Tag: gratitude

The Whys – 5th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There was a wisdom to the air
A confidence contained in words
A charismatic character
Striding forth with bellows
Seen from the side
Seen straight ahead
Backwards or upside down
Never questioned, the whys
– I questioned the wise
Found lacking and falling short
Unveiled, revealed to me
It matters not, what you see
This is just a matter for me

When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.

bell hooks

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy got offered both jobs and took the 2nd one as it allows her to travel in February before starting in March. Excellent.

Straight Line – 4th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Going straight isn’t always the best
Sometimes you gotta bend to pass the test
Life is not linear, the path may be curved
You made it here by the way you swerved

As the crow flies sure is so fast
But the lesson, maybe, does not last
If you don’t adapt, you can break
That’s a mistake you don’t want to make

What exists, exists so that it can be lost and become precious.

Lisel Mueller

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy is going for two job interviews already! She hasn’t even been in Australia for a week yet.

Last night I had a couple of spoonfuls of kratom powder and got really dug into creating some music, though I ran out of time to play guitar. It was only later, when I was feeding the cats and talking with Amy, that I realised how hungry I was and I was even feeling a little nauseous as I was eating some salmon I had bought.

After watching some TV, I was feeling tired and had a shower and couldn’t even read much before falling to sleep and it was a deep, long one. I don’t remember waking up at all. I’ve started using a sleep app, though I don’t have a watch for monitoinrg and the app told me my sleep was only 69% quality, so I’m a little doubtful how well it is actually working.

Amy has two job interviews lined up today, which is crazy. She hasn’t even been there a week! Fern also advised her about a position available where she works too.

My morning classes were excellent. I tested 2/9 (grade 8) with a really difficult text and they were so happy and shocked when I told them it was for a grade 12 level. I was teaching them not to be scared of difficult-looking things and that their skill level is very good.

I’ll take it easy for my last class in the afternoon and then have to psych myself up for the weekend. Vacuuming and washing need to be squeezed in along with all the cat and garden maintenance. Also have to take the car for service, which will give me the opportunity to walk a bit until it’s ready.

Artificial Womb – 3rd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

New concepts for conception
A baby-making contraption
A warehouse full of wires
Tubes of blood suppliers

A matrix of growing babies
A new world full of maybes
Birth is an open door
Special delivery from the store

Is nine months an optimal time?
Perhaps twelve for extra spine
Let’s bake these babies longer
And make them so much stronger

An artificial womb, a real fear?
Where next to go from here?
Mixing up all DNA data
To make the future so much smarter

I hope in my lifetime to see the first human being created without pain.

Aria Babu, on Artificial Wombs

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to meet Matt yesterday and get a surprise gift which was very kind and generous.

Time goes quickly, whether at home or work. I should remind myself that time quickly goes when I’m having fun, so I should be happy with that.

Last night, after getting home, I fiddled about with the things I fiddle about with and then enjoyed watching some comedy. I wanted to watch a movie but within a couple of minutes, I was put off by the acting, so I checked IMDB for reviews and read that the story was ok but that the bad acting spoiled it all so I decided to give it a miss.

Had a good sleep that I would’ve enjoyed for longer if I could but got up and did an arm workout. As I was eating breakfast, I saw someone walk past our window, which, weirdly, didn’t surprise me as much as I thought it would! I quickly realised that it was just Amy’s mum and she had come early, as grandmum wanted to go to the temple for her birthday today.

This morning’s classes were fun and I was very heartened to hear from students that next week, when they all have to do Red Cross activities, they all said that it was a waste of time and that they would prefer to be studying instead. Apparently, we (the high school teachers) are supposed to be going to Primary to help out there. I would rather be teaching!

Sitting in House for the rest of the afternoon. Looking at writing prompts and the first one is about obstacles. I don’t feel that I have any obstacles, really. But I want to imagine myself having an obstacle to overcome and how to go about it. Actually, I don’t want to imagine myself, but to write a story about someone else having that problem to overcome. I need to get my imagination back in gear again. My creative side.

I’ve enjoyed messing around with the keyboard to create mini-tunes, so want to continue developing that side of my personality. When talking to Matt yesterday, he said that he hadn’t been recording anything of the modular music he’d been creating and I was considering saying to him to record some and give it to me to manipulate more, but then I remembered that I had self-committed to remixing all the Senyawa stems last year but only ended up doing three. So, really, I would probably feel better motivated by doing it all myself from scratch – that would feel like more of an investment to me.

