Tag: gratitude journal

Are You Happy Now? – 6th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Back in the good old days
Of feeling miserable and sad
Never could consider the ways
To stop from feeling bad

Depression in the dark room stays
Endlessly elevating the mad
Safely hidden away from praise
Scribbling it all out on a pad

The written word rarely pays
But surely makes one glad
No matter what anyone else says
Those were the times that were had

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Awake and alive despite only about six hours of sleep. Also feeling a little fragile and on edge but don’t know why. I feel like if something doesn’t go to plan I could easily lose the plot.

Today I’m grateful for:

Funfai for inviting me to play tennis which we finally got to do today. I made it through about 30 minutes and she had already been playing for an hour before that! It was only 9.30 am but over 30 degrees and no shade. I haven’t played for more than twenty years so everything was pretty stiff. My brain knew what it wanted my body to do but my body wasn’t always capable. I was dizzy after sitting down, drenched in sweat and super stinky as my shirt was one of those that hadn’t dried properly in the sun last week. And although my body feels used up I think it is happy to have been used. I want to go again!

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that Carsick Cars will play in Sydney whilst I’m there! I saw they will play with Garry David, so hit up Bob Blunt to get more info. Amy already has me busy with lunch and dinner appointments on the day they play but Bob advised that they added an afternoon matinee show which I should be able to squeeze in – no problem! Cool bananas! He also told me Julian Wu is the tour organiser so I messaged him too and he’s prepaid a ticket for me and it will be awesome to catch up with everyone again. What a trip!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got a message overnight from an M3 student, Pon, who I taught last year saying he was hoping to join the English Program next year but his grades weren’t up to scratch. I had rarely interacted with him and he was always quiet in class though he usually did my work. His low grade was when Dylan was teaching him and I’m not sure why he decided to message me to say he was devastated. I’m understanding but not exactly sympathetic. His grade was in his own hands and now he’s reaping the results of his lack of attention at the time. ‘Don’t care was made to care’ as I was often told as a child! Students are not taught how their decisions and actions affect their futures.

I read an article today about the negative effects of phone use and social media on children and how it affects the mental health of the undeveloped brain. It’s common sense to me that kids shouldn’t have phones in class! Even though I have tried to have them utilise their phones for study they often switch in and out to other apps which I know is detrimental to learning and memory.

I also received a message from my M2 student Alew, asking about scholarships. I don’t know how you go about applying for those but I’m glad he’s asking the question. I pointed him to Champ who may be able to give him some advice.

Something I learned today?

I saw that in China you can order your taxi by phone and if you are not sure where it might be, like at an airport for example, you can shake your phone and it will trigger the hazard lights on the car. And once in the taxi, you can control the aircon from your phone too.

What motivates me to do my best?

If I am invested in something I will do my best. Sometimes if I’m not invested I will also try to do my best but be less bothered about the result. 

I am always trying my best at school to entertain and teach my classes. I put a lot of effort and energy into that and I’m personally motivated by that. I care about the results for the students and not for the results as seen by the school, which is why I disagree strongly with their grading policy.

Funfai took this picture because I asked her to. I wanted to see how I looked after running around in the sun for thirty minutes!

It Will Be Written – 5th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There I willingly dive
Into the shadows of my mind
To navigate the labyrinth
And consider what I find

Sometimes I tiptoe
Through the field full of mines
Other times, I rush blind
Ignoring all the signs

This chaos is real
And perfection is out of reach
The lessons I have learned
Are now my turn to teach

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Like I’m heading towards exhaustion. After pushing through exercise this morning I felt a bit better but I can feel that the extra energy I had last week from exercising is not here this week. It could just be that there are no students here to help me maintain a little anxious tension in my thoughts and body but I also need to think beyond that. To feel inspired regardless of what the rest of the day holds ahead.

Today I’m grateful for:

The new Quizizz AI that makes it easy to take a text and generate questions from it. Life is getting easier but does that mean it is getting better? 

