Who Wears The Crown? – 23rd October 2023

Where the waters glisten night and day
With all the pearls of wisdom on display
There’s a bridge over untroubled waves
That draws the diamonds a gambler craves

Awash with stories, a rain with dice
There are twenty floors of a winner’s advice
A promise of the life richly deserved
Park your dreams in the spot reserved

Pearly smiles are this devil’s greeting
The chase of the highs is forever fleeting
One more roll, one more spin or turn
The future is no longer of concern
From the shore or dreams, ships depart
Into the mists of the broken heart


Today I’m feeling:

A little anxious about all the things that need to be done when we get back home but also thankful that home is there waiting for me.

(Later) Amy was straight into cleaning mode so I dashed out for coffee revival at Utopia. Once back home though I got sucked into the whirlwind.

Today I’m grateful for:

The hotel staff who helped us in the morning, the taxi driver who told us about his BYD electric car, the Thai Smile check-in staff who was very helpful with our bags, the airport staff we interacted with, the pilots for flying us home, the cabin crew who gave us a snack and water, Aing for picking us up at the airport on time, Now for washing the car (badly but I appreciate the effort), Art for a great first coffee home, the seller for his fish for our dinner. All the people in and out of my space that didn’t kill me today.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling positive and content despite all our running around. Getting back to our home was a little strange for a moment but when I jumped on the bike to go to Utopia I suddenly felt free again. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Aing and Now had two friends staying over and asked if they could stay for a couple more days. For me, it doesn’t really matter as we are still busy running around and Amy didn’t have any problem either except when we met them they didn’t say anything except hello. Amy was upset about that and I tried to rationalise it away. It’s pretty Thai style but still…

Also, despite us just getting back we had to drive into the city for dinner at Amy’s parents as her brother was here for the weekend and flies back early in the morning. It was literally, drive there, eat and drive back!

Something I learned today?

I caught up with all my Substack reading over the last couple of days so lots of stuff went into my eyes and possibly made it to my brain. I think I read one article twice without even realising it. Anyway, one thing that I do recall is a breakthrough in quantum computing. I don’t understand exactly what the machine was doing but the computation took one-millionth of a second whereas it was estimated it would take our current fastest supercomputer ten billion years to complete! That’s outrageous! But will it be useful? Time will tell.

What’s my earliest childhood memory?

I’ve answered this before and I’m a little curious if I would say the same thing now. It must be something from living in Bransty, Whitehaven. I have quite a few memories from there but can’t quite put them in order. The most important memory is from when I was 4 years old (and I even wonder now if that’s right but I’ve made it that age over the times I’ve recalled it) and crying because I didn’t want to die. I assume this may have been triggered by talking to my mum about why I didn’t have a father like other kids. Learning about death is pretty traumatic for a four-year-old.

I took this picture because I’m back home and our giant asparagus plant thing is about to do something. I don’t recall there being amazing flowers but it’s obviously part of its reproduction cycle. The other one that grew before hasn’t flowered again since it did back three or four years ago.

Never Give Up – 11th January 2022

I gave up smoking when my son arrived
And eventually, the drinking on which I thrived
Drugs were out and I never did the casino
One thing I’ll never give up – that’s my cappuccino


When you try to extend your reach outward, it’s much better and more appropriately directed inward.

Ryan Holiday

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I got my laptop working as I needed it at school yesterday after having many problems.

*Sunshine – 20th August 1998

Email with TLJ

S: Sweetheart. Sorry I couldn’t talk earlier – too many people around. I’m real tired too. Gotta clean out my car tonight – first time for everything. I feel good for not drinking you know! Still feel like a Gin and Tonic though. Miss you – love ya baby.
Shauny

T: i’m in at uni already – i should work more on the report, but i’m not really sure what they want. Anyway, about my dream. I think we were at sean’s place with lisa and craig and this other couple and one more guy.
Anyway, we were just sitting around talking but i think i had to go somewhere. You kept kissing me and i felt a bit uncomfortable about that. Anway, when i came back i invited everyone to your place for your birthday and said we could have cheese rolls and salad – and whatever else you vegetarians eat! but i’m not really sure if your friends wanted to come, so i was a bit embarassed after that. what do you think it means?

S: This simply means you love me and want my children – which is understandable of course. You always get some food into your dreams, don’t you?

T: on my wallpaper now, i have a beautiful picture of jeff buckley. It says
“Jeff Buckley – A heart full of Music A soul filled with Grace. We will miss you”. A bit corny maybe, but a beautiful sentiment.

S: What – no picture of me? I have some scanned pictures of me – should I send them to you – you can view jpegs right? I can’t find my photos of us together – I wanna get a picture of you and play with it! Bring me some photos will you (oh, I just remembered where they are!)

T: Anyway, i don’t know if our data systems design is right – i found some mistakes last night but was too tired to think. Anyway, may get back to it.

