Tag: gratitude journal

Everyone’s A Stereotype – 9th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Entitled to an opinion?
Constantly talking shite
Does Everyman exist?
And what of his plight?
Doing the dishes again
Through lace curtain windows
Post-work pub crawl
Where good gossip flows
Ideas getting bashed out
From a giant ball of clay
Slowly returns to mud
With every word they say
Everyone a stereotype
Every opinion counted
Even in opposition
A culture war is mounted

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good but I can tell that I’m a little exhausted at the end of the week again. This day is weird. Teach first thing and then wait four hours to teach again. I can fill the time easily enough it’s just the up and down of the tension in my body.

Today I’m grateful for:

Mum’s soup again. I got home a bit late and I could see a storm coming. I wasn’t sure what I was going to eat and thought I could quickly dash to the market to find something. Just as I put my keys in my pocket after getting changed some rain came, not too much but it didn’t look like it was going to stop anytime soon. A quick double-check of the freezer and there waiting was Mum’s soup. Great. Adding salt, pepper, dried garlic, chilli in vinegar, crunchy dried gluten with dried chilli and kaffir lime leaves, defrosted and piping hot, it sure hit the spot.

The best thing about today was:

Being happy and contented at school so much that even after I finished my own class I joined another where I knew some students and helped them a little before bumping into other students all stopping for a chat or calling me over. There were some students from another school and I realised one was a girl (Gift) I met here a couple of years ago. I never taught her but she always wanted to talk with me when she saw me and slowly I got to know her and her friends. I didn’t know she’d moved schools and was now at the Technical College doing something related to cooking. Her English is still poor so I couldn’t get much more than that. She has a positive attitude though and should be able to do well for herself. It was good to catch up.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The rhythm of the day has seen me run out of energy again and although I feel happy I also seem a little grumpy (to myself). Like not quite right. The buzz of the classes at the ends of the working day have made it feel like a very stop-start affair, almost two days in one but with no sleep between them.
Matt messaged me about a new restaurant near him and wondered if I might come over to check it out. My feeling is not to do anything this weekend, then I considered that I could go on Sunday but then pushed myself to go tomorrow instead. Sometimes I have to kick my own ass to get myself moving.
Amy also called from the Star Casino bar where she was having a great time drinking and dancing by herself, though enjoying the acquaintance of others there. For me though I was feeling a little annoyed at being called many times but I also realise that she misses me being there with her (even though I wouldn’t have likely been at that bar with her). I appreciate her happiness and enjoyment of her life and know that my mild annoyance is irrational. I need a sleep and I’m already thinking about tomorrow morning’s coffee!

Something I learned today?

I was listening to an interesting podcast with Peter Hessler whose books about China I have read or to read here (as well as his wife’s book Factory Girls). They left China in 2007 but a few years later after having twins decided to live in Cairo, Egypt just at the time of the violent colour revolution there. Besides that, what was interesting there was his discovery of the Chinese diaspora there, how they ended up there, how they became leading plastic recyclers or women’s lingerie sellers and the differences and appreciation of each other’s cultures.

When do I feel most alive?

At age 55 it definitely isn’t on Friday nights anymore! I suppose it would be at school being with my students, not necessarily teaching them but just chatting and understanding.
Back in Sydney, I remember talking with friends about my possible futures at the time and that I was thinking of becoming a barista (which I soon did) and perhaps an English teacher (which I eventually did). My friends said they thought that I would make a great teacher though I didn’t really know why they thought that. Maybe they could see something that I couldn’t. They didn’t imagine me as a barista though admittedly at the time barista was judged similarly to hipster.
When I think back even further I remember the time in Gosford in 1995 when Bronwyn and I got stoned and ended up at her friend’s youth club that night much to my dismay and initial reluctance and then after getting over my paranoia  (it’s not easy to get lost in thought surrounded by 100 teenagers in a room) having a memorable night of enjoyment that has stuck with me ever since.

