Tag: gratitude journal

The Fallen City – 27th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This forbidden love wasn’t designed to last
We both realise that now it’s gone
The savage betrayals, a reflection
As the threads of hope all come undone

It’s a timeless story, always repeated
Because passions cannot be denied
Dreams of forever just fall apart
Ever quicker the more it’s tried

The victims suffer the recognition
As their cities of dreams are burned
Eyes open to once blinding mistakes
A war from which much was learned

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to my mother who somehow managed to instil in me an interest in reading, which I fought against for many years – not on purpose but just interested in other things instead.

Starting writing in a fresh new book is a nice feeling. As was finishing up on the last page of the previous book.

Life feels somewhat in a holding pattern at the moment. Maybe time to get myself into doing something different in my spare time, which really just means adding more things to do and having less and less spare time, but that is my privileged status that I need to learn to enjoy.

It was great to see Amy happy, busy and productive yesterday as she has found a quiet niche for baking cinnamon scrolls that look and taste amazing. As soon as pictures went on Facebook, people started asking to order. I think it’s better for her to be concentrating on this whilst it’s fresh for people and can inspire her on to more for future cooking endeavours.

As we both always say, we are lucky to have many different options available to us.

Ants As One – 26th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

“There’s food in the distance, sir”
“Send some troops surveying
Send up the pheromone signal
Our army is obeying”

Through hell and high water
The march has begun
Survival of the greatest
An army that acts as one

Carrying the corpses
Of competing insect species
Food for the family nest
Of cockroaches and leeches

“Let’s move the camp inside
The rain is about to come”
No problem for the army
Of ants that act as one

The human sprays noxious
Chemicals to kill our eggs
“Gather together everyone
And bite him on the legs

Together we can take him down
That nasty human scum
We just got to stick together
Our army of ants as one”

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my back roller/stretcher that helps me loosen up after a day of laying down or sitting at a desk.

Here we are at the end of this book. About 18 months. A lot has happened in that time, for sure. Looking back to a year ago though, even though much has happened, not so much has changed. People are still protesting the government and monarchy and are still hopeful for change.

The last few months have felt a little downward in trajectory in general but perhaps that is a result of me reading more news about Thailand and also US-China relations. It seems like everyone feels in a similar way – blow everyone else off the face of the earth so I can enjoy the world to myself.

In other ways I am generally feeling positive though, heartened by the fact of still having many options available for mine and Amy’s future. The population will be pacified once it can travel again, ourselves included.

A Visit from an Immigration Officer – 25th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Tensions rose as the visitor appeared
The worst could happen as I had feared
Anxious times as decisions neared
Until finally the air had been cleared

The happy officer seemed satisfied
That on the forms I hadn’t lied
All true, the information supplied
Hopefully, my visa won’t be denied

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the nice immigration officer that came to visit this morning. I remember him from last time. I think he knows my case is just routine and is very kind and understanding. He was only here for ten minutes.

Yesterday was my semi-regular write-off day. The low cycle of my possible bipolarity. I woke up in the night and couldn’t get back to sleep.. Not filled with any particularly anxious thoughts but just general brain wheels spinning.

When my alarm went off, I couldn’t get up and decided to stay home – sending a message to Champ and the students that I wouldn’t have a class but would set them work to do. This was semi-successful. 2/9 did well but 1/6 not so. An indication of maturity perhaps. It’s been a lesson for all of us.

And as I was dozing through most of yesterday, a call came at about 6 pm that the immigration officer would come at 10 am this morning, therefore meaning that I wouldn’t be able to come to school today until after they had been. Unfortunate timing but all good (so long as I still get paid).

So this morning he came and all was well – the same officer as last time – a soft friendly guy who seemed content just to be doing his job and being on his way. So, almost there with this new visa application, I felt some relief and scoffed some linguine, picked up a coffee and came to school.

The visa process is an annual ritual nightmare and it was getting me down. I’m starting to contemplate being in Australia again and considering what the future might hold. Yesterday I felt so uninspired and like giving up everything, but today I feel like I’m not done yet.

“I try to relax….but then again…..oh no!”

Sad Butterfly – 24th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

We are not so sentimental
– sort of desolate
Towards what we once had

It’s only people like us
– who are really happy
Who can enjoy being sad

Calling out to the pretty ones
– fluttering around us
Like butterflies of fad

No dignity in frivolity
– falling on the ice
Our balance so very bad

More Abe-inspired talk from Glenn Dakin.

18th Feb 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Desolate

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful I have a job where I can at least take time off to be sick or work at home – I don’t have to work every day just to survive.

Bad Neck – 23rd August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can’t turn my head unless I move my body
Years of abuse made the muscles shoddy
I need a year of massage, it’s so sore
I shouldn’t read books laying down anymore

Tried stretching, exercise, even alt-med
Nothing stops the pain when I get out of bed
More than a hundred doctors to whom I’ve spoken
Won’t tell me the truth, my neck is broken

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the trials of my visa application. It vexes me every year and teaches me again about patience and understanding. It takes me a couple of days to get over the annoyance. That’s today.

Another Monday here again. I’m happy to get back to my classes after missing Friday and enjoy making my students think hard. I feel a little in limbo with 4 or 5 weeks left of term and then dealing with all the usual end of term paperwork nonsense.

Despite enjoying being stuck at home (or school) constantly, I’m starting to feel a little cabin fever. Sometimes going somewhere else makes you appreciate home so much more. I have to learn to have that appreciation all the time, regardless.

We watched an amazing moon rise last night – the halo visible before the moon appearing.

