Tag: gratitude journal

In The Palm Of Our Hands – 1st July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

An ugly glamour
The softest skin
To the world unwise
Set to begin
Eyes forever west
Where the age awaits
Flowers first bloom
Mark those dates
Love unknown
Imagined, anticipated
Promises broken
Soon tortured and hated
In the cemeteries
Lives long since lived
The sands of time
Slowly being sieved

inspired and morphed from text at the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Woke up in a rush as I misinterpreted my alarm settings and only had ten minutes to get up and go to meet Bruno for coffee at Utopia before exploring around the grounds of the university. It was a good way to kickstart the day. I’m flagging a little now at 5 pm but will keep going with some guitar practice.

Today I’m grateful for:

The mimosa and cardamon candle that is burning and making the room smell nice. I was able to buy it online and get it delivered quickly to my humble little home in this tiny village in the jungle hills of Thailand. My ten-year-old self, my twenty-year-old self and even my thirty-year-old self would not have anticipated the possibility of me happily laying in this room at this time. Well done me.

The best thing about today was:

Going on a discovery bike ride around parts of the university that I haven’t seen before. The site is huge and the campus buildings only take up about a tenth of it. We even biked through Wanasom Wellness Center which looks like it was once a nice place but looked run down and dejected though there were a couple of people about but they didn’t seem to be doing anything.
So many fancy buildings are put up and then fall into disrepair due to lack of use. I’ve seen some nice homes overgrown and dirty in what I can only guess were once family homes that perhaps folks moved away or died and were just unable to sell. I think that is likely to happen to our home in the end.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing comes to mind today to except the frustration of the Swans v Geelong game ending up a draw. It’s looking doubtful that the Swans will make finals this year and if Geelong don’t make it too it will be the first time ever that both last year’s grand finalists don’t make the right in the year following.

Something I learned today?

I learned a little from Bruno about the weeds in my garden. He was shaking his head at the great variety that our poor soil supports.

What would I like to accomplish this month?

Maybe I should set some targets. The aircon should get fixed. I’d like to start working on a solution to the guttering problem in the garage too. Bruno says to try Mega Home in Bandu. I should go and just get an idea of the cost and possibilities at least. I guess I can include my visa renewal too as Amy will be back here soon to help with that.

I took this picture because Bruno and I came across this family when we were exploring the university’s botanical gardens.

Version – 29th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Those things so important matter no more
The once-cool kids are married or dead
A grown-up version becoming a bore
And forgetting all those promises said

Innocence devoured by wolves of the wild
Dared to be taken for a future story told
A reminder of the life of a child
With all the possibilities to take and hold

Now the world is within easy reach
The starry eyes often filled with regret
A brutal truth was bound to teach
Another lesson to never forget

inspired and morphed from text at the Spinning Visions blog
2nd May 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Regret

Today I’m feeling:

Because I slept in yesterday I was up late last night and ended up with less than six hours sleep but managed to get up and moving, knowing that today I would probably not have anything to do. I clocked in and went off for coffee and as there were no specific messages to come to school I came home around 11 am to start this extra-long weekend. I’m starting to flag a little now (3 pm) but will try to stay awake and sleep well tonight. Mentally I’m feeling good.
(I went for a nap about ten minutes after writing this!)

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding cheap new work pants outside Big C and the girl letting me go to the centre toilets to try them on. She measured me at 38cm but the 34cm fit fine around the waist. The only downside was that they seem designed for tiny Thai butts. I’ll see how well they perform next week.

The best thing about today was:

Not getting called back to school for any reason. It meant I could spend the day as I liked though right now I feel like I wasted it. I watched some videos and read a little. Oh, I did the vacuuming which was a plus as there was so much cat fur blowing around the floor. That’s a win. My fish seller was at the market today too so I bought that instead of the salad that I went for.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Today was Amy’s birthday and she had a good time with her workmates and flatmates. I was happy to see her so happy. But it also makes me a little fearful about when she returns in October. Can she settle back here and get something going that keeps her happy?

