Tag: friends

The Horror – 2nd July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Unrecognised alive
Ash and dust
Swirl around your eyes
As the grim sun starves
Flies start investigating
The first on-scene
To witness the horror

An unrecognised state
Take a breath
Before the bullet
Where revenge rises from the shadows
Books and bodies burned
On the wrong side of the fence
The olive trees have no branches

One day, one day
God’s wrath will flood the earth again

Inspired by Palestinian poet, Noor Hindi.
Submitted to Weekly Prompts -The One-Day Prompt (3)

Today I’m feeling:

Happy, though a bit undecided.  I woke up with a start, enjoying my sleep and a sexy dream (with Amy) and struggled through my first 20-minute video exercise, which made me feel good but also on the edge of over-exertion.

At school, the kids that I regularly visit in the morning were all in pretty good moods, and we chatted and played a little.  Now I’m waiting for the first coffee to kick in before heading back to school early to help Kru Tang again, and then my first class of the day with my grade 8s.

Today I’m grateful for:

Gui for allowing me credit again last month and then for getting paid and being able to pay off the debt.

The best thing about today was:

I felt a bit rushed today but still got a few things done. I got to Kru Tang at 9.30 and whilst waiting for her students to arrive, my grade 11 students were doing an online speaking exercise that instantly gave them a CEFR and IELTS score. 

I tried to help them a little bit and also thought it would be a good test to do with my other students too.

Something I learned today?

As I was leaving school yesterday, a car drove by and a shout came, ‘Hey, Teacher Shaun’.  I looked around and waved back to see ShinChan driving an old car.  This morning I saw him and asked him how old he is, to which he replied, 15!

He told me that he lives with his dad and they have a motorbike and a car.  Sometimes his dad will take the motorbike, so he has to take the car to get himself to school.

He has a motorbike license, but I don’t think he can get a car license until he is 18.  He knows to be careful, but could get caught out if someone crashes into him.

It’s good that he has taken some responsibility at an early age, and I have to chuckle a little at the way things work here.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I caught up with Anchan briefly this morning and found out that her mum should be home in a couple of weeks’ time. That’s great news for her if it happens.

Sitting with Baipad and Fahmai this morning, Fahmai said that Baipad is smart and beautiful. I told him that Baipad doesn’t think that she is and asked him why he thought that might be. He said he couldn’t understand that, and she quickly stated, ‘I’m not confident’. Hopefully, these kind words her friends say about her are remembered and will accumulate to bring her confidence in the future. Fahmai said that he is smart and beautiful, demonstrating his confidence.

Later on I was chatting online with both of them and I asked them about whether they did anything kind today which they both found something to say about each other. Well, that’s a start.

Kids playing together, July 2024. Earn, Dena, Namthip, Nicha and Fah, my old students, now grade 9.

Splinters – 17th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

With the few words I write
There’s just a chance you might
Catch a splinter of me
To guess my personality

But to draw conclusions
From these brief allusions
Would only go to show
How little we both know

Yet every little simple rhyme
Pieced together over time
Forms a picture in your mind
Tell me what it is you find

Today I’m feeling:

Average.  Not good or bad, a little tired but not unenthusiastic.  A little bored and out of sync.  Missing routine and unable to manufacture my own.

(I got lazy for the rest of the day, savouring reading, eating and watching TV)

Today I’m grateful for:

(The idea that the cream puff guy usually sells at the market, which inspired me to get out of the house in search of him. He wasn’t there but I was still glad to get out.)

The best thing about today was:

(Being lazy and not caring!)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

(See above)

Something I learned today?

(At the time, the English thought that though Australians were strong they were not brave and cut out to be soldier material, during the fighting in Gallipoli during the First World War.  I found this odd as Australians still celebrate the bravery of the soldiers there. History can be shaped in any way necessary.)

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

(Continuing support for Anchan and Baipad, though I’m starting to feel a little helpless. They both must feel terrible.)

When do I feel most connected to others?

I feel weirdly connected with everyone that I know as if I saw them again after many years then nothing would have changed.  This might be a problem as obviously everything has changed in that time.

It’s one of the reasons that I don’t contact people often (I’m quite happy by myself) though I do recognise that others won’t feel the same way.

