Tag: gratitude journal

Pick Up The Gun – 5th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Pick up the gun to provide justification
Rewrite the narratives of provocation
Pick up the gun needed as your defence
For the war to start at your expense

Pick up the gun for hellfire to be rained
The Eagle’s game is easily explained
Pick up the gun, even take a swing
Either way will change something

Pick up the gun, it’s a dragon poke
What’s the plan if failed to provoke?
Put down the gun, desist and cease
Accept the differences for lasting peace

inspired by the titular Bill Hicks routine as a comment on current affairs in geopolitics

Today I’m feeling:

Happy, relaxed and contented.

Today I’m grateful for:

Uncle at the bike repair shop for fixing my flat tyre again. I seem to be here every six months for a new inner tube. He usually pulls some piece of metal out of it. Today I can see the tube has shredded and the tyre is fucked too!

The best thing about today was:

Hanging out with Bruno at Utopia and then Daytripper. His English is getting worse these days as he doesn’t speak much with anyone else apart from me. We talked about a lot of different things and it was good to catch up.

Although I don’t really have any steam to blow off it’s good just to get random thoughts shared with other people. I don’t need to be in people’s business every day and catching up once or twice a month is enough for me.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

On the way to Daytripper, I could feel a problem with my back tyre particularly as I went around corners and as we left a little later I could feel it getting worse so I headed off to the petrol station to fill it with air. As it was filling I heard a pop and it wouldn’t fill anymore.

I rode at 5mph back to the uncle near my place who laughed a little when he saw the tyre. He immediately indicated it wasn’t just the tube but the tyre was fucked too, probably from me just riding it there. Ok ok, it’s gotta be fixed.

He got to work and showed the inner tube which had completely split. We laughed.

A few minutes and 600 baht later I was on my way again. It’s been an expensive start to the month. Some things have just got to be done though.

My shirts are waiting one more day to be ironed though!

Something I learned today?

I saw a video suggesting the EU has dropped sanctions against Russia, against the wishes of the USA. I haven’t looked further yet to verify but it comes as a bit of a shock if true.

Really, is this something that was worth learning?

I think I’ve learned something more worthwhile today, something more directly involved with my life. These things are small specks of information and knowledge that accumulate over time into something with a more concrete form.

Chatting with various people picks up random information that may be useless or inconsequential at this moment in time but may build into a deeper understanding of things locally or culturally. Just asking people about other coffee shops to check puts information into knowledge banks. Information that may never be used or one day when riding around I recognise a spot and can say, hmm someone recommended that.

Some useless things may become useful.

World news whilst stimulating may just remain useless.

How do I feel right now?

A little tense in my legs, not sure I will sleep well tonight. I may be tense because I wanted to get my shirts ironed today but I ended up playing guitar instead, knowing I have another free day tomorrow to get at least some of them ironed; although there’s nothing stopping me from doing them all except laziness!

I feel good after talking with Bruno and seeing other people around at Utopia and Daytripper and stimulated enough not to take a nap.

I have a plan for tomorrow. I think I’ll ignore my alarm, grab coffee, come home and iron and then head to Daytripper to do some blogging and lesson planning. I’m hoping perhaps by writing this here I will stick to it!

I took this picture because I thought this plant had long since died. It is one of four in a row that Amy planted a couple of years ago and this one has been missing for the last year or so. Looks like it was busy growing underground until the time was right to show itself again.

Less People – 4th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We don’t really need less people
To make the world a better place
We just need less people like you
Pouring hatred into its space

Today I’m feeling:

Content, tired

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady as Sensi Weed who gives me an extra free gummy when I go there. I know she will give it to everyone but I don’t expect it so I’m grateful.

The best thing about today was:

Today started off pretty well with a 30-minute snooze after my wake-up alarm, feeding the cats, putting the washing on and then having a couple of great coffees at Utopia. Good way to set up the rest of the day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Taking Cap to the vet for his yearly vaccines and blood check and him needing a supplement for a couple of weeks to fix up some blood count.

Along with having to order new food and pick up even more at the store I’m down about 5000 baht today. But that’s what has to be done as a pet owner.

Something I learned today?
I
learned a little about the medical system in China thanks to Jerry’s Take on China which started development under Mao with what were called The Barefoot Doctors scattered around all rural parts of the country. This developed into the current state-of-the-art support system in place now.

