Tag: funeral

Endless Summers – 25th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The endless summer must end
Towards the golden autumn bend
Those long lazy days are sweet
Becoming tedious without retreat

Permanent vacations missing
Excitements of first-time kissing
Anxious to be happy, here and now
Only the winter’s balance allow

So the endless summer ends
Wrapped up tight with fellow friends
Nostalgic and happy to reminisce
Awaiting next year’s sunlit kiss

Inspired by this poetic post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

Quite alert and positive.

Last night I had to leave the temple early as I was very dizzy and a little out of it. Luckily, Amy could get home with Goy. I was early to bed and asleep by 10 pm and even in my dreams, I was feeling dizzy!

Thankfully, when I woke up, I was feeling ok and did some exercise and a dead hang. The dead hangs are really making a difference, I think.

So I felt good when I got to school and bumbled around with students and then did a little administration to help get myself prepared. I talked with Kru Mai about my assigned hours and he advised that six of the hours will be assigned by other teachers for the students to do online. But, he said, I have to be in the classroom! Which essentially means I’m still working those hours!

I couldn’t convince him to remove my one-hour classes, unfortunately. Things may still change, I guess, though.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Mai and Kru Tang for helping me today as we discussed my new timetable. I’m not sure what the outcome will be yet, but at least they know about it.

I’m also grateful to Art, who experimented by giving me a double shot coffee of a new blend that he is trying out and it was awesome! I’m just a little sad that I probably won’t have time to pick one up every morning once I start teaching again next week.

The best thing about today was:

The relaxed feeling around school again today. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood and it kept me chipper, too. I had fun with the kids as usual.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had to wait at school until the afternoon, as Amy was working out the best plan for us today, as we would attend the temple again today. It was fine for me as I can easily keep myself busy, whether being with the students or sitting in the cafe.

In the end, Amy decided that she would come with Goy to the city and come back with her tonight. I could just drop by the temple and give my best to Nong Oh and then come home and relax a little in the evening.

Something I learned today?

My grade 11 students let slip that some Thai teachers don’t like me because I talk with the students. I’m not sure exactly what they meant but it made me curious and interested.

After some follow-up to try and get some clarity, it seems that they don’t approve of my style and ability to communicate with the students. I think it’s a cultural difference, as the old school Thai teacher just gives information and expects the students to mimic it, to do as they are told and that the teacher is the absolute authority on everything. I’m not like that at all!

I took this picture because our orchids keep coming out at various times throughout the year. I’m happy that they have managed to do well since shoving them in the tree.

Beaten Heart – 24th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 14 Comments

And so it must be repeated…

…when the cat scratches at the door wanting to be let in
come, come

And so it must be repeated…

…when screeches of missiles fly overhead
run, run

And so it must be repeated…

…when Mama’s voice soothes the frayed edges
there, there

And so it must be repeated…

…when the fringe comes to the centre
win, win

And so it must be repeated…

…when the image of the devil is hailed as a hero
praise, praise

And so it must be repeated…

…when all the signs of dying breaths disappear
gone, gone

And so it must be repeated…

…when the locks are bolted after sunset
tight, tight

And so it must be repeated…

…when shiny ribbons emerge from the dust
curiouser and curiouser

And so it must be repeated…

…when the tide rises to overwhelm the bloodied sands
rush, rush

And so it must be repeated…

…when the swarm of flies search for new flesh
buzz buzz

And so it must be repeated…

…when the ghoulish fiends build castles on the haunted beach
higher and higher

And so it must be repeated…

…when the night breaks so does the heart
beat

beat

beat

Shared with dVerse Poetics: Of Mantras, Repetita Juvant and The Sunday Whirl Wordle 676 and inspired by this post at Sunra Rainz

Today I’m feeling:

I got myself up and running at 6.10 having already woken up a little earlier yet again!

Last night I made a little mistake as we received a message from school with our new timetables and I had a look at mine and was a little frustrated.

Firstly, I have been given 25 hours again, whilst David got 22 and George only 20! Then I noticed that I have two seven-hour days on Monday and Friday! Finally, I have been given 4 separate one-hour classes throughout the week, which annoys me as my planning is usually for 2-hour lessons. With only one hour, it will usually only end up with about 30 minutes teaching time at most.

Funnily enough, one of my students Jee, messaged me saying that she was disappointed that I would only teach her for two hours a week again and I mentioned that I was frustrated too, for the reasons above. She replied, ‘That’s not fair!’ But I said to her, ‘Yeah, but it will likely change anyway,’ and considered that things are not set in stone just yet.

Unfortunately, it couldn’t stop my brain working overtime for a while as I was trying to sleep and I was playing out scenarios about what to do and say.

