Tag: gratitude journal

My Terrorist – 16th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You’re my terrorist, siding with our gods
Next week’s enemy, against all the odds
Difficult to believe, though it’s oft-repeated
Cheating the cheaters, so everyone is cheated

You’re my terrorist, you may do my bidding
About those rewards, I was only kidding
You die for nothing, just another’s lies
And in your defeat, I still claim the prize

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the coolness of winter days very slowly returning. Comfortable mornings of fog and misty mountains.

As I’m reading another article about stoicism, gratitude and amor fati, I can feel my brain changing. These words were revelatory for me when I first read them. Now they are comfortable reminders of my acceptance of the way the world is and the way I am. I often think about my mother and wish to hear her talk about things in our lives. I can’t do that except in my mind. That brings me some comfort still.

I miss Kimi even more, in some ways. My mother is/was always a part of my life. Kimi was a kindred spirit I found, like Jochen and Matt, Rich, Steve and Rob and others. Finding some special people in your life is a rewarding experience that provides hope and gratitude to my being.

Amy’s auntie passed away last night. Perhaps some people will feel the same way about her. I hope so.

Our plans (what little we have) will change this weekend but that is out of my control so I can accept it.

I will do what I can to continue living this blessed life in the best way possible. Now, it’s time for class. Let’s see if I can take this positivity and rub it off on some of my students.

Growing Up In A House Of Cards – 15th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

She grew up in the countryside
A daughter of farming folks
Nothing much expected of her
The butt of the villagers’ jokes

The poverty that surrounded her
Made no sense as she grew older
And she stopped believing
The things that her teachers told her

Revolution in the hearts and minds
Consciousness was being raised
And the young girl from the village
Was now the one being praised

She stood for what she believed
To bring her country change
And the people stood strong together
With a better system to arrange

She saw the source of the problem
Came directly from the top
Wild plans were being formulated
To bring them to stop

Bullets and brains were deployed
At times it seemed too hard
But soon the house would collapse
By removing a single card

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the farmer and his cows eating through the jungle on the other side of our fence.

Gui has got me onto a different he calls Dirty. Cold milk, a teaspoon of cream and an overextracted shot of coffee. I’ve taken to it. It’s a little more expensive but I think I will drink less. Let’s see!

In one of my classes (2/9 – the good class!) yesterday we were talking about democracy and dictatorships and I explained that our class was a dictatorship but then I started thinking about the Montessori schools and how their classes are often like a democracy.

I might try this with this class next semester – I think there are enough smart students in the class to make it work and it could be fun. I’ll try to read up on how teachers work in those classes.

Amy has been getting busier with her cake-making (cinnamon bun making) and I told her yesterday how proud I was of her skills and abilities.

We had also been talking about what happened with George last week and I had been thinking about why it upsets me. Amy keeps talking about when we invited him and Bee to stay at our house and Bee saying what a big deal it was for him so he obviously had some expectation for our friendship after that but I said, ‘That’s the thing. I feel like I trusted this person as sincere and honest and now I feel like I’ve been tricked and made a fool of.’ And we realise that this was exactly what had happened with Amy and Bebe all those years ago.

Bebe sucked Amy in with so many nice words but only to manipulate the friendship in her favour. I saw it easily and immediately with Bebe but I was fooled by George.

We live and learn and I’m happy enough with the friends in my life, whether they are close or not.

The Gift – 14th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Your head games and offensive words
Spewing out your hole like stinking turds
The two-faced smiles and stinking breath
Your finagling towards friendship death

Daggers raised at those honest necks
A passive-aggressive sweep of the decks
The bitter change of heart so swift
Beyond the tears, you gave me a gift

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have a nice deep sleep totally missing the storm that blew everything around in the night. Feel good this morning!

I forgot to mention yesterday that I finally managed to play the first part of Scarborough Fair after what seems like months of trying! Changing from Dm to F was so difficult and it was getting so frustrating. I was so happy to finally do it on Sunday. Now I have to complete the next two sections and advance to Level 6. It’s all starting to get a little more difficult now but I’m still enjoying it. I will try and find more old punk songs that I know to play along to. I think that will keep up my motivation.

Today I can celebrate Matt selling me his stash of Kratom and also giving me the rest of his weed tincture. I never tried these before, so let’s see what they are like.

I’m happy today. Tuesday is my easy teaching day and giving the student work ahead of time makes the class go quicker, although it kinda spreads the work out for me, making it longer. Anyway, I’m enjoying it at the moment. I am still looking forward to a break though.