Something I learned today?

The kids who were arrested after a protest in Bangkok were acquitted today. They were part of a protest that the Thai police had approved and knew about when suddenly and deliberately a royal motorcade was driven through the area. Not even the police managing the protest were aware but when the protesters realised there were important people in these cars they made sure that the people inside knew. I don’t believe there was any threat or violence beyond perhaps some banging on the cars. As the royals are still seen to be above us mere mortals a few kids were arrested.  After two years or more of awaiting their fate which potentially could have seen them imprisoned for up to 15 years, they are free to carry on with their lives. As they should be.

What did I get done this past month?

Essentially, more of the same. I guess I finally got someone to come and investigate my aircon and hopefully, that will be working again before Amy gets back in a couple of weeks. I don’t really have a to-do list these days. I can keep most everything stored in the noggin and things will be done when they’re done.

I took this picture because the garden is turning green again with the few storms we’ve had dropping some good rain.

Cleitus – 28th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

My saviour come, rescue me
We’ll sit and drink as friends
Until a change of direction flows
Towards the most deadly ends
In a rage, a spear picked up
Stabbed through the heart that breaks
A friend now forever dead
Another left living with his mistakes

Today I’m feeling:

A little refreshed though a little slow to go. A delicious sleep-in this morning occasionally broken by light pouring in and cats crying to be fed. Two Utopia coffees have me buzzing. It’s almost a shame that I still have to go to school for a couple of hours. I’ve never been able to feel comfortable with spending free time before going to work. I’m more of a get-up-and-get-to-work person. Get it over and done with and relax after it’s finished.

Today I’m grateful for:

Having a working reliable car that I was able to drive through a big storm to get to work this afternoon. The rain was so heavy that most cars pulled over until it passed. I was on a tight schedule, though obviously, I slowed down.

The best thing about today was:

Wandering around the school finding my students doing various activities, mostly unhappily and having fun with them. I was in a good mood because I only did about ten minutes work and was about to make my way home again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I was sitting in the car preparing to leave, my phone connected to the car to play my queued podcasts as normal, I looked at my phone and there was a message saying that the app I was using would be discontinued next month. Just as I finally had things set up and running smoothly on it. Sigh.
Inevitably, when I got to school at the appropriate time there was lots of sitting around waiting before I was due to do anything so I did some research, downloaded a new app and found all my podcasts again and set my queue up again. All done!

Something I learned today?

If you want to lose belly fat you should do some active exercise approximately two hours after waking up. I’m often in the classroom around that point and I’m pretty active. I’m not much of a sit-down teacher.

How do I show love and support to those around me?

An interesting question as it’s not something I consciously think about. If someone is sad I will be empathetic. If they are struggling I will talk with them. I’m going to wimp out here and say etc etc.
But I would also say that I don’t get too involved in other people’s lives so I might not know so much about what is going on with them anyway. I don’t need my nose in everyone’s business either.

I took this picture because I love to see the sun hit the mountains whilst clouds are hanging around, heavy like this one was. I’m thankful to be able to see the wonders of nature almost every day.

Never Made A Cent – 27th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When chopping wood in winter
Becomes the gift that keeps giving
Carrying water under the blazing sun
Reaffirms the good life you’re living
Never selling a song or picture
Has no effect on the artistic soul
The action is the best reward
The outcome is out of our control

Today I’m feeling:

Another good sleep and woke with more of a spring in my step than yesterday. 
(evening) run out of energy after an hour of playing guitar.