The best thing about today was:

Feeling inspired. I got lots done writing-wise at House this morning and then figured out some good lessons for my grade 10 kids and as I mentioned above, using the new AI tool has made it easier.

And despite my comment this morning about nearing exhaustion, I was still going, adding work to those lessons at 9 pm after a couple of hours of enjoyable guitaring that I had earlier contemplated skipping.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had accidentally closed a file on my computer that was a document of quotes that I wanted to write about but can no longer find the document now that it’s been closed! It’s easy to find books of quotes but I obviously had this one open because they meant something to me but I can’t even remember where it had come from. A minor frustration in the scheme of things.

Something I learned today?

I noticed Momo was a little quiet yesterday and messaged her to see how she was doing. Scrolling back at previous messages I saw that she hasn’t been very happy this semester and is struggling to make friends in her new class. She said she missed Porpieng and Baitong since they moved schools and what I hadn’t considered was when she said that they had been in the same class for nine years and that she never practised making new friends in that time so she thought she was lacking some social skills. I always thought of her as a friendly outgoing person and I think this feeling caught her by surprise.

What skill would I like to learn?

I hope I’m not at the point of learning old-man skills yet. I don’t think I want to play chess or bridge. I still feel like I want to learn to surf. I loved bodyboarding back in my 30s and I know the thrill. I never progressed to surfing though. That time may have passed.

I’m still developing skills in guitar, Thai language, and classroom management amongst other things so I have plenty to be getting on with. 

Growing magic mushrooms might be a cool skill to learn!

What’s one thing you made this year?

I made a ton of poetry but that is not something new. I made plenty of messes, but again, nothing new. I made some happy students, a lot of lessons and new student friends.

I made mistakes, though hopefully they are reducing each year.

But what did I make that is something new?

I think it was this year that I made a booklet with all the blog entries from 1979 and sent one to Hayden and another to Sharon.

I also made a notebook with a quote for every day of the year in 2022 that I sent to Hayden.

I made a grave for Kim Chi and as I write this it brings tears but at her grave, I feel pleasant as I pick out the grass to allow the other things to grow there.

One thing I didn’t make is any food. Shoving meals into the microwave or shoving potatoes into the oven does not count.

I took this picture because I found these flowers pretty, standing out against the stark green and the deep blue of the sky.

Wait A Minute – 28th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Just wait a minute, slow it down
You can’t see the trouble brewing
The choices made are pure emotion
And you don’t know what you are doing

Wait a minute, test the waters
Before the wave crashes and breaks
You’re rushing headlong into trouble
And the pain of those mistakes

Wait a minute, use your brain
Look at the direction you are going
Don’t brush off the wiser words
Thinking you’ve done all the knowing

Wait a minute before you decide
To step into the fire and burn
Live to fight another day
With all the things you’ll learn

Wait a minute, take a breath
Are you certain that you know it all?
Is now the time to experience
The depths to which you’ll fall?

Today I’m feeling:

Perhaps after yesterday’s prompt about dreams, I was very aware of the dream I was having this morning as my alarm went off. For some reason my thoughts and emotions were spiralling out of control and even as I was aware of it happening I couldn’t control it. Nong Fah was trying to comfort me in a kind of student/teacher role reversal, but it didn’t work. 

This dream was based on events from yesterday when Spain was very emotional in class and couldn’t be consoled. He is on the spectrum as is said these days and was having a tough time. 

Yesterday I also talked with Fah about not knowing why Feije was acting a bit of character recently because they seemed to have become more friendly.

I woke up feeling a bit stressed and disconsolate but soon got over it with exercise which got the blood pumping but I also had to push hard to motivate myself to complete.

At lunchtime, I found Fah and friends in the library and Feije’s expulsion was the main topic and then, lo and behold, she appeared. Everyone gathered around to get the gossip and I made myself scarce so the kids didn’t feel uncomfortable.

