Tag: gratitude

Puddle – 8th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hug me gently but without pity
I may fail these tests once more
Explain it all for me yet again
And tell me what I’m doing it for

I wasn’t great at being a teenager
And I’m a pretty flawed adult too
I’m a babbling paralysed 54-year-old toddler
Still figuring out what to do

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy likes to do some traditional things like have a Christmas tree and lights. If I was by myself, I wouldn’t bother and I do appreciate that it looks nice.

Pushed myself to get out of bed this morning and do my killer abs routine. It’s hard and I still don’t have the muscles to do a full sit-up. Maybe one day. A few years ago, Amy would jokingly show me pictures of buff 50-year-old men and I would dismiss them, thinking about chilli and beer! Now I’m 54 and losing fat. Can I be buff? I’d just like to be fitter and have a little more strength to support my aching bones. Getting up at 6.10 am on these cold days is a challenge!

I forgive myself when I fail but I now savour these days of feeling good and remind myself that to feel like this I have to do the work.

I’m learning more about myself every day.

I’m lazy and hardworking.

I’m quiet and loud.

I’m sad and happy.

We are all full of contradictions and realising it, accepting it, is bringing more contentment to my life.

Let’s enjoy it.

Throwing Sparks – 7th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A world motivated by boredom
The deviants and perverts are tired
Laughing at their injustices meted
Their dreadful work so admired

Routine pleasures are not enough
To satisfy their indulgent lust
Sex and death, games of the rich
Where money can buy your trust

Inspired by a sample of Throwing Sparks by Abdo Khal

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to buy new jackets for just 80 baht at the local markets.

I got annoyed again on Saturday after talking with Nancy about parent complaints about my class being too difficult for their kids. It got me thinking over the weekend and I decided that I will try harder to communicate with the struggling students. I really don’t want to dumb down the work if I can help it.

As these complaining parents haven’t talked directly to me, I thought I should send out a positive message to them to show that I appreciated the work of the students and that their effort is rewarded. I worded it generally so that the complaining parents can see that other students are capable of doing my work and that it is not so difficult.

On Saturday, I felt like quitting again, or just giving up and going back to teaching ‘days of the week. But with some time to think less emotionally, I feel much better. I’m nervous to send messages to the parents as they will twist them in anyway that they can to suit themselves.

I know I’m not assimilating into the ‘Thai way’ but I feel compelled to give my students every chance to assimilate themselves into the world.

My Time – 6th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This is my time, I’m gonna own it
Make it happen, make it count
No slave to bosses or obsessions
Our time is of finite amount
Never a minute wasted now
I won’t let them be taken away
When you’re dead, you’re dead forever
And I’ve got things to do today

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the experience of eating lunch sitting under our passionfruit vine on a clear blue-skied afternoon, to read in my hammock and just enjoy the day.

You Don’t Own That – 4th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The house and pool, a shiny car
There’s a driving need we must
We think these define who we are
But our lives are held in trust*
We may fight together or alone
But we are looking at it wrong
*So what is it that we own?
Just our lives and not for long*

*Almost direct quotes from Marcus Aurelius. Inspired by the 4th December entry of the Daily Stoic.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a long weekend this weekend and next weekend!

We got that attitude! – 3rd December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to have a sleep-in this morning. I could have gotten up but the cold and my tiredness drew me back to my dreams. I’m lucky to be able to afford the time to do that.

I enjoyed my sleep so much last night that it kinda scared me. I was so deep and down in my dreams every time I woke up, I wondered if I had died. The pull was compelling.

I didn’t get up with my alarm because of this and because it was damn cold too. Getting up early during the winter is tough. I’ll have to push on through if I want to maintain my exercise routine. Not helped by the fact that next Monday and Friday are holidays.

Two classes this morning and I relaxed a bit with the students in anticipation of their laziness for next week. I can adjust my lessons accordingly. I have to teach Na again for an hour tomorrow and I’m really not sure what to do with her yet. Maybe some preference questions and philosophical style work that require a little more thought. I’ll figure it out in the morning.

I want to get more writing entered to the blog too, change my room again, listen to more music, watch less TV, do some other exercise while it is cooler.

Terminal Diagnosis – 2nd December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s the one prophecy that never fails
To take the wind out of your sails
Forgotten by distraction, the world it passes by
There’s no escaping that you are gonna die

Every second that’ll never be repeated
This diagnosis cannot be defeated
Today is the day to stop pretending
And live your life because it’s ending

21st Jun 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our washing machine that can fit a doona inside. Needed today as Tigger peed on Amy’s last night.

I was super tired last night and got into bed at about 6.30 pm. I read for a bit and then slept and slept very well, even when Amy woke up and turned the light on as Tigger peed on the doona right next to her head! I don’t know why he pees everywhere at random times. If there is something wrong, he doesn’t show it. He’s really happy most of the time, with us at least.

He fought with Kim Chi a few days ago and was having a go with Cap yesterday, too. Usually, if we see something starting, though, it seems to be Cap that starts it. He’s stupid like that! Tigger is much bigger and stronger.

