Tag: gratitude journal

If I… – 13th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

If I was a woman
I, too, would shout for
An end to the patriarchy
To even the score

If I was a woman
I would happily strut
With head held high
“I am not a slut”

If I was a woman
I would live without fear
Of the rape and violence
That is happening here

If I was a woman
I would guide the boys
Away from stupid wars
And their destructive toys

As I am a man
I can do this too
To teach my sons respect
To be honest and true

Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge #321

Today I’m feeling:

Sick. I already decided that I wouldn’t go to school last night and I slept for 11 hours and woke feeling no better. I grabbed some medicine which did help and when I finally ate that helped a lot too. 

I have to go to the dentist tomorrow so I hope to be feeling better by then.

Today I’m grateful for:

Water. Over the last couple of years, I’ve watered the garden less and most things seem to survive from what they get during the rainy season. 

Often now though our pump stops working and Amy believes it is because there is not enough ground water to pump up. I don’t think that can be the case though as there was so much rain last year. 

Unfortunately, that means that there will likely be something else that is the problem that needs fixing. 

At the moment we can just restart the pump and it’s ok again until the next time we want to water the garden.

The best thing about today was:

Watching the first episode of the Chinese adaptation of Three-Body Problem. It was pretty good and the second episode is free to watch online but I’m not sure if I’ll take the time to find and the rest to watch for free.

Something I learned today?

More Children Killed by Israel in Gaza War Than in Four Years of Worldwide Conflicts

More than 12,300 children have been killed in the Gaza Strip between Oct 2023 and the end Feb 2024.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I did some watering whilst Amy was busy with her family organising things for the wedding this weekend.

Bang Bang, You’re Dead – 9th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

With great spirit
She fought the world
Thought against her
Yet the world was indifferent
When she left

Submitted to Sammi Scribbles

Inspired by news this morning that one of my young female students didn’t come home last night and was seen drunk posting on Instagram. Her name is connected with the poem’s title.

Like all my troublesome students, she reminds me of myself at that age. We fail to see that others want to help us and believe that we know better.

I hope she is safe and that the title doesn’t become a reality.

Today I’m feeling:

Super tired. I slept for about ten hours and when I woke up Amy started asking me questions and I could feel that my brain wasn’t working yet. I couldn’t think what to say!

The air is thick this morning and the mountains are barely visible, my nose blocked and bloody. I guess all the talk of countering the air pollution this year can’t overcome the actual problem. Let’s pray for rain, for all the good that prayer has ever done.

Today I’m grateful for:

An evening out for a change, trying this new restaurant Friendcation. It’s a fancy, expensive, beautiful place. The owners obviously have money though we can’t see how they can make profit yet. Chiang Rai isn’t quite ready yet but in the future they could be perfectly placed to do well.

The best thing about today was:

Reading more about British colonialism in the afternoon. I’m really enjoying this book, though it is hard going with the language used. Once I get into the rhythm of it though I don’t want it to end.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy and I left the restaurant at about 10:45 and Amy wanted to go to The Hideout Bar to check it out. 

I was just tired and wanted to come home though. I didn’t see the point in us having to go tonight when we can go there at any other time to check it out. 

As I was the driver I came home and listened to Amy complaining to along the way.

Something I learned today?

I heard that Pang made it home after her friends heard that the police were going to get involved. Not sure what the fallout from this will be.

I took this picture because this was the pleasant Mediterranean garden environment for our dinner this evening,

The Last Resort Technician – 8th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Like a loopy Ikea jigsaw puzzle
Needing all the king’s horses and men
Humpty Dumpty took sage advice
To R.T.F.M.

Submitted to The Sound of One Hand Typing

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and relaxed.  Now the real semester wind down is happening which saddens me somewhat, as less students bother coming to school, less youthful influence to inspire and the prospect of adult nonsense for the next couple of weeks of grading and lesson planning.  But I will make the best of that.

Today I’m grateful for:

Getting home and then remembering that today is the first game of the season for the Sydney Swans.  The game was actually yesterday but I have to wait until I can watch the replay.  

Every year the site layout changes and I have to try and figure out how to watch the game replay without seeing the score.  I usually don’t manage this on the first game due to the changes and sure enough that’s what happened today.  

But that’s fine – because we won, beating the Melbourne Demons by 22 points.  Watching the game was still entertaining because we played well.  I hope we can keep it up.

The best thing about today was:

Chatting, playing, teaching my students today along with a 4 hour break at House where I did some reading and writing, trying some new forms of poetry and contemplating others.

Something I learned today?