Today I’m grateful for:

Gui’s mum for giving me four or five custard apples from their tree outside the cafe. I was surprised and appreciative.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing all my grading files for my students and reflecting on how the semester has been. It is definitely an improvement on last year for me with fewer frustrations. As ever it is always enjoyable to watch these young people and their stories develop. I appreciate them very much and I feel as if some of them appreciate me in return.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There was just one point where a couple of students pushed my patience. I knew they were excited for the holidays but I just wanted them to do a little work for me first. Despite their initial defiance, they could see that I was serious and begrudgingly came and did it. I’m glad they didn’t push it further.

Something I learned today?

In my grade 7 classes this week I’ve just been giving short gratitude quizzes asking three things. What they are grateful for, what they learned and if anything is upsetting them. That last question has proved to be the most interesting. 

This afternoon one of the students, Film, said that they were worried about another student’s mental health. I looked around the room and that student did look troubled and flustered. I took Film aside and asked what had happened and he told me that the student’s two best friends had been bullying him.

Knowing all the students involved I was not too surprised to hear this. 

I took the student off to the teacher’s room and reassured him that the bullies were showing their true colours and were not being good friends. I can see he wants to be good in class but gets roped into doing ‘bad’ things by his friends. I encouraged him and told him that there were other students in the classroom who were concerned and cared about him.

He had a little cry but seemed to understand and appreciate the support. My guess is that they will all be friends again by next semester and it will all be forgotten though I think it would benefit him to find new friends that treat him better.

28th Dec 2023 – Sure enough they are all good friends and thick as thieves again, though I can see the bullied one is a little more cautious now.

What’s my favourite thing to do when I’m feeling down?

These days I kinda know how to stop myself from feeling down but if I feel like I can get it under control I know that sleep often helps me. Another thing that helps is to just do something different. I have so many options available really and it could be something as simple as going for a walk.

I took this picture because Cap hasn’t come and sat next to me for a few months. It was nice to feel his fur on my skin but the temperature was damn hot and sticky already and he was adding to it. I don’t know when or how deeply he sleeps as he seems to move from place to place every five minutes.

The Illiterati – 23rd September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What did I learn today?
The student reminds themselves
What do I need to unlearn
And take down from the shelves?
What did I forget today
That must be revised and relearned?
To fight against the Illiterati
Some books must be burned

inspired by a quote by Alvin Toffler which I’ve immediately forgotten!

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to go and tired. I was exhausted last night and fell to sleep quickly but woke again once the aircon switched off and due to aching shoulders from exercising.

Today I’m grateful for:

The polio vaccine that I was given when I was at Bransty First School. I have a slight memory of receiving vaccinations here every year or two and not really understanding what they were for but they were serious business. It may be childish recall but the needles back then seemed to be as thick as a pencil and as expected they sure hurt a six-year-old’s skinny soft flesh. I never knew anyone who had polio but many of the adults around seemed to and told of its blight.

Reading an Ian Dury biography today told of how he contracted polio from a swimming pool in 1949 and all the problems he suffered whilst growing up. It was not until 1954 that a vaccine was finally created and which I would be given about 20 years later.

Whilst there may be some scepticism about a fast-tracked covid vaccine I scoff at people who refuse all vaccines for whatever reason. I understand a friend’s reluctance about vaccines when her brother died after an allergic reaction to one and I’m sympathetic to that tragedy but that cannot counter all the positive effects of vaccines for the 99.9% of people who it has saved from experiencing severe health issues.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a fair bit of reading in. Some more Midnight Library, the first chapters of the Ian Dury bio and finishing the first part of the Clive James bio. I even spent some time in the hammock for the first time maybe for the whole year.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I ran out of energy, as often happens on Saturdays these days. I submitted to an afternoon nap after trying to put it off. I woke again just as it was getting dark and haven’t really woken up properly. I think I’ll be back in bed again soon.