I was surprised to find that many of the officials running the system are not CPC members but members of the Peasants and Workers Democratic Party. Jerry cites the system as an example of people forming policy that meets their own needs, a system truly democratic.

Who am I grateful for today?

The baristas at Utopia, the staff at the pet store, the vets at Dr Arnon, the lady at Sensi Weed, Gui at House, my students still doing Duolingo, all the people who made videos that I watched online and the people who wrote the books and comics I read today. And many more I have forgotten.

I took this picture because roof cat Kim Chi is back! I haven’t seen her up here for a year or more but this morning she is happily full of energy and ran out from the dining room, along the path and up the tree to the roof.

Minds Go Dead – 3rd March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What’s next after the novelty?
After the return to reality
The exploration must be repeated
Or minds go dead, defeated

Familiarity breeds contempt
Rested at ease with each attempt
The risk of ridicule, to fail
Is the push needed to prevail

A mind goes dead unstimulated
Boredom stretches time created
The space is needed, left to fill
And no longer becomes time to kill

Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed, content and happy.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Fang for offering to enter my grades into the online system even though I was happy to do once I could understand the method. I returned a little later with a small bottle of SangSom to say thank you.

The best thing about today was:

Only half of my students coming to class this morning as many had to attend a meeting. It made for a pleasant and quiet environment as the kids just got on with their work and we finished early and everyone was happy.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As I was talking to Kru Fang, Kru Matthew was there too. We see each other around but never talk much, I usually comment when he’s wearing nice shirts.

Out of the blue, he said ‘You live near Uncle Nit.’ I said ‘I don’t know who that is.’ I said ‘Tha Sut?’ ‘Yes,’ Huai Phlu? ‘Yes, he’s my uncle. Him and Auntie Su.’ Ahhh! My next-door neighbours!

It’s impossible to be totally secluded here. Everyone knows everyone! I joked that Auntie Su is my CCTV, always checking who’s around!

Something I learned today?

I learned the uncle next door’s name! I’d never heard it before. He’s getting a bit slow and old since I first saw him. I’m not sure he would come across and help Amy kill a snake like he did a couple of years ago.

Describe a recent moment of joy.

I don’t think I’ve had any. Feeling more emotionally stable these days with a general sense of well-being has meant fewer ups as well as downs. This is suiting me. I’m just generally happy most of the time. The joys are more common if just lesser in intensity.

Brief moments like the smell of flowers, the smile of a student, the taste of coffee, the smelly dog scratching, the birds tweeting, the red sun rising and on and on.

I took this picture because the night jasmine has finally blossomed and the smell in the morning as I go to open the gate is delicious. Although it reminds me of night times it sets me up for the day.

I Don’t Know – 28th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We’re making black and white from grey
With all the conflicting information on show
Picking a side of the fence to stay
But the smart thing is to say ‘I don’t know’

22nd Mar 2024 – Submitted to RDP – Liminal

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and tired

Today I’m grateful for:

My new yoga mat which I finally unpacked and used this morning. I only did a quick workout as I woke up with a start with my first alarm and snoozed a bit after that. I’ll not be able to keep the mat out as our cats will eventually pee and puke on it which is what happened with the last two.

The best thing about today was:

A bowl of LungChom coconut ice cream with fresh strawberries, yoghurt and chocolate muesli. Damn, I’m going to have to make sure I workout a lot these days.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I couldn’t stop myself from an afternoon nap even though as I was nodding off whilst reading and telling myself ‘getting up to exercise will stop you from falling asleep’! I’d planned to get the bike cleaned and serviced and go to Daytripper and ended up not even leaving home again!

Something I learned today?

In Denmark women are (or were in the early 2000s) encouraged back into the workforce after their children reached 18 months, sending their kids to care centres. The carers and parents all rationalised this as positive despite all scientific evidence suggesting the outcome is negative for the babies.

What were the highlights of this past month?

This month has been pretty quiet in general. It’s just been work and home. Nothing stands out but as I’ve said before I’m happy with that. No highs mean no lows. And in general, I’m riding above the median and savouring my life.

Anchan took this picture as part of a TikTok video because that’s what kids do. So, being the annoying teacher I am, I photo-bombed her, making fun of her and to her credit, she was completely unfazed and finished her mime song and uploaded it. Maybe I’ll be famous!