S: You’re one smart cookie – hope you can fix it up. How are the other groups going?

T :Are you still going for a massage? tell me about your day – hope it’s good.

S: Really want a massage so I’m gonna hafta borrow some cash off my mum and pqay it back when I get paid. the day’s OK – but my wrists are sore and my neck is sore and my feet smell. If you wanna meet me at the physio tonight I can drop you home. Otherwise I’ll call you later tonight – don’t forget South Park. Hope your day is good too sweety. Man the summer sun sure is inspiring.

T: Love you babe, tlj

S: You too angel
“If you found everyone responsible, and hung them from the highest trees – would you have enough trees?”

T: would love to meet you at the physio now i know where it is. anyway, don’t think i’d like you “playing” with photos of me, so no – i won’t show you any.

S: Yeah, but now I remember where the photos are that I have already – expect a physically altered tracca soon! I could make you look beautiful! (how could you be more beautiful..?)

T: If it’s going to be too hard to meet me, don’t bother.

S: It’s easy for me cos I’ll be laid down getting treatment – it’s only if it’s easy for you.

T: Otherwise, give me a time and a place.

S: Right here – right now baby!

T: went to john colville to get a reference from comp prac, but i never see him around and it’s so late in the semester.

S: Keep hassling – mail him – do whatever…

T: mail me please.

S: I’ll think about it.

T: 5:45 – 6pm at the physio? meet you there – that ok with you?

S: Yes – meet me there.

T: getting a bit of a headache.

S: Want me to rub yr temples?

T: dad gave me $50 to get the rest of my textbooks, but i gave it back cause i didn’t want to carry it around. now i’m afraid he’ll gamble it all.

S: Bye bye fifty dollars…

T: anyway, we’re not celebrating dad’s birthday this friday or wednesday, or ever i suppose, because he wants to go the casino on Friday with his friends and relos etc. anyway, what are you planning?

S: Seeing you of course!!

T: maybe i could see you if we’re both free.

S: Yeah sure – we have to do something that doesn’t cost too much though – sorry – I gotta look after the pennies for a little while. so we can have a big summer together!)

T: was speaking to caroline and mel about the project. caroline’s boyfriend only gets to see her on the weekend just about, so he’s pretty sick of her working on the weekends. I told them i wanted to go to the art gallery with my friend because he wanted to see the japanese art exhibition. i’ll see if i can get out next weekend, but i might be having a violin lesson (i didn’t have one saturday, since he was bogged down in ballarat) and i think it’s father’s day on sunday – i’m not sure though. but maybe you should go if I’m busy.

S: No no – we go together!!!

T: how are you celebrating father’s day baby?

S: With you?

T: thanks for going shopping with me yesterday. You made me feel good about buying the dress.

S: It was fun. You looked beautiful in the dress – let me tell you.

T: see ya maybe this afternoon? tlj

S: Absorutery, Shaun

On Form – 24th March 1988

Like some old dog running down the track
Waiting for someone to pat you on the back
Your fits ain’t laughter, you just want to die
Your form book says twenty to one but no one asks why

24th Mar 2023 – I’m trying to reimagine and identify the protagonist here. Probably not a person in particular but a stereotype. Someone doing what is expected of them, playing the game, running the race but secretly hating themselves. That was something I didn’t aspire to.
I could hate myself as much as anyone but I would hate to have been seen as boring. Perhaps it was also my own way to boost my ego, to feel superior, misguidedly or not.

The Diary That Was – 31st December 1979

29th Sep 2022 – And so we are here, at the mysterious back pages of the diary.

Record of the week: The Greedies – Merry Jingle

29th Sep 2022 – Phil Lynott from Thin Lizzy and Steve Jones and Paul Cook from the Sex Pistols were the Greedies and this song is a fun, romping Christmas song but as with most Christmas songs, won’t hold up at any other time of year. I wonder what it is that makes people think to write a Christmas song? If it’s your last resort maybe it’s time to give up?

29th Sept 2022 – Paul Mariner, Mick Mills, Mick(?) Lambert, Bobby Robson, Trevor Whymark, Roger Osbourne, John Wark, George Burley, Paul Cooper, Kevin Beattie…the other faces are familiar but names stuck somewhere deep in the noggin. I’m going to go search the rest of the names as a reminder.

Frm Fidy tety sx nw cod i sudrtkn

29th Sept 2022 – Any codebreakers got this one? I reckon ‘From Friday Twenty Six…….” – any significance to the missing letters? Children and their warped minds.

Andrew said “I don’t think the FONZ is very interesting.”

29th Sep 2022 – It was all downhill from here.

Lief
Leif

29th Sept 2022 – Me trying to work out how to spell Leif Garrett, and yes, I had to look it up again just now.