Something I learned today?

Amy got home safely from the gay bar she was in last night. I had fallen asleep so wasn’t able to video-call and accompany her home. She also told me that her dad seemed to be doing ok and they thought there was no cancer spread though that’s not 100% confirmed yet. So long as he recovers and Amy’s grandmum can hang on then our plans she be fine to go ahead.

What situation is asking me to be courageous or brave right now?

Maybe not sure if brave or courageous might be the right words but I have to get my head around the fact that Amy will be back permanently soon. That will be a shift in routines and make me busier than these last couple of years. I’m already struggling to get things done that I enjoy each day. If I think about sacrificing anything it will be watching videos in front of the TV which is what I usually want to do to wind down a little.

I took this picture because I liked the way this ice was sitting in the glass and liked it even better with a black and white filter.

Skipping Down The Street – 21st September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes we play like children
Before we remember who we are
No more skipping along the road
Or taking a joke too far
 Why blush embarrassed at the fun
 Of pretending to shoot an imaginary gun?

Now the world is our playground
We’ve forgotten exactly how to play
Life suddenly got so serious
And we let it get in our way
We removed ourselves from our dreams
Made them into our children’s themes

3rd Apr 2024 – Submitted to The Daily Spur – adjust

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and energetic with any underlying feeling of tiredness just from exercise. Is it ironic that I’m feeling the best I have felt in a long time whilst Amy’s family is all struggling with their health and the stress that goes along with it?

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding a parking space outside the 7/11 next to the hospital as I had to go and wait with Amy’s dad whilst Amy’s mum went to grab some food and move her car. I bought a protein drink there to keep me going as I’m not sure when I’ll get home. I’m hungry after a long day.

The best thing about today was:

For my last class of the day, I gave the students a difficult listening and spelling test. I sat them apart and told them they couldn’t speak to each other. They had forty words to listen to and then spell. What made me happy was that all the students took it seriously and the ones who hadn’t been paying attention were being found out.

This was the real goal of the lesson. I don’t much care about the results of the test.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I knew that I would have to take Leo (Amy’s dad’s dog) for a walk after work and had built that into my thought schedule for the day, knowing that I would be tired as this is my busiest day of the week. During the morning I got a message from Amy that I was also needed after that at the hospital to relieve Amy’s mum for a while. Whilst not that unexpected it meant readjusting my mindset that now I wasn’t even sure when I might get home and to eat. Again, I submitted myself and got my mind straight about it. No point in being upset.

Something I learned today?

I learned the reason why China had to develop its own GPS system. In the mid-90s the USA declared a Chinese ship was delivering chemical agents for weaponisation to Iran, without any evidence at all. The USA forced the ship to stay at sea and demanded other countries refuse to let the ship dock. The Chinese offered for independent assessors to come and check the ship but the USA refused! Then they switched off GPS for the ship to use so the captain didn’t know where they were going. After 20 days the crew ran out of food and water until finally supplies were sent from one of the Gulf countries and it was allowed to dock. When the contents of the ship were checked it was all harmless as the Chinese had said. The issue of the USA’s ability to turn off GPS and later banning China from using the suddenly ill-named International Space Station pushed China to forge its own path ahead.

What are some of my strengths?

Patience, determination (when I care), perseverance, easy-going attitude.

At least that’s how see myself. I wonder what others might think my strengths are?

How do I find peace?

I think I found it by travelling a long way and forfeiting a lot of the things that previously brought me pleasure in a less peaceful world (big city rat race office job). 

Making life a little less complex and being in an environment with fewer choices has made me more peaceful. If I had done this 10 or 20 years ago I think I would have felt more restless but right now it’s perfect.

Quote: Happiness is a virtue, not its reward – Baruch Spinoza

I didn’t understand this on first reading so shoved it into ChatGPT asking it to be explained to a twelve-year-old. Then I could make sense of it. 