I took this picture because this is the result of the plant/tree sap dripping on me the other day. It’s cleared up a bit now, after blistering a little in places but I expect it to stay red in places for maybe three or months and will get itchy in the next week or two. I should try and find out more information about what the plant actually is.

17th July 2023 – With my new iPhone I was able to use the Look Up function for the picture of the plant. It is Euphorbia tirucalli (known as Indian tree spurge, naked lady, pencil tree) and the latex sap is poisonous and can indeed cause temporary blindness!

History Now – 8th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You don’t need to worry about the future 
If you made your foundations solid today
Soon this day is done, there’s only looking back
And reflecting on how you got along this way
Say to yourself that you work and you exist
And it’s some kind of history you’re making
What’s done is done and all is set
That’s the future that you’ve been creating

Today I’m feeling:

Struggled to get up as sleep was interrupted a little by being too hot but once I settled in to exercise my body started to feel good and ready to go. My mind followed suit. I’m writing this as I’m stuck up on stage waiting for this ceremony to finish but I’m not resentful or bothered about being here. Rather than feeling like a waste of time I can read or write in relative peace. The two quick coffees I downed before getting here probably helped a lot too.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Karn dragging me up onto the stage for the ceremony today. Although I didn’t understand anything it was nice to watch the traditional Thai dance and the beautiful song that was sung. And then Kru Karn asked if I wanted to leave as she said she had class so I managed to escape before it got too boring. A nice way to start the morning.

The best thing about today was:

In the morning, my body feeling good after exercise and my brain feeling good after coffee. Hearing the song the children sang and chatting with Kru Karn, meeting many of my students in a slightly different setting than normal outside the classroom.
In the afternoon, enjoying dealing with my last class for the day and at least making it a little enjoyable for those that are still struggling to understand. Even the students I mildly punish left smiling. Chatting with Kru Fluke and Kru Fang and then gossiping with some of the students before enjoying the drive home listening to a podcast about Killing Joke’s first album.
In the evening, before running out of energy, I enjoyed revisiting the rest of the day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got home around 4 pm I dashed out to go and get the fried fish from the walking street that I usually enjoy but they either weren’t there today or I was too early so I came home empty-handed and had a quick microwave spaghetti meal which wasn’t really enough so I had some pomelo and then some raisins with rice crackers. Even then I didn’t feel sated. 
Around 7 pm I suddenly ran out of energy and feel exhausted and spent. There are a few things I’d like to be doing but feel like I may have to just go to bed. I don’t feel sleepy, I kinda don’t feel anything.

Something I learned today?

I learned that some states in the USA are suing Hyundai and Kia (I think) for their cars being too easy to steal! Now those companies have to keep some hundreds of millions of dollars in reserve for possible compensation claims.  Totally ridiculous!

Where did I make progress?

I made a little progress with my Thai learning and also with my classes. A little progress with working my abs and hanging for 15 seconds a couple of times a day. This progress is slow and steady and is the best type of progress.

How has my personality changed or evolved over time?

I would say I have followed a fairly traditional evolution of personality, gaining wisdom through reflection and not being in such a hurry as in my youth. I’ve learned better control of my emotions, though that has been a long hard road to navigate.

I took this picture because today is ‘respect the teachers’ day and although I was going to skip out I ended up getting dragged up on stage with everyone. I watched the beautiful dance but better still was a choir who sang a really nice Thai song. It made me think about learning some Thai songs to help with language learning.

Three Rivers – 7th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Stepping into the river of joy
I’m held high with its pleasure
Even taken up to the heavens
Where our gods now take their leisure

Dragged along in the river of grief
The weight forever bearing down
Can I push my toes against the mud
Swirling dark yellow and brown?

Rowing around the river of need
Searching for a friend and destination
Sometimes smooth, sometimes wild
Within an insatiable compellation

inspired by Red Hand Files #248 (I think)

Today I’m feeling:

Good all day. Nothing got in my way. No annoying students, no annoying adults. Not even the crappy coffee in the school cafe could get me down as I rose with the caffeine hit.

