Berliner Blau
Once where Prussia stood
And is Germany now

Taken on a blue plate
Not so appetising
Slows the heart rate
Without even realising

Introverted, honest and loyal
Calm and composed
Sometimes sensitive to spoil
And a stone heart exposed

Submitted to Moonwashed Musings

10th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Living Poetry – blue

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired on waking, after our cats kept scratching at the door as soon as the sun came up.  On the third or fourth time of letting Cap in and out, I rolled over, snuggled back in for my alarm to go off a second later.  Up and at ‘em!

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru NumNim taking over my morning class from today.  Unfortunately, it means I have six hours to kill each Wednesday now before my only class of the day.  Fortunately, I have six free hours now!  

I think the kids were pretty happy, too – it’s cut down my hours with these grade 8s from 9 to 7.

The best thing about today was:

I got a message from Nancy to drop by the office and was happily surprised to find a cheque for 2750 baht.  I’m not sure what it is for, but I’ll take it!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

By the end of sitting with my laptop at House for six hours waiting for my class, I was pretty exhausted, and my eyes were feeling strange.  I pulled back on asking too much of the class, and we just went through some translation, a word search game and then a spelling test.

Everything was going as planned until a couple of students had their bags packed and ready to leave even though the class wasn’t finished.  I told them to sit down, but then one, Nomsen, started crying. After a minute or two,o Film told me that there was some sort of family emergency and that Nomsen’s family were waiting for her downstairs.  If that was the case, why were other students wanting to leave too?

I let Nomsen go but made everyone else stay, and the lesson was over probably only ten minutes later, even though the allocated class time still ran for another half an hour.  Much like the kids, I want to get home, too!

Something I learned today?

Amsterdam to phase out 1,280 Chinese CCTV & traffic cameras over five years amid spying concerns! Oh, the ironing!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I got to school quickly this morning, quicker than necessary and cut in on a car that came out of a junction and drove slowly, forcing everyone to change lanes. Considering how much time I had to get to school, I can slow down.

Getting home….ugh.  Having to go to TLC after school meant I hit the traffic driving, and I can’t stop myself from getting annoyed at people not moving up quickly enough once the lights are green.

I was pretty hungry and tired, but I should try to breathe and take it easy.  I’m sorry, everyone.

What’s one world event that has recently impacted me?

Since the pandemic, there is not really anything going on in the world that impacts me directly.  Things like wars and politics in other countries do impact financially with inflation. The politics in Thailand and locally have no real effect that I know of, too. Maybe ignorance is bliss? If I have no idea about something, is the impact lessened? Is it only our perception that makes us more emotional?

Every day a little bigger, a little stronger.

This Poet Saves Lives – 23rd February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 25 Comments

This poem saves lives
Drawing down the heavens
When without inspiration
All at sixes and sevens

This painting saves lives
Painted with blood and muck
When without inspiration
And the world seems to suck

This song saves lives
Proffered just as it was
Inspired by the chorus
And sung loud just because

These words save lives
In these perilous times
And inspiration found
Reading between the lines

Inspired (unironically) by The Red Hand Files #274 – check it out for some wise words from old man Nick Cave.

Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge INSPIRATION
13th Sep 2024 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United – speak up or stay silent
3rd Nov 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – chorus

Today I’m feeling:

Under the weather again.  Last night I could feel a slight tickle and ache in my throat as I was about to sleep.  

I slept well though not enough and my alarm woke me up with a start to which I succumbed to another 30 minutes of snoozing, skipping exercise.  When I got up I could feel the oncoming sore throat, confirmed by blood in my nose.  

My mood was down a little too but it’s Friday so let’s go and get it done.

Today I’m grateful for:

Discovering that there is a holiday on Monday.  Yippee!

The best thing about today was:

A chilled vibe at school (see below) and spending about five hours at House, reading, lesson planning, blogging and writing.  What a job!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At the morning flag ceremony, I noticed that my grade 7 classes were less than half in attendance and discovered that they were attending some meeting about a field trip. OK….

When it came to class time there were only about ten students and they told me the rest were still in the meeting.

I went to find Kru Karn, their homeroom teacher who didn’t know anything about where they were.  I mentioned a field trip and she said ‘oh yes, there’s about 6 students going.’  I asked when it was and she thought that it was in the holiday.  ‘Hmm’, I said, ‘that’s weird because there are more than 6 students missing from the class?’