Anyway, obstacles. As I sit and write, I can think of many minor obstacles that I could consider. They just don’t seem significant. They feel like they will just naturally be overcome. I’ve learned to sit back and reflect on things more and problems (obstacles) tend to just naturally disappear. The importance we place on many thing just aren’t really what they seem.

Revenge Bedtime Procrastination – 2nd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Working stiff, time is sucked away
Beer o’clock, a chance to play
Reclaim the day, sleep when you’re dead
Tomorrow’s here with a throbbing head

Power through with a mindful meditation
Revenge bedtime procrastination
An ever-decreasing circle of frustration
Revenge bedtime procrastination

The office runs, so take a rest
Getting paid to sleep is the best
Pretty soon it’s time to go again
Waiting for the whistle of 5pm

16 more hours without destination
Revenge bedtime procrastination
Chase away time with dedication
Revenge bedtime procrastination

When you’re young, dumb and energetic, your greatest asset is that you’re young, dumb and energetic.

Cole Schafer

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy arrived in Australia safe and sound. It was good to see her in our old house last night.

17th August 2023 – Amy’s old friend Anna and her husband still live in our old Chatswood apartment and offer us space to stay if we ever need it and I still receive bits and pieces of mail there so I can use it as an Aussie address still if necessary.

Damn, those kids were noisy in class and I can see that for some, they are not interested to study. So, I’ll just continue to focus on the ones who are trying their best. The sad thing is that the ones not interested could actually do the work. It’s not difficult. There are just too many damn kids in the class.

Anyway, I kept it as fun as possible and everything was OK. I floated around for the afternoon, pretty much just waiting until 4pm to go home.

I couldn’t tell if Amy’s parents had come and watered, so I did it again, which was pleasant and relaxing. I made it to my room but didn’t do much on Ableton and the keyboard; instead, I got sucked into the guitar, which has fallen off the last few weeks, so my fingers are a little soft. I played until they hurt too much to carry on.

In the middle of this, Amy called from our old home, where Anna and Big Boy now live and Amy felt so happy to recall all our memories from there. She was already excitedly talking about new plans. I’m glad she’s feeling good, though I can (and she can) already feel how expensive everything is. 100 dollar taxi from the airport!

(Later) Just the one class today, which was fine, though the kids were a little restless. It was still fun. I got my pay cheque today, which I’ve been hanging for and not just have to wait for it to clear.

I went over to Matt’s and he surprised me with a huge bottle of wee tincture, some dried wee and some mushrooms. Awesome! A pity I have to take the car for service on Saturday morning but maybe I can take a dose when I get home.

Matt and I talked a lot about getting older and being happy not to be surrounded by friends for friendship’s sake. We’re happy with ourselves.

Do you still have a deep dark secret?

I don’t think I do. There are perhaps certain things that I wouldn’t tell certain people but ultimately, there’s nothing really so secret in my life. There are things I’ve done that I’m not so proud of but they are all in the context of growth and development. In the end, I hope to put down everything here (in this blog) and some things may upset certain people if they ever saw them but they are generally intended without judgment and just a record of events and feelings of those moments.

I don’t think I’ve ever had any kind of dark secret.

I Shall See – 1st February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Sell your smile and sell your glances
Use your words but take no chances
Don’t decide now and you will see
Silence is a power to set you free

On writing: In these youthful efforts, there was no desire to say something particular, to recall a memorable experience, to express a strongly held opinion or to air a grievance.

Abdulrazak Gurnah

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this pretty red and black shirt that I can fit into again now that I’ve lost some weight!

It’s a cold Chinese New Year morning. Yesterday was a great day and I was very happy even though busy running around, taking care of the cats and trying to fit in all the things I like doing. As I was reading comics, I was starting to feel sleepy but then I went for a shower and got re-energised again. Eventually, I had a good sleep with good, forgotten dreams, but less than six hours.

