I am a stupid computer An unsteady machine Each morning rebooted Memory wiped clean I make the truth Out of evaluations Processing external data From multiple sensations I am a dumb animal Programmed to suffer Reset in sleep mode Emptying my buffer
Today I’m feeling:
I woke up before my alarm, my brain already switching on and into work mode. It was also 30 degrees at 6.30 am and the fan wasn’t doing enough to keep me cool. Now, I’m a little tired, though my mind is active and busy planning for this coming story.
Today I’m grateful for:
Chatting online with a teacher from last semester that left for a new school to get a better salary. She was always nice to me and approachable for a chat. We wished each other well.
The best thing about today was:
Figuring out I could watch the Swans replays through the computer but connected to the TV. Now I can watch us lose in widescreen.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was informed today that I will be a homeroom teacher’s assistant this semester and given a little idea of what might be required of me. This may disrupt my morning coffee plans but I’ll wait and see next week. It is likely that actually I won’t be required to do much or anything. Either way, I’ll make the best of it. I want to do my best.
Something I learned today?
I found out various things today so it seems I did learn some bits and pieces (see above). I also just received an email from Sharon answering my question about when our grandparents passed away. As I’m trying to piece together various parts of my past it helps put a little bit of order back into the chaos of memory.
What three things do I need to accomplish this week?
I need to get my body clock back in sync with work hours. I need to knock out as many lesson plans as I can for my classes. I need to get as much information as I can about timetables, homeroom teachers and getting information sent out to my student’s parents to help me.
I took this picture because the cats are melting into the floor.
It’s been a while away from writing in this book. I’m not too worried about that as I’ve been adding a lot more on the app instead but it is nicer to write with a pen. There’s nothing much to add that can’t be found written already. Today is the return to school, though it appears mostly this week will be clock-in, hang around and go home. I’ll spend some time at House doing some lesson planning though I’m a bit cautious as I’m not sure how my new versions of my plans are going to work until I actually start in the class. Whatever, I’ll figure it out. This morning I found out I’ve been assigned to M 1/7 as an assistant homeroom teacher and as Kru Wave described the duties to me I thought to myself, ‘That’s probably not going to happen.’ It all sounds good in theory but kids are not going to listen to me, even if they understand. One good bit of news is that the M1 (grade 7) classes only have 28 students which is a small improvement. I’m sweating like a motherfucker as I write this and starting to smudge the page. Well, here we are again.
28th Jul 2024 – Mum and me in my bedroom at Forest Cottage. I’m not sure why Mum let me graffiti the walls but I did, and my friends did, along with some painting and various other decorations. The writing on the right was WASTED which was my imaginary band at the time.
Her old Sony Trinitron was how I remember watching TV in those days. I think she had upgraded to a newer Sony Trinitron, happy with the quality. Those things used to last and the rate of improvement of technology was much slower then.
My room wasn’t much wider than this. My single bed fit perfectly across the width and the length was perhaps a little shorter than two bed lengths.
The three-piece suit was an Oxfam buy that was a bit of a fuck you to the traditional punk clothing that everyone was wearing and also helped me get lifts to Poole when hitchhiking there.
28th Jul 2024 – Sometime around October, I had bleached my hair and a week before the Christmas holiday started I got the sides cut to give me a nice wide blonde mohawk. The school were having none of it though and suspended me from school unless it was off or dyed black. So much for the Christmas spirit! Fucking school!
I thought that my Mum wouldn’t be that bothered about me missing the last few days of school but I was wrong and she insisted that I do something about it. So I got most of it cut and the tuft at the front I had to cover in boot polish until the end of the week. Ugh.
This picture was taken in the dining room where my grandparents would spend their time, the chair behind us belonged to our dog, Jenny, a springer spaniel that my mum overfed over time and eventually was unable to lift herself up there.
29th Sep 2022 – And so we are here, at the mysterious back pages of the diary.
Record of the week: The Greedies – Merry Jingle
29th Sep 2022 – Phil Lynott from Thin Lizzy and Steve Jones and Paul Cook from the Sex Pistols were the Greedies and this song is a fun, romping Christmas song but as with most Christmas songs, won’t hold up at any other time of year. I wonder what it is that makes people think to write a Christmas song? If it’s your last resort maybe it’s time to give up?
29th Sept 2022 – Paul Mariner, Mick Mills, Mick(?) Lambert, Bobby Robson, Trevor Whymark, Roger Osbourne, John Wark, George Burley, Paul Cooper, Kevin Beattie…the other faces are familiar but names stuck somewhere deep in the noggin. I’m going to go search the rest of the names as a reminder.
Frm Fidy tety sx nw cod i sudrtkn
29th Sept 2022 – Any codebreakers got this one? I reckon ‘From Friday Twenty Six…….” – any significance to the missing letters? Children and their warped minds.