Safety First – 13th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s a dirty war where enemies become friends
And friends enemies to further their own ends
To the victor the spoils, to make up the rules
To put out the fires burning on hated fuels

Some will celebrate whilst others may flee
An order emerges to which most want to agree
Freedom for the ignorant, itself its own cage
Repeated ad infinitum on every history page

Better to be oppressed than constantly scared
It’s all relative when your life has been spared
Safety comes first, freedom a patient wait
Rebuilding lives, thankfully able to create

Stop running tired now passed that difficult test
Grateful once more, living again, amongst the blessed

29th May 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge

Cassette collecting all KLS releases from 2014-2021

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that in my dream last night I tried to protect the people I love – even though I woke up screaming, waking up the people I love!

I was not in the best of moods over the weekend but not terrible. I think I ran out of energy yesterday and just ended up reading and watching TV. Last week, on Monday, I gave George some ground coffee as a gift and to show that I’m OK with him even though he doesn’t interact with me anymore.

Then, on Friday, as I was listening to YouTube and just before writing my entry here, he came into my classroom, which was a bit of a surprise, and I smiled towards him as he approached. He came up to me with the coffee and said, ‘Why did you give me this?’ I said, ‘No reason – just a gift. You drink coffee, don’t you?’ He put it on the table and said, ‘I don’t accept gifts for no reason’, turned around and walked off. I was speechless.

I sat for a while, writing my entry and decided not to mention this and to think about it over the weekend first. This may have also affected my mood a little, but I realise I feel quite resilient to this kind of behaviour! It gets me curious about what makes people act in this way. Suspicion? Pride? Culture? Anyway, I will ignore this stupidity,

I talked a little with Amy and Bruno about it. Amy blames me for even trying to interact with him. Bruno agreed that it was strange behaviour but not so uncharacteristic from what he know of George. We all agreed that we all feel sorry for Bee, who knows what he is like and puts up with it, whatever her reasons.

Anyway, I gave the coffee to Champ this morning, who was really appreciative of it!

Wash, Rinse – 12th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s comfort in repetition
There’s comfort in repetition
There’s comfort in repetition
Never making a decision

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to find the rope for Tangmo to play with again. Hidden in the grass. I found it when I went to find Kim Chi who had jumped over the fence to play with the cow. The cow chased her back and she appeared on top of the hedge when I called her.

Tipping Point – 11th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s a tipping point, no longer equalised
Catch it quick, as soon as it’s recognised
Adjust the balance, time for compromise
An equilibrium now realised
There’s a boiling point where the flames are fanned
Control is lost to the waves of shifting sand
Change is coming forced by the people’s hand
Too little, too late and too old to understand

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for spending time out at Amy’s parents today and getting fed plus picking up some bits and pieces around town.

We’ve Come A Long Way – 10th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Distress and diapers, simple needs
Toilet trained, beginning self feeds
Walking, falling, knowing when to run
Crying, laughing, every idea is fun

Language acquired, enemies still friends
Playground traumas but the drama always ends
Personalities shine, divide into cults
Future decisions based on grade results

Jogging memories, now rattling around
Thankful to have made it off the ground
We’ve come a long way, we’ve come along
We’ve come a long way

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the people who invented the drain-cleaning twisty pipe thing which I was dubious about to begin with.

Well, to celebrate today – this new 0.7 pen! Nice and fluid on this paper. Also last night, I got an accidental workout using this weird pipe tool thing to clear out the fat from our drain. My shoulder is hurting now.

I managed to force myself up at 6.30 this morning, after failing yesterday. Did my usual mini workout and feel pretty good again today.

Tomorrow morning we have to go to Amy’s parents as they will have a ‘housewarming’ for their new kitchen and karaoke room. Just another excuse for eating! Though I’d rather relax at home, it’s OK, something different.

Amy forgot about some fish she was steaming yesterday and now our house smells of fish. I could finally turn the tables on her, as she is always calling me stupid for forgetting things.

Owned It – 9th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Scouring her memories, she recalled all her faults
The stupidities of youth launched her verbal assaults
But she stood by her actions, owned her mistakes
The beds that she lay in were the ones she makes

He too examined his past, it still made him mad
Could never forgive himself, not even the slightest tad
Those times replayed had become his obsession
Dragged past anxiety down into deep depression

Forgive yourself, she said, to make him feel better
But something inside him just wouldn’t let her
Help him to see the brightness he’d once seen
To pull him back from the darkest extreme

She’d tried her best but saw a lost cause
Left him alone to heal his own flaws
He still cries for her, even these years later
Telling himself that he will always hate her

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to share some of our passionfruit and will take to school for Dylan, We have so much we can’t eat it all.