By morning, though, I had let it all go and just figured to get on with things and accept them. For now, at least.

After a long, happy, hot day, I was starting to feel flaky as I was driving home. I could easily have slept until tomorrow even though it was only 2.30 pm, but I knew that wasn’t going to be possible.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Baitoey, an old student of mine who I will teach again this semester, who helped me get things sorted to create a new LINE group for her class. This class has 48 students and is certainly going to be a challenge to keep them all engaged.

Kru Ning also helped me out, as she is the homeroom teacher for them, too. It’s good to have a reasonably competent ally when dealing with a big class like this.

The best thing about today was:

Catching up with all the students again. I got so wrapped up in talking with them that I didn’t even make it to my first coffee until after 10 am!

They all seemed happy to be back at school again and to see their friends. I was certainly happy as kids came to talk and play all throughout the day.

Kwang also turned up to see her friends before she switched schools. I gave her a hug and told her that I would miss her. She said ‘how much’ and I told her, just a little bit.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy told me in the morning that Nong Oh’s mum passed away today and that she wants to go and help at the temple today and tomorrow. This means there’s little chance of rest for me before we do the three-hour drive to Chiang Mai on Saturday morning.

Our third funeral this month. What can we do? I am grateful to still be alive and healthy to have these problems.

Something I learned today?

I found out that sports day is at the end of November, for a couple of days and for most of the month leading up to it, we will have 50-minute periods instead of our usual one hour.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Driving Amy and Baew to the temple after school this evening. There’s not much that I can do to help here, so I was quite relieved when Amy suggested I bring a book.

I took this picture because we are not the only ones making a home here.

Gathering Magic – 13th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

Connections form between young and old
As the tribe gathers at these tables
Every nugget may not be gold
And truths told as if they are fables

The dining room, like a rush-hour train
A gaggle of gossip between gulps of water
The old folks never tire to explain
Love for their new grandson and daughter

Two hands touch to make a familiar bond
Share secrets down the generations
Soft in comfort where love belongs
And meets all expectations

Shared with WDYS #257 picture prompt and also submitted for an assignment at AllPoetry.com as follows:
Write a 12 to 24-line poem in any style that uses simile. Keep the imagery consistent and clear. Make sure that you use two clear examples of simile in your poem using the words ‘as’ or ‘like’ as discussed in the lesson. Try to write in the present tense and incorporate at least one concrete use of the senses in addition to imagery and metaphor, which was covered in the previous assignment.

Today I’m feeling:

Reasonable and positive, fairly relaxed.

I woke up late, allowing myself to get up when I felt ready. I had no real appointments or plans, so it was no big deal.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The hairdresser today, who paid particular attention to trimming the hair out of my ears.

I think that as she knows that as I always tip her and my cut is quick and easy for her, perhaps she felt that she owed me a little extra. I usually enjoy pulling the hair out of my ears whilst I’m waiting at traffic lights. I’ll have to wait a few weeks for them to grow back again.

The best thing about today was:

Well, it might not be right to say it was the best thing but the main thing that happened today was going to another funeral.

This one was for a friend of a friend who, whilst riding his pushbike, got hit into a ditch by a drunk driver who sped off, but was later tracked down.

If he hadn’t sped off and stayed to help, there was a chance that it might have saved this guy’s life.

Today was his cremation and I drove us there and followed the proceedings, which is something I’ve grown used to here. There were lots of fireworks today, more than I’ve seen before.

There were also lots of people; the guy was a well-liked coffee shop owner and his wife works at the university. He was only 32.

Despite the heat, the three hours there went quickly and I was inspired to write a few related rhymes while there.

Something I learned today?

Stumbling on a video about Junji Ito alerted me to the fact that he has a lot more work out there than I realised. It was an interesting psychological analysis of his work which gave me a better appreciation of his style of horror.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

At the funeral, Amy asked me to fan her to cool her down, to cool us both down. She said that the other aunties there would be jealous because her man was fanning her, something that most Thai men wouldn’t think about doing.

Indeed, one old uncle was curious and came over to try to chat a little but he didn’t stay for long.

I took this picture to remember another funeral. Today it made me think about growing accustomed to and accepting of another culture despite not understanding it.

Germ Free – 9th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

I still exist in the sense of space
Any glitter will vanish without trace
Scrub away at these crusty limbs
Below these hollow bones, the sins

Managed to squeeze 12 prompt words (crusty scrub limbs vanish bones exist space glitter still hollow below sense) into 4 lines and still have some semblance of sense! Shared with The Sunday Whirl wordle 674. The title comes by way of X-Ray Spex’s ‘Germ-Free Adolescents’ with the refrain ‘scrub away, scrub away’

oday I’m feeling:

A little bit tired this morning as I forced myself up for a little exercise and on arriving at school, not really having much to do, though I guess I should do some lesson planning.