Today I’m grateful for:

Matt paying for lunch for me. After I finished at school in the morning I drove over to his place and we went to a new fancy-ish restaurant just 500 metres from his place. The food was average but the vibe was cool. Time flew by as we hadn’t caught up with each other for quite a while. He’ll go back to the States in September for a few weeks and then I’ll go to Oz in October. I guess we’ll catch up again after that.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that I’m not needed until 1 pm at school tomorrow and making the decision to not bother clocking in on time and having a sleep-in instead.  No doubt I’ll still wake up but then I can go at my own speed.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was enjoying my morning coffee at House expecting to head back to school before 9am for the start of today’s activities when at about 8.20 I got a phone call asking where I was as the bus was about to leave. What bus? Here we go!
I came back to school and was told my spot for activities is under the bridge at the river. This is where I’m sitting now and told to wait for about thirty minutes for students to arrive. Let’s hope it’s not a Thai thirty minutes. I’m holding on to my thoughts and will use this time to study or contemplate the good things in this world.
(later) The kids came after about 20 minutes and I played an easy game with them, then they went off and I waited for the next group. The fourth and final group came after about an hour and I was done.
A random teacher came and picked me up on a motorbike and I went back to school where I found Mike who was still waiting for the first lot of kids to arrive. He’d spent an hour and a half in the sun waiting because no one had thought ahead about how they had planned this event. I chuckled and left before I could get roped into anything else.
I enjoyed the quick games with the kids and filled in the rest of the time studying Thai so in the end it was an interesting variation on my usual morning routine.

Something I learned today?

I’m tired and not quite feeling well-fed despite eating plenty today. I can’t think of anything clearly that I learned despite reading, listening, watching and talking plenty, too. 
Matt’s cat died last week so we shared our common sadness.

I took this picture because this was my teaching space this morning. That’s how I roll! I’ve gotten used to the bizarre situations I can end up in.

Sold To The Highest Buddha – 26th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s money to be made
If you repack old Deepak
A rewrite of insight
A new cover displayed 
Brand is a brand
A mix of old tricks
A bird in the bush
Worth two in the hand
And so we gots
All the words of Watts
That always made great sense
A new guru on Hulu
Selling a finger of ginger
For the most ridiculous expense
This week’s wisdom to counter fail
Stacks up as unread mail
But Sadhguru has no care
His followers split 
And now do sit
In their very own golden chair

Today I’m feeling:

Full up after eating two baked potatoes and a whole tub of ice cream. I slept well and got up and got going. My finger still hurts a lot but I’m trying to ignore it and just continue as normal. 

Today I’m grateful for:

My umbrella that was next to useless in trying to keep me cool standing out in the middle of the football field. At least it kept the sun off my skin somewhat. Now I’m sitting in the shade but my shirt is soaked through with sweat already. Welcome to scout week.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling pretty laid back and enjoying my more recently found ability to go with the flow in situations such as today. David was railing against it just like I used to and I had to remind him to relax. He said he needs to know what’s going on and needs to structure. I told him that this is not the place for that.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

This morning I spent two hours hanging around at school just to hold my arms out for five seconds to line up the primary students. I was improperly trained for about twenty seconds in how to hold my arms out. I did a great job!
I forced myself to enjoy this colossal waste of time even knowing that I will have to do something similar for the next two days too,

Something I learned today?

I’ve been quite impressed with Yuval Noah Hariri’s book Sapiens so I went looking for videos of his and was quite shocked to find that supposed Christians resort to calling him the anti-Christ! His offence (in the video I saw) was just saying that AI has the ability to start its own religion and to write its own Bible. What seems like a straightforward suggestion to me seemed to trigger many dogmatic non-thinkers, those tied up in the narrative that there can only be one god and that he is mostly white and lives in America. I’m projecting a little with that last sentence but it smacks of ignorance that falls into a particular stereotype that appeals to me.

What are the most important relationships in my life?

Number one is my relationship with myself. If I keep that running smoothly all other relationships will take care of themselves.

I took this picture because sometimes I just find Tangmo outside the door patiently waiting for attention. I’m trying to give him less often but he keeps coming back until I shut the gate.

