I’m pouring rainbows down on you Until your cup is filled You’ll overflow with a love so true It can never be killed All your seeds will bear fruit In fields never to be tilled Joy spread deep from the root A life spent fulfilled
Pretty good after a long sleep from the day of travelling yesterday. Should be a relaxing day ahead.
Today I’m grateful for:
Aircon. I don’t know how many times I’ve said this but today was freaking unbearable outside between 10am (when I woke up) and around 6pm. Even just going to the kitchen or bathroom was a chore. It’s going to be hotter this coming week too!
The best thing about today was:
I didn’t do much to speak of today though when the sun did finally relent I enjoyed watering the parched earth in the garden.
Something I learned today?
Charles Cunningham Boycott (12 March 1832 – 19 June 1897) was an English land agent whose ostracism by his local community in Ireland gave the English language the term boycott.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave Art and Noey some gifts of candy that I picked up at the market in Chiang Saen yesterday.
What’s a recent realization I’ve had about myself?
I’m starting to BE old. I’m not in need of thrills or excitement so much these days.
I think I realised this when I think about travelling overseas. When I think about going somewhere with Amy I’m not so interested in planning things to do and where to go.
When I see people in places on YouTube videos I think that might be nice to go and see but I’ve just seen it pretty well. I would be taking the same photos every other traveller has taken. I feel like I may not be able to savour it deep into my soul like I might have done before. I’m much more amenable to just getting on a tour bus and letting others deal with logistics.
Having said that I’m still interested in organising a tour for a band around Southeast Asia and dealing with the stress of that, perhaps because the shows would give me the drive and inspiration I’d need.
Perhaps this is not a great realisation but has crossed my mind more recently.
Amy took this picture because this princess was enjoying our (relatively) expensive prawns yesterday.
It was a missing tooth Some wayward hair A smudge of a nose That almost wasn’t there
It was a crooked smile Dry cracked lips An inch too much Sitting on her hips
It was a minor lisp One leg longer A scarred wrist Now grown stronger
No, she’s not perfect As far as all could see But it’s all those little faults That has attracted me
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good. I did some chest and arm exercises this morning, trying to avoid straining my shoulder and also hanging for a minute to stretch myself out. Had my first cold morning shower of the year, which was a bit of a challenge but sure woke me up properly.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Ploy for saying that she wishes I was still her teacher because she enjoys writing in English the most, which is something I like to have the students practice. And then have them read from what they’ve written.
The best thing about today was:
The winding down and relaxing feeling of the end of the semester.
I was trying to put myself in my student’s shoes about how they must feel each day, being amongst their friends at school all day and then going home to their families each evening. They obviously enjoy being at school and being with their friends but suffer the having to study part of that.
I was trying to remember what it was like for me at their age. Usually, I was excited to get out of school because when I got home I was usually out again after eating dinner and having even more fun with my friends.
The situation here feels different both because of the family set-up in many homes and the availability of mobile phones and internet. It makes for an experience that I only understand as an adult, not as a growing child.
Something I learned today?
“OpenAI’s latest model takes text prompts and turns them into ‘complex scenes with multiple characters, specific types of motion,’ and more, the company said.
The text-to-video model allows users to create photorealistic videos up to a minute long – all based on prompts they’ve written.”
As AI improves, and it seems to be doing so quickly, this could go either way. Folks could create and post anything that conforms to their narratives.
For example, the BBC could post footage of concentration camps in Xinjiang, where they keep insisting they exist. People could easily believe it, especially when it is reinforced with pictures and videos.
However, I also want to look on the positive side that due to this new capability journalists will be forced to detail, verify, check and double-check and be held legally accountable for what they publish. It’s optimistic but that is the way it must go.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
At the morning flag ceremony KanomBang was crying heavily as her beloved dog had died. She was inconsolable so I just put my arm around her and gently patted her arm. Other students were still laughing and playing and I’m not sure what they were saying but Nomsen gave her some sympathy and support too. She was ok by the afternoon and showed me a picture of her dog and told me it had been hit by a motorbike which is a common occurrence here unfortunately.
I called and messaged Khaofang as her jumper was in the classroom where she lost it the day before yesterday. When she came to collect it she was very appreciative.
What was peaceful about today?