The point of this statement seems to fall into place with time and practice. I can recall times when I knowingly did good things for some vague notion of brownie points. Maybe by repeatedly doing things like that, I learned the habit of doing good things and in time my reasons for doing them became less contrived. I have become happier over time as I’ve matured. 

I don’t believe in karma as such, in that I don’t believe that if I do something good then something good will happen to me, but that if I do something good it just makes me feel better. My karma is internalised rather than hoping for some kind of reciprocal external reward.

I took this picture because this was the result of trying to get excitable Leo onto his leash!

The Weakest – 19th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

No eagle, no lion, no predator
The playground of hope is dark
Clinging tightly to a rape whistle
At night to cross the park

From the last to the lowest
A place at the table is set
Fighting for a share of pie
When crumbs are all you’ll get

If the line is ever crossed
To rise beyond the station allowed
Conspirators will come to cut
The tall poppies from the crowd

How may a little girl push the boulder
Up the hill each day
Without joining together to make
Lighter work and play?

Bitter words spat out designed
To keep the weakest divided
Too late to change the rules of the game
With a winner already decided

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty positive. Winding down my brain a little bit as the term ends. I could feel the exercise this morning getting easier and happy to see the body changes going on. When I try to convince some of my students to get some exercise I’m sympathetic to their feeling of lethargy and apathy as I was exactly the same but now I think more about how much better I might have felt in my formative years if I had kept up some proper exercise or even sport.

Today I’m grateful for:

The distortion and overdrive pedal board I have that make it fun to try and play along to noise rock bands. It gets so noisy I can’t tell how badly I’m playing!

The best thing about today was:

My grade 8 class knuckling down and helping each other to complete a task that many of them weren’t prepared for. If they had their books with them and had done all I asked each week then they could easily answer all the questions. I knew many who always forget their books or write on pieces of paper that they lose.
Once those kids realised they were screwed they recruited their friends to help but then those kids were busy trying to complete the work.
The idea is for the kids to remember to bring their book every time and that will help them. Did it work? A little, perhaps.
The smart ones understood and they were free to go when they were done which put the pressure on the others. I enjoyed watching them and helping them when they needed it. For me, at least the class went well.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Everything felt like it was in control today. Not necessarily in my control but nothing really got derailed.

Something I learned today?

Russell Brand has been accused of sexual assault. Whether the accusations are true or not, it is interesting that this is happening now, some 15-20 years after the events, now he is straight, sober, rolling in money and challenging dominant media narratives. 

He admits to many bad behaviours in his past and some of the accusations are disturbing and he should at least be held accountable for anything proven.

The investigation into these accusations was done by journalists. Why not by the police?

If I could change anything from my past, what would it be?

With the benefit of hindsight, I want to answer that there’s nothing. In reality, I often answer this question with ‘I wish I had gained wisdom faster and listened to what I was being told instead of being so pig-headed.’

But perhaps if I want to get specific, and again this is with the benefit of hindsight, I would change my drinking habit and despite having many great drunken times, wish I hadn’t used it as a crutch and exacerbated my depression.

When people told me exercise was good for depression I could only exercise my drinking arm. It was impossible to motivate myself through my constant stupor. I’m careful not to tell others so bluntly that they should exercise but just say to go for a walk if you can or start very slowly and not all out to burnout in a week.

I took this picture because as I’m often having days with no pictures I’m forcing myself to find things in the house to take pictures of. This is one piece from my tiny collection of Gloomy the Adult Bear paraphernalia that sits on top of the ledge of the living room door.

Secret Friend – 18th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A love not allowed
Always having to pretend
We became each others’
Secret friend

The thrill of it fed us
Illicit liaisons in the dark
Talking under the bridge
Walking around the park

No authority could conspire
To make our secret known
Always with excuses
So our cover was never blown

Until the pressure mounted
And blew up from within
It ripped our world apart
For new stories to begin

19th Oct 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – secret

Today I’m feeling:

Great, despite sleeping badly with aching hips and being too cold from the aircon. I got to school early and enjoyed multiple conversations with students. Most everyone seems to be in a good mood.