Trump 5390 – 27th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 22 Comments

I met a salesman from an orange land
Who said “Two fat and chubby legs of stone
Stand on the golf course…In the bunker, on the sand
Buried in broken promises, whose botox smooth
Unwrinkled lip, and sneer of old demand
Tell that it’s maker well understood
Lifeless things will always be lifeless things
This hand mocks him, there is no good
And on the pedestal, these words appear
My name is Trump, you’re fired!
Look at my face, losers, and despair
No trace remains of policies of decay
A colossal trainwreck of heartless hot air
Blows across the bunkers and far away.”

As Shelley imagined Ozymandias over 2000 years ago, I imagine the same about Trump over 2000 years from now.
4th May 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Colour Challenge
4th Nov 2024 – Shared with Living Poetry November Visual Prompt
5th Feb 2025 – Shared with dVerse Reimagining the Familiar

Today I’m feeling:

Happy though still a little dizzy and tired.

Today I’m grateful for:

The charging cable that I always borrow from Kru Mai so I can use the speaker in the classroom. I’m charging now so I can use it for class tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

In my morning class finding 100 baht that someone had dropped but no one claimed. I kept it and waited to see if anyone would come back to claim it though no one did.

In my second class, it was Anchan’s birthday and we sang her happy birthday. Often the kids ask me for money and I’ll give them one baht and tell them to share. Anchan cheekily asked for 100 baht and as I was up for the day I gave her the money I’d found.

Something I learned today?

In 2010 the US Supreme Court made a ruling in Citizens United versus Federal Election Commission that companies are people and money is speech, therefore allowing companies to use money to influence the political process, effectively turning the US into a plutocracy.

What is my favourite photo of the past month?

I think this must be the pictures Aing took of me at the waterfall. The experience itself was fantastic and freezing and then to see myself, a flabby middle-aged man in his underwear dwarfed by the torrents of water falling from the rocks yet laughing with joy, stupid mad joy still motivates me to live my life any way I can and want.

I took this picture because, in the messy garden of House which is full of green everything, this red flower overhanging the path screams ‘take my picture’!

A lazy weekend spent trying to keep my brain in control. It wasn’t too bad but it meant not being in the mood to do anything much.

There’s a bunch of chores I was hoping to complete but ended up doing only the essentials so another huge pile of shirts awaits as well as all Amy’s indoor plants that need some topping up with water.

At the the start of the week I’m somehow filled with energy but by the end I’m knackered. This weekend was a catch-up with myself.

To push myself a little I’ve messaged Bruno to go for a little ride which also forces me to get my bike a quick service and a wash too. By committing to some things I’ll get pushed along.

I did spend the weekend chatting in LINE with some students about their futures and that was a good little exercise in communication, not just for them but for me too.

Back in the classroom, this morning was fun as I’m relaxing into the end of the semester, as the students have been doing for the last six weeks or so already.

Sometimes I question whether pushing the kids harder is the right thing to do. Their lives are so much easier compared to my own experience and what I understand for many other students around the world. In my mind that leads to laziness and lack of innovation or critical thinking.

I look at myself and realise how I, myself, hidden away from people, generally ignorant of the dramas of the world, feel much happier that way. Maybe there’s just no right and wrong, or good or bad way. I can feel that I’ve bonded with this group of M1 (grade 7) students – I guess as we’ve had at-school classes for the whole year instead of the lockdown interruptions of the last two years.

I’ll miss these kids as I won’t teach them so much next year if class arrangements stay the same

Shall We Put Out The Fire? – 26th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Is there good reason to fetch water
To quell the house that’s burning?
A reason to continue living oughtta
Be something that’s worth learning

inspired by Existential Comics 487

Today I’m feeling:

A little dizzy but more enthusiastic than yesterday. I’ve stuck with the half tablet of sertraline again today and hope I can maintain it by taking tramadol in the mornings to keep me boosted up a bit.

Today I’m grateful for:

The strawberry sellers from the mountains are back outside 7/11 with a lot of juicy fresh fruit at ridiculously cheap prices. Tomorrow I’ll pick up some coconut ice cream from LungChom and get fat again like I did last year! Ok, well I’ll try not to do that but I am looking forward to that mix of ice cream yoghurt strawberries and a dash of chocolate toasted muesli.

The best thing about today was:

Finally finishing the Anton Chekov 100 short stories collection. It took about three months as I was generally satisfied with just reading one story a day and some stories were only two pages long. The stories themselves were all enjoyable to excellent though.