It’s difficult to find peace when you are surrounded by thousands of students. So perhaps the first hour of the day, having just woken up and quietly brushing my teeth before going to exercise, feeding the cats and then hopping into the shower, all the while the sky slowly lightening into the morning bloom. Then I eat some breakfast whilst reading a little and the sun finally appears over the mountains and it’s time for the peace to end.
At the end of the day, post-shower and into bed. Amy on her side, me on mine and Cap swapping between us, Amy quietly scrolls through Facebook and I read books and comics until we both give in to the joy of sleep.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 18. Give Without Expecting Something in Return. Don’t keep score. You will become a bitter person if you do that. Give solely for the joy of giving. If you get something in return, great, if you don’t, great.
I may not give out too much but I expect and want little from anyone else.
Over the last few years, I have started giving out gifts as random acts of kindness and my only hope would be that the receiver will pass on the kindness to someone else.
Whether they do or not is out of my control.
What was my Ween discovery timeline?
I had read about Ween often in Flipside and was curious when their first album God Ween Satan came out so I picked up a copy. It started off well and punky with You Fucked Up but I was unprepared for everything else that came on the rest of the album. Slowly it worked its wackiness on me and I enjoyed its eclecticism over time.
So when the second LP, The Pod, came out I was looking for more of the same and it didn’t deliver for me. This seemed like weird droning moaning music and so I gave up on them, even selling both discs.
I occasionally heard them on the radio when I was living in Australia with their ‘hit’s Push The Little Daisies and Voodoo Lady but didn’t think on much further about them.
Around 2010 sometime, my friend in Melbourne, James McGauren had met and fallen in love with a Swedish girl and was making the move there and he decided to sell off a big chunk of his music collection. He had all the Ween albums.
Fuck it, I thought, I’ll give these guys a go again and picked up the whole catalogue for cheap. Slowly I worked my way through each album and fell in love with them all. I scoured the internet to find quality live shows and all their demo recordings and ended up with about 50 discs worth of Ween to enjoy.
Listening back to The Pod these days, I can understand why I didn’t enjoy it at the time but now I rate it as a favourite.
I never saw them live but have their live DVD and whilst I appreciate their entertainment abilities I prefer the quirkiness of their records.
I took this picture because this old man was looking relaxed when I got home.Fatman report
Positive but a little tired and soft-sighted. Exercise was tough again but easier than yesterday. Still only doing one set for this week. Hope to get back to two next week.
Today I’m grateful for:
Seeing all my happy students again, giving me hugs, telling me they missed me, asking for candy! But most of all to Aunwar who brought me a piece of cake for my birthday! A typical, kind, Muslim gift. If only he was good in class! Haha! He’ll get there.
The best thing about today was:
Still being able to duck out after the morning flag-raising ceremony and sit in the cafe for a couple of hours before hanging out with the kids again at lunchtime, distributing the knick-knack gifts that I brought back from Australia and then heading home around 1pm.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Originally we were told that we had a whole week of activities but today I found out that we start our scheduled classes on Wednesday. Not particularly bothered by this and I know that everything changes all the time now and can better cope with these annoyances.
Something I learned today?
A Chinese airline passenger threw coins into the engine when they were boarding. It’s happened more than once and each time they all said they did it for luck and a safe flight!
What is my favourite memory from the past month?
Being in Sydney again and catching up with friends and family. The blue skies, green trees and purple jacarandas; old familiar smells, sights and sounds.
One particular brief moment stands out and that was walking over the new park at the end of Barangaroo, along the piers of the Rocks, under the bridge and around to the Quay.
Throughout my travels around the city were constant reminders of events past, who lived where, warehouses, houses and venues for shows.
My life, guided by the dull dreary boredom-brown of England, then expanded by the city and country relaxed-excitement of Australia and contemplated here in hot-humid jungle-country Thailand. It’s hard not to be happy.
What am I learning about life right now?
I’m in the middle of a ten-day mini-meditation Stoicism course and whilst it covers many things I have learned already I need to keep reinforcing these things and keep them in mind and transfer them to practice.
I’m also learning that I don’t have enough time for everything and need to prioritise some things. I can easily fill my days. Every day.
I took this picture because the full moon with Mars (?) nearby was the view this wonderful temperate evening where I breathed deep the relatively fresh air. Perfect.
A little vague with heavy eyelids. Exercise got me going but driving to work I was distracted and forgetting how I’d even got to where I was. I know it’s the extra exercise making me tired but I’ve gotta try and keep it going. My body is benefitting and I need to get over the hump and get used to it, become a habit.