Still, I woke up just before my alarm and got up and exercised and got myself up and running, ready for the day. My morning classes were cancelled as there is something going on for the Chinese New Year. Just the noisy 1/6 (grade 7) kids in the afternoon, so it should be an easy day

New Coffee – 31st January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Close my eyes and count to three
Sit up as straight as I can be
Breathe in deep, expand my chest
Slow it down to do it best
Racing thoughts, I let them go
Race on down that river so
Five minutes later and I’m done
So now the day has just begun
I can face everything I’m thrown
I can count each day I’ve grown
Even more wicked witches come
I can carry on until I’m done

Successful people do things that they don’t like to do because they can accomplish the things that they want to accomplish.

paraphrase Albert Gray

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have made a good plan to get everything ready for my first work day without Amy.

Did a double exercise this morning so ended up rushing a little but managed to get everything done, though Kim Chi looked upset that she couldn’t come out today.

I didn’t sleep too well and will put the mattress back to the soft side tonight. When I woke up I just found myself worrying about food and what I was going to eat. Hope to sleep better tonight. Will try to get into bed later, reading comics in the living room instead of in bed.

If I – 30th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

If I was guarding the prisoner
I’d loosen their chains
If I was lost in a dark wood
I’d look where light remains
If I was walking home late
I’d shortcut through the park
If I found your magic idol
I’d goof around in the dark
If I could be young again
I’d test myself further still
If I found the point of no return
I’d climb the nearest hill
If I was caught in this rip
I’d flail against the tide
If I found all the answers
I’d find somewhere safe to hide
If I saw all the warning signs
I’d still struggle to react
If I heard you telling lies
I’d tell you what is fact
Me, you and everyone else
Like cats fighting over a fish
Me, you and everyone else
We’ll fight for what we wish

My poetry is, or should be, useful to me for one reason. It is the record of my struggle from darkness toward some measure of light.

Dylan Thomas

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to listen to music in my house whilst doing housework-type things.

Slept a lot last night and had good dreams but also kept waking up, what felt like all the time. Weird and nice not to have Amy here and somehow I felt more responsible and happy to feel that way.

Sorted the cats with breakfast, noticing Tangmo was already waiting for me at the gate. Cute.

I’m reading a Jim Morrison biography with my weekend coffees at Utopia and it’s well written and interesting to learn more about this guy. Never really enjoyed the Doors much but a well-written book put some music in better perspective and I may give them a go again at some point though I’m not short of things I want to listen to, having watched a Black Sabbath documentary the other day and hearing Pink Floyd at Utopia.

When I got back I still felt like I had many things to be responsible for, so I figured out what food to order later online, testing my Thai reading ability, watered the garden before it got too hot and as it was still, I decided to clean the leaves off the roofs of the teaching room and spare rooms, getting myself covered in dust and water. I did all this whilst listening to 400 Blows on the outdoor stereo.

Currently blasting random tunes on the kitchen stereo whilst I’m here in the living room and feel like all this strange music is my constant companion. I think I would go mad without music.

Showered and then marvelled at the speed and efficiency of the Grab Food order and delivery service, eating while watching The Twilight Zone, an episode from 1987. It’s odd to think that I was alive at the time – already 20 years old. The clothes, acting, and styles all feel like they were from an era before I was alive.

That’s Saying Nothing – 27th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You used a lot of words
To say nothing at all
Asking for some clarity
You raised a higher wall

Fake it until you make it
The megalomaniacal king
The rebels at the ramparts
Protest the hate you bring

The castle you’re living in
Contains a bloodied throne
Surrounded by your leeches
And afraid to be alone

There’s no way to be equal
In the games that you play
If you can’t explain yourself
Then there’s nothing left to say

Most people seek to avoid tedium, pain and any form of adversity. You must choose to move in the opposite direction.

Robert Greene

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see Amy’s grandmum on her 90th birthday yesterday. She’s going good.

My pen broke yesterday, leaving me penless. I brought one from home today but it doesn’t flow as well. I love a good pen.

After school yesterday, I took Amy to the skin doctor, who gave her a bunch of pills and creams that have previously worked for her, so hopefully will clear her up by Saturday when she leaves.

While I was waiting, I gave Hayden a call and he told me he got his first tattoo, which came as a bit of surprise, though perhaps more surprising that it took him so long. Anyway, it looks cool. Three 5’s on his wrist, which has a special meaning for him and made more so when I told him its meaning of laughing in Thailand. I’d forgotten that it was Australia Day today and he was out with his friends, so we didn’t talk for long.