Breaking Up The Band – 25th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We are a dysfunctional family of four
Carrying our tools across the floor
Ready to give you all from the heart
Before finally ripping ourselves apart

Going from friends to colleagues
We grew along with our intrigues
Soon we melded ourselves into one
Deciding to take the whole world on

The fun stopped one night in the rain
The last note ringing could never explain
A flick of the switch to mark the end
The crowd goodbyes a dearest friend

Dining out on those glories past
Provoked so many questions asked
Time will put in order the truths
The connection made by these four youths

written after reading the Jawbreaker interviews in We Owe You Nothing

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again. I had better energy and was able to do my warmup in the morning before coffee. The rest of the day has been a steady supply of all right.

Today I’m grateful for:

The beautiful fat dark clouds covering the tops of the mountains this morning after a night of intermittent rain. It looks like it will rain more but I decided to ride my motorbike out for coffee so that I could remember the feeling of being cold (the rain is cold but the air isn’t).

The best thing about today was:

Finally getting to see the Swans win again and with their biggest-ever victory margin as they scored over 200 points against the troubled Eagles. It wasn’t much of a contest but it was better than watching another dire struggle and losing. I managed to beat my shirts into shape getting the ironing done at the same time too. A winning day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve wrenched something in the middle finger middle joint on my right hand and it hurts like hell. I’m not sure when I did it. I did a bit of weeding but I can’t remember feeling anything untoward at the time. It could’ve been when I was hanging, though I don’t recall anything much then either.  Playing an hour of guitar probably hasn’t helped either. I’m going to handle it by going to sleep and hope it feels better in the morning.

Something I learned today?

The biggest winning margin the Swans have had is 171 points, which they equalled today. It’s also the first 200-plus point game by any team since 2011. I don’t think it reflects how good the Swans were but how bad the Eagles were.

What is my favourite form of self-expression?

Is this not the living breathing thinking acting form of myself? If I move, if I open my mouth. My favourite form? Myself as a whole. Take it or leave it.

I took this picture from Facebook because it’s fascinating to see Chiang Rai in 1977 which is when I’d just moved to my grandparents’ house in Dorset. It was also 2 years before Amy was even born. This made me think of everything Amy’s grandmum must have seen change in her lifetime here. Time is fast, time is slow.

Incomplete Stories – 24th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The tale of the incompetent teenager
That can dig himself out of a hole
Because this moment will last forever
And it’s slowly eating away his soul
The book is only at the first chapter
And it could easily be snatched away
The pleasure is in anticipation
For the years, the months, tomorrow and today

Today I’m feeling:

I slept so much last night that my body was stiff when I finally got up. After 13 hours or so of rest I thought I’d be rested enough but I couldn’t muster the energy to even do my usual jumping jacks warm-up or ride my push bike to Utopia. My two coffees also didn’t have the impact I was hoping for perhaps spoiled by the remnants of last night’s beers though the aftertaste was pretty good. By 11.30 I had started to do some reading but found myself nodding off quickly and despite hoping to avoid an afternoon nap I couldn’t resist and started it early. Waking at 1.30 I dashed out for a big plate of lardna before the forecast heavy rain was due still feeling hungry picked up a bunch of ice creams on the way back. Again hoping these foods would turn into energy I sat at home dazed not knowing what to do so put on some music and dosed again. Finally, after talking to Amy and feeding the cats I felt my energy return and picked up the guitar for an hour and a half and read some more. It’s weird how zonked I am on Saturdays now.

Today I’m grateful for:

My energy finally returning as I was finding myself feeling depressed and useless. I’m thinking I need to eat a little more again, especially when I’m working out a little harder than before and even though I’m trying to lose this excess fat. Maybe my balance isn’t quite right yet. I wonder how much of my teenage depression was aggravated by bad eating and sleeping habits.