I’m most connected with my students these days, again understanding that they are not connected with me in the same way. Talking and playing with students is when I feel most connected.

Two Whispers – 23rd January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

Where the light turned to dust
Silence remains
When two became none

Where the light became air
Extinguished flames
Await the rising sun

Where the light turns to the sky
Who prays
And in their solitude sit?

Where the light falls west
Who stays
To watch the candles lit?

Submitted to #WDYS

Today I’m feeling:

Good and positive again. I can feel that I have a better attitude and more energy in the days that I exercise in the morning and that I should also force myself to do this on weekends and holidays as I often just fall into laziness then.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little female (age indefinable) petrol pump assistant who double-checked what I wanted and then, after filling the car,  gave me two bottles of water. She tried to explain about the water but I didn’t understand. I just assumed that they were free!

The best thing about today was:

Taking time with a couple of my troublesome students this afternoon and helping them get a better idea of a grammar point. I felt relief and joy when they started getting the answers right by themselves. I even managed to get a smile out of one of them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My first class today with grade 8s was a little wearisome. Some days it feels like they just insist on not learning. I stayed relatively calm but inside I feel a little tired and deflated from it.

Something I learned today?

The single most expensive item for the British in the American Civil War was rum.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

We went to the temple again for some follow-up Buddhist things for Grandmum. I did as was directed though wasn’t sure about any of what was happening. In the end, we served monks food and everyone (except me) at lunch too.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO
3. Spend Time with People You Love. That’s your family and best friends. If you don’t have a family, create one. Most people in life are only visitors. Family is for life.

My tribe is my family these days. I’m not particularly close to anyone except for Amy and I’m fine with that. If I ever need to make new relationships they will come naturally from within my tribe. 

The internet definitely has made things easier to stay in contact with my tribe, who are scattered all around the world.

Whilst the ease of communication keeps us together, our tribe survives apart.

Ugly Duckling – 4th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I lied to myself for a long time
I always understood the truth
Under the twisted thoughts of mine
Born of the immaturity of youth

It’s always a struggle, always a fight
To keep the evil demons at bay
Complacency can be found in the light
And the beasts come out to play

Finally, I sought to reject these lies
Because I was slowly killing myself
I broke the bonds of the feeblest ties
And my mind rediscovered its health

Today I’m feeling:

Good and fairly positive. I woke up with a start as my alarm went off implying that I didn’t get enough sleep. I pushed through exercise knowing I was burning up some fat stores as I didn’t eat much at all yesterday, not feeling that hungry, and weighing in under 80kg again today. Throughout the day I was surprised at how well I was feeling and I put it down to the exercise I’ve been doing which inspired me to keep it up.

Today I’m grateful for:

The packet of Tong Garden jumbo raisin medley that I mix with a small packet of party snack mix to add some texture and flavour for a pre-dinner treat.

The best thing about today was:

Being greeted by so many different students, many of whom I didn’t even know, some talking to me about other students in my classes. Everywhere I walk around school students want to talk or at least communicate with me though they can sometimes get cheekily upset when I forget their name, though I might not have spoken to them for three months. I’m slowly starting to find where each little ‘gang’ hangs out at lunchtime so if I’m in the mood and have time I will happily wander around for an hour stopping for chats, play, and sometimes even learning.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In the morning I realised what I’d planned for my class today they had already done, so I quickly threw together a spelling test, 20 words open book and 20 words closed, along with a word search game for each.
I started the class with the word search but it soon became apparent that it was really difficult and was going to take longer than expected. As I wanted to do both word searches and tests in one hour I quickly jumped online and remade the second word search easier. Even with that though we didn’t manage to get everything done.
There are some poor students in the class who really struggle with spelling and a couple that didn’t write anything at all on the second one. I told them that it didn’t matter if they got everything wrong but they must at least try. One student did indeed get every word wrong but I could tell from what she’d written that she was at least listening and trying. That’s what I prefer, especially as opposed to some others who just copied from their friends.

Something I learned today?

I learned that two of my favourite students had a falling out a few weeks ago and I was a little surprised by it at first but on reflection it’s pretty normal for kids this age. I heard both their stories but couldn’t really get to the bottom of it and either way, I still love them both for who they are with me.

