Ghostly as the train window reflection Rattling through the rat-infested depths; Indifferent to any Insta story section, The filthy fabric humbles and accepts;
Inhaling a kind of premonition, A melancholy of enigmatic love; Putting all the pieces into their position From underground to the towers above;
These new shapes still dripping time, Old and haunted to new starry eyes; Ethereal apparitions crossing the line, Life suspended in these twilight skies.
These are ghosts White With bloodied teeth Dead Inside the cold room Shiver and sweat, feel along the walls Water Drip……drip…..dripping in tears Into a puddle Of blood muck Sticky in the dark Fear and fumble for the exit A midnight moon, it’s way past bedtime Shine the light back to safety
Written on a day when I was teaching (and learning) about Thai ghosts. The form is a Paiku. The Piaku form takes part of its name from the fact that the syllable count for each line matches the digits in Pi. Pi: 3.14159 26535 897 Inspired by this Paiku at Moonwashed Musings and the first line is a variation on the Karate song ‘There Are Ghosts’
Today I’m feeling:
Tired on waking, so I snoozed for an extra 30 minutes, skipping exercise.
I was sitting at House from 8am until 3.30pm. Before lunch I got a bit of reading and writing done and after lunch I finished off a couple of lesson plans and was feeling inspired to do more but had to go and pick up Amy to take her to the hospital as she will stay overnight with her dad as he is due to have his operation this evening.
Today I’m grateful for:
My usual Jetyod dispensary that had brownies and gummies in stock. I’m hoping to sleep well tonight but hope I still feel ok in the morning too.
Sometimes I still feel sleepy in the morning after eating this.
The best thing about today was:
Really getting into the flow whilst working at House today. Time pretty much flew by and I was enjoying every second of it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After sitting for a little while at the cafe I noticed a dull ache in my left hip joint which has gotten steadily worse throughout the day and causing me to limp a little. It is very tender to touch.
I’m assuming I must’ve overdone it with the exercising earlier this week.
I hope it doesn’t disturb my sleep and I definitely won’t be doing any exercise on it in the morning.
Something I learned today?
My students at the competition all messaged me to tell me that they had done well, coming 2nd or 3rd place, which they were all quite proud of. I’m still waiting to find out about others too.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
After I got back from the city I took some cookies to Baipad and her sister and mum. It was already getting a little dark so she wasn’t keen to practice riding the bike so I managed to twist her arm to get in her mum’s car and we just went through everything in front of her, without going anywhere.
I told her I should be free tomorrow afternoon and if it works out, we can practice driving. She threw her arms up in a semi-mocking fright but also a happy resignation that if I push her to do it, then she doesn’t have a choice.
This space buzzed by mosquitoes A history was being carved out Dusty messes swept into the corners Where cockroaches nested, no doubt
Now an empty room remains A hunger within this home The incense lights the way So we don’t have to be alone
Ghosts are only seen by some A chilly feeling in prickly air Once a room full of new stories Is left in stasis with nothing there
Grandmum’s empty room
Today I’m feeling:
Still a little tired though I slept quite a lot. Not going to push my classes today and going to take it easy myself too.
Today I’m grateful for:
A surprise lunch date with the family at the seafood restaurant Amy and I tried last Sunday. At first I felt a little annoyed as I had wanted to stay at House to read and write after going to apply for the work permit after my first class. That quickly faded though as I’ve grown much more accustomed to sudden changes of plans. The food was also great, which certainly helped too!
The best thing about today was:
Sitting with groups of three students at a time and working on a grammar rule with them. I can usually get a good response out of small groups when there’s an opportunity to do so and we all could laugh and learn together.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I went to get my work permit and in the process they asked if I want it for two years to which I thought ‘sure!’ It was only then I wondered how much it would cost and I found out it will be 6000 baht which is all the money I have left this month!
Something I learned today?
As we’ve been busy for this last week I haven’t really asked Amy about much of what the latest news is or about all the stuff at the temple. With a couple of wines under her belt she talked for a long while about different people that attended the funeral, all of the costs and stresses for the family and what little she knew about the Buddhist rituals and rules.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent supportive messages to three of my students who struggled with situations today.
Nicha took this picture because she snatched my phone out of my pocket whilst I was distracted with another student. I’m quite happy for some students to do this because I can look forward to a surprise batch of photos to check later. Obviously in this shot I had caught up with her to get my phone back.
Positive but a little tired and soft-sighted. Exercise was tough again but easier than yesterday. Still only doing one set for this week. Hope to get back to two next week.
Today I’m grateful for:
Seeing all my happy students again, giving me hugs, telling me they missed me, asking for candy! But most of all to Aunwar who brought me a piece of cake for my birthday! A typical, kind, Muslim gift. If only he was good in class! Haha! He’ll get there.
The best thing about today was:
Still being able to duck out after the morning flag-raising ceremony and sit in the cafe for a couple of hours before hanging out with the kids again at lunchtime, distributing the knick-knack gifts that I brought back from Australia and then heading home around 1pm.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Originally we were told that we had a whole week of activities but today I found out that we start our scheduled classes on Wednesday. Not particularly bothered by this and I know that everything changes all the time now and can better cope with these annoyances.
Something I learned today?
A Chinese airline passenger threw coins into the engine when they were boarding. It’s happened more than once and each time they all said they did it for luck and a safe flight!
What is my favourite memory from the past month?
Being in Sydney again and catching up with friends and family. The blue skies, green trees and purple jacarandas; old familiar smells, sights and sounds.
One particular brief moment stands out and that was walking over the new park at the end of Barangaroo, along the piers of the Rocks, under the bridge and around to the Quay.
Throughout my travels around the city were constant reminders of events past, who lived where, warehouses, houses and venues for shows.