Got home dog-tired and didn’t make it into my room and tonight we have to attack the termite problem again with more things to try and kill them off.

A Magic Trick – 26th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

A theatre in which to participate
A groupthink in which to integrate
Share no thoughts, share no feeling
Just a picture of instant appealing

A fantasy completely documented
A world that you yourself invented
Within that mirror, behind the screen
A hamster wheel forever unseen

A like or love with each clickety-click
Buying more will do the trick
The magic hat, a rabbit appears
A wave of the wand to dry your tears

Ocean sunsets with glorious wives
A time to remember for all your lives
Yet forgotten as you endlessly feed
And try to satisfy your doom-scrolling need

13 Aug 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Mislead

The meaning of life is nested within the set terms of our own mortality.

Nick Cave

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Nancy for giving me a nice scarf as a gift yesterday. It was a nice surprise.

I’m glad today is an easy teaching day as I’m pretty exhausted. My body is OK after exercise but my head just feels laggy.

Last night, Amy had a really allergic reaction to her dreaded enemy, the hairy worm. It affected her face and around her butt and thighs. Her skin came up in welts. It’s amazing how badly it affects her and yet I don’t have any problem with them at all. She took some medicine which knocked her out and I also had a deep sleep from which I didn’t want to wake this morning.

Today is Amy’s grandmum’s 90th birthday party. She’s starting to show her age these days, though I think her brain is still going strong. It must be annoying to not have total control over your body. It’s what we’re headed for.

What’s an ageing-related adjustment you refuse to make and why?

Right now, I feel like I’m constantly trying to fight my own narrow-mindedness. I don’t want to be that grumpy old man who complains about ‘things these days’. As a result, I don’t want to stop learning new things. Health-wise, there’s nothing much needed at the moment. I definitely don’t want to be in the brown and grey parade, so I try to keep my clothes young and fresh-looking. I think this could be a question for ten and twenty years time.

Grandmum’s 90th birthday lunch was yummy, after which I dashed off to an ATM to get cash for my work permit, as last year I didn’t bring any and they didn’t accept cards or QR payments. Well prepared this time……except! Except now they don’t accept cash but only cards and QR payments, which I now no longer had enough funds left in the bank! Argh! Expect the unexpected!

This is so typical of Thailand that it is not worth getting stressed about. Just like last year, I knew that they would sort it out and they did. Someone there who was also applying for their permit paid for me and I gave her the cash.

Shut Up And Shout – 25th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Letting others speak, even some nasty words
Tells you almost everything you need to know
Rather they, than you, put a foot in it
It’s a wonderful lesson for truth to grow

You can’t change what happened but what happens from here is up to you.

owner of Cerro Gordo

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to change up my first lesson today to start outside – give the kids and me something different to do.

After 3 busy, fun classes today, I can say that the kids are inspiring. In the morning, we did running dictation outside, which was a nice break from being in the classroom. Funny how some days the vibe is not quite right and other times everyone has a good time. So, it’s good to take it day by day and not stress when the bad ones happen.

After school yesterday, I went to Bruno’s and we went for our usual two circuit walk, to take me over 10,000 steps for the day. We talked about what happened with George last week and I feel OK with it and that it has told me more about him than he tried to imply about me. I also read about how some of us just prefer to be alone and are often criticised by those who are more social. I can accept George for the way he is – I can’t control it and it’s not my place to. It feels like he cannot do the same. So, whatever, as they say.

When I got home, I had a shower and a spoonful of kratom and felt awesome again, though I didn’t make it to my room to practice keyboard and guitar. Hopefully tonight.

What age-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?

The most obvious adjustment for me is health-wise, with cutting down on alcohol almost completely and doing more regular exercise. As a slow learner, I finally figured out to start small and build on the habit. Many of us are like that.

Beauty and style-wise, there’s not much of anything since bleaching my hair, giving up on trying to make my pepper hair black. I think I’ve been like this for 5 or more years already. It’s cool to have bleached hair in Thailand, as dark hair is pretty much the norm.

Maybe learning keyboard and guitar can be considered age-related adjustments; some things I now consider possible for me to learn, whereas I didn’t really have the opportunity before.