Today I’m grateful for:

One of my new M4 (grade 10) students asking me if I would still be teaching her class next year. I said I didn’t think so but didn’t know for sure. She said she wanted me to teach her next year too! I’ve been teaching her for three weeks! Sometimes I wonder exactly how these kids see me through all their different eyes. I’m grateful to all of them for all that they teach me.

The best thing about today was:

Amongst many things, the clouds and sun on the mountains as I was driving home this afternoon. Huge white sunlit clouds towered above lower-level rain clouds across the mountain tops and then some valleys were highlighted with sunshine reminding me of a Miyazaki anime, all topped with a fan of rays further into the blue skies up high. Just six or so weeks ago all this looked like a nuclear winter and now it is magical. What you see has a big effect on mental health.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve been getting parents’ email addresses from my class’s homeroom teacher if they would like an email to see how their children are doing in my class. I got information quickly and easily from a couple of teachers but another tried to palm me off perhaps not quite understanding what I wanted.
When I asked them again today they told me that most of their parents don’t have email addresses which is just a plain untruth and indicates to me that they just can’t be bothered or don’t want to help.
Maybe they are concerned that parents will start asking them more about their own classes. I know the teachers here are given ridiculous tasks to do all the time so sometimes it doesn’t surprise me that their focus is on themselves and not the students.
It’s also true that many parents of students at this school don’t care about their kid’s work or how they are doing. One annoying foreign teacher isn’t going to fix everything. But I’ll settle for anything.

Something I learned today?

I saw a review of the Apple Vision Pro headset which looks pretty interesting with some amazing technology. It’s not something that I would buy right now but perhaps after it got to a later generation and fitted in with what I would like a computer to do. Being able to read a comic or book just by moving your eyes would be cool. As it develops I’m sure more exciting uses will come to light for it.

What do I know for sure?

Honestly, the only thing I am sure of is that I’m going to die, everyone and every living thing I know too. Anything else is up for question.

What qualities do I want to embody in my daily life?

Honesty, caring, love, gratitude, understanding, empathy, kindness….all the words from all the self-help books.

I took this picture yesterday because, much like today, the clouds, sky and mountains were making me feel joyful.

On The Buses – 5th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Two weeks on the suffer bus
Do we have to do this dance again?
Always waiting for the cat bus
Under umbrellas in the rain

First two lines inspired by reading Broken Summers by Henry Rollins, second two lines inspired by Miyazaki’s My Neighbour Totoro and the title inspired by the titular 70s UK sitcom.

Today I’m feeling:

Still a little stiff but better than yesterday. I managed to be conscious of my sleeping position during the night which helped a little. As today is a holiday I’m happy to be around home and do a little more exercise and stretching.

Today I’m grateful for:

The gym rings I bought this week and can now hang from them to stretch out my back. I only have strength enough to hold it for 15 seconds but hopefully, that will improve a little. I’m not so fussed about strength though, more for the stretch.

The best thing about today was:

Getting up early and not having to be anywhere. I know I just had six weeks or more of this but my feeling is different when it’s during the working weeks. The temperature outside is just about perfect at sunrise and sunset too. I should be outside more.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

So it was, after talking with Amy and doing a bit of Thai study with her, I decided to try and fix up one of our trees. It’s the weird one that doesn’t have leaves (so it’s probably not even a tree) and it breaks off easily and exudes a sticky white glue substance that is really hard to get off the skin and as usual, I was only wearing shorts. I climbed up the ladder to try and fix some branches in place and several pieces broke off covering me in the sticky juice on my head and arms. After I finished I jumped in the shower but the juice in my hair and on my head got into my eyes and stung like crazy, reminding me of the time I got conjunctivitis in my early years in Sydney. I ended up crying uncontrollably for about an hour and even now my eyes are still stinging. Damn, that goop is nasty. I hope it doesn’t cause any long-term problems.