I sent a provocative question to Hayden this morning – ‘six months from now, what will you wish you had spent time on today?’ I answered that I’m thinking that I should help Amy more around the house. Just the simple things that we can do together. Now I am a little lazy about these things and just do them when I feel like it and so I need to make myself feel like it.

I’m guessing Hayden won’t answer this question though. He isn’t comfortable dealing with things in the present and looking to the future. Let’s see – sometimes he surprises me.

Bad Moon – 22nd August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Your shroud appears from cover rising
The promise of night so tantalising
In the grip of madness paralysed
Venus and Jupiter both recognised

Silver hole, a mirror reflecting
The gods of day on earth inspecting
The sins of man in darkened hours
Drew a panoply of meteor showers

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see the beautiful glowing full moon last night and a bright Venus shining close by. And then a clear sunny morning today bringing some lightness to everything.

There was a beautiful haloed moon last night, and some misty atmospheric conditions allowed the bright silver disc to shine with a massive aura, dissipating into the thick black sky. Off to the left and closer to the horizon, Venus stood out as a single point on an unseen graph. No stars visible straight above, just a single beacon further on the opposite horizon over the mountains. A fine temperature too, though still somewhat humid indoors.

I slept early and remember interesting dreams, now of only vague specifics.

Another sweet coffee and football morning has me inspired, though this afternoon we’ll finish off watching Versailles, which has gotten me a little more interested in European history.

Amy is talking in big dreams of the future, and where we might relocate in Australia and her ideas of a Thai restaurant. I will follow her dreams happily as I have few dreams left of my own – satisfied I am with everything I’ve done.

Check and Balance – 21st August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

We found the gold, inspired by dreams
Furious labour generated the means
No stone unturned, nothing it seems
– Left resting on laurels waiting

On the other side of the rainbow where
Further riches found to those who dare
Turn off your taps from which to share
– Numbers ever bigger accumulating

Now standing alone on an empty shore
The sun is setting, there’s nothing more
Was it all worth the fighting for?
– To watch accounts ever-inflating

For all your atoms the gods reclaim
There’s no longer a use for your name
The prince and the pauper – all the same
– The imbalance of our own creating

Some inspiring lines from ‘Abe – Wrong for all the Right Reasons’ by Glenn Dakin
13th Mar 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Chemistry

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the crispy peanut brittle I bought yesterday and ate today. It reminded me of my mum who used to love getting it when her teeth were still good. I hope my teeth can hang in there!

After wearing a neck support, which has been helping, I woke up today worse than ever. Actually, I woke up fine, but then twisted wrong and now struggle to look to the left. But in good news, my lower back is feeling a bit better now.

Yesterday was an odd one as we ran around with my visa application. I had to cancel one of my classes cos I was still stuck at Immigration, and then I discovered that my 90-day check-in wasn’t renewed with my latest visa, which I had assumed it would be, so I got fined for not doing it in time. That pissed me off so I cancelled my other class for the day and came home and happily dozed while listening to music instead. It was sweet bliss!

Oh Stupid War – 19th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

For greater glory, you did stand
Confident in your beliefs
Generals commanded sacrificial grunts
Saying God commanded your chiefs

The glory brought riches and power
For brief moments to enjoy
Until a greater God has risen
With further power to destroy

Oh, stupid war, you’re here again
And more lives will be expended
A challenge, then, to turn it around
To see burned bridges mended

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for an extra 20 minutes of dosing (again) this morning – to have strange poetic dreams and semi-conscious thoughts to inspire the day.

I notice that I talk so little sometimes that when I do have something to say, I can’t stop myself – my mouth gets dry from saying so much. Right now, I’m finding I don’t have much to write here!

I’m in my online class with 2/11, and they (some of them at least) are busy doing writing and reading a short story. I’ve got these classes well organised and quite productive, I think. It’s difficult to ‘teach’ them anything much, so I’m just having them practice and revise as much as possible.

The upside for me is that there is not much for me to do in class, but I end up doing a lot of extra things for them outside of class. I also think some students don’t get it – they are expecting an hour or so of a teacher rambling on and then trying to figure out what they have to do. I’ll leave the talking to the Thai teachers – I want my students to learn the value of work and effort. It’s really divided my class up and I am learning a lot from it too.

Remembered – 18th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Dull light, half awake, in lucid dreams
Words arose to poem make, remembered as
‘An intimate melody to my ears reached
Through downy feathers, softened so
Was the tune of my fucking alarm clock!’

26th Aug 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – remember

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to all the people who help keep our electricity supply constant. It is something I had always taken for granted but now that I live in a place where it can be unstable I must remember all those who made it happen and continue to make it happen.

Struggling to savour, I notice. Maybe forgetting how good everything is, or the constant good feeling I seem to have these days, is becoming too normal.

Spent a lazy morning filling in the visa forms and reading, while drinking coffee. Arranged for my morning class to do work ahead of time so that they could skip my class if they wished, which freed me up!

Re-connected with Big Tom, who is still living in Adelaide, though no longer working at DXC – made redundant due to offshoring. Good to chat with him even if only through Twitter messages.

Trying to nail Scarborough Fair on guitar so I can complete the level in Yousician is driving me crazy and torturing my fingers. But never give up! It’s cool to think that by moving some fingers on some strings that nice sounds can emanate.

Looking forward to more Louis XIV tonight and comparing it to our current situation in Thailand. Also, reading about being a ‘good’ Dad and considering how I have lived my life has affected Hayden. He is struggling with addiction and depression, and I can’t help but consider my role in that. He is going to have a difficult time ahead.