Liu Cixin’s Death’s End next, to finish off this awesome sci-fi trilogy.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My main computer is having problems again so I’m struggling to get some things done with it at the moment, such as using the app that I practice guitar with. I need to back up some files and reinstall the operating system again to see if that fixes whatever the problem is again. It worked last time, about 18 months ago and I hope it will work again. I could do with this machine running for a few more years.

Something I learned today?

27th Feb 2023 – I went off looking at things to consider something useful that I learned today and got so distracted that I forgot to update here.

How did I show kindness to someone today?

Apart from the three boys at Utopia (Art, Boss and Gong), I didn’t meet anyone today. I didn’t show kindness specifically, and nor was I unkind. After arriving home at 9.30am I haven’t talked directly with anyone. Except for conversations with four of my M2 students in LINE where I’ve been asking their ideas about future jobs and I have been encouraging them no matter how wild their dreams. I’ve also put suggestions forward for backup plans too.

I took this picture on my January bike ride because finding this lake was a little unexpected at the time. I came across a few like this and they looked like old rock mines and the blast holes had since filled with water. No new pictures today. It’s been dull and grey all day.

The Tallest Tree – 25th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The tallest tree is afraid of lightning
And forever wants to stand tall
To rise above the rest is so frightening
But one must look over them all

Competition begins at the very roots
Fighting for glimpses of the sun
Cooperation only required when it suits
Until the race can be clearly won

The tallest tree, with its deep shade
Stunts both the weak and the good
The forest succumbs to death man-made
And all becomes the finest wood

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and dizzy. Unenthusiastic. I’ve been reducing my sertraline dose to half a 50mg tablet a day and it had been on until today. The feeling is so disorienting that I don’t feel inclined to push through. I’ll go back to my regular dose tomorrow.

Today I’m grateful for:

Netflix and British TV. I’m really not in the mood for anything today and whilst on other days I usually hate to waste time with watching TV shows today I’m finding numbing satisfaction in not thinking. I think I’m gonna be ok.

The best thing about today was:

Cute Noey at Utopia making my coffee and trying her best to improve her skills. We didn’t talk for a long time as she is quiet and maybe intimidated in a work environment of boys. She has a kind of endearing ditzy attitude like she doesn’t take anything too seriously but obviously, deep down has a different personality lying in wait to be discovered by her intimates.

Anyway, the coffee tasted good despite the lack of foam that I like.


What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My feelings and emotions are a little out of control today but I’m well aware of it. I hate to waste a weekend day but know I need to get to the other side of this feeling so I’ve handled it by sleeping and TV.

Something I learned today?

I watched an edited version of a debate with Matt Taibbi, Douglas Murray and Malcolm Gladwell and was quite shocked to hear a usually smart guy like Gladwell resorting to straw man arguments.

The topic was about trust in mainstream media in the USA and I was quite surprised that Gladwell sided with the idea that we can trust it.

I’ve been watching Chinese news (CGTN) to get news from the States. They just report the facts as they know them. No opinion no debate no analysis. Just like news should be. Most of their reports are less than two minutes long.

USA news sources are 24-hour verbal diarrhoea and for all the talk nothing is achieved.

What do I enjoy doing?

Today the only thing I enjoyed was sleeping. Most days I actually enjoy almost everything I do.

I took this picture because I liked the look of this mini cactus at House. It could serve well as a model railway cactus.

Come In – 24th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Come in, my neighbour, share my bread
Sit, eat, talk and listen to what is said
This is the only meal that we need fed

Come in, my neighbour, you’re welcome here
Sit, eat and talk and I’ll listen to what you fear
The walls of our history will disappear

Come in, my neighbour, all will be well
Sit, eat, talk and I, too, will tell
Of the help I got each time I fell

Come in, my neighbour, the door is open
Sit, eat, talk and I’ll consider words spoken
We are the glue to fix the broken

Today I’m feeling:

Content

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s needles and cotton so I can attempt to fix the holes in my favourite t-shirts. I’m not sure quite how it will look afterwards, maybe even worse than the holes but anyway I’m grateful to have the tools to make an attempt!

The best thing about today was:

Some interesting LINE conversations with my students when I ask them what they would like to do when they finish school and university. Rista wants to be a volleyball player as her mum was denied the opportunity to do the same.

Aoey wants to be a tattoo artist which is a surprise to me as I don’t think I’ve ever seen her drawing. Anchan, a flight attendant, not unrealistic for her if she pushes herself and Bright wants to be a barista.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The washing machine couldn’t spin dry the doona so I hung it out wet. No big deals today.