What a ghazal is and forced myself to write one.  It took me about an hour just to figure out ten lines.  It was an interesting exercise though.

I also learned that my grade 7 student Pang never went home yesterday. The night before she and her mum had a fight and her mum told her not to come home again. So that’s exactly what she did!

When Kru Karn was trying to find information from her friends she discovered that Pang skipped school at midday yesterday and went off with her old friends and got so drunk that she couldn’t walk and posted the story on Instagram! If the director of the school ever sees that then that is instant expulsion. 

For me, getting drunk with her friends isn’t that big a deal, it’s what I did at that age too. Hopefully her friends are true friends and will take care of her.

It reminds me of a time when I was about 18 and there was a very drunk 13-year-old in town and my friends and I took care of her. We called her parents to tell them that we were all very sorry but that she wouldn’t be home that night but that we would take care of her. Of course, they were very upset but we did take care of her and found her a female friend to stay with that night. I don’t know what the fallout from that event was but I think we did the right thing taking care of her.

Our worry with Pang is that not only is she strong-willed and wild but that she is on medication for depression. So, along with a risk of being sexually taken advantage of (or willingly accidentally falling pregnant), she is also susceptible to doing something tragic.

I took these pictures because they represent the feeling of the day. My students, hard at work.

Melt – 7th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

No melt off
Here in the tropical East
Hell’s getting hotter

Submitted to Haikai Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

Exhausted despite a long sleep.  I don’t feel good after arguing with Amy last night.  Amy also doesn’t remember some of the things we discussed last night but just remembers that she’s upset.  

She forgot part of our plan this morning for taking Cap to the vet and heading to get the truck first.  It was annoying to me as it triggered another argument last night and yet was forgotten by the morning.  

I feel dumb even writing this down.  

I should be more patient, more forgiving, more understanding.  I should be better than this and I don’t know why I behave the way I do sometimes.  

As I was drifting off to sleep last night I was reminded of what I told Baipad when she was having problems with her mum, that we ‘save our worst behaviour for the people we love the most.’  I want to change that.

Today I’m grateful for:

My job and this school, today organising a great graduation event (at least after all the boring parts were completed anyway) for grade 9s and 12s, some of whom we won’t be seeing again.  

I could feel that the students were in a celebratory mood but also with a slight tinge of sadness as life will change for them all in the next couple of months, whether moving on to university, high school or a job.

The best thing about today was:

Definitely the atmosphere in the school.  It was a relaxed party time for everyone.  

I had a lot of fun with some of my monkey students and couldn’t believe what time it was when I thought about leaving.  A few kids were also keen to introduce me to their parents. 

Days like this make the grind worthwhile.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Only a couple of minor and inconsequential things that were easily dealt with.

Something I learned today?

Starbucks is having to lay off workers as the company is being boycotted for its support of Israel.  Good.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I took Amy (and Cap) to pick up her truck and she will take Cap to the vet.  Between us, at some point today, one of us needs to pick up her mum from the hospital and take her back home.  

If I’m available then I will do it, no problem.  However, as today is the M3 and M6 graduation ceremony I don’t know exactly what times I will be able to get out.

What moment from today do I want to remember?

I want to revel in the happiness that my grade 9 students were feeling for completing their first three years of high school. 

It hasn’t been easy for them or us as teachers as they were particularly affected by pandemic restrictions and having to study online for much of their first semester together.  It took them longer to bond and get into the swing of studying once back in the classroom.  

I can still remember them and their immaturity, slowly changing into young men and women, slowly figuring out their places in their world.  It’s a fabulous feeling and I really enjoy watching it.

Some photos will help me remember too.

I took this picture because Sarah is the funniest monkey. She was a problem to deal with in grade 7 but she found her way and can still have fun but also learn some things too.

The Storm – 5th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 11 Comments

Along the road, we met, orphans of the storm
Cursing the life to which we were born
Sitting on these steps, desperate and forlorn
Soon alone again, an orphan of the storm

Submitted to No Theme Thursday picture prompt

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but positive.  

Cap woke me up three times during the night, to let him in and out of the bedroom.  Another time I needed to pee and then the birds started singing and my alarm zapped me up.  

I contemplated snoozing but pushed through and struggled on with my intermediate abs exercises.  I felt good about that and the cold shower but then as I was listening to my students doing pairs reading I found myself tired.  

Fortunately, they were all called off for the second period to practice for the ceremony on Thursday to wish farewell to the grade 9 and grade 12 kids, giving me an extra hour free today!

Today I’m grateful for:

Max from Ad Interim contacting me again to see if I would like to help with their second album.  