Today I’m grateful for:

The small office room at school that doesn’t get used much anymore and I can commandeer to talk one-to-one with students. I need to get them away from each other to see what they really know. To be honest, I don’t see much improvement during this time from most of them but hopefully, bits and pieces are sinking in.

The best thing about today was:

Checking in on David’s grade 8 class after my one-hour class and sitting with the poorer students and getting them started so they could start to see the pattern and what they needed to do. I think those students appreciated it especially when they realised how easy it was.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got to the new immigration office pretty early but still ended up waiting about 45 minutes just to get the stamp in my passport for another year’s stay. At least I was prepared for this though and could catch up with some reading.

What is a photo that makes me smile every time I see it?

Maybe this used to be photos of Kim Chi but now those same pictures make me feel sad and miss her.

This picture brings back happy memories of new love and adventures.

Where did I show kindness?

Despite wanting to get out of school quickly to get some shopping done on the way home I ended up staying an extra 30 minutes and helping students in David’s class. I also followed up with one of the sleepers in that class to try and encourage them a bit more. It’s like leading cats forward with treats but at the end of the day the cat is still going to do what it wants to do.

I took this picture because I’m always making fun of Baipad for sleeping in class. I think she has some sort of problem that makes her tired as well as probably not eating well and overuse of the phone. The more I think about it the longer the list of things that have a negative impact on these kids these days. What to do…?

Hold Music – 8th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We apologise for the extended delay
We’ll be with you as soon as we can
Soon is not soon enough I say
An hour to wait today was not my plan

Today I’m feeling:

About 80% this morning. I slept ok but could have gone for longer. I exercised well enough but can feel the tiredness through my body. I think I will sleep well again tonight.

(Later) Stressed for most of the day (see below)

Today I’m grateful for:

Hans, the guy I spoke to from the Westpac Fraud Department. He was efficient and helpful and dealt with my issue easily. What issue? (see below)

The best thing about today was:

Getting lots of things done whilst on hold on the phone waiting for Westpac to deal with my problem. What problem? (see below)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I actually woke up before my alarm today as my phone had buzzed which means Amy had sent me a message. Everything else is set to Do Not Disturb until 8 a.m. 

The message she sent was asking if I had used our bank account for anything recently, which I hadn’t. It seems someone had gotten hold of my card information and used it a couple of times before the bank, Westpac, automatically blocked it. As we have a joint account, Amy got a message saying both our cards have been suspended. 

I got to school thinking more about my classes and after the first one was done went to House for coffee in preparation for calling the bank. My first try was 30 minutes of waiting without success and I asked Amy to try, knowing it was unlikely she would be able to do anything as it was my card that had been used. She waited for an hour and a half to find that out too, calling me to tell me to try again. With less than two hours until my next class, after about 40 minutes of waiting I spoke to someone in India who verified that I was who I said I was and then told me to wait whilst they put me through to the fraud department and do it was I was waiting and watch time tick away for my class to start. After about 45 more minutes, Hans answered and within about a minute, opened a case and told me the money should get returned in a couple of weeks.

I dashed back to school only five minutes late in the end and had to deal with hot sweaty impatient teenagers, one of whom got emotional and started crying. Several students skipped out too and I told their homeroom teacher that I’d marked them absent in the system. 

I tried to destress myself by talking with students who were hanging out around school and the park but I have really only just managed to unwind in the late evening.

Something I learned today?

One of my new students, Jin, will change schools next semester purely because there will be no van to pick her up next semester. Kids are at the mercy of the weird system that is in place here, and at the mercy of their own economic situations.

I also found out that Namthip and Dena skipped a class yesterday and were given a final warning that they would be kicked out if they did it again. I was a bit surprised to hear that it was them, to be honest, and then to realise that Dena had skipped out of my class just then too!