The best thing about today was:

Reading an inspirational Facebook post from Champ who has been in Melbourne for six months already now. I knew he would post something like this at some point. He is highly motivated and pushes himself and he is a great example for our students to not give up and that if you want to achieve anything you have to keep going, getting back up each time you’re knocked down and working through the tough times. I linked all my students to his post in the hopes of inspiring them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Yesterday we got a schedule for next week’s scout week. I was hoping to avoid having to get too involved but it looks like I’ve been pencilled in to do a couple of things. It’s a bit annoying and I feel resentful but I reminded myself what I tell my students sometimes, in that sometimes you just have to do things you don’t want to do and that they even turn out to be fun. I’m talking myself into it slowly though I’d still prefer to be able to do my own thing.

Something I learned today?

Earlier this week Amy was talking about the Titanic and I didn’t know why and she asked if I’d heard the news? What news? 
She talked about a submersible that takes tourists down to view the wreck had lost contact and they only had two days of oxygen. Amy was incredulous that I knew nothing about this but I was quite happy not knowing about it and wondered what I didn’t know. 
Anyway, today I did come across a video talking about the fact that the submersible has since been found and that it had imploded killing the five people on board. They played an animation of an implosion and even at a slow speed it lasted less than a second, the water pressure is so strong. Anyone in that situation wouldn’t have had time to suffer. 
It seems though that discussions before locating the submersible were more morbidly centred around the fact that one person could have survived for twenty days with the available air and how the people might choose who should die so the rest could live. What the fuck is wrong with people?

What is my favourite photo of the week?

I didn’t take many after my ride on Sunday and I already put those here so back to Sunday I came across this big temple in a comparatively tiny village. Someone in the village must be in the money!

I took this picture because Piti was looking majestic and relaxed when I arrived at Utopia.

String-Lit Rooftop – 23rd June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It was perfect lighting for wine
The rooftop caught the breeze
Sharing anecdotes and views
Above the tops of the trees
The night air tasting so sweet
A joyful company of cats
A world down there goes on by
Dreaming of ways to relax
The love of careless dreams
Engrossing ideas softly debated
A world comes together up here
And the future becomes fated

inspired by part of this post at the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Tired despite getting more than 7 hours of sleep for the first time this week. When I got home I had a thirst for beer so stuck some in the fridge whilst I dashed out to get a salted fish for dinner. I was soon sat eating the chilli-drenched fish and downed two still-warm beers in the process. The satisfaction in my tummy triggered my exhaustion synapses and I started shutting down. I fed the cats and sent a good night message to Amy, who was out dancing around Sydney, and was in bed before it was dark. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The fish seller who had fish already cooked at 4.30 pm so I was able to grab dinner without having to wait. Along with a big bag of lettuce, some noodles and the rocket hot chilli it was a shot of protein that I needed.

The best thing about today was:

My dinner with beer. And not because I was getting drunk but just because it is unusual for me these days to even feel like having a beer and whereas I used to be able to keep drinking into the evening, now I feel satisfied (or sleepy) after just two.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I went to sleep without having written here or doing my Thai practice with my apps where I will lose my daily streaks. But I needed to catch up and won’t beat myself up over it.

Something I learned today?

Some days I need a break.

I took this picture because I was once again reminded that around this school of 3000 students are the remnants of the farming life of the locals. At some point in the next twenty years, there may not be anywhere for this herd to be. The picture is the tail end of a herd of about 40 goats that just ambled through the crossroads at the school with the farmer riding a rusty old bike cracking a stick on the road.

A Little Dirty – 21st June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The poison in his palace
Spews forth through angry lips
Hence it penetrates through
All his relationships
Take care not to smear
Or guilt by association
Is what we may all fear
For even a non-communication

inspired by thoughts at the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

My body felt good after some chest exercises that hurt a lot though I can feel I’m getting a little more strength each time. My mind is following my body and is fairly positive though contemplating being on the borders of exhaustion. It’s a long day today but I’ve planned reasonably well for it.