I’ll give it a listen first but have no issues working with them again as they paid back their first album loan within six months of receiving their records.  

I’m extremely grateful to be asked to help them again.

The best thing about today was:

Nong Freya being the only student who came to my class today and still wanting to be taught.

I guessed that the class were practicing for the ceremony on Thursday and as she is somewhat excluded socially in her class I’m guessing either no one told her to be doing that or that she chose to come to class instead.  Either way, if she wants to study then I will teach!

Being just one-on-one makes for a lot of clarity and ideas to be shared.  I was able to see how she worked and thought about things (we were just doing a simple gap-fill exercise) and I also got to hear how well she can read, something which I don’t often get a chance to do in normal class time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As described here, there were a few surprises thrown at me today and I handled them pretty well.

Something I learned today?

You can hear a blue whale’s heartbeat from over 2 miles away. Their hearts weigh roughly 180kg.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I replaced the light bulbs in the garage and at the front of the house today.

I helped Amy by carrying some ceramic pots to where she wanted them in the garden.

I got pens for two of my forgetful students this afternoon, whereas normally I would deduct points from them.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  25. Take Action. Don’t just sit there, do something. Without action, there is no outcome.

I have followed this mostly, sometimes out of spite or contrariness, proving that I can do something, either to myself or to others and other times out of a desire to inspire; if I can do it then anyone can.  

All the action has amounted to me being here, where I am in the world.  Generally happy and satisfied.

I took this picture as a follow-up to yesterday’s picture as the flowers end up falling on my car.

Proof – 3rd March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

My cup is always half-full
I counter the push and pull
You cannot pull the wool
Over my eyes

This game of life is fun
Whether in snow or sun
Today is another one
Of the best

Even when shadows fall
I can counter them all
There will be no wall
I cannot jump

Like Sisyphus, I will climb
Loving each moment in time
Living this life of mine
To the fullest

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 37: POSITIVITY

“And in the pain, there is strength.”

As a depressed teenager I carved LIFE IS PAIN into my arm. It is a constant reminder. I live for the struggle.

Where I now teach, some students were wasting time in class playing a (pretty dumb) video game. I asked them what they got out of it and they said it was fun and they learned that by driving the car faster they earned more points.

I asked them how this was useful in real life and they had no answer. I told them that life is not fun. They looked at me seriously and asked me what it was and I sure told them…. LIFE IS PAIN.

To reiterate the point I twisted their arms behind their backs until it hurt and asked them – WHAT IS LIFE!? PAIN, PAIN – they screamed.

We all laughed (please don’t imagine that I am some sort of ruthless prison guard with my hyperbole) and they went back to their game.

But one day…..they will remember this.

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy. With Amy off for the day, I will take some time to catch up on emails and writing.

Today I’m grateful for:

The twenty-baht shop where I bought more light bulbs. The lady there is an attractive and young-looking woman but today I discovered, and couldn’t believe, that she has a daughter who looks about 8 or 9 years old. The daughter was curious about me and when I gave her a wink she broke out a big smile.

The best thing about today was:

It’s been a pretty lazy relaxing afternoon with a bit of reading and watching YouTube.  Watering the garden was about as good as it gets.  I want to see things grow, grow, grow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Although it was in my control I ended up spending about 1000 baht today, buying coffee, light bulbs, soda water and remembering to order the car seat covers on Lazada.  No more inessentials for the rest of the month now….

Something I learned today?

From Rise of the Global South Telegram group: Swedish Diplomat Count Folke Bernadotte Personally Saved 31K Jews from Nazi Concentration Camps – He was Shot Dead by Members of the Jewish Stern Gang in Jerusalem in 1948

He was killed at point-blank range in a motorcade ambush after writing a UN report based on the devastated Palestinian villages he personally witnessed.

The go-ahead for the murder came from the future Prime Minister of Israel, Yitzhak Yezernitsky.

Israel knew the names of the men who committed the murder, yet nobody was charged.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I took Amy to the city and the family to the temple for Grandmum’s 100-day prayers. Then, I dropped Mum and Dad home, picked up Aor and dropped her and Amy at Paew’s. My taxi duties done for the day.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  23. Create Something. Not to leave a legacy, you won’t be here to see it anyway, but to be of use. Make music, write a book, build a table, anything. You’ll feel good about yourself, plus you give something back to people to use or enjoy.

Growing up I always seemed to be creating something (apart from a nuisance), from artwork, poetry and lyrics, music (of a sort), then creating or advancing a scene in the Sydney DIY space, producing records and so on.