As I was falling asleep last night, I was urging myself to try and wake up with the same positive feeling that I had yesterday. I’m not quite there due to tiredness but still fairly positive.

At 10.30, I headed to the temple for Krit’s father’s funeral. A quiet, sombre morning.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Not having to be too involved with the lesson planning at school again. Turn up and show my face for a while and it’s all good.

The best thing about today was:

I dropped Amy off at Baew’s, where the girls planned on a few drinks and I went off home, got some snacks and ate a gummy. It was a bit intense for a while and made time disappear way too quickly, like I was really conscious of it going so fast.

Amy video-called me a few times throughout the evening and looked quite drunk, though she was at least switching to water already. I’m glad she was having fun but also glad that I was asleep when she got home, as I don’t know how my stoned mind would have dealt with her!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

On meeting Kru Mai this morning, he surprised me a little by telling me that our classes will change from last semester. This was a little frustrating as I had planned well ahead with my lessons but thankfully, when I got my list, not too much had changed.

Two Whispers – 23rd January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

Where the light turned to dust
Silence remains
When two became none

Where the light became air
Extinguished flames
Await the rising sun

Where the light turns to the sky
Who prays
And in their solitude sit?

Where the light falls west
Who stays
To watch the candles lit?

Submitted to #WDYS

Today I’m feeling:

Good and positive again. I can feel that I have a better attitude and more energy in the days that I exercise in the morning and that I should also force myself to do this on weekends and holidays as I often just fall into laziness then.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little female (age indefinable) petrol pump assistant who double-checked what I wanted and then, after filling the car,  gave me two bottles of water. She tried to explain about the water but I didn’t understand. I just assumed that they were free!

The best thing about today was:

Taking time with a couple of my troublesome students this afternoon and helping them get a better idea of a grammar point. I felt relief and joy when they started getting the answers right by themselves. I even managed to get a smile out of one of them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My first class today with grade 8s was a little wearisome. Some days it feels like they just insist on not learning. I stayed relatively calm but inside I feel a little tired and deflated from it.

Something I learned today?

The single most expensive item for the British in the American Civil War was rum.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

We went to the temple again for some follow-up Buddhist things for Grandmum. I did as was directed though wasn’t sure about any of what was happening. In the end, we served monks food and everyone (except me) at lunch too.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO
3. Spend Time with People You Love. That’s your family and best friends. If you don’t have a family, create one. Most people in life are only visitors. Family is for life.

My tribe is my family these days. I’m not particularly close to anyone except for Amy and I’m fine with that. If I ever need to make new relationships they will come naturally from within my tribe. 

The internet definitely has made things easier to stay in contact with my tribe, who are scattered all around the world.

Whilst the ease of communication keeps us together, our tribe survives apart.

The Empty Room – 19th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This space buzzed by mosquitoes
A history was being carved out
Dusty messes swept into the corners
Where cockroaches nested, no doubt

Now an empty room remains
A hunger within this home
The incense lights the way
So we don’t have to be alone

Ghosts are only seen by some
A chilly feeling in prickly air
Once a room full of new stories
Is left in stasis with nothing there

Grandmum’s empty room

Today I’m feeling:

Still a little tired though I slept quite a lot. Not going to push my classes today and going to take it easy myself too.

Today I’m grateful for:

A surprise lunch date with the family at the seafood restaurant Amy and I tried last Sunday. At first I felt a little annoyed as I had wanted to stay at House to read and write after going to apply for the work permit after my first class. That quickly faded though as I’ve grown much more accustomed to sudden changes of plans. The food was also great, which certainly helped too!

The best thing about today was:

Sitting with groups of three students at a time and working on a grammar rule with them. I can usually get a good response out of small groups when there’s an opportunity to do so and we all could laugh and learn together.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I went to get my work permit and in the process they asked if I want it for two years to which I thought ‘sure!’ It was only then I wondered how much it would cost and I found out it will be 6000 baht which is all the money I have left this month!

Something I learned today?

As we’ve been busy for this last week I haven’t really asked Amy about much of what the latest news is or about all the stuff at the temple. With a couple of wines under her belt she talked for a long while about different people that attended the funeral, all of the costs and stresses for the family and what little she knew about the Buddhist rituals and rules.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent supportive messages to three of my students who struggled with situations today.