Today I’m grateful for:
Yet another half day with no classes affording me time to catch up on more reading and writing with my coffees.
I went upstairs to see who was in the classroom of what was usually my first class of the day. There were six students and when I asked where the rest were they told me that they’d gone to one of their dorm rooms. Amusingly they confirmed that they went there to sleep more. The idea though was that they go to the Science Day event rather than study with me. Sleep was not what they should miss my class for!
Never mind, I was taking advantage of the event too.
Whilst I was talking to those students I was feeling a little tired and slurring my words a little. One of them offhandedly remarked that I looked stoned. That reminded me that perhaps the effects of yesterday evening’s cannabis oil hadn’t quite worn off.
The best thing about today was:
At 6.30 pm sitting on the terrace in the cool air, writing here and hearing the drip drops of rain approaching from across the fields which became a steady fall, the windblown droplets cooling my skin even further. The rain is damn cold but I’m also thoroughly enjoying the feeling, sitting under cover and watching the water drip from the roof. Cap is sitting at the door looking out in comfort behind the screen. I think it will be an early night for me tonight.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve been sleeping very well this week partly because of increasing my morning exercise routines but also aided by a couple of drops of cannabutter. One downside of that though was last night feeling sure that I had done my daily language learning only to discover this morning that I hadn’t done any at all! I also haven’t been able to read as many comics as usual, just feeling that I can’t keep my eyes open.
Something I learned today?
I’ve followed bits and pieces about Russia and the war in Ukraine and I understand very little about the involvement of the Wagner group. It felt like Western media was making a big deal over an alleged coup by the Wagner group and the words of its leader Prigozhin who ended up in Belarus. The Wagner group was then mentioned to be involved in Africa trying to counter armed interference from Western allies. Today, a small aircraft Prigozhin was on, crashed, killing everyone on board. There is sure to be more to that story.
I guess in some ways I’ve learned again that I know nothing.
What is the best gift I have ever given?
I’m struggling to even think about any gifts I have given!
There was the iPhone I bought for Amy when I came to Thailand but that was spoiled by the immigration officials who wanted the tax paid on it when I arrived. An iPhone is not really special either – it was more the surprise that I wanted Amy to get.
There were all the drawings of Amy and her friends that I did for our anniversary. That was a bit more special and personal.
Ok, here’s one. Back in 2013, I planned to go to Yogyakarta. Kimi and Sikin were disappointed that they couldn’t afford to meet me there so I bought them tickets. In the lead-up to that visit, I was suddenly retrenched and worried about spending too much money so I ended up cancelling my trip whilst Kimi and Sikin were still able to go! I shouldn’t have cancelled that trip but the future was feeling a bit uncertain at the time.
I took this picture because I was surprised to find Tigger in here, although as you can see he doesn’t all fit. All our cats constantly swap their favourite places and it feels like they wish that they could occupy them all at the same time to stop each other from stealing their spots. There’s something to be said for only owning one cat. But if we ever get more cats in the future I’d really like to get two or three brother and sister kittens. That would be great to watch them grow together and hopefully love each other more than our current cats do.
For the end of term celebration dinner I thought it a nice idea to write a haiku for each of the teachers I work with – an artistic test for myself. I printed them on A4, laminated, cut, hole-punched and cut and tied ribbons on each. I enjoyed the whole process.
Kru Fluke
UNO champ, waiting Watching the new Thai drama Quiet achiever
For a while, at the end of the working day, teachers would gather to play UNO before heading home. Fluke would sit in quietly, watching some Thai drama series or other on her iPad at the same time. With a sweet and lovely smile she was a vicious backstabber when it came to the game and often won. It was best not to sit next to her round the table!
Kru JJ
Lipstick, mascara You make it work, you go girl Swing those hips wildly
All the male teachers in our building (and in most of the school) are gay and love getting dressed up for special events. They can be so spectacular and outrageous that it’s difficult not to get swept up in the occasion. JJ is, of course, one of them. A smart young guy who should’ve been born a girl.
Teacher Dylan
Sleepy ginger boy Wake up; the world wants you now So, wake the fuck up
Dylan is from Northern Ireland and is here in Chiang Rai along with his many brothers, cousins and other relatives I’m sure. The brothers look so alike that they find it difficult to meet girls that other members of the family have not already met, Chiang Rai being a pretty small town to start with. Anyway, Dylan arrives at school each day well before he has actually woken up and being young he attracts the most attention from the other similarly aged female teachers.