In the morning I had been updating blog entries from 1984 and was disparaging towards Rupert with whom I had been friends with just a week or two before and unfriendly a month or two before that. At that time I was a couple of years older than these two students today, which goes to show how immature I was at then despite hearing how mature I seemed from other people.

What do I hope to experience some day?

Sometimes I miss that feeling of excitement and discovery of new love but it’s been so long and I guess I’m somewhat jaded, just by my age, that if the situation ever arises again I doubt the feeling will be the same. Really, I prefer the feeling I have now anyway, of ongoing love, trust and satisfaction.

I’m avoiding the question. 

Have I had all my experiences already? I’m barely shocked or surprised at anything these days. I’m appreciative of being appreciated or rewarded with kind words or even awards but they don’t emotionally charge me at all. I feel like I’m just doing what I do. 

I guess I could do some thrill-seeking or travelling. But ultimately everything boils down to the same thing. Being in one place is much like being in another.

Okay, I hope to experience continuing happiness with my little Amy wherever we are in the world. I hope I can take my current feeling of contentment with me in whatever is next in my life.

I took this picture because this shy little cat often sleeps in the shade of my car whilst I’m drinking coffee at House. It’s too nervous for petting though.

Time’s Up – 21st April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hello friend, I’m just passing through
But I’m grateful that I got to know you
Thick as thieves, inseparable brothers
One and the same in the eyes of others
So friend, we never got to say farewell
Something happened, neither of us could tell
We didn’t mean to but life pulls in different ways
Memories remain the only thing that stays

There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still.

F.D. Roosevelt

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this holiday I’m on – I’m loving it. The fact that I’m OK with holidays or work makes everything I do interesting and I know I’m adaptable to enjoy any situation.

Revenge Bedtime Procrastination – 2nd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Working stiff, time is sucked away
Beer o’clock, a chance to play
Reclaim the day, sleep when you’re dead
Tomorrow’s here with a throbbing head

Power through with a mindful meditation
Revenge bedtime procrastination
An ever-decreasing circle of frustration
Revenge bedtime procrastination

The office runs, so take a rest
Getting paid to sleep is the best
Pretty soon it’s time to go again
Waiting for the whistle of 5pm

16 more hours without destination
Revenge bedtime procrastination
Chase away time with dedication
Revenge bedtime procrastination

When you’re young, dumb and energetic, your greatest asset is that you’re young, dumb and energetic.

Cole Schafer

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy arrived in Australia safe and sound. It was good to see her in our old house last night.

17th August 2023 – Amy’s old friend Anna and her husband still live in our old Chatswood apartment and offer us space to stay if we ever need it and I still receive bits and pieces of mail there so I can use it as an Aussie address still if necessary.

Damn, those kids were noisy in class and I can see that for some, they are not interested to study. So, I’ll just continue to focus on the ones who are trying their best. The sad thing is that the ones not interested could actually do the work. It’s not difficult. There are just too many damn kids in the class.

Anyway, I kept it as fun as possible and everything was OK. I floated around for the afternoon, pretty much just waiting until 4pm to go home.

I couldn’t tell if Amy’s parents had come and watered, so I did it again, which was pleasant and relaxing. I made it to my room but didn’t do much on Ableton and the keyboard; instead, I got sucked into the guitar, which has fallen off the last few weeks, so my fingers are a little soft. I played until they hurt too much to carry on.

In the middle of this, Amy called from our old home, where Anna and Big Boy now live and Amy felt so happy to recall all our memories from there. She was already excitedly talking about new plans. I’m glad she’s feeling good, though I can (and she can) already feel how expensive everything is. 100 dollar taxi from the airport!

(Later) Just the one class today, which was fine, though the kids were a little restless. It was still fun. I got my pay cheque today, which I’ve been hanging for and not just have to wait for it to clear.

I went over to Matt’s and he surprised me with a huge bottle of wee tincture, some dried wee and some mushrooms. Awesome! A pity I have to take the car for service on Saturday morning but maybe I can take a dose when I get home.

Matt and I talked a lot about getting older and being happy not to be surrounded by friends for friendship’s sake. We’re happy with ourselves.

Do you still have a deep dark secret?