What song always puts me in a good mood?

An interesting question. I don’t often listen to music to put myself in a good mood and the music that makes me happy is not really that uplifting. Having said that I have about 100 songs I can play rhythm guitar along with these days and I always enjoy the Volcano Suns songs the most and save them til last. Impossible to pick just one though.

I took these pictures (Namkhing sneakily taking one when I wasn’t looking) because despite the stressful day some of us were having there was still a lot of fun and laughter.
Top to bottom, left to right; Namkhing, Pleng, Aoey, Pang, Khaofang and Husna (who had suddenly come to life after complaining of feeling sick when there was work to be done).
Why all girls? All the boys just sit and stare at their phones all day and barely interact with each other, let alone with me.

A Dull Knife – 7th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Where did your confidence go?
Now is the time that matters
When the body began to grow
Your self-belief just shatters

Open for manipulations
And unable to see your abuse
Dealing with the situations
When you think that you’re no use

Ahead lies a trail of tears
Never knowing where it’s going
Unless you overcome these fears
That are stopping you from growing

inspired by a struggling student whose name may translate to something like ‘blade’ or ‘propeller’

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and stuffed up. Last night I was getting a sore throat but that seems ok today. Now it seems to have moved into my head. I didn’t sleep well and when my alarm went off I sent a message to my students that I wouldn’t be at school and went back to an extra 3 hours of bad sleep. My body is aching from all the exercising I’ve been doing too, maybe pushing too hard (but the results in the mirror are inspiring). I’m grateful for a day off and time to go and check the dental clinic at the hospital.

Today I’m grateful for:

To meet the little pregnant cat at the shop next door to Utopia that was sitting quietly on the mat and either contemplating life or watching the traffic. It’s about 60% white but then the rest is a complete jumble of every other cat colour you ever saw. A quarter of her head looks like Tigger and elsewhere are small patches of Kim-ginger. What a family tree this kitty must have and due to soon add further to the sad abundance of cats looking for homes.

The best thing about today was:

Doing very little. The chocolate protein milk I drank was nice and, pulling out some weeds, being about as much exercise as I got today, felt satisfying. Nothing over the top as a stand-out highlight and despite being tired, dizzy and lazy, the day was enjoyable enough.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Last night before going to sleep I told myself that despite having a sore throat and feeling tired I would get up with my alarm and exercise and if I still felt bad I would go back to bed. In the back of my mind I knew that there was little chance of me getting up and doing this and that is indeed what happened.
I don’t yet have the thought control to overcome the easy way out though also feel I should respect what my body is telling me. It is tired for a reason and not just laziness.
Today I have already decided to go to school tomorrow and that means exercise in the morning. As my mind is already anticipating being at school this is more likely to happen.

Something I learned today?

It is Nong Fah’s birthday today. Happy 14th birthday to a smart kid. I only knew from her Facebook post wishing herself a happy birthday. Kids seem to do that a lot. They maybe don’t set their profile up with a birthday or with the correct date but then when it comes around they want people to know and to soak in some best wishes.

What work do I enjoy doing?

At one point or another, I’ve enjoyed all the different types of work I’ve done. The work isn’t usually an issue, it’s the systems, people and chasing of profit that make it difficult, uninspiring and frustrating. 

In some ways, I’m jealous of those who have utilised their creativity to be able to work at things they love and be able to earn enough money (or be satisfied with their struggle) to survive. In other ways, I’ve been happy to keep the money-making separate from the things I love to do.

At this moment in time, there has been some convergence between the two as I’m very satisfied with the work I’m doing (teaching) and getting financially rewarded enough.

Quote: It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see. – Henry David Thoreau

I’ve looking at this quote for many days not being sure what to write but Fah’s birthday has provided me with the inspiration. You can see from the picture that she is a pretty girl but she is not a standout amongst the crowds in the school or even in her class. What attracts me to her is her personality, smarts and common sense. It’s not about maturity as such, as she still acts in common with most 13/14-year-olds. To look at her is one thing, what I see is another.