Kru KT
Silky voice, smooth tune Loud and proud; but wait, what’s this Big boy is sleeping
KT, or Kate, is another male teacher, though not quite as outrageous, he loves to sing loudly and play fight with the female teachers. He is a big (and big hearted) guy and because of this he has a problem where he stops breathing in his sleep so wakes up all through the night. This affects him at work as he often nods off, sometimes mid song. There are many pictures and videos of him snoring away.
Kru Champ
Stress, happiness, stress Working hard for the future Your reward will come
Champ is our hard working coordinator who gets a ton of (nonsensical) work dumped on him whilst also trying to implement things in a better way, hence his ever-swinging between stress and happiness. If efforts were truly rewarded in this world, he will achieve a lot. Lives with his boyfriend and supports the many LGBTQ+ kids in the school.
Kru Amp
Dance under the moon The wolf is crazy; no sleep Sleep when you are dead
Amp, along with First, JJ and Tee, was one of the student teachers from the local university. She taught Chinese and her English was the best when it came to speaking but her understanding was very good. So good that she could play along well with jokes and she loved having a fun time, especially dancing.
Kru First
Face reflects the moon A laugh and smile; gone too soon No more UNO now
First had a face that reminded me of a childhood story-book moon. A genuine personality and diligent worker it was sad to see her leave at the end of the term.
Kru Gratae
Love is in your heart Impatient; where is the one? Wait, don’t try so hard
Gratae is a loud, funny and self deprecating girl always looking for love advice from anyone. She is not so pretty on the outside but once you get to know her there is a sad vulnerability hidden there and when she is not hiding herself behind her defenses is a very nice person.
Kru Tee
Soft and gentle girl Turns out tough; always goes hard Life of the party
Tee introduced herself as ‘Tee, as in PART-TEE!’ She is a chubby happy girl that I believe hides her abilities and real personality. Very likable, I’m glad she has stayed on here as a teacher.
Kru Mai
Purposeful, thoughtful Watch the students dance with joy Always going forth
Mai has a striking looking feminine posture with a mushroom haircut. If you see him you will wonder what he is about. As far as I can tell he is a well respected teacher among the students, particularly as he will often play music and encourage dancing in his classes. Obviously he coordinates a lot of the stage show events the schools here seem to love. Mai is always the most outrageous cross dresser in the school. He is unrecognisable in a blonde wig and tight black dress.
Kru Aomsin
No accident stops Her from happiness and play Another round, yes?
Aomsin recently had a motorbike accident that smashed one of her front teeth but that didn’t get her down. She will always be the first to want to play UNO.
Kru China
Tag team with Gratae Keep fighting, fighting today Who talks the loudest?
China (pronounced Sheena) and Gratae appear to be best friends and once they are in a room together the volume is cranked to 11. This can be funny most times, but others, when trying to concentrate, becomes very distracting. One of China’s favourite phrases is to keep fighting.
Kru Feung Fah
A secret boyfriend The sporty type? Shy? Humble? Liaisons out of our sight
Feung Fah is a skinny, sporty girl that seeks to deny the fact she has a boyfriend for some reason. Her English is not the best but I can feel she has a good personality.
Teacher George
Good morning teacher Big smile, warm welcome, let’s go Seven-eleven
George greets everyone happily each morning, showing his face to let them know that he is here at school before quickly sneaking off to get coffee at his favourite cafe. Going out of school is not always accepted unless it is to the 7-11. So, whatever it is that needs to be done outside school, going to 7-11 is the default answer.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my creativity and ideas – they pushed me forward and I realise I can still do these things – even if I’m not very happy with them – I feel a little bit of that artistic streak again. It’s good. I’ve been writing a lot so I can combine that with presentation and push myself in new directions.
I’ve been spending what free time I have reading a lot this year and really getting into it. English books are a little hard to come by here – there’s just one guy who sells secondhand books from his house here. He’s a character – and not always particularly pleasant but his bigotry and short temper cracks me up more than offends. When you hear another foreign immigrant being racist to other people (who don’t live here), it kinds of shines a different light on things in some ways. Being English and white in this country is a double-edged sword – for me and for people judging me. It’s an unusual situation to be in.