Something I learned today?

I learned how to play a simple Iron Maiden riff on guitar today though it took me a long time to get it right.

What do I want to focus on this week?

I suppose I want to focus on getting my body out of this pain and that will help focus my mind. I need to get my stamina back up to speed so that I am not so exhausted by the end of the week. This is a long ongoing process after many years of bodily abuse.
I always need to focus on improving my classes and management and I’m still trying to sort out some technical issues with Quizizz. It’s getting there.

I took this picture because this is my bookshelf at Utopia. I’m almost out of music biographies to read and having read all the above need to start bringing new books from home.

The Contradiction – 4th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

There are always days I disagree
With all the things that even I believe
The human condition
Is a contradiction
But I’m still blessed to receive

Today I’m feeling:

I woke up hot as the aircon conked out in the middle of the night and for some reason, my hips, back and shoulders were stiff and aching badly. It took me a while to get moving. It wasn’t until later in the morning that I felt more comfortable again. I also found some nice stretches that I hope will help too along with some advice on sleeping positions which may be the root of the problem. I also bought some gym rings earlier this week and today I hung them in the entertainment area so that I can hang from them and get a good whole-body stretch, my poor old wrists willing.

Today I’m grateful for:

Boss at Utopia advising me about an aircon repair shop just in the next building to there. I’m still not good at recognising the shops here. Pictures can be very misleading on buildings as they might just be being used for shade or advertising for another business somewhere else. A lot of shops don’t offer much information on the outside either. Rural Thailand also isn’t the sort of place where you can walk down the street and just check out stores either. Through translation tools and my broken Thai, I managed to arrange for someone to come and check out the aircon tomorrow though later got a message saying it may have to be on another day. I know all these repair people are busy fixing broken aircon everywhere at the moment.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling an improvement in my body from the stretching and hanging. Once my body felt better I felt compelled to be doing things such as a bit of cutting back the crazy vine and some watering in the garden as well as ironing my shirts. I did take an afternoon nap again though only for the duration of one play-through of Yes’s Drama today. I did feel good enough to play some guitar again too. I totally skipped it yesterday.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Aside from taking a nap and my body aches as mentioned there’s nothing that really bothered me today.

Something I learned today?

In Sapiens I was reading about The Problem of Evil and why do bad things happen to good people. If we remove the judgement elements from the sentence and reduce it to ‘why do things happen to people’, the problem disappears.

How am I feeling right now?

I’m in bed now about to read and sleep and I can feel a little ache in my back again and I’m worried I’m going to feel stiff and achy again in the morning. I’ll try to keep the advice about sleep position in my subconscious during the night and hopefully that can help. Mentally I’m feeling pretty good. Did some reading, writing, guitar playing and Thai study to keep my brain moving.

I took this picture because Tigger cries to come into the living room just so he can sit on my shirts that are waiting to be ironed.

How Do You Do, Bartholomew? – 3rd June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In the battle between one god
And this supreme being’s two sets of believers
Each arguing that they were doing good
And that the others were purely deceivers

These good deeds involved massacring
Those that believed the same thing
Killing more of each other than those
That hated what some good deeds might bring

More than the Romans ever threw to the lions
Over the space of three hundred years
In just one day thousands lay dead
And the Pope rejoiced with glorious tears

The irony seems to be lost on some
When their books said to live and let live
Only humans could twist the words of their god
And make it part of their dogma to forgive

Inspired by a section of Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari dealing with religion.
1st Apr 2024 – Submitted to My Vivid Blog

Today I’m feeling:

I’m zonked out today. I went to bed around one thirty last night and I knew I was dog tired but still felt like I was in a good mood and should be doing things. I knew it wasn’t the best idea though and fell asleep quickly in the end. I got up late this morning and felt pretty good but by about lunchtime, I was crashing. I just ran out of energy.