My life, guided by the dull dreary boredom-brown of England, then expanded by the city and country relaxed-excitement of Australia and contemplated here in hot-humid jungle-country Thailand. It’s hard not to be happy.
What am I learning about life right now?
I’m in the middle of a ten-day mini-meditation Stoicism course and whilst it covers many things I have learned already I need to keep reinforcing these things and keep them in mind and transfer them to practice.
I’m also learning that I don’t have enough time for everything and need to prioritise some things. I can easily fill my days. Every day.
I took this picture because the full moon with Mars (?) nearby was the view this wonderful temperate evening where I breathed deep the relatively fresh air. Perfect.
The victim of these spectral slaves Invited into our rooms Ghosts of make-believe realities On which this monster consumes Mere cogs of a mega machine Assimilated to technological production With immediate planned obsolescence And the means of its own destruction
We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
Joseph Campbell
Today I’m feeling: Pretty good, a little relaxed Today I’m grateful for: Kru Fluke coming to assist me in recording my voiceover for the flower festival this year. She helped me with pronunciation of the Thai words and translating with the audio guy. She didn’t really need to come and help but I appreciate that she did. The best thing about today was: Being around the students for the open day. We were all happy that we weren’t in classes. I was super happy that some of them were even doing the work I asked them to do! What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? I guess this is connected with the comment above. I asked my students to do some work for me as we didn’t have classes. I realised pretty quickly that many of them wouldn’t bother doing the work and most of them weren’t around to be able to follow up with. There was no way I could control this situation and whilst I feel a little disrespected by the students who won’t do the work out of laziness or sheer bloody-mindedness I have to let it go. So I’m thinking now about how I can reward those students who did do the work. Name 10 people you love. Amy Hayden Jochen Kieran Chrissie Sharon Aaron B Kimi Steve Mum
I took this picture because there are new monsters everywhere.
I believe in fairness, justice, learning, compassion etc… but so do many other people….
Perhaps there are things that other people believe that I do not, such as gods, more money will make you more happy etc… Many people believe those things too though.
I feel like this is a trick question and should force you to contemplate all the things you do believe. When you examine them all maybe there will be something there that no one else believes?
Is there anything that one person might believe that no one else believes though? Even something obscure is likely to be believed by another person somewhere in the world. As you voice it for the very first time, someone else might agree!
What about this? Is there something you used to believe that you no longer do? When you stop believing something you sometimes block it out and disown it as if you never really believed it. Did I used to believe in ghosts? Some strange things happened that I couldn’t explain then but can explain now. Is that just learning and growing away from ignorance? Is it possible to grow so far away from ignorance, to be able to explain everything, to no longer have any beliefs? Is that some sort of nirvana the Buddhists idealise?
If you believe we live in a simulation then do you really know that one foot goes in front of another when you are walking or do you just believe it is so?
This stupid question has raised more than I’ve been able to answer. Ok, good. Keep the old brain ticking.
I’m off to start on my list of things I believe.
Who called? What the hell did they say? Get off the telephone right now Don’t throw another minute away
Karate – There Are Ghosts
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I don’t have to teach at school for the next two days. Even though it was a late notification and bad planning it’s good for me anyways.
To-do list
Finish Kieran’s letter today! ✅
Study TOEFL templates ½
Connect with someone ✅
Random act of kindness ✅
Clear videos and emails ✅
I really enjoyed being able to sit in the quiet classroom and finish off Kieran’s letter as well as read a few other things and make some random notes. I skipped out in the afternoon so we could do some much-needed shopping. I don’t know if anyone will say anything tomorrow about not being there the whole day but it does feel a bit unreasonable to expect us to stay the whole day when there is nothing much to do.
It’s the constant annoying frustration of disorganisation and I am learning more to go with the flow.
Spent another enjoyable hour talking with Bruce and thinking of strategies to help him improve. I’m afraid it may be a long journey for him and I don’t want him to think that I’m just milking him for money so I will do my best to facilitate with what he needs to pass his exam.
I was calm and collected for the whole day and employed some of the techniques from the Smiling Mind meditations – becoming conscious of breathing and practising focus on people communicating – not just words but facial and body language, interactions within groups etc. When in those group communications I could have paused longer and forfeited my stories to enjoy theirs more. If I have that opportunity again tomorrow I will practice this.
Tomorrow I will spend all day reading, writing, learning and thinking.
Time is short. Our time is short. Have you done everything you want to do yet? What do you want to do?
Do you already look back at a life fulfilled? Will anyone remember who you were once you’re gone? Next year, next century, next millennium?
The week has been ok. It’s my last day of six twelve hour shifts, the last four as night shifts. I’m tired and slightly out of it.
We are often reminded of our fragility.
There’s always a lyric that can be found to echo my thoughts. Often, from Nomeansno.
Thin voices call out of thin air
“Do you really care?”
“Do you really care?”
There is no reason to be afraid
All of the bodies have been laid to rest
Nobody passes the test of time
The long climb
Into thin air
Thin air
There is no one there
You think you have time
You have no time
An image may be left in place
Of what was felt there is no trace
In words recited without a sound
By voices buried underground
There is no meaning to be found
“Do you really care?”
There is no one there
You think you have time
You have no timeThere are no castles without ghosts
And no spirits without hope
But nobody passes the test of time
You stand in line, you have your place
Then in the space of moments fall
From again and again and again
To not at all
From again and again and again
To not at all
I do not fear the buried sounds
Of words that echo underground
A memory is a loaded gun
And I remember everyone
I remember you..
“Do you really care?”
There is no one there
“Why are you scared?”
There’s no one there
You’re clean, strong, and free
Like you always wanted to be
You’re alone, alone, alone
There is no one there
1994ever 