She came to my class and talked with one of the students and was surprised to find out herself that many of the student’s parents skipped the process of advising her about their children going on the trip and, more importantly, the trip starts on Monday and is for one week!

The communication here is so crazy – no one knows what’s going on.

I said ‘Well, I guess that’s it for teaching these kids this semester.’  Kru Karn agreed and advised to start doing their grading files.  And it leaves me with another day with no classes again already.

Something I learned today?

As I was wandering around Baipad’s class this morning, because my class was cancelled and Kru Ren wasn’t there, I learned that a couple of students are taking money from the lazy ones to complete their coursework for them.

It’s enterprising of the hard-working kids to make some spare cash but disappointing from a teacher’s perspective.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I offered Baipad to help her on Monday with all her catchup work.  Let’s see if she gets it together to actually wake up and do it.

I helped various students in their different classes today as my own classes being mostly free time for everyone.

Kru Fluke dropped in to visit.  I gave her a big smile and a hug, happy to see her again.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  20. Enjoy Small Things. I like clichés because they are true.

Over the last three or four years of self-improvement I’ve followed the Noticing Things blog (I forget the proper name), thought about gratitude every day (with a couple of exceptions) and been writing, journalling, blogging etc.  All of these combined have led me to enjoy the small things.

Partly due to this, I’m not often in the vicinity of big things and things that I once thought of as big seem comparatively small these days too (the circumstance of ageing).

One thing that I was doing more of last year or the year before was savouring moments.  I don’t often stop to remind myself to savour something now.  I should practice that again.

I took this picture last weekend when I was getting my haircut. HoiTod makes me miss little Kim so much, almost one year now since she’s gone. Sniffle.

Fleeting – 24th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Watching the world wake up
Waiting for the rain
It’s just another day
Same – but not the same

Weary-eyed, sleep-walkers
Coffee got them going
It’s business as usual
Yesterday’s news a-flowing

Not for me, not today
It’s time to break the mould
To sit and try to understand
All the stories I’ve been told

If we could live on words
There’s plenty here for eating
Why the morning feels more real
As each day passes, fleeting

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A little vague with heavy eyelids. Exercise got me going but driving to work I was distracted and forgetting how I’d even got to where I was. I know it’s the extra exercise making me tired but I’ve gotta try and keep it going. My body is benefitting and I need to get over the hump and get used to it, become a habit.

Today I’m grateful for:

Yet another half day with no classes affording me time to catch up on more reading and writing with my coffees. 

I went upstairs to see who was in the classroom of what was usually my first class of the day. There were six students and when I asked where the rest were they told me that they’d gone to one of their dorm rooms. Amusingly they confirmed that they went there to sleep more. The idea though was that they go to the Science Day event rather than study with me. Sleep was not what they should miss my class for!

Never mind, I was taking advantage of the event too.

Whilst I was talking to those students I was feeling a little tired and slurring my words a little. One of them offhandedly remarked that I looked stoned. That reminded me that perhaps the effects of yesterday evening’s cannabis oil hadn’t quite worn off.

The best thing about today was:

At 6.30 pm sitting on the terrace in the cool air, writing here and hearing the drip drops of rain approaching from across the fields which became a steady fall, the windblown droplets cooling my skin even further. The rain is damn cold but I’m also thoroughly enjoying the feeling, sitting under cover and watching the water drip from the roof. Cap is sitting at the door looking out in comfort behind the screen.  I think it will be an early night for me tonight.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve been sleeping very well this week partly because of increasing my morning exercise routines but also aided by a couple of drops of cannabutter. One downside of that though was last night feeling sure that I had done my daily language learning only to discover this morning that I hadn’t done any at all! I also haven’t been able to read as many comics as usual, just feeling that I can’t keep my eyes open.

Something I learned today?

I’ve followed bits and pieces about Russia and the war in Ukraine and I understand very little about the involvement of the Wagner group. It felt like Western media was making a big deal over an alleged coup by the Wagner group and the words of its leader Prigozhin who ended up in Belarus. The Wagner group was then mentioned to be involved in Africa trying to counter armed interference from Western allies. Today, a small aircraft Prigozhin was on, crashed, killing everyone on board. There is sure to be more to that story.

I guess in some ways I’ve learned again that I know nothing.

What is the best gift I have ever given?

I’m struggling to even think about any gifts I have given!

There was the iPhone I bought for Amy when I came to Thailand but that was spoiled by the immigration officials who wanted the tax paid on it when I arrived. An iPhone is not really special either – it was more the surprise that I wanted Amy to get.