Today I’m grateful for:

Yes’s album Drama, which I listened through twice as I crashed out through the afternoon on the sofa. I drifted in and out of consciousness as did the music. At times it made me think of the 70s and 80s, the Old Grey Whistle Test and listening to John Peel late at night. I can’t recall any of the music, even just a couple of hours later but I know I enjoyed it. I’ll listen to it again soon.

The best thing about today was:

Getting into bed early and getting a message from my student Jet that she was having problems at home with her mum and stepdad. I tried to understand as best I could and gave her my support. Jet is a very funny, smart but lazy, tomboy that speaks her mind and has a lot of bravado but as with any kid around 12-15 has her own insecurities and hers is whether her parents love her.
Her mum and dad split a couple of years ago after her dad cheated and no doubt her mum was shocked and sad, and now with a new man living in the house there must be all sorts of conflicting emotions at play for everyone.
Sadly, a lot of kids are facing situations like this. I wonder if it is spurring on the popularity of lesbian relationships here. Girls are seeing how badly their mothers get treated and then forgive and remain subservient to men and they’re deciding that’s not what they want in their lives but they still want love.
Anyway, the reason this was the best thing that happened today was Jet’s response of ‘Thanks for listening, you’re the best teacher and I love you! ‘
That warmed my heart though I did remind her that I am not perfect either!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My energy levels, handled by sleep! I think I just get so exhausted during the week at school and whilst still buzzing on the Friday, it all comes crashing down on the weekend. That’s not to say I didn’t get anything done or feel down. I’ll bounce back.

Something I learned today?

Apparently, there was a report out of Cambridge University Press that China is no longer communist but runs a free market, controlled capitalist system and that at the same time, the USA is becoming an increasingly authoritarian system. In my lifetime the world has turned upside down but I still know where to stand.

What are some simple pleasures that bring me happiness?

Coffee. Is coffee simple enough? Maybe not but right now it is simple. Reading a good book that stimulates thought and memory. The smell of night jasmine. A clean shave. The soft ache of a post-workout body. The struggle of conversation in a second language.

I took this picture because this is Thailand. Dirty, dusty, hot, random, wild, beautiful.

The Safest Space – 2nd June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In my orbit, looking down
Twenty-six thousand kilometres per hour
Is the earth spinning?
Am I moving?
It’s safe up here
In the most dangerous place
Nearly on earth
Nearby goes Elon’s debris
Who was he when he was alive?
I have so many questions
Like why won’t they let me return?
Unable to experience the thrill of danger
With feet back on the ground
I remember the old pictures
From encyclopedias tattered and worn
The lights of humanity
Turning on in darkness…

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired, it took a bit of effort to not snooze my alarm but I got going and did some chest exercises again along with a distracted meditation. A cold shower and breakfast and I got going, feeling good and upbeat.

Today I’m grateful for:

Paul (Fatty) for contacting me to advise he’ll put out a vinyl album of Atrox, the band I was thrilled to join back in 1984 or 1985. I didn’t do any studio recording with them but there are a couple of live tapes with me and maybe he will use some of those. I’m cool with the idea though joked about having two hundred copies left over under his bed. We also admitted that neither of us even owns record players anymore!

The best thing about today was:

At lunchtime, I came back to school a little early from House where I’d enjoyed coffees after my morning class. I went over to the new building where the little store is to buy some rice crackers and my new grade 10 students shouted to me from the third floor.
With an hour to spare, I went up to meet them and they were in good spirits as their teacher hadn’t shown up for their class. They had lots of fun interrogating me about tattoos and piercings and they seemed happy and comfortable to be able to talk with me.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got frustrated at my last class of students as they were all spread out around the room shouting ‘teacher, teacher ‘ whilst I was trying to sort things out. I banged the table really hard and shouted at them to be quiet and if they had a problem they need to come and ask me not just shout from where they are. I asked them if they treated their parents like this at home shouting for help from their bedroom. They were stunned into silence.
Though I was loud and a little angry at the behaviour, I wasn’t upset and smiled at them for being quiet. The rest of the class went ok after that and I think they get it now, more than last year. They have a little better understanding of the limits with me and more self-control.
Whilst this was going on Noah and little Nicha were nagging me to go to the bathroom but I had asked them to wait whilst I checked their phones were set up correctly. I’d just sent them off when I had my meltdown. I came over to help Nicha after they got back and she looked very upset and Noah said she wasn’t feeling well. They were still around at the end of class and Nicha was adjusting her skirt with Noah’s help. Nicha picked up another skirt and said ‘teacher, look’ and there was blood on it. She had borrowed another skirt from a classmate. I told her not to worry, that it happens sometimes and it’s just a normal thing and Noah said the same to try and comfort her.
As with many situations with kids she soon appeared to get over it and was laughing and playing about twenty minutes later in the playground. After all this excitement though I realised that I had hurt my vocal cords shouting so loudly and I’m pretty sure my throat will be sore in the morning and I just hope it doesn’t lead to a cold or flu.

Something I learned today?

When I got home and sat down to eat, a video recommendation on youtube came up about classroom management that was totally appropriate to my day. I’m not sure I need to implement the good ideas from it just yet but it also made me realise that I do have a great rapport with about 90% of the students in each of my classes and we can and will work out the classroom together.

What am I looking forward to this month?

I look forward to every day. I look forward to nothing in particular. When I look back I can see forward.

Amy’s friend took this picture as part of a video because she was impressed that Amy could sing Aussie karaoke in the pub so well. In the picture is another Amy that my little Amy met and they decided to do this duet which I think was a Fleetwood Mac song.

Cheers Big Ears – 1st June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Fighting over artificial instincts
Whilst slowly marching to unity
We come together as we fall apart
Unable to counter inevitable entropy

Fighting it is fighting oneself
Let’s all move this thing along
A cheer for you is a cheer for me
Hear the harmony within its song

Today I’m feeling:

Sweaty and in a good mood. A little tired and looking forward to the weekend, finding out Monday is yet another holiday. I also feel a little cautious and cynical in that things are going well and that I must be prepared for anything that might happen to upset that. Do I deserve to feel so content?

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady at the market for giving me a 10 baht discount as I’ve been to buy food there twice this week and bring my own plastic bag too. Maybe I’ll try and learn her name next time.

The best thing about today was:

Getting through it without much hassle. Thursday is three two-hour classes with only one one-hour gap in there. The struggling kids I was able to help along with the assistance of some of the better students in each. It gives a feeling of teamwork and camaraderie that I hope continues. The kids have learned quickly that they can have fun with me but that they also need to get things done too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Can’t think of much again today except running out of time to do all the things I might like to do. It’s not that big a deal. 

Something I learned today?

I finally gave in to having Amy teach me some Thai. I’m at a level now where she seems a little bit impressed that I remember and have learned a lot of new things and that I’m also a little more confident too. I learned easy and difficult (ง่าย and ยาก), strong and weak (แข็งแรง and อ่อนแอ), thick and thin (หนา and บาง).

What are my priorities for this month?

Pretty much just school and the classroom for work and then to do more regular learning of Thai.
There are a few other things that are on my mental list that would be best to get done such as getting the car cleaned and the bike serviced.

I took this picture because I drive past this tree every day on my way home. I’m usually in too much of a hurry to stop and take a photo so I deliberately took the time at lunch to go and take this one. It feels like it is telling a story.

Upside – 31st May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s so precious to see you smile again
Stepping down from the chair
Panic may still grip the heart at times
But I know you’ll still be there

The promises the liars gave you
Cheated your belief into ease
But reality hits like a punch to the gut
And your dreams just become a tease

Let’s go forward together into the dark
There’s nothing that can kill us
We’ll turn apathy upside its head
And only love will ever fill us

Inspired by a student I helped get to the psychiatrist, take some meds and get counselling. Still suffering anxiety and a tough life, it definitely made an impact to see a face that hadn’t smiled for a long time.