What I see when I look at my wife is our history of 15 years and everything that that means to me. The good times, the tough times, the fun and funny times. Travels, experiences, companionship, love.

When I look at attractive young ladies I’m only looking at a picture, I don’t ‘see’ anything beyond that. When I look at Amy I ‘see’ her completely. On the outside, we are no longer the handsome or beautiful people we met but have travelled together beyond the superficial. Whatever the future holds it won’t be spoiled by anything that could merely be considered a picture.

I took this picture of the birthday girl from one of her online videos. I’ll send it to her again in ten years’ time (if we are still in touch) and we can reminisce about the days we are having now. Students for life.

No Fish – 6th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A fish for today
A problem gone away
Tomorrow, will you be so kind?
A gift quite odd
Here’s a fishing rod
And you may eat all the fish you find

Today I’m feeling:

Ready for the day. I had a bit of a bad dream when my alarm went off. A weird story of Nong May and I walking across a street and she bumped into a guy and they both fell over. I was concerned for both of them and we ended up catching a scary bus to get to a doctor and insurance place. Everything around was getting darker and more ominous. I could’ve slept a lot longer but I was quite glad to get out of this dream.

Today I’m grateful for:

Not having caught everyone’s colds and flu so far. Many students are sick, coughing and sneezing in class. Sooner or later I will get sick for sure but so far so good. I can feel my throat is dry and itchy just when I’m writing this!

The best thing about today was:

Feeling like my Thai language learning is improving just by using it in class more often and trying to understand the kids when they speak Thai to me. Google Translate is much better than it was a couple of years ago and I can imagine we get to a point where we don’t even bother to learn languages anymore and use super fast translation instead. 

In my grade 10 class today I asked the students how often they used messaging instead of calling and it seemed to be 80/20 favouring messaging.

Will we stop talking altogether? Once we figure out converting thoughts into text maybe our mouths will only be used for eating.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Yesterday I was thinking about doing a particular exercise (running dictation) with a couple of my one-hour classes but then remembered that in previous years it had taken much longer, so I quickly switched them around to be in our two-hour classes, one of which was today. 

I was then shocked to find them finished within the hour and us having time to spare. I stretched things out before letting them do other work or free time. 

Everyone enjoyed the class, though they got hot with the running and as I had anticipated the lazier students soon got distracted but in the end, things turned out ok. I do the same exercise with another class tomorrow.

Something I learned today?

There are rumours that the terrible fires in Hawaii, which locals are saying may have killed a couple of thousand people, may have been deliberately started or at least had a deliberately delayed response as investors were looking to get the area cleared out to build a new ‘city’.  Save time and money by letting everything burn!

The locals are still struggling to receive help or even information. It sure looks like a horrible situation and is close to a modern genocide if these people are to be believed.

What random memory comes to mind right now?

This is a difficult question to answer when sitting and trying to think of it. It then becomes not random. Random memories will pop up during the day but not at the time I have this question in my mind. All the things that happened today are already memories and they are already swirling around in the quagmire of my brain.

Next time an older memory does randomly appear I’ll try to remember it and come back and add it. Or more likely I will read this sometime in the future and all the text here will be the actual random memory.

What am I taking for granted?

I think I am probably taking a lot of things for granted right now, though because of that, they are difficult for me to identify. Everyday things such as water, electricity, internet, phone, computer data, and music are almost ubiquitous and easily taken for granted and would be stressful if taken away. 

In some ways, I take Amy for granted but that is part of a relationship and we often remind each other in mostly humorous ways that we don’t do that.

Part of writing a gratitude entry every day is to be reminded not to take things for granted.

Miyor took this picture amongst a whole bunch of others because she was messing around with apps and filters etc.  I wish the kids would put as much effort into studying English!