There were all the drawings of Amy and her friends that I did for our anniversary. That was a bit more special and personal.

Ok, here’s one. Back in 2013, I planned to go to Yogyakarta. Kimi and Sikin were disappointed that they couldn’t afford to meet me there so I bought them tickets. In the lead-up to that visit, I was suddenly retrenched and worried about spending too much money so I ended up cancelling my trip whilst Kimi and Sikin were still able to go! I shouldn’t have cancelled that trip but the future was feeling a bit uncertain at the time.

I took this picture because I was surprised to find Tigger in here, although as you can see he doesn’t all fit. All our cats constantly swap their favourite places and it feels like they wish that they could occupy them all at the same time to stop each other from stealing their spots. There’s something to be said for only owning one cat. But if we ever get more cats in the future I’d really like to get two or three brother and sister kittens. That would be great to watch them grow together and hopefully love each other more than our current cats do.

Old MacDonald Got AI – 15th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

God took six days to do
What can now be done
In a minute
At the push of a button
A simple prompt
A new world may be created
Everything for that we strived
Made faster and easier
And with it, the artist dies
Along with their struggle
How to know something is good?
It must be a piece of you
A chuck of the pain
That gave birth
No more the imagination
Your future automated
*A boundless machine
Of artistic demoralisation*

inspired and pilfered from the Red Hand Files and *Nick Cave directly

Today I’m feeling:

Unsure yet. I guess I’m relaxed. Just a little soft around the edges, not quite in focus.

At midday, my mojo is returning after three hours of catching up on writing and some reading.

And then….(see further below)

Today I’m grateful for:

The medicine that has helped Tigger overcome his fever and infection. I wasn’t particularly worried about Tig but I also remembered not being too worried about Kim when she was sick too. Sometimes, when Amy is being cautious, it’s best to follow her lead, just in case.

The best thing about today was:

Coffee. And having a few hours spare to read and write but more importantly to get my brain back in the game. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my final class of the day, I lost my patience with one student who was being obnoxious to me. I took his phone and later gave it to his homeroom teacher. He didn’t even seem to care that much. 

It’s a shame as I have previously gotten on well with that student. I can guess that something was going on with him but still…..

Sometimes the disrespect gets to me.

6th Nov 2023 – Only three months later and I only have a vague memory of this happening and can’t recall who it was! I think that’s good. No grudges held.

Something I learned today?

Tigger’s infection is all good now, though because of the medicine he had been taking his kidney function levels are a little high. Another week without medicine before another blood test which hopefully gives the all-clear.

How would I describe where I am right now?

I think if I told my friends just the word ‘Thailand’, that would trigger their imaginations to understand where I am right now. I know that I’m living a lucky life. Despite minor stresses, I’m feeling content and almost at peace.

How did I embrace uncertainty?

I’ve been looking at this question for several days.  I feel that my life is reasonably certain and has been for a long time. In times when I did feel uncertain it was purely internal thoughts rather than some circumstance.

Both times I moved countries I didn’t feel uncertainty really, though I guess that means that I did embrace it. How did I do that? Perhaps by positivity. Perhaps by ignorance. 

As I’ve gotten older I’ve understood that no matter what happens or is happening, things will be okay. Sometimes you just have to go through shit. I do wish I could’ve worked that out when I was younger as it would have saved me a lot of trouble and stress at that time.

What is an unusual fact about me?

I was listening to the End On End podcast with the High Back Chairs and one of them was talking about his collection of German military uniforms from 1880-1918. It reminded me that no matter what you may know people for they can always surprise you with something unusual. 

I guess I have an unusual amount of CDs featuring unusual music but because of the circles I run in that doesn’t seem particularly unusual to me but may be to others.

Perhaps something I find unusual about myself is the variety of work that I’ve done over the years. Ugh, even that doesn’t seem particularly unusual though.

Am I.… am I normal? What’s wrong with that? I don’t want to be normal. I know that no one is normal but I would hate for someone to think of me as normal!

Quote: I quote others in order to better myself – Montaigne

Sometimes a good quote captures your imagination and consolidates ideas into a sentence or two. Most of the quotes I enjoy are positive but I also dig the backhanded sarcastic and ironic type of quote when it is clearly obvious its intention.

I wish I could remember good quotes though and be able to use them in conversation. That would make me appear smart. Perhaps that is vanity but it’s true, I would like to appear smart at least. Because I don’t feel smart at all. Can I fool myself?