Two good classes this morning and I will only do a little easy work tomorrow in preparation for a 3-day week next week. Thailand certainly enjoys its public holidays.

I’ve become involved in helping Champ with plans for the students to do a TED Talk video. I’m not sure what it involves just yet but I think it’s good to be asked to be involved. It’s a little bit of a show thing and I would prefer just to be encouraging all students to put in more effort day to day.

I’m feeling ok, though I may flake out again early tonight. I’ve been getting up a little earlier and I realise that my morning exercise has moved up to about 30 minutes from the ten minutes or so when I started doing this. I feel good after exercise and I’m definitely working off the weight but I will need to find a better balance and increase my food intake again.

Apart from breakfast, I generally only eat lunch and then snack on nuts in the evening. I’ve managed to push my lunch until 3 pm, so I have two long periods with no food intake. Just water and coffee between breakfast and late lunch.

The abs routine is getting tougher but I struggle my way through and don’t feel inclined to give up as I may have done in the past.

A Madness Of The Impossible – 1st December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The very essence of my soul betrayed
No knowledge may heal the wound I made
In this fog, there is nowhere to be or go
I just can’t forgive myself I’m afraid

Misery and self-loathing bedevil my days
A madness of the impossible Derrida says
The radical act of self-forgiveness so
Absolve yourself, you must find the ways

Inspired (and butchered) by a reply to a letter to Nick Cave at The Red Hand Files newsletter
and submitted to Thursday Inspiration #246

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that our cats seem to have recovered. Cap from a bad stomach and Kim from wounds after a big fight with Tigger. Tigger has been very well recently though his fur is starting to make him look old.

I was planning to do some preparation and reading and writing this afternoon but Fui brought his teenage son and daughter to House and I ended up talking with all of them for most of the time! Fui’s kids study in Singapore, and have done for many years. I’m not sure why and didn’t ask, but it’s interesting to get their perspective on things especially as English has become their first language.

My one class this morning was with 2/11 and it went well. I got them more involved by helping me to learn the Thai words for all the English vocabulary that I wanted them to remember. So, I’m feeling good.

A rest day from the abs workout. I can feel that there is less fat on my chest and my ribs are becoming more visible. I like this healthier me. As with anything, I should’ve started sooner. I’m still thinking about that time of brushing off Rupert when he started lifting weights at school. I was all about smoking and drinking. I was lucky that my metabolism sustained my skinny body into my late 30s and only the beer started sticking on my hips.

OK – back to it. More free time tomorrow afternoon to finish off this preparation.

Weight: 76.6kg
Resting heart rate: 47

Reading In Bed – 30th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

They were so meaningful, the words I read
As I fell to sleep, they remained in my head
They resonated more than any words said
But something happened as I was sleeping in my bed

This morning the memory struggles to recall
My mind is empty, without any words at all
Not even the gist, a notion or a vague idea
One day they’ll pop up again and the memory will be clear

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the two chairs we have on our front porch where we can watch the sunrise over the mountains on these cool winter days.

A quick one today as I dash out in between classes. Both my classes this morning were great and all students took part. It seems weird that last week parents were complaining about me and then this week students seem to be trying harder. Hopefully, the parents pushed their children a little too.

It makes me feel more confident in what I’m doing. One more class this afternoon and then some time to read and plan. Just one class tomorrow, so lots of free time to prepare for next week.

Alone In My Grandparent’s Living Room – 29th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

The air in this room is still
No motes of dust floating in sunlight
Each second the grandfather clock creaks
Each hour a church bells delight

Braced against cold, a fire emerges
Blankets removed at the next bell
The crackle and roar has settled now
As the sun struggles up over the hill

The window frost starts running
New roads made on the warming glass
Soon all the bears will awaken
And another day shall quietly pass

The ghosts of this room may gather
But will one day be all forgot
The fire replaced, the window glazed
And the striking of bells will not

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this crunchy strawberry muesli – it’s delicious. I look forward to breakfast every morning.

Try to get some writing in today as tomorrow I probably won’t have time. I did briefly talk with Hayden yesterday. He was out on a walk at the beach with his mum, so we didn’t talk for long. He seemed pretty happy after doing his care training. It’s early days but I hope he keeps it up and starts to feel the rewards of the work.

I sat down with my first class this morning – the wonderful 2/9. Whilst about 80% of the class do my work, there are a few who are struggling. The work is not hard once you understand what’s required. I sent all the class out except the 4 students who didn’t do my work last week and with the help of the leaders, explained how to think about my work. I’m hoping they understood a little bit and will put in a little more effort. I told them that if they don’t do anything, how can I know what to grade them? That trying and being wrong is better than not doing anything.

I think I’m going to do the same thing with my afternoon class – my least favourite class – 2/10. I’m hoping that this approach will ward off any more parent complaints. I was thinking over the weekend how the parents and many teachers just want their kids coddled through school. Pretty pictures and Venn diagrams.

I must admit to being a little lazy now at finding more engaging methods of teaching. The whole online/in-school fortnight is a bit of a challenge and I’ve tried to make it so that the method for the kids is the same in and out of class. We’ll get there. Keep going until they fire me.

The Week That Was – 4th March 1979