I’m proud of the things that I have done and consider it my legacy but only for myself to enjoy.  It has all made me feel good about myself and I know I have inspired others with some of the things I have created and seen them get enjoyment from them too.  Every day I still create something.

I took this picture at temple prayers for Grandmum and while not having any connected belief to this or any faith, I did find this short ceremony quite comforting.

Where Is Goldie? – 2nd March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Leapt up
To breathe hot air
A fish out of water
“Mommy, where has Goldie gone to?”
Came the sharp cry from the distraught daughter
Searching the scene, the empty bowl
From the sofa’s safety
Then mommy too
Leapt up

Submitted to dVerse
Form inspired by this poem at Poetry Matters
“Rictameter is a scheme similar to Cinquain. Starting your first line with a two-syllable word, you then consecutively increase the number of syllables per line by two. i.e. 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 Then down again, 8, 6, 4, 2 Making the final line the same two-syllable word you began with.“

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good after a long sleep, cold shower and coffee. Even a sudden change to plans doesn’t phase me today.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding that the car seat covers that I would like to buy will be discounted tomorrow for the Lazada 3.3 Sale.  

Now I just have to remember to order them sometime tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

Sharing two plates of different Bingsu with Amy after lunch.  One was red syrup on milk ice, the other taro. A nice and refreshing sweet cool down.  This time of the year the world turns yellow and the green goes missing.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The change of plans was out of my control but didn’t bother me at all.  I’ve come to expect changes at a moment’s notice now and accepted that things will not always go the way that I hope.  

As I still count myself very lucky to have a lot of time for myself it’s not a big loss to give some of it up for things that come up.

Something I learned today?

The Chiang Rai train station (if it ever happens) will be somewhere between the city and Wiang Chai.  

There are also plans to upgrade the airport starting next year.  Things are up and running again after the fuck around of the pandemic.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Amy changed our plans for the weekend after being invited to travel to Toeng on Sunday.  We will still go to the city in the morning for Grandmum’s 100 days since passing and then she’ll head off with her friends.  

This meant that instead of relaxing at home all day today we had to go to the city to take the truck to get fixed and find shirts for us to wear at Amy’s brother’s wedding in a couple of weeks.  It also meant an extra journey to the city and back this weekend and I was hoping to save on petrol.  This month will be tight for money again.  

Anyway, as usual, I just got on with it, listening to Amy complain about how hot it was and telling myself not to complain about the weather (despite it being complainable about!)

I took this picture because two days of hot weather signifying the instant change from winter to summer has seen buds breaking through in Amy’s mum’s garden.

Swan Waiting – 1st March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Maybe she wasn’t the smartest
She’s certainly not the fastest
Some days this brought her to tears
Unable to face all her fears

Yet she determined she must try
If she was ever to get by
To prove to herself she could do
The things she had been asked to

She told herself she must believe
And so she began to achieve
Slowly transformed from ugly duck
Full of intent and not by luck

(Formed into a beautiful swan)

Not waiting for others’ consent
No dumb luck, just full of intent

Submitted to Sammi Scribbles Weekend Writing Prompt #352 – Intent (91 words)

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty positive. Forced myself up to exercise and feel a lot better for it, as well as the cold showers when getting home from work.

Today I’m grateful for:

Getting paid today whilst sitting in House between classes, meaning I could pay off my tab.

The best thing about today was:

Relaxing with my grade 7 students in the afternoon.  There was a good atmosphere as I had them reading one on one with me though predictably other kids joined in, even from other classes.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Busy with catching up on reading and other writing I forget to write here during the day and I’m catching up in the evening. However, I’ve had a quarter of the brownie Amy bought last night and I’m happily stoned now and struggling to write more!

I took this picture because I noticed the sun shining on these delicate flowers as I walked into House this morning.

A Whistlewomp – 29th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 11 Comments

In grobblegrinch not merry met
A whistlewomp paced upset
Eyes colder than the darkest coal
A ghosting galloped across my soul
– The frugglefrau awaits beneath
– The bridge, baring broken teeth
The flutterflumps flew in fright
As tolling bells queried the night
Clearly here the foxes gather
To feast on human gristleslather

Shared to WDYS #227
18th Oct 2024 – Shared with Living Poetry – macabre

Today I’m feeling:

A little flat.  Summer has kicked in seemingly overnight and there are no more cool nights, at least not indoors.  With the tail end of this flu, it has left me a little tired (though not sleepy) and easily affected by other’s moods or actions.