Nicha took this picture because she snatched my phone out of my pocket whilst I was distracted with another student. I’m quite happy for some students to do this because I can look forward to a surprise batch of photos to check later. Obviously in this shot I had caught up with her to get my phone back.

When Old Friends Visit – 18th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Thanks for the visit last night
Was there a reason to come?
I wasn’t really doing anything
Perhaps that’s why you came along

And why were you the way you were?
Not quite happy it seemed
We still couldn’t even share a joke
Even in a meeting dreamed

I had to leave quickly
I felt like you were perturbed
I closed the door behind me
And woke up quite disturbed

Typing this one out has given me deja vu. I feel like I may have written something similar about another dream I had. This one though was about the anxiety of meeting an old friend after tens of years and left on bad terms. In this real dream, I had last night, the meeting did not go well

Today I’m feeling:

Tired from a 5.30 am start to start the last day of Grandmum’s funeral. It occurs to me that this (kinda) solemn occasion is a huge stress on the family. There are so many ‘rules’ and traditions that should be followed, to do it the ‘right’ way, that it’s impossible to be perfect.

By the time we got to the crematorium, stress levels were up and it almost felt like forgetting why I was there. That was soon remedied though when the coffin was opened for the family to pour coconut water over the face and body. I turned to see Amy crying and it tore at me as I teared up too as she poured over some water and said goodbye and then I was full of grief again.

At this point though, all the ceremony of the last few days made more sense in my mind.

Today I’m grateful for:

The family again for including me as part of them and not minding too much when I did not know what to do in these circumstances.

The best thing about today was:

The best thing about today will be crawling back into bed and enjoying sleep. Things get back to normal tomorrow but I can’t wait for the weekend already. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Sadly I lost my streak on my Thai study app as I’ve been too busy running around this week. I’ll not beat myself up about it because it doesn’t change the things I’ve learned already. I’m trying to make the learning a little more difficult again to push myself. I’ll get back to it.

The scheduled quiz I set for my class to do this morning didn’t work, which was a little frustrating. Thankfully there was some free time at the ceremony where I could set it up again

Something I learned today?

Assigning work to a class always teaches me who can be responsible for themselves and who will just take advantage. 

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Today I was Amy’s little worker and I obediently did what I was told without complaint, even when we did things that seemed odd to me. In the morning I carried a tray of food to another building where we sat for a few minutes and then walked back to where we started. That tray was heavy after a while but I didn’t complain.

Either we went to that place by mistake or there was something about the food being in that space for a few minutes that gave it some kind of blessing that I’m not privy to. There is a lot of symbolism going on that I don’t understand and would scoff at if I did.

I took this picture because this cutie decided to take a rest at the bottom of the temple stairs.

The Retreat – 17th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Shacked up with a slacker
Who said our gold was in the hills
A guitar strapped to his back
To sing of other people’s thrills

The words are spat with bitterness
The war is raging in his head
But anger without direction
Is replaced by apathy instead

The party starts at home
With our disaffected friends
With the battle in our songs
Forgotten when it ends

Stirred into one final action
When the pipe of peace got broke
Understanding that our pain
Is only countered by the smoke

So it was, we came and went
We conquered nothing at all
We disappeared without a trace
Into the bottom of the bowl

Nearer heaven we rested heads
Too tired to take our chance
Extinguished, all those little fires
Where we no longer dance

inspired by ‘The Slacker’ in Zachary Mexico’s book China Underground

Today I’m feeling:

A little better again though still not quite right in the sinuses. Exercise got me going and I felt in a good mood for the whole day.

Today I’m grateful for:

The vegetarian food from Oasis and dessert snacks from the snack shop. Hopefully, there are snack boxes left over again tonight.

The best thing about today was:

Teaching my grade 10 class again. It’s a good feeling to have more mature students who try and want to understand more.

It did get me feeling a little like asking to spread out the classes between the foreign teachers so that not all the juniors are dumped on me and David. I know asking this is going to upset George though as he refuses to teach the younger ones, but it feels a little unfair not to split them more evenly.

I would be less tired at the end of the week and David is always talking of quitting because of the stress of his junior classes. I love those kids but I also value my health.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Another day of going with the flow mostly.

Something I learned today?

As I teach my grade 10s about relationships I’m learning a little about each of them and their personalities. Toon told me she is a people pleaser whilst Milk doesn’t care if a boy is interested in her. They joked that between them they make a balanced human being.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I gave some leftover snacks from last night’s ceremony to some students this morning.

I drove Amy and me home and back to the city to pick up snack boxes and food for tonight’s ceremony.

I took this picture because Tokyo was pretty relaxed. I still have to be very careful with her though. She can bite really quickly and with no apparent provocation.