One time I was sitting in his shop chatting with him when two early 20-year-olds, backpackers, had been browsing and brought two books to him to ask the price. They then spent what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was only about 30 seconds, discussing if they could buy both and carry both. I could see our bookseller getting more and more agitated and eventually he grabbed the books off them and shouted at them to stop wasting his time. He handed one book back and said ‘Give me 100 baht for this one and get out of my shop!’ I couldn’t stop laughing.
The girls were discussing whether they could afford to spend another couple of dollars or be bothered to carry two books instead of one. It was a very inconsequential decision that they just couldn’t arrive at. To have someone unable to make this decision when an extra 100 baht would really make a difference to this guy was obviously frustrating. They also weren’t to know that he was late to take care of a friend of a friend who was dying of cancer. Something done out the goodness of his heart. Humans are complicated.
Anyways, I’ve been stocking up books, trying to build a library of my own. Inspired by a friend’s room of books and old wooden shelves, which I always loved being in – to browse, to consider, to wonder, to breath in that mysterious air of hidden words. I once went into an antique bookshop in Albury and immediately told the owner that I wasn’t going to buy anything but I just wanted to look and smell the books. He was quite agreeable.
When moving from Oz to Thailand I grew accustomed to letting go of things that I had held with some regard. Of course, the things I held really dear I shipped over. It’s a good catharsis to sell or gift things that you own though. It’s not like we can keep them forever anyway.
I also remember a quote from a writer, maybe Marquez, along the lines of ‘one must die with a library of mostly unread books.’ Not sure my wife agrees with this philosophy but that’s probably why my office/library/man cave is in a room outside my house. I look through the books contemplating what I’m going to read next and can get excited with the possibilities. I turn my head as I’m sitting here and thinking about All Quiet On The Western Front, The Grapes of Wrath or Lord Jim?
On the iPad, which I use to read comics mostly, I’m thinking to start on Salman Rushdie’s Satanic Verses. It was the bookseller who got me interested in this as he mentioned it was banned in Thailand for some reason I forget now. He described the story a little bit to me and the idea seemed cool enough for me to give it a go. How can a country ban books these days when it’s so easy to transfer them digitally? I sent a copy of Animal Farm to a friend in China. Easy enough (and they’re still alive and free!).
The book I have been enjoying most is Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. I’m not sure where I saw a recommendation for this, though I’m guessing it was from The Daily Stoic. I’m guessing this because as I read it I see those philosophical themes throughout. The characters are fascinating in their different beliefs and ideas and Tolstoy makes you feel sympathetic with everyone of them.
I was never a big reader when I was younger and I was thinking that a younger me would have dismissed ever trying this book. Why would I want to try and understand about Russian aristocracy from over 100 years ago? What did that have to do with me and my life now? Ah, the stupidity of youth. I’m often envious of those who have found this beauty in the world at a younger age than myself. Why am I late to the wisdom table!?
I can only hope that in my teaching I can inspire the kids to get there quicker than I did. When I look at all the ‘trouble-makers’ in my class I only see my own stupid face reflected in their eyes. Ah, the stupidity of youth. But I wouldn’t really wish it any other way – and what would be the point?
“And so from school to the outside world these morals you will take…”
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my dreams. I can meet old friends, people who are no longer in my life. They stay close to my thoughts and experience.
To-do list
Email to Aaron and float the TCRAH idea to him
Give more positive reinforcement to the kids
Compliment one of the other teachers
Follow up with Andrew about Indra
Check on the IEC lesson for the New Year’s week, maybe plan something else
Did it list
Wrote email to Aaron. Made some arrangements with Indra for shows in Yogyakarta. Up to date with Anna Karenina cliff notes. Read 4 chapters of Anna Karenina. Did 30 squats and weightless shoulder presses. Posted to 1994ever blog. Survived one testing class today! Updated lessons to allow for the 2-day week at New Year’s. Cleared some emails and Chrome tabs. Brief online talk with Cake.
My regular English class were very testing today but I realised that my lesson plan was not so smart – the ideas were good but the execution was not so much. I don’t really know how to get the class to settle back down again after some excitement. I think to improve I need to be more aware of the class dynamic and arrange my lesson accordingly. Don’t shove too much into it. My other class went well though I still see room for improvement – it gave me an idea though, that hopefully makes the next lesson easier.
1994ever 