Today I’m grateful for:

The tax cheque that I got for 3200 baht. That will help go towards the 5500 baht cost of the aircon repair. The aircon also stopped again last night after two nights of success. The two fans are barely enough to make sleep comfortable.

The best thing about today was:

All my classes going well and being enjoyable. The students had a good time and I did too. Maybe they even learned some things.
I enjoyed the M4 class giving them a task that I only had the idea for on Monday. I saw that they went to some special training on the weekend with an ex-flight attendant so I got them to write about that. I put some time into helping them improve their work and we’ll continue tomorrow when I hope they can finish and then read aloud what they’ve written. 
It looks like this class might lose its last boy too as he is feeling a little friendless surrounded by 15 girls.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As I was busy preparing for the class mentioned above I ran out of time to learn a little more Thai with Amy and I’m almost out of time to chill with some TV as I still have to study with my apps too. It’s a little frustrating but I know that Wednesday and Thursday are my busiest days so I’m kinda prepared for it now.

Something I learned today?

In March 2022 Russia’s Putin had negotiated a secret peace deal with Ukraine and it had been agreed to. Part of that deal was to remove Russian troops from Kiev which they did. Then ‘the West’, via Boris Johnson, made Ukraine break the agreement. Since then 1000s of people have died in this conflict. For what purpose? It comes to mind that it is for financial profit for arms makers and to drive a wedge between Russia and Europe, all of which only benefits one party. Everyone’s favourite, the USA.

How do I define success?

Success is not worrying about success. Success is being happy with what you’ve got.

I took this picture because someone had gone to the trouble of building this tiny house that is too small for a child and too big for a doll house. And then it’s been abandoned to the jungle with a bull and me as its only witness.

Beautiful Hell – 20th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A half-finished thought on a scrap
Of paper left to wait on the dash
Perhaps one day it will be completed
On this keyboard that I bash
The cosmos forever turning makes
For a beautiful hell to weave
Wherever these gifts are coming from
They’re a pleasure to receive

inspired by text at the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. My classes went well despite some annoyances and stresses. I felt a little bit over it by the end of the day and was glad to get home.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finishing entering my gratitude journal entries online for March 2021-June 2021. Onto the next little journal which continues up to August 2022 and when I started using this app (Day One). It’s kinda ironic that my last entry in that journal I just finished talked about being grateful for the journal itself as I prefer to write with a pen on paper rather than use the phone. I guess I still do prefer that but I’ve gotten used to doing these on the phone now.

The best thing about today was:

Chatting with my student Jet. She asked me what I thought about Kru Ren and I told her I liked him because he was unusual. She agreed and wants to talk with him more because she’s intrigued. She said he is an otaku’s otaku! I don’t know him well enough to comment but I also find him intriguing especially yesterday when he was wearing blue contact lenses.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Well, this is more the opposite. 
In my class yesterday it was apparent that the students didn’t understand much so I quickly put together some work that would give them more familiarity with the vocab and how to find their meanings in the dictionary along with a translation so that they could make connections. 
Setting this up kept them quiet and having them write it all down will help reinforce things a little more. By the time I got to the next class to teach them the same thing I had re-jigged the lesson so that it was in a better order. 
By tomorrow I should know if it has improved from the student’s perspective too.

Something I learned today?

I found some exercises and massage to possibly help my sore toe. I’m not sure if it is a bunion or not but the information should be useful anyway. It seems I would also benefit from buying wide-toed shoes to help too.

What is my favourite way to connect with nature?

See today’s picture. Right now getting on my motorbike and riding around is the best and easiest way for me. I do miss different natural settings these days. I mean the mountains and the jungle are breathtaking at times but it seems impossible to go anywhere here to get away from it.

On Sunday I took this picture because these vivid colours stood out as I was whizzing through this village on my motorbike. I had to stop and go back to get this shot but I’m glad I did.