I don’t think I do. There are perhaps certain things that I wouldn’t tell certain people but ultimately, there’s nothing really so secret in my life. There are things I’ve done that I’m not so proud of but they are all in the context of growth and development. In the end, I hope to put down everything here (in this blog) and some things may upset certain people if they ever saw them but they are generally intended without judgment and just a record of events and feelings of those moments.

I don’t think I’ve ever had any kind of dark secret.

Furious G – 18th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You said you loved me
And wanted me to grow
That’s just what I did
So that soon I would know
You never really believed it
Your words were purely fake
To make yourself feel superior
In the image that you make

The things you can’t control
Frustrating you no end
Face your rejection, unless
To your will, they bend
Empty words now revealed
You’ve thrown off your disguise
Shown for what you really are
As your true colour flies

Carry on manipulating
Those cast under your spell
But it’s a conditional love
Where the stress begins to tell
Already old before your time
One day you’ll walk alone
Leaving friends to wonder why
Your heart was filled with stone

Most neuroses can be traced to the unhealthy habit of wallowing in the troubles of five billion strangers.

Jubal, A Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to find new workout apps that I can use for my mornings. Slowly starting to exercise more parts of my body.

Good classes this morning and feeling a little more positive. Never much time on a Tuesday though, and I’m rushing a coffee and maybe a little lesson planning. Things are OK. I feel myself consciously counting down the time until Amy leaves, thinking about things that ned to be done before she goes.

The fucking termites are back behind the washing machine again and need to be cleaned out. Maybe tonight.

(Later) I forgot that Amy is having dinner guests tonight so the termites get another day of building. Their nest is halfway up the back of the washing machine!

Tired now at home, no energy to play guitar or potter in my room. I’ll do a little writing and watching TV, happy knowing that tomorrow I’ll only have one class so can spend some time catching up on other things.

False Faces – 4th October 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Accept me the way I am
What you see is what you get
There’s no fake smile hiding
Something you don’t know yet

Speaking as I see it
Truth will rise to the top
Connections are only made
When your false faces stop

There’s nothing to be afraid of
Whether we’re friends or not
I’m happily surrounded by
The honesty my friends have got

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the opportunities we have – we can put some money into mutual funds to help us in the future.

A pretty busy but also relaxing weekend. On Saturday, we prepared for Bruno and Nut to visit on Sunday, although I must say Amy did most of the preparation where food was concerned. Actually, no – she did all of it!

On Saturday, I wasn’t feeling too hot, probably side effects from the vaccine and I slept in the afternoon. Luckily, I felt better by Sunday and when Bruno and Nut came, we had good food and a good gossip.

Bruno has managed to get himself a good bit of work on the Netflix film about the Thai Cave Rescue and seems to have met some interesting people there.

Writer’s Trick – 25th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Far across galaxies, I was taken
Flying towards the story’s end
A misdirection, a writer’s trick
On which the reader may depend

A cliffhanger chapter break
The reader left wanting more
Another leaf is turned
In this new world to explore

Better than a Netflix series
Read a book and chill instead
I wonder who will survive
And who will end up dead?

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Amy’s friends who all ordered cinnamon buns from her when she posted online about them. She’s going to be busy.

Woke up this morning to Amy screaming ‘help’ and my name. I thought perhaps one of the cats had brought in a snake but it was just Cap and Tigger fighting each other again, clumps of fur scattered all about the kitchen and dining room. I don’t know why they have never gotten along. They tolerate each other but barely.

It wasn’t even 7 am but I got up and forced myself to do my mini workout for which I feel good for, right now. Must remind myself about this feeling each morning.

The Balance – 25th July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

The less ideas you get, the more friends you’ll have
But the more friends you have, the more ideas you’ll get
This is a strange dilemma for me to deal with
And I haven’t found the best way to balance it yet

The first line is lifted from the ‘Abe – Wrong for the Right Reasons’ by Glenn Dakin

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I didn’t fall off the roof of the garage yesterday as I tried to repair our leaky drain. It was ok on the roof but a little dicey getting on and off the step ladder.

Lazy dull grey-skyed Sunday, morning spent with coffee and book, blogging this week’s poems and continuing the DVD ripping. After pizza lunch it’s Netflix time, watching The Lost Kingdom, which reminds me of the foolishness of belief in god, king and country. I seem to be a proud heathen though with, hopefully, a better moral compass than the Vikings.