Something I learned today?

I’ve been reading a lot of news today and somehow feel that I have learned nothing.

What do I need to embrace about myself?

I think I’m pretty well embraced. Perhaps that is a sentiment of age, a resignation or acceptance of one’s own foibles. I know what I’m not good at and have a good idea of what I am good at.

I took this picture because the forecast was for a possible storm but this was all the skies could muster. It did make for a nice shot at least!

Back Asswards – 23rd February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Now we are the Nazis
We are ISIS, the terrorists
We accepted hatred
For our motivational bomb-schools
Where lessons learned
Were in books burned
As we mistook our enemies
To be the ones fooled

Now we commit genocide
From romantic shelter
Far away from freedom
Forcing refugees at our borders
No ifs, just rifle butts
Force of power, force power cuts
And bodies pile up
Of those who were simply following orders

1st Apr 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – Fools
1st Jun 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and tired

Today I’m grateful for:

The stash of Pocky that Amy left here because she couldn’t fit it in her luggage when going back to Australia. Now I can use them as birthday gifts for my students!

The best thing about today was:

I want to say my students but they were probably also the worst thing about today too! They make me laugh and they make me cry.

Goya and Pat gave me friendship bracelets (just pieces of string).

Fah and Boty play jokes on me and Bright always enjoys having jokes played on him.

And of course, they all try to get away with murder when they think I’m not looking.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The usual group of 1/7 students were late to my class again and I marked them as ‘absent’. I could tell 4 of them were debating whether to just skip class then but decided to stay though they weren’t very happy.

They soon cheered themselves up together though and were very happy when I rewarded them by changing their status to ‘late’ instead of ‘absent’.

They come up with all sorts of bullshit excuses for being late but realise they don’t fly when all the other students are always on time.

The work is so easy too but they don’t put it together that if they just cracked on with it they could finish the class that much sooner. They’ll figure themselves out at some point.

Something I learned today?

I learned that from 1971 until 1989 US-China relations were fairly cooperative except that for the US it was a case of an enemy of my enemy is a friend and the relationship changed again once the Soviet Union fell. It makes me wonder why we have to have enemies?

How can I be more mindful and present in the moment?

I think I need to calm my thoughts a lot more again. My brain is a little overactive recently and I need to stop looking at things like Twitter and YouTube as much as I do. It’s too easy to get wound up by the stupidities of the world when in actuality things are quite sedate around my own life.

I took this picture because our jacarandas are blooming and in the misty sunrise the purple looks luscious.

New Maps – 22nd February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I have the sky, you make the borders
I have a foot on the ground to stand
Watching those with their marching orders

I saw the trains roll by a-rattling
And engineers mapping new land
Over which young men were battling

As history changed it still stayed the same
New lines were drawn as planned
To remind us all of a deeper shame

Where you sit now is where you’re at
It was never special or even grand
But tall tales told will make it that

15th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – map

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and mellow

Today I’m grateful for:

Baking soda which seems to have reduced the smell of cat pee in my mattress considerably. I may need another 10 kilos to completely fix it but hopefully, the mattress will start smelling of me and my sweat again soon.

The best thing about today was:

Was talking with a lady I often see at House who usually says hello in English but we never talked beyond that. I could tell she was quite chatty by the way she talks with Gui and today we started talking as we waited for Gui to get out of the shower (as we were technically there before he was open). Her name is Poy and she has pretty good English skills.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My students blatantly copying work and just laughing when I point it out to them. What can I do? I just laughed with them too.

Something I learned today?

The New York Times ran an anti-China piece about how a top Chinese banker has been detained by police in China, trying to show that bad things happen there.

However, people from all around the world commented that it’s good to see a country not afraid to detain high-level officials especially if they actually have done something wrong because that rarely happens in so-called free societies as are believed to be in ‘the West’.

How have I experienced wonder or awe lately?

My life and feeling these days is quite steady and stable without the highs and lows that come with awe or negative thoughts. I was quite in awe as I did my bike ride last month as I found myself exploring new hills and valleys secreted away aroundabouts. A little bit of that was enhanced by a hit of acid but still, I was feeling awe and wonder.

I took this picture because the colour of the numerous flowers on this tree forced me to pull over as I was driving by. This is an acceptable drive-by shooting.