Today I’m feeling:

Very good. Got up earlier, my back was still stiff and sore but did a workout and meditation. I enjoyed all my classes and had a good time with students outside of class too, though it is ridiculously hot and everyone is complaining. They still run around playing volleyball, some still with jumpers on and begging me to come and join them. I tell them to wait until winter.

Today I’m grateful for:

Some of my students energetically fanning me with their homemade paper fans or now, many students have little USB fans, some that hang around the neck and they let me borrow them. It’s better than dripping sweat on them, though it is barely enough to cool down!

The best thing about today was:

The fact that I can’t think of anything, in particular, to put here but that I had a very enjoyable and happy day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Again, there’s nothing really for me to add here either. Any minor things that felt out of control were easily subdued and dealt with without any drama.

Something I learned today?

I’ve been occasionally checking out videos about classroom management and getting students’ attention back and I often come across some good ideas but then forget about them completely. Part of this is because my two new classes this year are much better behaved than the ones who started last year (though I came to love them all somehow). There are still a couple of disruptive students but in a class of thirty that’s fine. Last year about half of each class was disruptive. Er… so what have I learned today? Umm.

What is one thing I learned about myself this month?

I can bounce back. I can keep going without (much) complaint. I can find the positive. Have I become an optimist? Not quite. I don’t think I’ve ever been really pessimistic except in the throws of depression. I think I’m more of a realist which is casting an optimistic view over pessimistic situations.

I took this picture because I’m hoping that this is the beginnings of a storm tonight.
Later – there’s rumbling and a light show but it seems like it might be circling around elsewhere.
Even later – everything disappeared.

Are We Here Yet? – 30th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

If this isn’t enough, then what is?
We have a reasonably long life of occasional bliss
The canvas is blank and beautiful, waiting
To be painted with all your colours, creating

Those times that can never be killed
An overflowing cup that can never be filled
Smell the roses, and don’t forget to smell the sweat
Sit in the back of the bus shouting ‘Are we there yet?’

Today I’m feeling:

I slept ok but the sunlight is waking me up in the mornings. Maybe I should get up earlier. 
Just set my alarm ten minutes earlier. See how it goes tomorrow.
Feeling reasonably good. My back is still sore but I got through an ab workout this morning. My first class was a bit tough with trying to get everybody into Quizizz. In that class, there are a couple of annoying kids identified so far but most of the others seem cool. I must try to remain calm. I must try to remain calm. I must….

Today I’m grateful for:

My old schoolmate Rupert, who has been much better at maintaining friendships with other schoolmates than myself. As I was writing out my 1984 diary I came across the name Ange but only had a very vague recollection about her. Rupert gave me her full name and reminded me how we both fantasised about her!

The best thing about today was:

Being reminded of so many things whilst writing out my 1984 diary over the last two days. That seemed like a crazy defining year in many ways. Despite hating school so much I did feel a sense of loss and overwhelming change when leaving. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I just had a huge long list of things I didn’t want to do.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It’s the old fallback of the out-of-control class today as my previously boisterous grade 7s are now boisterous grade 8s. However, I think I dealt with it ok, in the fact that I couldn’t control them but I could at least control myself! 

Something I learned today?

I stumbled across a video of a better neck-stretching exercise rather than just the regular pull-your-head to the left and then to the right. I’ll give it a go for a while, adding it to my never-ending list of stretches I should do as an older gentleman.

What are some memorable moments from this past month?

Going back to school and seeing the students again would be my number one. I know one day I will have to leave this all behind and that will be sad but also will mean moving on to the next thing.
There have been other minor memorable moments this month and that is as it should be. I would prefer consistency over highs and lows and to be honest, despite how good everything is really, when I walk to close the gate in the early evening and I look up I still feel like it is not complete anymore because that one little cat, that lovely little Kim, is gone.

I took this picture because these clouds looked promising but have amounted to nothing so far. Come on rain!