Click Click – 16th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

At the flick of the switch
There’s no transformation
Remaining an ape or beast
Change requires dedication
No more time to waste
If you wish the click to clack
When you look at the sun
It’s impossible to put it back

Reflecting on our animal nature
A broken machine needing self-repair
Once burdened by distraction
Soon found themselves made it there
Feed the mind with thought
That keeps on the light
Keep quiet and count the days
When everything became quite right

Today I’m feeling:

A bit more relaxed after an extra hour’s sleep. Today is teachers’ day (apparently) and a day off from school though we are busy again at the temple. At least I got two Utopian coffees to kick off this morning.

I didn’t feel too hot after lunch and though feeling sleepy couldn’t get into a deep nap state.

Today I’m grateful for:

Whoever made the Thai snack boxes for the funeral ceremony tonight. There were enough left over for me to take some home.

The best thing about today was:

Mostly devoting my time to other people, though at the temple I’m not really doing much because I don’t know the etiquette or what is required but as soon as I’m asked I will do what is needed.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At Utopia this morning I couldn’t stop sneezing! I sneezed about fifty times and Nick and Art were worried about me!

Something I learned today?

The top five wealthiest people in the world doubled their wealth last year! Just in one year. I’m guessing that for many others in the world, they halved their wealth. The miracle of trickle-up economics, or should I say flooding-up?

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I’ve been a good boy again, doing as I’m told at the temple. I kneeled to the boy monk as I handed him pizza for lunch! Good luck boy monk. Stay off your phone.

Driving twice in and out of the city again despite feeling not 100%. Tired by the afternoon and my sinuses feel uncomfortable.

List 3 good things you have now that you didn’t have five years ago.

I thought that this would be difficult as I haven’t really acquired ‘things’ that much but five years is a long time and I acquired one of the biggest things in people’s lives and that is a home.

This time five years ago our house was built but it hadn’t quite been turned into a home, at least as I feel about it now.

I feel comfortable and safe around our house and neighbourhood and inside is Amy’s playground for decorating. If I thought about it more and knew where to buy things easily and cheaply perhaps I would make a home environment that suits me too but I’m also a little lazy to do that. Mine and Amy’s ideas are not that compatible and I’m happy to defer to her in this instance. Actually, I’m happy to defer to her most of the time.

Five years ago I didn’t have a guitar and that cheap instrument has brought me a lot of pleasure since purchase. I don’t think that a better quality guitar will improve my playing that much so I’m happy with what I’ve got.

The last thing I have is a deeper love. My love and connection with my students has grown so much in this time and it fills me with joy. I wonder where all our futures will take us.

As I was messaging with Baipad, who is in her grandmum’s village for ดำหัวผู้ใหญ่, she told me that her mum told her to send me this picture of them in their traditional Lahu dress. 
Fatman report

Nourishment – 15th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What does it feel like to function?
Thoughts turned to action
The picture comes alive
An outlaw in this society
We lose life every day
Yet art will always remain
The air and the food
In a world where it’s easy to starve

inspired/borrowed from this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A little dizzy still and my sore throat is back, I think from the incense at the temple irritating my throat.

Today I’m grateful for:

This Thai family around me. Not without faults but somehow welcoming and inclusive for this idiot.

The best thing about today was:

I did get an hour of free time this afternoon and got twenty minutes of enjoyable bad guitar practice.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve been assigned a task this evening as part of the ceremony though I’m not clear what it is. I was just told to follow the others doing the same thing. I feel like a kid in a school play who doesn’t remember where to stand or exactly what to do and just looks around at everyone else and hopes no one notices.

(Later) Well, it involved some scooting on knees and wai-ing and I hoped didn’t look too out of place as the only white non-Buddhist in the room.

Something I learned today?

This was a couple of days ago but worth mentioning that journalist Gonzalo Lira died in a Ukrainian prison. He was imprisoned for reporting truths about Ukraine’s targeting of civilians in Donetsk both before the US proxy war and in the early stages of it. It’s just another nail in the US imperialist coffin that lies about freedom and democracy.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

In between classes, I came to the temple to support the family and after class, I came to collect Amy before driving us home and then back to the city again to pick up food for Grandmum’s mourners.

August (grade 8) came to my class today sighing that she misses her boyfriend (who broke up with her six months ago). I consoled her but later sent her messages to be strong and independent. She appreciated my words but I could feel she’s not strong enough yet.

August (grade 9) took this picture because she stole my phone out of my pocket whilst I was talking with Kru Ren. This is Sunwa, August and Pat, whose birthday it was today. 15th birthday I guess, though she behaves with a little more maturity than her classmates.