Today I’m grateful for:

A weed shop open in our little village!  This evening Amy wanted to go and get some medicine and as we were riding home there was suddenly the smell of weed.  Amy wanted to stop and bought a brownie in the hope that it will aid her to sleep better tonight.

The best thing about today was:

Getting through more than half of my grading for this semester and doing a lot of it during class time after setting some work and letting the students get on with it.  It’s not even due yet but I want to get it done.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I forgot my medicine this morning so have been a little bit dizzy all day.  Missing one day doesn’t affect me in that I will be depressed but the dizziness can be disorienting, otherwise I’m not thinking about the fact that I’ve missed it.

Something I learned today?

I bumped into my struggling student on the way to another class and they were on their iPad so I sarcastically asked if they were playing games or studying but they were actually live streaming.  Live streaming whilst studying – and getting paid for it too!  Sometimes 2000 baht they said!  I waved to their followers and went off to class.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I followed up on the student who was struggling yesterday and they seem a bit better today.  I gave some more tips and things to think about.

I also gave Baipad some more advice on using her brain more and trying to be more sociable.  She reminds me of myself at times, much like all my students. 

Imagine that, all my students are little pieces of me, running around as a reminder of what I was like!  Is this a game?  A fantastic AI simulation?

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  22. Don’t Blame People. What’s the point? Do you want to punish them? You don’t do that to people. Also, don’t blame yourself—you’re only human.

I’ve gotten better at this over the years.  I would switch between blaming others and blaming myself.  There are no winners in that thinking!

I took this picture on Saturday at the housewarming in the rice fields. No pictures today.

Carriage Four – 28th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

It’s the marker of my day’s end
Another hour to sit and spend
Contemplating tomorrow
In the warmth of my only friend

– Carriage four, sat by the door

*Walking home in the rain again
Missed the subway train again*
There’s a seat with my name
That I can’t explain again….

Submitted for Reena’s Xploration Challenge #319.
*Inspired by Buffalo Tom’s The Bus

Today I’m feeling:

A little disheartened.  I slept late again last night and couldn’t force myself up to exercise.  Like I mentioned yesterday I tend to feel better and more energetic in the evenings when I’ve been sick or still recovering.  When I woke this morning I could feel that I’m still not 100%.

My mood was ok but I could also feel that some of my students weren’t in such a great mood themselves this morning, though as can be expected there are still plenty who were.  Perhaps those down ones infected me slightly though.

I also felt a little disconsolate as I came out of school to grab coffee and the reduced number of students being around already at this time of year reminded me that this will all be over again for another year.

Yesterday and last night was also the turning point for temperatures as I put the aircon on for a little while when I got home after work and then needed it on for four hours at the start of the night.  With just the fan for the rest of the night, I woke up hot and tired.  Time to start the cold showers I think.

Today I’m grateful for:

Casually chatting with Kru Karn about what to teach her class today (with so many students away), which was about to start, and through that coming up with the idea to get the kids to take a photo or video of someone in the school and then make a one-minute video presentation describing them (our topic is Describing People).

Initially, the kids were shocked when I told them all to leave the class and go and find someone to talk about.  And then I was shocked to find all of them in the teacher’s room talking to Kru Karn because they wanted her to be the subject.  When I found them I told them that everyone had to have a different person as the subject and they all left somewhat dejected, though it got their brains spinning.

Whilst they all went off, some actually doing the work, others just playing with the other half-class of students next door, I sat back a little, fielded questions, gave advice and started my grading files.  Eventually, after the two hours were up, everyone had finished the task as best they could and I was happy and they were happy too.

The best thing about today was:

My grade 10s being late for class and me not caring!  The work planned for them can be done at any time so we just started when they finally arrived and can do more next week.  

It wasn’t their fault that they were late so we just enjoyed a relaxed lesson of writing and thinking.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

(See below)

Something I learned today?

One of our Thai teachers told a student that they will never get a job because they are not smart enough.  I was fuming when I heard this, it’s the antithesis of how a teacher should be.  

It’s a struggle for a teacher to pick everyone up but you have to support the students in any way that you can.  You have to give them something.  

I asked the student who confided the information to me what grade they got from that teacher and it was grade 4! Top grade!  Unbelievable!  It makes me angry!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Another student came to me today asking for help with mental health issues.  We talked for about an hour going over the problems they are having (including the issue mentioned above) and despite our struggles with language we blundered through with translation and managed to understand each other.  

I’ve done a little bit of investigation and sent some information for support services in Thai and I will find some more information for them later too.

Bruno took this picture in Italy, in the mountains where his family is from. No pictures from me today.