Go Deeper – 17th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Stepping into traffic is a foolish test
There’s too many variables to control
A longer vision would be for the best
And more satisfying for the soul
Instant reward carries too much risk
All can be lost on a second spin
Life is a long time to exist
And goodness lies deep within

We receive three educations, one from our parents, one from our school masters and one from the world. The third contradicts all that the first two teach us.

Baron De Montesquieu

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I have no classes for the next two days and should be able to find some free time for myself.

We got that attitude! – 7th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to be able to message my old friend Echo in L.A. It was good to catch up with her briefly and find out a little more about her life. I messaged her because I remembered her original online photo and wondered if she still had it.

13th June 2023 – She didn’t, unfortunately. In the photo, she was in an Asian squat, outdoors somewhere with her chin resting on the palm of her open hand and her elbow on her knee. We met originally through a website called Asia Friend Finder, where I made many contacts that helped me travel in China in 2001.

OK, back to school – and with nothing really to do, I did some research and preparation for teaching Maeve her IELTS class this evening. It felt good to be back into this routine, even though nothing exciting happened.

Even though I have less free time, I will value what I do have more. Why is it so difficult to do that when I have whole days and weeks free!?

We got that attitude! – 24th January 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the game The Crew. I don’t play games often and this game is just right for me, maybe boring for others but just enough fun for me without being frustrating.

To-do list

  • More remixing ✅
  • Prepare IELTS course on Monday ✅
  • Sketch something at work ✅
  • Prepare gratitude letters ½
  • Work out a time to go to Hacienda
  • More books, less phone ✅

It’s been an odd week – I was sick with a cold on the weekend and either slept or watched/listened to YouTube videos – which was quite enjoyable despite my subdued mood. I tried to go to work on Monday but opted not to in the end and slept more, finally feeling…not better, but happier.

On Tuesday I came home early and read more of the Paulo Coehlo book, Eleven Minutes, that Bruno lent me. I think it was part of that story that influenced my thoughts as I fell asleep that night and I had a moment of clarity and suddenly understood exactly who I was, what I am and what I am for. It was very profound and enlightening though it happened as I was on my way to sleep, and many other thoughts also passed through my mind before I slept.

When I awoke I recalled my epiphany but could no longer remember the details. Who am I!? I’m not sure it was inspired by passages in that book so I will go back and read it again. Actually, I’m just happy that somewhere in my consciousness I have this information, so my thinking ming shouldn’t need to worry about this anymore.

The rest of the week went well and I had a somewhat superior feeling that I don’t care what anyone thinks of me or the way I do things. Not to say that I deliberately go out of my way to annoy or upset anyone but I do usually apply the rule of honesty when it comes to discussion and I will give my honest opinion in many situations, hopefully when I feel it would not be detrimental. Not everyone will understand me, not everyone will like me. But I am valid. I do my best to be nice to people but I can’t help the fact that I am bored by most people and have to push myself hard to dive deeper into their world.

Yesterday I felt tired enough for an afternoon nap but thought I’d listen to some music at the same time. It was a fabulous feeling as I drifted in and out of light sleep, inspired by the sounds. I came to thinking about my old teenage bedroom, my first girlfriend, and the layout of the room, which I would change every few months depending on my mood.

As I held this thought closely, my heart jumped as my imagination brought the whole thing right into the here and now. I toyed with my thoughts and could recall moments that stimulated my emotions and realised I had it within me to summon these feelings, with practice, at will.

Looking through photos of the recent past has inspired a certain nostalgia that I haven’t investigated much before, as I never liked to indulge in it, always moving forward instead. If it can stir up my memory then I will attempt this more.

A nice thing happened yesterday as I was watering the garden in the morning. The neighbour’s twin cats came to sniff around and followed me and the hose for a while. I cuddled and stroked them and got back to watering and still they followed, curious about the water, until one got a little too close and decided that water is evil. They both quickly understood and ran off as fast as they could back home.

I am trying to simplify my life somewhat. Keep up some good habits but not stress too much about anything.

Feeling good last week, I decided I would help Ellen with some more online teaching. I’m kicking myself a little bit now as I have been enjoying all the free time I have had recently, generally since stopping recording the podcast. Sometimes, giving up things, even those you enjoy, is good. Make more room for other things.

I’ve even been listening to full CDs again today – to recall the feeling of a consistent 45-60 minutes rather than skit-skatting all about the place. And hence, the longer length of this entry.