I like the thought-provoking newsletters I’m signed up for. Some are fun, practical, others political. Today, I read a fun one about deciding what to celebrate each day.

Today I forgot to bring my lunchbox from home, so I’m celebrating getting my yummy lunch from Oasis and the chilli burning the inside of my cheeks will remind me of this all afternoon!

I’m also celebrating going to Central to buy a new one, and then coffee and reading! Woohoo! Every day is a celebration.

Thoughts Of Mine – 8th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I spent a lot of time not thinking
And at the time that was OK
Sometimes I fall back into it
Although I’d rather not be that way

The more I know, the less I know
Is what I think all the time
Never ignorant and not much blissful
I question these thoughts of mine

The eternal search for answers
In the minutiae of each minute
No longer wanting to be out of it
I’d rather spend my time within it

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the 2 guys who cleaned my car yesterday. They did a good job and I was happy to pay and tip them.

New pen – 0.4, maybe a little too fine for this book. Perhaps I look forward to another pen shopping expedition. Pen lovers will know the feeling.

I’ve managed to get myself up and out of bed on time successfully for the past three days and do a little exercise in the morning, and it has paid off today with a fantastic feeling of bodily relief. Not quite the feeling of youth but at least some extra flexibility that seems to make it even easier to breathe. Let’s see if I can force myself up tomorrow morning!

I savoured my coffee after my first class this morning. It’s fucking hot and humid bu there was a light refreshing breeze of cool air as I sat outside House stroking Tokyo’s soft furry head as she dozed. A few minutes studying Thai, a couple of quick poems dashed off and then an hour-long drive into the lives of an Afghan girl in the book I’m reading – A Thousand Splendid Suns. It’s a very spacious novel, perhaps enjoyable for me as I can fill in the gaps with my own knowledge. A lot can happen in a short few pages and it feels immense. Especially when I think back to the mundanities of my own youth, a million of those mundanities would happen in just one day. With age, everything seems to take so long!

I bought a MIDI keyboard more than six months ago and I enjoyed fiddling with it for a while but I know that I need to set aside a serious amount of time to really get further with it. Last night I also felt like I’d hit a wall with playing guitar, but that one I feel I can overcome.

I also chatted online with Mungo a little yesterday, too and I talked to him about how he manages being so far away from his oldest kids. His kids seem a bit more settled than Hayden at the moment, so he’s not so concerned with how they are doing.

Anyway, Mungo highlighted to me not to project myself or my feelings onto Hayden, which sometimes is difficult, as he isn’t very open about what is going on with him a lot of the time. But it’s a point well said – I shouldn’t fill in the gaps.

Mungo also offered Hayden a job for a while if he could get himself to the UK. That would be an awesome opportunity for him and I want to sound him out about it. I would help him get there too if he needed.

Yeah – I’m not digging this pen – will pick up a 0.7 tomorrow.

Stick In The Mud – 7th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I love the adventure more than you
Sidetracks make me curious
But not knowing where we’re going
So often make you furious

I love to find dead-end tracks
Just to see what’s there
It doesn’t matter we have to turn around
I don’t really care

When roads turn to tracks of dirt
My curiosity begins to rise
There may be nothing there but
I want to see with my own eyes

Yes, I got stuck that time
But adventure is what I had
Eventually, I got out of the mud
It wasn’t really so bad

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my stupidity and smarts. Yesterday I took a shortcut home in the car and got stuck in some mud, miles from anyone (stupid). I broke off some branches and leaves to get traction under the tyres (smart) and with some brute strength and will, managed to get out again after 15 minutes (strength).

Took the car to get washed inside and out today after my little adventure getting stuck in the mud when trying to take a shortcut home. I was quite pleased with myself at getting out of it though.

Amy would have been very pissed off if I had to leave the car there and call her Dad! Just thinking about the scenarios while writing this is making me chuckle a bit. Anyway, our car looks good now.

Two classes today – pretty easy time at the moment, lots of reading; A Thousand Splendid Suns. I’m really intrigued about Afghanistan, especially with it being in the news so much right now. I doubt I’lll ever go there so I’ll just be content with watching documentaries or reading more.