Me —— Them
Golf
-8 —— -2
-2 —— -2
-3 —— -6
-4 —— -10

29th Sep 2022 – In my childlike imagination my bedroom was a golf course. Using one of our eating knives as a club and a marble as a ball, I devised a course around the bed, chair, floor, drawers etc.

I remember the knife well, it was one that was least favoured to be used at the table, it was the odd one out in the cutlery drawer. It had a cream handle, some kind of imitation ivory, bakelite maybe? Where the blade joined the handle had a small piece missing that added to its devious charm. The tip of the knife was an industrial semi-circle shape, with no pointed end as with our other knives. It was ugly. So it became my mini golf club and I loved it for that.

Of course, I just played against myself, labelling the scores Me and Them and generally always favouring Me, naturally.

When you chatted up the girl with the great big boobs
I don’t make a fuss, I just kept me cool

29th Sept 2022 – The genesis of getting into writing lyrics and trying to make them outrageous as per my idols. I didn’t yet have the vocabulary and ability but genius (haha!) must start somewhere!

Bed (curtains) 2p
Bricks 102p
Make own tea 2p
Make both teas 5p
Make tea to drink 1p
Collect coal 1p
Collect wood 1p
Extra jobs… 1p
Depending how hard… 2p
It is 3p and so on

29th Sep 2022 – Keeping track of potential earnings. No matter, I would always spend more than I earned, well into my late 20s. Some lessons take a long time.

Racing
Kempton 1.30pm 10p stake
1. Be Better 8-1 80p
Kempton 2.00pm
Catechism 7-1

29th Sep 2022 – A minor interest in Maths, betting and odds developing. I soon realised what a con gambling is, though when I say soon, it probably took another ten years as I did usually put some money through the fruit machines of pubs I attended for a while.

29th Sep 2022 – Artistic skills don’t look particularly promising but that never stopped me from trying.

I want Sex Pistols book, LPs and Clash ‘Give ‘Em Enough Rope’, dartboard

29th Sep 2022 – I ended up with all these except the Clash album which I curiously never owned on vinyl and even now when I listen to it it still sounds fresh and new as many of those songs are not so familiar to me. Weirdly, I think I only ever owned the first album and Sandanista on vinyl and I’m not sure why I missed out on London Calling, which is also a little less familiar to these ears.

Friggin’ in the Riggin’
Ch.
Friggin’ in the riggin’
(repeat two more times)
Cos there’s fuck all else to do
Stick glass up your arse
(repeat thrice)
Cos there’s fuck all else to do

The captain’s wife is Mable
And when she’s fully able
She’ll give the crew the daily screw
Upon the mess room table
The captain’s name is Dodo
And he’s a lazy bugger
He isn’t fit to shovel shit
From one place to another

29th Sep 2022 – As Graeme Gray introduced me to the Sex Pistols through this song I would ask him to repeat these lyrics for me until I could remember them and write them down. Not accurate as expected but filthy enough to warp the precious minds of eleven and twelve-year-old potential brat-punks.

75m – 11.2

29th Sep 2022 – I was obviously pleased with myself for being a fast runner.

Chorus to Pretty Vacant
We’re so pretty, oh so pretty -ow
– Vacant
(repeat)
And now, we don’t careeeee!

Second verse and chorus to Silly Thing
People here, people there
People around you everywhere
What you gonna say
What you gonna do
Now you’ve missed out once again
But I thought you knew
Ch.
Oh, you silly thing
You’ve really gone and done it now
(repeat)

More songs
Bodies
There’s a girl from Birmingham
She’s had an aboushtion
She looks a screaming mess
Screaming mess
Fuck this, fuck that
Fuck that fucking little brat
She don’t want a baby like that
I don’t want a baby like that
She looks a screaming mess
Screaming mess

29th Sep 2022 – More outrageous Sex Pistols lyrics. It’s really hard to comprehend what an impact this band had at the time. For folks like me, it has been a lifelong inspiration and influence that I am proud to be a part of. It all looks old-fashioned and pointless now so I’m forgiving of anything that kids are into these days and forgiving of those who were consumed within their own subcultures that were at pinnacles in the past. We don’t have to understand what they like but we can understand the feelings that it gives them.

RAD DID IT
GRANDAD DID IT

29th Sep 2022 – I had an irrational dislike for my grandparents. Being a snotty kid around Victorian/Edwardian grandparents was never going to be easy. I did like them when I was smaller but perhaps they were more forgiving then too. I would soon be driving them crazy with super loud music and friends visiting for drinking parties. I never really reconciled with my granny (as I called her and my mum wished to be called by Hayden) before she passed but I was more sympathetic to my grandad as I got to my late teenage years. I was surprised to find out at one point that they were actually quite liberal and were members of CND. They weren’t quite so impressed when I showed them the lyrics to Crass’s What The Fuck but they did seem to get the sentiment.

This fucking’ little bastard
Was a fuckin’ little burk
He didn’t know what to do
When he went to work

29th Sep 2022 – Prophetic!