Andrew said “I don’t think the FONZ is very interesting.”
29th Sept 2022 – Me trying to work out how to spell Leif Garrett, and yes, I had to look it up again just now.
Me —— Them Golf -8 —— -2 -2 —— -2 -3 —— -6 -4 —— -10
29th Sep 2022 – In my childlike imagination my bedroom was a golf course. Using one of our eating knives as a club and a marble as a ball, I devised a course around the bed, chair, floor, drawers etc.
I remember the knife well, it was one that was least favoured to be used at the table, it was the odd one out in the cutlery drawer. It had a cream handle, some kind of imitation ivory, bakelite maybe? Where the blade joined the handle had a small piece missing that added to its devious charm. The tip of the knife was an industrial semi-circle shape, with no pointed end as with our other knives. It was ugly. So it became my mini golf club and I loved it for that.
Of course, I just played against myself, labelling the scores Me and Them and generally always favouring Me, naturally.
When you chatted up the girl with the great big boobs I don’t make a fuss, I just kept me cool
29th Sept 2022 – The genesis of getting into writing lyrics and trying to make them outrageous as per my idols. I didn’t yet have the vocabulary and ability but genius (haha!) must start somewhere!
Bed (curtains) 2p Bricks 102p Make own tea 2p Make both teas 5p Make tea to drink 1p Collect coal 1p Collect wood 1p Extra jobs… 1p Depending how hard… 2p It is 3p and so on
29th Sep 2022 – Keeping track of potential earnings. No matter, I would always spend more than I earned, well into my late 20s. Some lessons take a long time.
Racing Kempton 1.30pm 10p stake 1. Be Better 8-1 80p Kempton 2.00pm Catechism 7-1
29th Sep 2022 – A minor interest in Maths, betting and odds developing. I soon realised what a con gambling is, though when I say soon, it probably took another ten years as I did usually put some money through the fruit machines of pubs I attended for a while.
29th Sep 2022 – Artistic skills don’t look particularly promising but that never stopped me from trying.
I want Sex Pistols book, LPs and Clash ‘Give ‘Em Enough Rope’, dartboard
29th Sep 2022 – I ended up with all these except the Clash album which I curiously never owned on vinyl and even now when I listen to it it still sounds fresh and new as many of those songs are not so familiar to me. Weirdly, I think I only ever owned the first album and Sandanista on vinyl and I’m not sure why I missed out on London Calling, which is also a little less familiar to these ears.
Friggin’ in the Riggin’ Ch. Friggin’ in the riggin’ (repeat two more times) Cos there’s fuck all else to do Stick glass up your arse (repeat thrice) Cos there’s fuck all else to do
The captain’s wife is Mable And when she’s fully able She’ll give the crew the daily screw Upon the mess room table The captain’s name is Dodo And he’s a lazy bugger He isn’t fit to shovel shit From one place to another
29th Sep 2022 – As Graeme Gray introduced me to the Sex Pistols through this song I would ask him to repeat these lyrics for me until I could remember them and write them down. Not accurate as expected but filthy enough to warp the precious minds of eleven and twelve-year-old potential brat-punks.
75m – 11.2
29th Sep 2022 – I was obviously pleased with myself for being a fast runner.
Chorus to Pretty Vacant We’re so pretty, oh so pretty -ow – Vacant (repeat) And now, we don’t careeeee!
Second verse and chorus to Silly Thing People here, people there People around you everywhere What you gonna say What you gonna do Now you’ve missed out once again But I thought you knew Ch. Oh, you silly thing You’ve really gone and done it now (repeat)
More songs Bodies There’s a girl from Birmingham She’s had an aboushtion She looks a screaming mess Screaming mess Fuck this, fuck that Fuck that fucking little brat She don’t want a baby like that I don’t want a baby like that She looks a screaming mess Screaming mess
29th Sep 2022 – More outrageous Sex Pistols lyrics. It’s really hard to comprehend what an impact this band had at the time. For folks like me, it has been a lifelong inspiration and influence that I am proud to be a part of. It all looks old-fashioned and pointless now so I’m forgiving of anything that kids are into these days and forgiving of those who were consumed within their own subcultures that were at pinnacles in the past. We don’t have to understand what they like but we can understand the feelings that it gives them.
RAD DID IT GRANDAD DID IT
29th Sep 2022 – I had an irrational dislike for my grandparents. Being a snotty kid around Victorian/Edwardian grandparents was never going to be easy. I did like them when I was smaller but perhaps they were more forgiving then too. I would soon be driving them crazy with super loud music and friends visiting for drinking parties. I never really reconciled with my granny (as I called her and my mum wished to be called by Hayden) before she passed but I was more sympathetic to my grandad as I got to my late teenage years. I was surprised to find out at one point that they were actually quite liberal and were members of CND. They weren’t quite so impressed when I showed them the lyrics to Crass’s What The Fuck but they did seem to get the sentiment.
This fucking’ little bastard Was a fuckin’ little burk He didn’t know what to do When he went to work
Record of the week: The Members – Offshore Banking Business Highest Entry: Wings – Goodnight Tonight – 25
3rd Mar 2022 – The Members were knocking out classic singles and Offshore Banking Business was even surpassed by its b-side Solitary Confinement. The lyrics summed up what I assumed was in store for me as an English teenager in the forthcoming decade. I didn’t know it at the time but I spent all of the eighties avoiding it to some degree.
Coincidentally, The Members vocalist Nicky Tesco passed away this week. One day all my idols will be dead. As you, as I.
I’m sure some folks remember and enjoy the Wings tune. I have no recollection though.
8th April 1979 Would be able to stay up to watch That’s Life but it’s not on 95p 2p
3rd Mar 2022 – That’s Life was actually a good introduction to the cruelties and absurdity of being alive. It was funny but in a typically dry English way. I used to enjoy the Last of the Summer Wine which was on Sunday nights too I think. Though I ended up so fucking annoyed at the miserable characters in that show even though they did overcome their weekly dramatic obstacles. But why were these shows on a Sunday night, priming people for the misery and absurdity of a working week!? So typically English. Is it any wonder we are fucking miserable people!
I didn’t get everything that was featured on That’s Life but knew that it was funny. I would laugh along with my mum even if I didn’t understand why something was funny. My mum influenced me quite a bit as she enjoyed absurd humour such as Spike Milligan, Michael Bentine and Monty Python etc Even kids’ programs were pretty out there, influenced by the drugs, excesses and changes of the sixites, not that I knew it at the time. The Americanisation of kids’ TV is disappointing.
I remember my grandmother as being quite Victorian, though it would have been her parents that lived during that time. By contrast, my mother seemed to be a fifties and sixties girl, growing out of the post-war grind. It was only when I was in my twenties or thirties that she told me that my dad was her second husband! It wasn’t something that she hid from me but she didn’t think it was that an important thing to tell me.
On one hand, I can understand her thinking, though I’m curious now. At the time she told me I only asked her a few questions and didn’t investigate further and of course, now it’s too late to ask. I wonder if there are things I don’t think are important for Hayden to know that might surprise him in the future when and if he finds them out?
9th April 1979 I was buttering up my bedroom wall today – looks fab 2p
3rd Mar 2022 – My guess is I didn’t quite know the meaning of buttering up unless the meaning has changed a little in my short life. I think at this stage I was still just putting up posters and pictures cut out of the music magazines and papers that I was collecting through my mother’s benevolence.
10th April 1979 Got a new pair of trainers. And I got two pads now. 2p
3rd Mar 2022 – The ongoing fucked feet saga. I still haven’t gone to get them checked again. Not that I’ve been waiting since 1979.
11th April 1979 Matthew’s coming down Went on common European Cup Semi-Final (1st Leg) Forest 3-3 Cologne 2p
3rd Mar 2022 – Pre the mega money-spinning sponsorship of football I don’t recall ever seeing European football matches on TV, not even highlights. The scores just appeared occasionally on the news and in the papers, which I would sometimes check out my grandparents’ stash. They got the Guardian and the Observer delivered to our oversized letterbox that sat snugly in the privet hedge by the gate along with the morning milk, twice-weekly bakery goods and the mail.
It’s difficult for people to comprehend these days just how difficult information was to come by. There’s a reason Encyclopedia sets were a popular door-to-door sales item though the one we had we had to sell so that we could live. Food was more important than knowledge at that stage. We were never destitute but it always felt like it wouldn’t take much to push us in that direction.
12th April 1979 1. Art Garfunkel – Bright Eyes 2. Squeeze – Cool For Cats 3. Racey – Some Girls 4. Village People – In The Navy 5. Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive 2p 10p
13th April 1979 Jean came today 2p
3rd Mar 2022 – Jean was my mum’s school friend. A hard-drinking, hard-smoking lady who always wore too much perfume to hide the fact she might’ve been enjoying whiskey breakfasts. I think it was on a visit to her house back in Carlisle that I stole my first cigarettes from her many packets and took that first step into bad boy teenage smoking rebellion. I don’t remember much about any of the visits, her coming to us or us going back up North. She and mum were always off to the pub. These times were my mum’s only holiday time in the year.
14th April 1979 Do bricks Norwich 0-1 Ipswich 2p
3rd Mar 2022 – I wasn’t a Liverpool fan but did much prefer Ray Clemence to Peter Shilton. I hated Peter Shilton’s hair!
1994ever 